Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

I think you handled it beautifully, I have read before that some men come in from work and the cage is on the bed with a note but maybe you could add like a little present such as a sweet or something like that and that way there would be no tension between you and your sub.

 

Congrats on crossing the Rubicon, Ms Sal! It sounds like it did go off script a bit but ended in a pretty good place. I LOVE Your idea of measuring. That'll both ease his mind and get him gong at the and time.

And @Rectrix, i see what you did here:

asa

 

Congratulations

The shrinking issue has been talked about here forever. I will give you my two cents from someone that’s been locked fairly continuously for 6 years. It doesn’t shrink, it can’t shrink, it’s not a muscle that will atrophy. It’s a fibrous sponge.

That being said, it does shrink if it NEVER gets used. It didn’t sound like you were interested in keeping him locked for months without letting it get hard. So, if it gets let out occasionally to fill up, keep those fibrous capillaries stretched, there will be no shrinking. Obviously there is no scientific data on it, but even mine that barely gets unlocked, know it would grow back to its original size if I used it on a regular basis again. Another blogger that I know has been locked even longer and he has been measuring (he stopped because he always got the same measurements) has said it hadn’t shrunk in 7 years. Although he unlocks to groom and play with her occasionally.

My wife( girlfriend at the time) told one of her friends about the device and the key around her neck. It was literally like the 3rd day and I was mortified. I was like omg!! She’s going to tell her other friends, and husbands, and friends of friends will know, then I’m going to hear about it at work eventually, my mind raced. She didn’t get into our sexual dynamic, she said I wore it to make her feel better about not cheating on her. Her friend said it was sweet and it was never mentioned again. At first I was furious and embarrassed, and was like if I can’t trust you to keep it to yourself for three days, how am I to trust her with everything.

She just needed someone to talk to about it, someone to say it wasn’t weird, it was ok, and get affirmation. Not an online person, a real person she knew to bounce it off of. I quickly got over it when I saw her face and saw how worried she was that she might have ruined things. I did a quick reality check about “ok, let’s try to keep this to just us ok?” We laughed and chalked it up to being new to all this. Now it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

good luck. Oh by the way. A good starting point for locking is keeping it off at night until you find a cage that fits right. Nothing ruins things faster for a reluctant man than inconvenience or pain lol. Seriously though, night time erections can be painful in a poor fitting device and could lead to “I can’t wear this it hurts”. If you would like some help on a decent cage for him, you can mention his dimensions and details, and I’m sure I could estimate a fairly good fitting cage.

 

I agree with @Rectrix ! The sooner it is done, the better it will be for both of you. Don't overthink it or give him much time to overthink it either. It's not permanent,, after all.

On the shrinkage issue, I have had some shrinkage over the years, but I attribute that to age and hormonal changes and not from being confined. I suspect that shrinkage is pretty normal for men over about 60 yrs old.

It sounds overall really positive. The most important thing of all is you are establishing good communications on the topic and that will be the key to your success over time. (And please, think about what you tell him before doing so in the future! No need to rock the boat.) Keep talking and make it more casual and non-confrontational! Just ask him to do it - "For ME"!

Your input form Pete is far more important that any suggestions you get from this forum or any other source. Treasure that!

 

As usual, your description of everything was incredibly well done and personal. I feel as if you are on the sofa in the living room telling us this in person, your writing skills are so high.

I understand Pete’s anger about you telling a friend who knows him. And obviously you realized the mistake even as you made it. And even Laura understands.

I made a similar mistake and it had the effect of ruining what could have been a nice friendship with another couple. Long story short, I told my wife that I told the husband I wore cage (in the full context of the relationship that’s not as crazy as it sounds) and she got very angry. She feels that our sex life is private between us only, and didn’t want others to know. She said she was too self conscious now about seeing them. I sincerely apologized for my mistake, and we’ve not seen each other as couples since.

 

Great progress, Sal. Love your writeup and actually got a little emotional reading (and reliving) the ups and downs. I don't think it could have gone better, and you had to deal with the Laura thing sooner or later. My Queen had a domme friend who helped her a lot, pretty sure I never met her though.

You have him wanting the cage IMHO. That's fantastic. I wouldn't wait too long, but keep making it fun. Go with your gut if that is overnight or for days, but don't rush it (remember you are further down this path than him). Give him releases and make them memorable for both of you. Pretty soon he will start daring you to go further ("I bet you couldn't make it a whole week"). Somewhere along the line you will need to enforce that he doesn't get a say in getting out (unless, of course, there is pain or something wrong), but make sure he is pretty hooked before making that an ultimatum (in the mean time just laugh off any attempts from him to top from the bottom)

Watch as your confidence grows how sexy that is to him (you can tell from his reaction that he WANTS you to be confident, he probably doesn't even know why, but it is like a love potion). And once you get into longer term, assuming you do at some point, you can start watching for his "crashes" after an O (as others have said, it is better to lock him back up afterwards).

Finally, to your question: I didn't notice shrinkage until well over a month without getting out. It was very noticeable erect (almost 1") but bounced back within a few days of more normal activity. Play along and measure. Eventually you can use it as a teasing thing.

As for pegging, don't worry. It is still a pretty hard limit and that is okay. My hard limits became soft limits and my soft limits became fantasies after enough time in the cage. Keep it fun. Take your time. Lather, rinse, repeat. You will be Queen Sal in no time (yes, you too will change, trust me, but it will all be what you make it and it will be fun).

 

Your doing great and as everyone has been saying if it gets exercised then no worries about shrinking.

 

I think that went well, all things considered. Life is full of ups and downs and mistakes and the Laura thing was ultimately a blip that worked itself out. As for the anal thing, he may come around or he may be self conscious about his butt. Maybe he has hemorrhoids. Maybe he was molested at some point in his life. Maybe he is afraid you are trying to turn him gay. Maybe he has a hang up with butts being dirty. Maybe he thinks that would be something that would make him feel embarrassed and lose dignity in your eyes. There are lots of reasons why that could be a hard no, or perhaps it turns into a soft no. At least he knows it's on the table and maybe he'll come around to it. As for the shrinkage, I am no expert but I would think you would want him to understand that it may shrink a little at first but come back to normal size - so you may have to prove it to him by keeping uncaged for a few days. Maybe buy a pump and pump it bigger and make that a reward for certain out of cage play.

 

Incremental change is the way to guide someone in your direction.

Let's take pegging, for example. Many people will think it an absolute hard limit, no discussion. But what you can do is just occasionally brush against his anus as you reach for other parts.
Then place a hand over his buttocks but not actually touching. Then touching briefly but no stimulation. Then touching but no penetration or movement. Then circling or prodding but still no penetration...

And that takes time, not a few minutes but months.

It often works, and they'll gradually get accustomed to whatever it is you want them to do, but then, if they're insistent that it's a limit, they'll let you know and you just have to live with that. You can still make plenty of different meals even if someone can't eat a number of possible ingredients.

 

When I first mentioned Pegging my other half was horrified. It was something she refused to even talk about. 2 years down the line it is something we both enjoy.

 

There are no irreversible effects, at least not physical ones. Although perhaps once a couple has experienced FLR and the exchange of power, they may find it difficult to go back to being vanilla!

 

I asked my wife one day if she had any fantasies and she said she wanted to "f... me in the a...". So I said, "ok, why not?", and we have a strap on, so we gave it a try. It wasn't an unpleasant experience at least for me. I'd be happy to try again! Life is an experience and you only get one chance!

 

Sounds like fun. Enjoy

 

Sounds really great just do not let him get relief yet. Maybe out for a little tease and denial then back in

 

Sal, You are doing an excellent job. Don't forget 'Domme Drop' as well. You don't want to burn out either. You need days off. Time to regroup. Time when he can't beg, or ask.

Also, if and when he comes, lock him up right away. No need to be out, temptation is too much. And it sets the new dynamic. It should be the new default. Unless he is is sore. No more playing with himself. Ever. Unless you are there. Allow him to look at stuff in his own, to tease himself during your times off if you are ok with that perhaps. Captions can help me understand myself better, turn me on or encourage a better attitude, or way of thinking I wish to improve on.
At first three days will seem an eternity, but then a week becomes a challenge you want to pass. Then before you know it he'll want to be locked up longer.
Jah

 

You go girl

ok everyone. Talk about a fast learner. I think she knows more than we think lol

 

He's lucky. I'm throbbing in my cage.

If you let him out, it's only for a short time, for an erection and then back in. And don't let him touch himself. He needs to learn he doesn't do that anymore.