Why doesn’t your Domme want sex with you?

Understood. Basically, loving kindness with growth of the sub in mind.

Understood-it’s domination after all.

This to me gets to the heart of the matter. After all, why can the growth of the sub not include “edge play” aiming to “inoculate” him against abusive mind games, mind control, coercive and controlling relationships? Presumably because such edge play runs the risk that the Domme enjoys it too much.

True, but as I say above, perhaps they might claim to be seeking to be inoculated against mental cruelty?

Agreed, but as per the many dissenting commentaries against the UK House of Lords judgment that (physical, gay) BDSM is illegal even with consent, people consent to high risk highly consequential sports etc all the time.

 

Thanks for your reply. It’s very interesting to engage with such a thoughtful, positive proponent of Femdom. That being said, I think there is a danger that you’re drawing firm boundaries between positive and negative that are harder to maintain in practice than you imply (albeit I think that’s what you’re getting at in your point about the danger of psychological edge play).

I guess that is right if you mean that my question about “inoculation” implies a transactional perspective from the subs POV. That being said, given the risk you point out, it would be better for there to be a “romantic relationship” for indulging in edge play, subject to the risk of gaslighting.

Such as an active decision to ask to be mind fucked?

Not sure I agree if what you are saying is that sexual arousal of the sub automatically overcomes your other concerns? This is linked to the point I hinted at above namely that the risk of being gaslighted increases inside sexually arousing romantic relationships.

Fine in theory and agreed it is best never to experience such things for real; however with the risk of gaslighting inside romantic and sexually arousing relationships how would one know?

To finish, imagine one possible answer to your original question (why does your Domme not want sex with you?) as follows “ because the Domme wants to be cruel to the horny sub”. Your own answer I think is wholly positive : you want to be sure of a big load when you do grant him sex. Yet you also say you are a sadist, so what would stop you from being cruel to deny him sex? In fact, can you be sure that you aren’t sometimes more turned on by the cruelty than the thought of a nice big load when you do allow him sex?

 

In that case I’ll reply properly in a day or two Good luck with the assignment

 

Over the past few months she wants it more and more. I think she feels more free knowing she can say "I'm done" at any point and doesn't feel obligated to continue after that. I used to be able to last and last, to the point that she would just want it to be over, but now she gets what she wants and that's that. Now a days that means that I struggle to last long enough and end up riding the edge until she gets what she wants.

 

Not sure there is such a clear distinction between negative and positive. After all, inflicting physical pain is negative to the recipient but they may also get pleasure from it too. My question is: why not also emotional or psychological pain?

I didn’t say anything about healing. One gets inoculated when one is healthy to build resistance to prevent disease and so avoid the need for healing.

Hmm. So the motives of such Dommes are aimed at “self preservation” (of the Domme’s self image as a decent fair person etc). So the question arises as to why? Why is inflicting consensual psychological torment more risky for the Domme’s self image than inflicting consensual physical torment? How is that risk managed by outsourcing?

 

That's a good point it may be illegal in some places

 

I cannot agree more. I love being locked and knowing there is only one way to behave!

 

please deleteaccidentely hot 'post' button while posting is still unfinished

 

Thanks for this in my opinion best thread of this board !


I like the term "emotional masochist" somehow it fits quite well... And for a large part I agree woth you. There are alot of what I would call unhealthy relationships where one side is unhappy, but can not end the relationship or does not want to, because the BDSM-relarionship is a surrogate for certain inabilities of his he does not want to deal with...

Apart from such cases though... why should a Bordereliner who is willing to work on herself not at the same time enjoy BDSM and use certain positive aspects of it....

Or how would you desceibe myself ?
Some time ago we opened our relationship that way that she could have a second male sub as playpartner. Fist with very strict rules prohibiting almost everything but a few BDSM practices it evolved so that they know even can have piv.
Seeing this happen brings up a lot of ambivalent feelings...feeling in some way degraded, but at the same time enjoying it although we both are not into humiliation.
It is the same when she asks me to perform certain sexual acts in front of him.... for many that might be no great act - for me it is shaming to the bone and she knows it...but beeing put down that way at that time triggers positive feelings so that the the result from my point of view is far positive. Loathing and loving it at the same time...

Is there still hope to me or am I a lost case ?-)

In my opinion the is not only black and white, but many shades of grey....

 

I haven't read the whole thread yet but figured I would go ahead and jump in with my response.

My wife and I have steadily developed a wife led relationship over our 30+ years of marriage to where we are now in a !00% Domme/slave relationship. She cuckolded me early in our marriage but stopped to raise kids. When we became empty nesters we were pretty much a full on wife led marriage and she started back cuckolding me. By this time she pretty much considered my penis as her property and I was strictly forbidden to masturbate without her permission as she considered it as cheating on her. She came home from work early one day (I was retired by this time) and caught me masturbating. We had played with chastity enough that she had gotten me a custom made cage by this time and at that point she decided I would be locked in strict chastity from then on. That was about 4 years ago.

Over the last 4 years I agreed to give up all my rights as her husband and to totally submit to her control. When I did this the first thing she did was take away the privilege of 'dirtying her pussy' as she put it, while having sex with her. Due to her having other lovers my opportunity to have PIV sex with her diminished and when she allowed it I would get so excited that I would want to cum within just a few strokes and would have to pull out since I was no longer allowed to ejaculate inside her. This became very frustrating for her and she now only allows me inside her for a few strokes a couple of times a year, which she says is only to remind me of what I gave up. Once I get inside her she will say things like "How do like feeling the pussy other men get to fuck?" which just hastens my urge to cum and I have to pull out almost immediately! At that point the cage goes back on.

Mistress has always been very sentimental about us having intercourse every year on the night of our anniversary but this year it was different. On our last anniversary she unlocked me and I thought for sure that I would get to have intercourse with her, at least to the point where I would have to pull out to keep from cumming inside her. Much to my surprise she positioned the head of my penis right at the opening of her vagina and made me just hold still there. She then said "So close but so far! You want so bad to push that thing inside me don't you?" She then pulled my penis up above her pubic bone and held it down there, telling me "This is where you get to cum!" As she held me against her I humped her until I had an explosive orgasm. When I finished she smiled and said "Okay, clean up your mess!" For the first time in over 30 years she had denied me intercourse on our wedding anniversary!

As I've gotten older and developed PE problems she got tired of being left frustrated. My agreement to totally submit to her and my inability to keep my hands off of "her" penis led to strict chastity and the chastity just aggravated the PE problem so now I am almost totally denied her pussy. She also absolutely loves the power and control she has over me now, as do I, so since she has other lovers I am pretty much reduced to only getting a brief feel of her pussy a couple of times a year to remind me of what I can't have!

 

Heh, my Wife unlocked me five times this weekend and rode my poor cock until I was sore..... eventually, yesterday she allowed me to edge for her for a couple of hours, stopping frequently to bring her to orgasm with my fingers and tongue. Eventually she had me bring myself off on her beautiful bottom and in her crack, ordering me to clean up after myself and then licking her to another orgasm. She likes my cock, she just doesn’t want me to enjoy it.... and I’m happy about that... it’s her property the vice is locked on to make sure everyone is sure about that

 

My KH/Wife was never enthusiastic about PIV and considered it just a marital duty, on the other hand she absolutely loved oral and vibrators on her clit .
She was at first very reluctant about chastity,but soon enjoyed all the benefits and now can't imagine a return to a former vanilla life.

 

I've asked my Goddess @n2toys if She misses penetrative sex; Her response was "Yes, but I like you much better like this" - so, there you go.
I had brought up me wearing a harness & dildo so She can have penetration w/ me doing the thrusting but Her response has always been "it's not the same"

Every so often during play nights when I'm let out for teasing and/or torture She'll crave feeling me in Her; three weekends ago I was tied to the massage table where She climbed on top (twice) to ride me and then last weekend She was laying back on the same massage table where I was cuffed and previously on my knees servicing Her, She asked me to stand up which positioned my uncaged cock right at the perfect height to enter Her. I'm very limited on how hard I can thrust or She's riding me but it does give my Goddess some penetrative satisfaction.

My Wife loves to feel me in Her but is also VERY in tune to when I'm close to cumming; She'll give me this incredible look with Her eyes & face and tell me "Don't cum!"
I can only last a moment before having to stop thrusting and then pull out.

One thing we both loved was doggy style but I can't do that at all at this stage as I'm sure I'd blow my load right our of the gate - this is the case of where I'd like to wear a harness & dildo just so my Wife can feel me thrusting while She's in that position.

 

Very hot thread.

 

I was not great in bed before being paralyzed so it was a no brainer for her. Also who would want to remove a wet nappy before piv.

 

This is what's known as a win-win proposition

 

Simply because my cock is to small, and I was never very good at it, and couldn’t satisfy my madam anyway.

 

I see it much differently, Mistress Veronica, there are more ways than only penetrative sex. Locking me up increases and focuses my sex drive but also my willingness to do anything to please my keyholder.

There are so many ways like really good oral stimulation to make her feel great and that's what it is all about.

 

This is EVERYTHING ❤️❤️

 

Ms Val has only allowed me intercourse with her 1 time. I'm very small down below. She says it like a little boys pee pee.when I did have intercourse, I came so quick. That she decided it wasn't worth her time. She has had lovers for as long as I've known her . She has had her live-in boyfriend for 6 years now. He has a man's cock. He gets her every night. It's been 18 years since I've felt the warmth of a vagina . The last thing I penetrated was a Fleshlight 6 years ago.

 

my Mistress locks me because She is enforcing a rule that the only place i can cum is inside her, no masturbation.

This means i am locked 24/7 when She is away and during Her period. Other than that, She will use Her property to Her heart's delight. She will usually have me restrained in bed so that She can leave the cage off and access Her toy how every and whenever She wishes.

Ultimately, the FLR is me submitting to Her in all things. This is how She wants it and that is fine with me.

 

We have sex multiple times a day and if she wants penetration, she tells me to take a Viagra, but she only orgasms with her Magic Wand. Little Willy is no good in that area. Once in a while she will allow me a ruined orgasm. We both think we have a great sex life.