Ways To Get Women More Involved in This?

Regarding Alpha... here's my take on it.

There are three male mindsets, and every man is some mix of all three. Sometimes the mix changes over time or even situation to situation, but in general:

Alpha mindset - the man looks at the world and asks how he can change it to better get what he wants. He wants to impose his will on his surroundings.

Beta mindset - the man looks at himself and asks how he can change himself to better get what he wants. He wants to fit into his surroundings.

Gamma mindset - who can he complain to in order to get what he wants. Neither willing to act or to change, he wants someone else to solve his problems.

Note that there's no implied "goodness" of "better" to any of these (except Gamma which does tend to be very annoying). Alpha can be an entrepreneur, artist, or leader of a handful of thugs knocking over a liquor store. An alpha is confident, but not necessarily competent. Some are, others are delusional. But the confidence tends to be attractive to most women. The Alpha Male trope is an attempt at categorizing these high-confidence men constantly trying to change (or manipulate, depending) their surroundings.

I think the healthiest mindset is a good mix of Alpha and Beta, because usually to change the world, you have to first change yourself so you are capable of success. I think most of the best advice on getting a wife more involved in chastity, for example, boils down to "make sure you show your appreciation by being a better husband when she indulges this fantasy of yours, and she'll probably be more inclined to keep playing." That doesn't excuse being a bad husband without chastity, or encourage bad behavior as a way of blackmailing her into being a keyholder, but just a reminder that it takes thought and effort to be a good spouse, and if she's being a good wife by trying to make you happy, you better return the favor.

 

That's a really good point, I genuinely thought men wanted the 'extreme' captions 24/7, which probably puts off a lot of other women.

It also needs to be said that the images are made to appeal to men. The pictures of young half naked women are clearly for men, even with no caption. Average women looking at pictures of skinny white women in lingerie will never feel welcomed. It's the same impossible standard we see everywhere else.

 

Which is another point- all of the pictures are white, so how would men and women who aren't white feel welcome here?

 

Well let's get started then. We have members from all over the world, let's try to make more body types and cultures feel seen.

 

If we want to get more women involved, it would help if they saw themselves represented. Only showing one complexion is deterring others.

 

I think one issue is the method of being seen. A lot of effort is being place on making appropriate memes, inclusive and diverse ones to give a sense of inclusion and intrigue. How many people look to memes for intrigue into a subject? They are considered a joke or a moment of satire in normal conversation. Many interests in a subject are started by first person discovery from discussions with friends, reading of articles, famous individuals involved etc. Should a person (man or woman) discover the subject with piqued interest they may search out more information leading here (which could be a negative with the site content focus). Now many be I am off here and the plan is to get the perfect few memes and send those soldiers out into the world to initiate the spark. If that is the case then maybe this will really help. But if we are just leaving them in a thread of a hundred pages on CM then they will serve little purpose. I would say there are other questions that need to be considered to really get a hold of the issue.

What draws men to the subject far more predominantly than women, especially since it is so dramatically one sided in benefit/cost? Why do women often feel apprehensive when it is the man who is sacrificing his own pleasure and dealing with the often present downsides of chastity? Is it because men watch more porn and stumble upon chastity? While no mainstream studies have been done it is widely accepted that there are far more sub females than males and in conjunction far more dom males to female. So that could be a component of the disparity.

Women have been subjugated for thousands of years and only recently has a movement cemented a foundation for equality. Maybe it will take time to allow that equal standing to take root (and I am not trying to say a lot more has to be done in the equality front for many classes of people, women included) But it could be that we need time to allow the concept of male domination to subside. I am in finance and from my experience and exposure 20 years ago it was a near 100% male field for senior roles. 10-15 years ago we started seeing women moving away from the supporting roles and taking on leadership positions (and men taking on support roles). In the last few years I have seen a dramatic upswing and it has transformed the space, in a good way.

Dealing with those questions and coming up with focused solutions would be a big upside to the community. The good news is things are moving fast. I was online at a CVS a few weeks ago with my 18yr old daughter to pick up a prescription and of course we just happened to be standing right next to a display for butt plugs, vibrators and other toys. It made for an awkward moment but maybe that mainstream push will transform things over the next 5-10 years. Who knows, in 4 years we may see a few CB's and stainless cages right next to that butt plug outside the prescription pickup window...

 

The male brain, and likely the female brain as well adapt and prefer what it is fed. If a mans sexual diet is predominantly his wife he will prefer females in her age group. But if the diet is young women in porn.......

This is the million dollar question!

 

This thread has a lot. I just wanted to throw my 2 cents on the original question of getting women more involved.

here is my experience with getting my girl involved.

1-COST: it has to be free. She would never pay money for something she’s not into already.

2-LEARNING: it has to be quick. The recommended books could be good. But if she’s not sold already she will only give it a few min of her time.

3-BENEFITS: she needs to know what’s in it for her up front. The more perceived benefits the more she will focus on learning.

4-EFFORT: the required time for her to be involved needs to be small up front. Until she’s sold she will only want to dedicate minutes a day.

5-SUPPORT: having a way to get questions answered.

6-COMMONALITY: knowing that there is a community of people of like minded individuals similar to her. If you’re a straight couple she wants to know that other straight couples do this.

I do wish there was a video series or online workshop out there to help get a woman started. Just some basic info. And it needs to be lead by someone that looks like them. Seeing a dom in all leather makes it seem too extreme in cases. But if Suzy Homemaker has a YouTube chat series it would definitely get some views. That would show them a “regular” woman does it and it’s on mainstream media to learn more.

 

Finding an online community was a critical part of me learning about and eventually embracing orgasm control and chastity. It was many years ago, and on a completely different site, but I think the fundamental problem remains:

Much of the online content is too extreme for a vanilla woman that is just starting to dip their toe in the water.

I had to fight my way past a lot of off-putting imagery, not to mention obnoxious DMs, just find a few crumbs of information. I didn't feel like I really belonged there, and I worried that indulging my husband's kink would require me to become someone I am not. That YouTube channel would have been a godsend.

 

I’ve been trying to help her learn the ropes by learning myself. Because she is exactly where you were. She is not into extreme stuff. And seeing a wall of paddles behind someone talk does not work for her. I’ve been cutting and pasting items from different things and using shared notes to give her the basics. she likes to read and learn on her own time. My problem is I sometimes get too eager for her to learn. This can annoy her since she just wants to watch Love Island and chill in her downtime. haha

it’s a process and I’m just happy she’s been receptive once she get past a lot of negative stigmas and wrong ideas.

 

What would you like included in a masculinist guide? What is your vision of masculinist chastity?

 

To me this doesn't sound like a hard sell at all. It sounds like what your describing might be 'Vanilla chastity' maybe? Or 'chastity for normies' but that sounds like I'm making fun of vanilla people.

It sounds like you want chastity wherein the lady has control of the key and that's it? If so, you'll find way more women interested in that than femdom or cuckolding.

I've heard story after story after story from men who say their wives were totally freaked out by the thought of spanking or pegging. Plenty of women here, too, have said when they researched chastity they were completely put off by punishments, sissification, etc.

A lot of us women aren't intrigued by male chastity because it just sounds like more work. "I have to tease him, spank him, order him around? This kink is all about him."

But marketing chastity simply as locking a cage and the rest of your lives run same as before, would get more interest. That's why I keep saying that 95% of current chastity pictures/stories/videos are turnoffs if not frightening to vanilla women.

You might like archetype of Queen's knight or a caged lion. In those archetypes the man is active and assertive in all areas except the key.

But I think you may be onto something. Vanilla Chastity could be a good re-branding.

 

For a thread that hopes to attract beginner females to it I think the level of depth here would put them off. For me and my mistress personally, it switches on behind closed doors. Everything's consensual on a deeper level but no way would I be trying to display classic male assertiveness in that situation, I think that goes out the window as soon as it's known you have a chastity fetish. It's pretty much saying you want to roleplay as a eunuch slave.

 

If the question is how to get more women involved here so the OP can find a match by having a larger pool to sift through…I’m sorry but helping people find dates has been out of my wheelhouse since the 9th grade.

If the question is to find more women here to make it a better more inclusive place, I’m all in.

Let’s start where the people are…the internet. How do people of find things, the search engine. If enough people google something, it pops up on top of the search engine. So if you get enough people to google “chastity cage chastity mansion” it will pop up first when some curious woman googles chastity cage.

As far as finding women that are already into this to come here…women are different than men. They can find someone into this with one click, they don’t need to join a group to find someone. They also aren’t as willing to make “friends” with other women on the site. It happens but I would say the majority do not interact…just look at the women’s forum here. Not exactly busting out, even though I know there are many wives here. My wife included. She did for a short period but when she learned that she was capable of figuring all this out on her own, she stopped going. That and weirdos would bombard her.

So get people to click here, and eventually more gals will be intrigued enough to join. Although again, not so much for dating, they know how to date. I would gather if a gal was into male chastity on her own, she wouldn’t even want that person to be familiar with it. Would rather introduce it to him as she wanted and with the expectations she wanted instead of someone with preexisting kinks.

 

Not really sure what a screenshot of that has to do with anything, but I am certain that if you search something enough it pops up first on google. There was an example of this, awhile back Dan savage was mad at senator rick Santorum for his anti gay legislation. He had his followers search Rick Santorum the mixture of lube and fecal matter from anal sex. It worked for quite awhile.

 

Never heard of it, but I am not an online sub for the masses.

 

I think it's a worthy goal to make the site more inviting to women, so the ones that stumble in here aren't frightened away. I think more introductory info and tamer pictures/fantasies would also help too.