How to foster dominance in your wife?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by cb1984, Sep 22, 2020.

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  1. cb1984
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    cb1984 Devoted servant to my Goddess TimidKeyHolder

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    My keyholder is my beautiful wife, which often frequents the site. She has grown much more dominate since having me locked, and seems to have taken to having me locked at all times. She has come up with a few rules but overall she is not very strict and she does not seem to enforce her rules. She seems to like the idea of becoming more dominate, but as the caring loving type, its not completely in her nature. Is there anything that seemed to unlock the inner dom in your spouses?
     
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  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    It seems to me you already have a good thing going here and your wife is doing things some of our members would love their partners to do. I'd be careful of topping from the bottom and trying to change your wife's behaviour. Be grateful for what you've got and allow her to develop her dominance skills at her own pace.
     
  3. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    As has already been said, you have a good thing going, don't rock the boat.
    Allow her to find her way which may mean very little overt dominance ever.
    You can focus all your energy on her, and defer to her decisions in all things, but be subtle. Over time she will grow to expect your focus and assume her role as head of the house.
    This simple dynamic can provide you with all the s&m domination fodder you could want (and mostly in your mind), if you see it and embrace it.
    At the end of the day if you're locked, you're ahead of the game.
     
  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Yes, continue to let her lead at her own speed. Of course, you can also reinforce her control by deferring whenever you can, praising her when she takes the lead, and communicating your desires in a way that she knows them, but understands it is her choice. Being strict doesn't necessarily required physical discipline or bondage, she can exert her control like a parent would over a child, through simple commands. As you obey, she will see the advantages of more control. If she frequents the site, perhaps she could exchange messages with other dommes, there are some amazing ones here that could add a lot to her understanding.
     
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  5. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    As BR says, since you're locked you're already ahead of the game. So why aren't your obeying her? Your OP says she has rules but doesn't "seem to enforce" them -- are you disobeying on purpose? She may be your @TimidKeyHolder but she is in fact your wife and keyholder. If you want to be a locked chaste husband you need to submit and obey.
     
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  6. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Active member

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    You are lucky and ahead of the game. We are not hardcore chastity, its part of our life as an enhancement. We were into bdsm and when the scene was over, we were no longer in character. The same started with chastity, but slowly my wife embraced it more and became more controlling. During the week we lead a normal life, but on the weekends she is more dominant. Once chores are done, I am expected to be at her beckon call and if i fail, there are consequences. Again, for us this in an extension of our life and not a commitment like others on this site.

    She will grow into the role, but it must be on her own pace. Force the issue and she might resist, support her and she will evolve.
     
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  7. Blue00
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    Blue00 Member

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    One thing this site has that many others don't is the section for verified women only. While I wouldn't push her to verify, she might be interested in knowing that forum exists and looking at the discussions that are free of male influence. )If she does not know already)
     
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  8. LukeVallentine
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    LukeVallentine Active member

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    This is a problem for many couples. And, even though, a miracle is certainly possible, 9 times out of 10 it's not realistic to expect a profound change in a person's character. So you either find a naturally dominant, controlling and fetish-oriented woman (rare breed, I know), or try to find a fetish that suits you both and does not requre strict control (in case of nurturing and caring partner, maybe medical fetish or ABDL).
    IMO, a situation when one partner just goes through the motions for the sake of another can never be deeply satisfying.
     
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  9. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Active member

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    You are very lucky to have such a loving and caring wife. I would keep pleasing her in ways that encouraged her to have control over things. That might get what you wish for.
     
  10. PeturKitty 58
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    PeturKitty 58 Active member

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    This is great advice. Simple and to the point.
     
  11. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Not really, I just try to be as helpful as possible. I am not trying to change or "unlock" an behavior... but just be honest. Let her know how much you like x, y, and z... she might not know how much you like it and how easy is it could be to keep you "more attentive".
     
  12. MistressS
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    Accept her for how she is. In time she may just start enforcing Her rules. I am sure like Myself at one time it's hard to be totally strict. Let her grow at her own pace. If she like I can chat with her, but if yu ask My girls while I am strict at times I am also compassionate. I'd lover to chat with Her.

    MistressS
     
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  13. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Great advice, spoken from experience.
     
  14. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    Whatever you'd like her to do or become, you must be her compliment.
    She can't become more dominant if you don't become more submissive.
    She can't take the lead, if you're telling her what to do.
    If you don't do it first, she won't have the space to develop into.
     
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  15. madams-sissysub
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    I agree, slow and steady wins the race!
     
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  16. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    A pretty common theme to the replies!
     
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  17. Blue00
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    Blue00 Member

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    The wisdom of the crowd at work!
    (Which is why I love this place)
     
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  18. TimidKeyHolder
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    Thanks all for the comments. I am CBs keyholder. He is looking for me to be more dominant but I keep telling him be careful what he wishes for. One day I might flip the dominant switch and he'll be in trouble. :)
     
  19. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Don't know what he's worried about. I've seen your posts, the good questions you ask, and you look pretty much together to me. He just needs to step back and let you lead at your pace. Won't be long before he can't keep up.
     
  20. Blue00
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    Blue00 Member

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    Seems like he is, perhaps, missing the fact that his keyholder is doing exactly what she wants when she wants. If she is truly in charge, then accept her pace as well. A sub waits patiently while a dom controls the pace. It is part of the dynamic and should be savored, not skipped.

    Once I had that realization, it was like a switch flipped for me and I realized I actually was under her control. Things seemed like they were accelerating quickly. You keyholder might actually know what is best for the both of you after weighing your input and requests.

    Let her know your kinks and wants in a way that she is willing to accept them. (Diary,, blog,, mojoupgrade.com, etc) Keep in mind that these may be "rewards" that she may choose to provide or not. She decides the pace. The fact that something you want is being withheld is, in itself, an act of dominance.

    Sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride
     
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  21. WWD
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    WWD Member

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    I would just like to echo the comments on allowing her to grow at her own pace. My wife and I hit a year of her leading last month. There has been a big change in her but the change has been consistent with her personality. Is she a whip-wielding domme? Not at all, that would be my fantasy but it’s just not who she is. One of the biggest things for me occurred just last night. She had a friend over to help with preparations for my daughters wedding. She knows because I have shared with her, that I would love to serve her and her friends food/drinks. She simply caught me as I walked by and said “why don’t you offer Kim something to drink and get it for her”.. Kim did not want anything BUT I was on cloud nine the rest of the night.
     
  22. tecolote
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    tecolote Active member

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    Not that I've accomplished "fostering dominance" in my wife, but I think the number one thing is to just do as she says. Especially if she happens to say something in jest. Just do it. It will give her a shot of adrenaline when she realizes that you will follow her lead. It will make her want to experiment with what she can get you to do just by telling you what she has in mind.
     
  23. Freaky Rabbit
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    Freaky Rabbit Member

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    Such a great thread.
    I am sometimes wish as well my wife to be more dominant. For example she says "go lock yourself, if you want". Well, I want to but I want to be told to :) Or she asks me sometimes if I want to have orgasm. :)

    I found out that if I want her to be more dominant, I need to become more submissive. Period.

    She stopped playing BDSM games with me because I was topping from the bottom and told her how unhappy I was the way she was doing it. If I wanted to have BDSM games, I had accept that it will not be like my fantasy, and also I needed to go extra mile to do what she asked me to. This became very pleasurable experience for me. Instead of resisting, I went I did things exactly like she asked me to do. Than I told her how much I liked it, and how I liked her to tell me what to do. She enjoyed this, and asked for more.

    Along the way she started to assume her control more, and some rules that I was following became assumption. For example, she would tell me exactly how many times I can edge, or if I can orgasm. She would laugh if I asked for more. Or she would spank me if I came inside her without permission.

    Yesterday I let her choose a bid for our new house. Why not :)
    Offer got accepted. Our journey to FLR continues.
     
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