What do you submissive want?

She gives me what I want. I want to be teased and denied orgasms multiple times a day, and when I am on the edge and I beg her to let me cum, she just says "sorry". In return, she gets to brag to her family and friends about all the housework I do. When I'm horny, I love doing everything for her.

 

@Dogchasecats - Sexual attention on a daily basis. Without it W/we're just roommates. It's the spark that charges the relationship.

 

To keep it quick and simple.......he wants to be dominated, restrained, and pegged with a large realistic dildo until you cum

 

She hit me with all the new rules the day I moved in with Her. Everything I owned but my clothes and such was in Storage. The first thing I learned was every Fri was punishment night. not because of being bad it was to remind me of my place. so Fridays the whole day is normal. then at the same set time every time if possible, baseline started at 10 lashes with Her cane after Her hands get it nice and red! then 15. and so on never more than 30. good luck

 

He's done his job as a slave, but he needs you to keep him submissive so he can keep his mindset. Do something like paddle him while sitting on him.

 

I have two suggestions.

I heard one dominate woman talk about the importance of relating from a position of dominance. This is what I think she meant. Most of our relationships re cooperative. You might ask your partner if they can make dinner. Relating from a position of dominance would be to tell your partner to make dinner. For M an myself, some weeks are too full for play time. She may say "Sorry, this week is very busy." If she were to relate from a position of dominance, that might be said more like "This is a busy week so you'll just stay locked up for me." The result is the same, but the feeling is different.

Secondly, many of us are excited about some specific thing such as corporal punishment, forced feminization, humiliation. Often, we kind of like it and don't like it. So there are rules that we must follow and that is our punishment if we don't. We want to be good, so we follow the rules. But then we don't get what excites us. The solution is this:

"If you are good then you get a slightly uncomfortable amount of your kink but if you are bad you get a very uncomfortable amount of your kink. From now on, you are always subject to your kink. How uncomfortable it is for you, depends on your behavior, and I'll make the difference quite clear."

 

I could not agree more with this statement. Frankly this is a big part of what my wife does when she wants to stop the FLR dynamic. She changes from telling me what to do, to asking me to do it and/or doing it herself. She doesn't expect anything and doesn't mete out punishment for failing to live up to expectations. Example - when we are clicking along she will comment "seems like the laundry is piling up". This is a clear instruction for me to do laundry and notice that I've failed to meet expectations. I can count on that being on my punishment list. When we are not clicking she just does the laundry.

the thing that is so frustrating is that I'm a verbal communicator. If she said, "I feel like taking a break from the chastity and FLR dynamic". I'd discuss it, but ultimately agree with what she wants. She's a non-verbal communicator. She just stops being dominant. I usually twist in the wind for 2-3 weeks waiting for her to come around and sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. The thing is she goes months being so happy with the FLR and then something seems to trigger a relapse.

I also agree with your second point @pokekey but the first one really spoke to me right now.

 

I have a third suggestion, and this is for the locked: the practice of contentment.

Human desire is unquenchable. The more we focus on what we want, the more ways we can find that we are not getting it. It always seems satisfaction (err, um, not quite the right term in this community) is near, if we just tweak a few details. It is really worth watching our own minds: do the things we are expecting to bring us happiness deliver?

So, I may think, how wonderful my chastity fantasy is going along, but only if M were X. Yes, if she were X then I would feel this greater sense of control and that would be even better. When M does X I then find that I soon start thinking about Y. Oh, yes, Y is the thing.

Well, Y might be quite the thing, but if I keep thinking that then I can go along, never being satisfied with exactly how I’m being dissatisfied.

The practice of contentment is to simply be satisfied with my current predicament of dissatisfaction.

I think this is part of being the submissive. I present how my kink works. M finds how it works for her. I’m content, M feels successful. Good all around.

I’m not saying to not negotiate. I really like the idea of Y, but I must balance asking for things with being content with what we have.

 

You're right @pokekey, gratitude is a central virtue in living a happy life.

 

He need to see you dominating him to see you care. It's not he did everything right. He did everything right hoping you'd be in a mood and be strict and firm and show him you care and he matters but giving him what he needs. Not what you feel is wrong to do. It's hard to explain. Really

 

I think there is to much what I want. As you said: " My subby curled up next to me". As said above contentment. If I'm on the love seat with her feet in my lap after putting lotion on them (and of course kissed them well before). I am content with the fact She is happy. If I displease Her then I should be put in my place. I think after awhile you should know what your woman wants. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think expecting your constant attention should be expected. When She is happy I am also. Stay curled up next to your love and think how lucky you are to be where you are. All I need is to see that smile on Her face and the collar around my neck to know I have found my place.

 

Agree on the practice of contentment, to me that is a key part of my good-faith submission. Do not burden her with my needs... except one.

I need regular affirmation that my compliance is required. It's a big deal, and we are so not in Kansas. I need to feel not just that she's still playing, but that she intends that the game is my life. Could be as simple as she pushes me to the floor, looks into my eyes and says, "This is what you are," and means it.

 

Nailed it. Thank you!

 

Waw you described exactly what i wish ❤️

 

I would have thought that if a sub gets what they want then they are not really a sub

 

Wrong!

Subs at their core... want to feel like a sub, and to do that we need to experience submission. That then feedbacks to the domme that they're powerful because we want to submit to them empowering them.

Here's two scenario's:
* A Domme comes home after being at work having a really stressful time and finds that her sub hasn't done anything of the things she's asked all day. The house is a mess, the bathroom's dirty, he's in his underwear sitting on the couch playing games waiting for her to come home and cook dinner.

* A Domme comes home after being at work having a really stressful time and finds that her sub has done everything she's asked. The house is absolutely spotless, her favourite music is playing, he greets her at the door with a kiss and a hug, takes her bag and coat and then leads her to a candle lit dinner that he cooked.

Now tell me, in which scenario does the women feel sexy, powerful and confident?

Submissives need the exact same thing, but the yin to their yang. They want to feel valued for their service, they wan't to feel that you WANT them to service you. They want to have you put them in their place, bring them to their knee's and get pulled into you to worship you. They need to be dominated and experience submission in the exact same way a Domme needs to experience servitude and the feeling of being elevated, the sub needs to feel grounded, controlled, restrained, restricted and owned.

A really good way to do this is maintenance spankings. Pick a couple day's a week and rain hail or shine you pull them over your leg and you give them a few good wacks. The sub will feel like you want to do this, and that's what it's all about.

 

OP what do I want? The same thing your sub wants.

To be loved and appreciated. To have a relationship built on trust. To be able to share anything and to know it’s ok.

Your sub makes the diner and cleans and does whatever you want because he loves you. Because it’s in his DNA to please you. And while that alone is enough to make him happy, what he was saying is he wanted some play. He wanted you to have fun, to push things a bit and for you to explore your dominance.

it’s hard sometimes for a submissive to say that as we want to please. So we won’t say what we want or need. We might not even realize it!

I know this won’t make sense if you haven’t been in this lifestyle long. So I say that (in this case the “you” is the reader” for those who are new or fairly new) as I suspect the literal you gets this as you seem to have trained him well.

 

The second scenario. Although what the male has done there could more accurately be described as romantic. It would only be sub/dom if sub had prefered not to do it and done something else instead.

You then proceed to describe what a sub would need, need, want, want want. want from the domme, which hardly seems subservient. Just because those needs and wants are satisfied by the domme doesn't mean that it's a subservient-domme relationship. What may be happening is that the needs and wants of the sub simply prove beneficial to or concur with the wants and needs of the domme .

A true sub doesn't get want they want or need much of the time; but the domme does get what they want all of or most of the time.

To sum things an example:

Husband in chastity thinks he's in a sub/domme relationship, especially as he's been cuckolded.

It's a sub/domme relationship if the domme wanted to cuckold the sub; but the sub didn't like his Wife sleeping with other men and wanted her to stop. But she didn't want to stop and the sub reluctantly accepted the cuckolding and gained no pleasure from it.

However, if the sub fantasied about his Wife sleeping with other men and especially if the sub suggested it to her then it's not sub/domme.

 

As so many before me, I can only speak for myself: But I can somewhat relate.

While I serve my Misses on a daily basis on many levels, I also need my fair share of discipline and humiliation.

For example, I currently may only sleep at the lower end of the bed. I may come up to my Misses for cuddling before she wants to sleep and also in the morning when she wakes up. But in between, I am to stay down there and kiss and cuddle with her feet.

Also, I am currently sentenced to 30 days of total chastity after coming without permission last Saturday. In addition, I receive a cold caning with 10 cane strokes every day. So, I guess I am being "put in my place".

So, in short: I think being consequent in your decisions and showing a certain strictness with your sub is what many of us crave badly.

 

Whilst I wouldn't be against more discipline, humiliation, teasing etc. just like most. In our relationship I'm very happy with how we work, she's the boss and I don't expect her to spend all her time trying to please me, thats my job trying to please her.

 

Well it is romantic for sure, but the point of the story isn't that it's just romantic, but that it empowers her to see that someone wants to do all of those things for her. It's what makes her feel like the Master of her own domain, even if what's going on outside is being hard on her

But that's just not true.... Just because you're submissive doesn't mean you have no input, no say over the things you do together..... surely you use safe words for example.....

This sounds extremely unhealthy and fraught with danger. Everyone has to give consent for any actions that happen, a relationship whilst one person's feelings and needs are never taken into account isn't a relationship.

Safe. Sane. Consensual. Everything else is just fantasy.

 

If you read carefully there are two questions :

Do I get what I need ? Absolutely yes !
Otherwise from my point of view a relationship could not work anyway...

Do I get what I want ? In a generall way yes as I want her and a loving relationship. But also apart from this... why would anyone be in a relationship where only his absolute need are fullfilled, but norhing more ? I dare say it would not be a very happy one. So yes, she makes sure I get my piece of the cake and enjoy the ride...her way...

Given a certain moment (and more in regard to sex than other aspects of life) I get it less often than I would like.
But hey, just consider those things you do not like the price for what you got.

@BunnyAthalus I agree with you on a very important thing:
If there were only D/s interactions if he had to something he does not like FLRs would be a quite unhealthy thing. As you said it in general it is rather about empowering her.

BUT what taking this cuckold example: What if he does not like it, but on some basic level would be ok with it ? If it is otherwise a really loving relationship- would it be ok or not ?
Or taking this spanking scenarioIf he does not like it at all, but she had some sadistic tendencies would it be ok fot her to spak him from time to time so far that with the next hit he would use his red code / safeword ?

And please take in mind that I am not talking about otherwise abusive relationships ( like buildup did), but really loving and happy ones...

 

Great questions!

So for the Cuckold question first i'll put it like this. In my opinion there are two types of cuckolding relationships.

* One: Is built on a mutual understanding of satisfying the women, because she has a higher sex drive, she likes different experiences, likes having sex with different people.

* Two: Is built on a kink where a person (often the hubby) has a fetish for the humiliation and all the emotions and experiences that come with it. There is a taboo to it, or a humiliation aspect to it.

In both scenario's the Cuckold (despite the words that might come out of their dominants mouth ) is loved and respected for enabling them and allowing them to pursue this high octane wonderful thrill ride of a relationship.
A good example of this is @MrsBR_Saiph and her partner @BR_Saiph who look like they're having the time of their lives (even though it seems their having a bit of bad luck with the bulls)

But the most important thing here is that they both consent to it. They understand it's good for their relationship and works for them and they're having a great time.

The other scenario that seems to be presented in the question is almost more like the partner is sleeping around behind their back, or the partner never consented to it. That isn't cuckolding, but cheating or being unfaithful. The partner must always consent.

You'll see in the writings of these two wonderful members above who have consented to this, you'll see all the amazing trials and tribulations of their experiences as they're having amazing and wild life. It's awesome.
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As for spanking's, everything is relative to the people involved. I'm not a masochist, so i feel pain rather keenly and still i was in a relationship where i got regular spankings to maintain the submission i had. That's why it's called "maintenance"

There are people out there that get hit way harder then i have ever dreamed of doing, and maintenance spankings as a thing wasn't something i'd ever experienced or looked for before i got it, but i'd say to the sub to just try it, run with it and deal with it for a couple of months and see where you stand. Maybe something clicks in their head, just like it did for me that turns it into this wonderful thing that helps center them and connect them to their domme. Maybe it doesn't and they just need something else.

Lifes too short, try and experience as much as you can, the things you discover might just surprise you After all, we're on a site talking right now where the vast majority of women on it's first reaction to chastity was "What the hell is that thing you have on your dick?"..... and now they get it, they're having a lot of fun

 

You got my cuckold exampe somewhat wrong. He agreed to it for his wifes sake (so it is no cheating) although he disliked it. So it is a version of your type one though not an easy one (life never is ).

And yes, he is of course respected - they both know what they have on each other for sure, but that does not make his distate for it when they started any better.
So was it right of her to try knowing that he disliked it a lot even if he did not make it a hardlimit of his ?

 

Well, you could ask what he wants.

Hear me out.

Your are in a relationship. Call it what ever you would like but at it's core it is a relationship.

Relationships are built on communication, it is key.

You cannot read his mind.

Ask him what he would like, what he needs. You tell him what you want why can't it be the opposite? If the answer is because of a power exchange then how are you to know if everything is alright?

Step out the role and check to make sure everything is ok.

Perhaps there are some things he wants to do for you, more massages, take some cooking classes, remodel your bathroom...you get the idea.

The point is you can guess all you want but if you get to the point it will clear up and improve what you have. It will be a lot quicker and easier as well.

Just my 2 cents...