What do you submissive want?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Dogchasecats, Dec 3, 2019.

?

As a submissive are you getting what you need?

  1. Yes

    19.7%
  2. No

    33.1%
  3. Almost

    31.0%
  4. Need more

    18.3%
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  1. Dogchasecats
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    Dogchasecats Princess Elizabeth
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    So exactly do you submissives want? For instance I came home after work, house nice, dinner made, bed made. Watched tv with my subby curled up next to me. Went to bed, but I could tell he wanted something but what? I asked and he said he wanted to "be put in his place". I was thankful for all his work and care, what else does he want? What do you submissives want? What can I do to put him in his place when he has done everything right?
     
  2. Sissy-CJ
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    Sissy-CJ Long term member

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    That’s a hard one (no pun intended), I guess it depends on the individual.

    I like being put in my place when I’ve done wrong but not all the time lol. But some just like being punished all the time it seems.
     
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  3. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Long term member

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    That is a hard question to answer, but I am a man and I understand what he is saying and what he means.

    For me I want to be controlled, I want that feeling that I am a slave to my wife. I know it’s hard to make that happen in real life all the time and especially if BKwife is not in the same headspace as I am.

    Ask him for a list of things that if they happened he would feel controlled. I try to add a few things that will not take time away from BK or are easy to do.
    Send me to Corner time
    Organize her panty drawer
    Wash her car
    Put me on my punishment stool and leave me for a while.

    Of course it up to you if he gets anything at all but it’s easy to pull up a list and pick something that lets you relax and puts him in his place.

    Good luck and have fun!
     
  4. piet00
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    piet00 Active member

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    Hello Princess Elisabeth,

    as mentioned what "we" submissives want is likely very different.
    I think we can divide the question into two answers:
    1) what we fantasize about, what turns us on
    2) what turns us on on reality.

    There is one important thing which needs to be written in bold letters:
    It's not (!) about us and what we fantasize about. It's about her and hopefully the zone where she does what she likes and think is right in the moment is turning us on.

    For me it's not any punishment or making me feel submissive through doing certain "tasks".
    The biggest turnon is the fact, that I made the decision to be submissive to her and that she has taken over "ownership over me". Not as "slave" but as a strong woman, who expects that I fulfill her interests - all of them and very important - that there is no way back quiting this relationship.
    (I know that there is always the option, but I like the idea that I make a decision and that I can't go back).
    So basically she says, that now her rules will count and that the FLR is not some kind of role play.
    In day to day life a big turnon is that she makes clear that she expects, that I know what she wants in a certain moment and that she doesn't have to ask.
    For example if she is on the sofa and relaxes she doesn't have to grab for her chocolate, I will hand it over.
    Also I like that she gives orders when wants that I take care of her. For example that she points and the ground in front of her and her feet and I start to massage and clean her feet.
    Also a big turnon is that she communicates that she knows exactly that she owns me and that this is a good thing.
    For example she can just put her hand between my legs and say something which makes clear, that I am not supposed to do anything there.
    I also like if she commands what I eat when we go out and that she can sent me away to work out.
    A good thing is also if she tries to be in charge in other fields, like if she decides that she will takover my financial accounts and just hang me some pocket money which I can spend.
    Also I think it's great if she is able to control my location and communication / websurfing history.
    Basically everything which makes it super hard to escape from her and spent attention on other people/topics.
     
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  5. kelly_kali_girl
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    kelly_kali_girl New member

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    Your husband wants to be controlled, but he has done everything right, so it doesn't make sense to punish him, so what do You do? What are ways You can "put him in his place" without scolding, slapping, beating, punishing? Maybe make his schedule. Give him an allowance. Tell him what he can and can't eat. Tell him how far you want him to run tomorrow when he's exercising, give him a bedtime.... Anything. These are all positive acts of control that make him a better and more obedient husband, which is what he wants, but needs Your help with. A sub can't dom himself. You can be positive, happy and still controlling, like a firm, benevolent Dictator. Maybe say, "You've been a good boi, so you can rub lotion on me." Or, "I know you've been good, and I want that to continue. You want that too right? You want to please Me right? So I want you to sleep on the floor tonight, so that you remember to keep behaving like this." If he behaves well, give him a reward. His "reward" is to serve his Queen, or reduce his restrictions, or suffer more. Subs love to suffer. Either physically or emotionally. They need it. It's cathartic. The pain is pleasure to him. It can lance old emotional wounds and mental ruts. Tell him that since he's been good, You are going to control him more, or he gets out of his chastity cage for a bit, then play with his penis, but don't let him come. Lock him back up, because, "You need to continue being a good boi don't you?" His reward is being teased. His getting put in his place is not cuming. Buy him a new pair of panties since he's been good. Maybe things like this. Whatever puts him in his subspace. That's what he wants. He wants to be there. In that headspace. And only You can put him there. And you doing that, no matter how mean or bitchy or selfish it may seem to a Women, pleases him. He needs to please you. Be selfish. If he doesn't feel controlled, then he may act out and test you so that you punish him. He wants a strong Queen to worship. Take him further. Deeper. He wants to go further and deeper. He's literally, chemically addicted to You, and needs more.
     
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  6. Obsequious_Nova
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    Obsequious_Nova Active member

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    We need to know we are the submissive in the relationship. First off, asking you to "show him his place" is not the greatest sub move, kinda puts pressure on you and is topping from the bottom. Not sure what he wants exactly, but you should remind him who's wants are paramount and requesting special attention is bratty thing to do. It puts you in an awkward position... even a punishment is a reward at that point.

    That being said what he desires is your attention. I love when my KH and I are in bed and she grabs my hair and puts me to work between her thighs while casually flipping through Prime to find something to watch. I feel completely hers, and am a happy sub. Asking for it though... is not as good for either of us.

    If I made asking for it a habit I might just get the cane instead.
     
  7. Quietlisten
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    Quietlisten Junior Member

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    Great question.

    First of all, do you both agree what "his place" is? It could be anything from a role-reversed traditional domestic relationship to strict Domme/sub service. If you are in different mindsets, then there will be friction and misunderstanding.

    If his mind is anywhere other than the "domestic bliss" end of the spectrum, he may want clear indicators of your authority. Many subs melt when a Domme flexes her authority, and it is a form of "payment" to the sub.

    Some of these may be symbolic, like you setting an expectation that he is to wait for permission to begin eating or ask permission to be excused to begin clearing the table... whatever works for you. Every time you two interact in a way that clearly demonstrates that you are in charge, he gets a little lift.

    Authority can be communicated in the way you speak to him. Women often ask permission for what they want instead of clearly directing. Extreme example for illustration: "Would you mind -- if it's not too much trouble -- maybe bringing me a glass of water when you get the chance?" as opposed to "Sweety, bring me water with ice."

    With very little to go on, it's hard to tell exactly what he wants. But I'd bet that he wants to feel your authority. In the same way that romance is communicated through ritual and the way we speak to each other, so, too, authority. Romance withers if the symbols and communication disappear and are replaced by rote habit and assumption. The same happens with authority.
     
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  8. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    My first response would be it doesn't matter what a submissive wants, it what you want that really matters. Maybe it's that kind of attitude, that he desires. A clear expression of your importance relative to his. Like others have suggested, simple reminders of how his life is to serve and please you can be very important. Personally, I wouldn't want my Lady to have to remember small things, like giving me orders to do a task. i should know well enough that she likes a drink before dinner or that I should iron her bed sheets or I could only wear women's panties. What I would like is for her to be comfortable in the lead role. To not be hesitant to correct me, or even discipline me, if needed. But to also make subtle comments that affirm her superior status as appropriate. Sometimes it is the unexpected reminder that has the most impact. Like in a conversation with a friend about how busy life is, she makes a comment that laundry isn't an issue for her anymore, as he does it all for her, as it is his responsibility. The key is to find out what works for you and demonstrate your control as suits you.
     
  9. Dogtanian69
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    Dogtanian69 Long term member

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    I enjoy my evening paddling ......
     
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  10. madams-sissysub
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    I enjoy serving and pleasing my madam in whatever and every way I can, and it makes my madam happy when I am making the effort to make her happy.
     
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  11. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    well if he has done evrthing right and all the house is nice and tidy and what he cooked for You was nice as well praps it wud be nice if You sayed that he has been good. if he is being a bit silly cos a lot of men like to be smacked then he shud have forgot to do something that he shud had done.
     
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  12. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Long term member

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    Intimacy, clarity, organization, purpose, discipline, room for vulnerability...
     
  13. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I dunno.

    I'll know it when I get it.

    Certainly more kink. More innuendo. More seduction and flirtation. I've been told that she "doesn't have any fantasies". I don't buy it. At all. And I really want to know what those fantasies are. I'm even willing to sign up to do them for her without being told what they are first.

    Maybe more direction. More clarity about what she wants both sexually and otherwise.
     
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  14. Dogtanian69
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    Dogtanian69 Long term member

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    I get a maintenance spanking most nights before bed, I’m ordered into the bathroom, pushed over the sink and have my pajamas pulled down. My wife then takes the paddle from under her sink and gives me between five and twenty whacks..... a simple ritual, but it makes me feel loved and that I have her attention.
     
  15. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    He wants a treat for getting all his chores done to your satisfaction. Ask him what type of treats he wants (whipping, pegging, whatever it is) and then let him know that if he continues to please you, and you are in the mood, you MAY consider giving him a treat but only because you feel like it and not because you are in any way obligated to do so.
     
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  16. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I am a service submissive. She enjoys my service and I am delighted. She struggles with domination. She doesn’t want to appear mean or hurt me. I love her for that. I think we will get there in time, so I will wait.

    I love serving her, I would like to also like to submit to her.
     
  17. TheRealAdam
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    TheRealAdam Long term member

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    I just want my wife/lover/mistress to be happy. That is the best feeling in the world. I love to serve her and tend to her needs.
     
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  18. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    He wants you to “put him in his place”.
    Consider this: Remind him of his exact words and tell him you have thought about it and only want to help him. Pick a place or maybe 2 within your house and tell him that you have chosen a place for him. Tell him that you expect for him to be in his place when he is not serving you or tell him that he is to expect to be told to go to his place periodically. Tell him to envision his place as a virtual jail cell. His place need not be particularly uncomfortable, but it can be if you want it so. You can elaborate on this theme as much as you want. You might consider, after using this place for a week or so, asking him if he likes his place.
    Ss
     
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  19. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    This is the simplest statement. I want to feel her control, I want to know that she wants to control me.

    These quotes are how I think -- I want to know that she's invested in training me to be a better husband, that she wants to eradicate bad male alpha behavior, and that she'll use the chastity cage and the power of her female sexuality as tools or weapons to train me.

    Yes. "Please" is still allowed, it's still polite, but there should be no doubt it's a command not a request.
     
  20. subslave l
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    subslave l Active member

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    Well said. I couldn’t have said it better myself
     
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  21. MrsAnne
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    I give maintenance whipping for that exact reason.

    for us, there’s a good difference between maintenance and punishment whipping.

    even though he does a marvellous job, I still keep showing that I care and that I won’t go for less.

    I know it sound harsh but that’s what he needs. The last thing you want is your slave to start slacking for attention.

    MrsAnne
     
  22. Dogchasecats
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    Dogchasecats Princess Elizabeth
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    These are all good answers, thank you.
     
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  23. Her Dividend
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    Her Dividend Junior Member

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    To put is simply - a strong spiritual-physical connection. A shared kink orientation.
     
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  24. Giacomo
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    Giacomo Active member

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    I think that a dominant wife knows what her sub wants and deserves cause she should know her man very well. Days ago we left our little baby to my parents for a few hours and had a relaxing time together. I booked an excellent restaurant and served her being just whatever she needed of (shoe cleaner - driver - assistant - bag carrier etc). She knows most part of my submission goes through the fine art of a classy, sensual and erotic seduction and she pushes hard on this button. She knows i love being teased in chastity in public and when she likes joining this game she is just so horny. That’s the point. She knows me and knows what i get thrilled for. It’s her way to dominate and I love it.

    ps. Sorry for my English, surely there will be many mistakes here but it’s not my language
     
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  25. 2north
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    2north Active member

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    She and I are still fairly new to this - about a month - and still figuring things out, so take this with a grain of salt.

    So far, I find that my motivation falters and frustration rises most without some sort of expressions of authority, in some way. I have voluntarily ceded an enormous amount of power and control to her, and just about my only expectation in return is simply that it is used, or at least recognized. To some extent, I feel like I'm playing a game with a friend - and while she can play by whatever rules she wishes, which is the point, after all - what I need is to know and feel that she's still playing. Otherwise, I feel like I've given up this power and control - a very significant and meaningful thing to me - and it is just collecting dust on a shelf. Of course, "game" isn't the best word there, since it's not merely a game, but that was the analogy that came to mind.

    What those expressions or flexing of authority look like can be up to her and her whims, but it is hard to imagine that someone has a loving partner willing to enable and encourage their inner- and outer-most desires - whatever they may be - and it's merely a few chores?

    But as I said we are early on here and I see that over time, she is gradually becoming more used to the mindset of being assertive, wielding authority, and putting herself first. I like it!
     
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