Submissive female with locked Male partner.

Regarding your coin toss idea, have you seen the Only She Cums tumblr? They are doing a coin toss game for release that should come with a health warning for any chastity caged male into t&d!

http://onlyshecums.tumblr.com/post/141531061717/coin-flip-log

My Wife wants to be in control of my orgasms but I would seriously love it if she did this game for a few months.

And I seriously love your Tumblr! I followed it before I saw you in the mansion.

 

That's exactly the one we've adapted! I thought it was a bit too hard to get an orgasm for him so added two main things. One is our weekly date night each orgasm I get is automatically a 'head', and he gets a ruin after two heads, or handjob after three BUT, I can decide to peg him instead! So yeah, bit of a change. Although I may make it harder again.
So I basically use it as my back up if I'm not in the mood to make decisions. I've used it less than I thought I would actually.

And thank you so much, honestly, it's so nice to get the feedback!

 

One of the reasons I migrated from Tumblr to the mansion was because of the lack of feedback. Also as a male only blog (my Wife is utterly uninterested n joining in unfortunately) I was never going to have the details and content to make it that interesting. It is however a really good source of ideas and very tempting posts.

 

I am a sub by nature. I love being dominated and letting my fiancé have his way with me. We are fairly new to chastity and I am learning my role as kh. He's doing a lot of topping from the bottom and my goal is to stop that by adding time to his lock ups when it happens. Since this is still new, I find that my insecurities and need for doing things 'the right way' are my two main set backs. I want to be able to do it well from the get go, not work up to it. But, I know it's a huge turn on for him and I really do enjoy being the dominant one. So, I am embracing this role and in the future he may be a little more careful what he wishes for

 

@FlaMistress There are very few of us that are totally dominant, it gets easier.

 

I've been chatting to a few women my age and younger and just wanted to extend the offer that if you wanted to chat anonymously about your situation, whether you think you're submissive or just a bit overwhelmed with your guy presenting you with the idea of chastity, I'd be very happy to talk it through and see if I can offer any advice.
While I didn't have the shock factor of my hubby announcing it was some big fetish he had, which I think is quite common (we just started this for fun last year), it has still been an incredible journey for us both and I've been amazed at the fun we've had and the new intimacy that hascome out of it. Truly, we were pretty kinky to start and this has done more for our relationship and sex life than pretty much anything I can think of.
So feel free to make contact, even if it's just to chat and laugh about how crazy some of this stuff is, and you can get an idea of how we work by checking out my blog if you want too.
If email's better then mine is keephimcaged@gmail.com

Jane (no not my real name ) xxx

 

Just like us then

 

You might have identified one of the reasons why my Wife and I have been so successful at starting using chastity as both something that is 'fun' (well, for one of us at least ;-) but also as a way of realigning our entire relationship. When I first offered to put on a chastity device it wasn't meant as a way of fulfilling a fantasy. It was as a way of controlling a completely different urge that I had than masturbating, of having an obsession with genital modification. We basically got used to the idea of what it meant together. I was almost as shocked as she was when it developed the way it did.

I think the key moment for us was when she took over the pace of our development. Instead of my 'I want all the toys in the toy box now' approach we went with her much more measured approach. It wasn't a fantasy of mine before we started but it rapidly became better than a fantasy.

 

Was lucky enough to have the big elephant in the room long enough to learn from others. I read a lot of denying thumper blog, his trials and daily struggles with chastity.

It wasn't until he learned that he must give up all control, before this could be something she could really get into. No schedules, no release dates, no maximum/minimum days caged, no forced tease sessions. He really had a hard time, mostly because he wanted to be locked longer, or he thought she was ignoring him.

I was able to skip this lesson because he shared his insight with the community. I would have been the same way...she said she was going to release me, she said she was going to keep me caged, its past my release date, how come your not acknowledging my chastity and sacrifices.

 

Wow! Getting one female to agree is hard enough...this guy has to get the ok from her and then from you to be even able!

 

You're right of course that boys should be warned to communicate earlier, but the effectiveness of such a warning is questionable. I don't think people understand how much we alphas struggle with the need, how long we fight it, how much shame we feel as we sloooowly come to acknowledge our feelings of submissiveness and our need for female authority and what an interferrant with our emotional and relationship life our masturbation has become. It's a long process, with many starts and stops as our shame and struggle to remain alpha stops us and yet the feelings keep returning, time after time, over a period of years. By the time we give in it's a "thing," an elephant. It's why so many of us start so fast and tend to top from the bottom, this need has been simmering for a long and has come to a boil, blowing the lid off the closet door to mix a metaphor. You're right but it's not that simple to give in to yourself or to trust that she'll still love you when she finds out you're not the man you both thought you were. I can't emphasize enough the fear many of us long-married men feel dropping this news into our quiet stable (albeit emotionally dishonest) marriages.

 

Hmmm. Interesting. This thread got me thinking about my relationship with my wife, which has always seemed strange to me. Strange by the standards of the clear D/s relationships, be they real or fantasy, that seem to be most (but of course not all) of what people describe here.

My wife and I are note quite vanilla, but on the vanilla end of the scale compared to others. We like some tie-up games and such, but neither of us is into pain, hitting, or anything like that. Much of the time, it's usually some sort of wrestling, where she loses, gets tied up, and I have my way with her. Or some variation on that theme.

Her strongest dominant streak by far is insisting that I am locked up. We started this play many years ago, but had stopped for a few years (kids). Recently she asked to re-start keeping me locked... since I work at home and she does not, I'm locked up before she leaves every day, anytime I'm alone without her, and in general at her request. She also controls my internet usage during the day, but it's mostly at my request. Most relationship, finance, and child care decisions are made pretty much mutually, with neither of us in a clear 'Leadership' role.

Our goals are to keep me ready for her, and be the strong dominant sex partner she wants in bed. I've proven to myself that I'm not strong enough to hold off of masturbation during the day, so wearing the belt is a physical restraint that keeps me stronger and ready for her. That's what she gets out of it.

She controls when we have sex, and what will happen (simple bonking in the sheets, or role play, or just me getting her off), but once things start I become the clear dominant.

To answer the 2016 OP... I don't know how our relationship counts here. She's not a clear submissive, except in sex, but she's also not a dominant controlling the relationship, other than my enforced chastity.

 

Of course he needs permission. Submissive or not she still has to allow it to happen.
A. You allow an unlock but she’s not in the mood
B. She’s in the mood but he’s not allowed an unlock.

The two wouldn’t have to agree together, but there would be an extra barrier to breach.

 

This is kind of like my wife. She states she is a sub and "you don't have what it takes to dom me" is what she tells me. I am open to try to be a switch.

But with another man she doesn't really do the sub thing either, not yet. But I have used 'top from the bottom' techniques over the last few years and it is kind of working.

I really want to get her a domme and I'm slowly on the look (locally) but I am not pushing it since she is less than pushing for it.

 

When three people are involved - dynamics get complicated. I'm reminded of the poly amorous saying: you want stable partners, not a stable of partners.

Sounds to me like there is an age/experience difference in play here - which might be helpful in the arrangement.

 

@Mascara^Snake for some reason this thread so resonates with me. My other half really desires the very traditional domestic LED and white knight approach, and I love to give that to her. However, it approaches a fetish level like where that is the only thing (if that makes any sense).

However, I found with my extremely strong loyal and protecting masculine spirit I also have an equal feminine spirit (not in the vein of wanting a switch of genders and I don't judge) that wants to nurture and be taken and controlled every so often.

The funniest thing is she is u very dominant with the horses and training and people she interacts with, and is one of.the toughest human beings I know.

It is a paradox wrapped in a mystery, but all fantastic and deep human beings are ...

Honestly, she would be a very scary and probably amazing domina. Dangerous though with her redhead spirit and anger management issues where every kiss comes with a bite or a smack.

 

Definitely an interesting question, and a great thread!

To the original question, definitely, a dominant man can have as his fetish the desire to be locked...it's just more difficult to find a submissive who will play that game. I'm a switch - up until I discovered that yes, I like to have a man's orgasm at my command, I identified as a submissive. I still have to be reminded that yes, he really *does* like this play - and he really *doesn't* need to cum.

When it comes to 'topping from the bottom' - either the bottom is dominant and wants what they want, and demand it, or they are a submissive who really needs to sit down with their Top/Dominant and discuss all of the things they want/need/desire/imagine - get all of that out of their system - then seriously shut up and let the Dominant do what appeals to them... There's another thread here where someone links to the BDSM checklist - which is a great tool for discussing 'all of the things'

 

It can start as "play or fun" and progress

 

So You are "superior" to her even more than to him. Of course if she know that You hold his keys.