Love and denial

The big problem with chastity is the whole topping from the bottom thing isn't it. You desperately want to orally pleasure your wife but she isn't interested in it, so you cannot suggest it as that would be stepping over that line. It's the paradox that giving up your own orgasms is actually quite easy but only if in return you are allowed to provide them for your partner. Maybe if she understood how desperate this makes you feel she might let you at least try.

It's like my Wife's breasts. I love caressing them, holding them, licking them. It does absolutely nothing for my Wife though. She gets more pleasure from me doing the same thing to her sides of her abdomen than her breasts. But she lets me do it because she knows that I like it. And, because she knows I am getting turned on by caressing her breasts she gets turned on by that. Not because of the feelings of me caressing her breasts but by the way I react to being allowed to do it.

Did that make sense?

Also thank you for the perspective of my life that you gave me. You are quite right, when it comes to my working life I am incredibly lucky. It's one of those 'the more I practice the more lucky I get' scenarios but my jobs do tend to happen by being in the right place at the right time more than being the best qualified for the job. Today I was given a second short term project to look after until January and I only have to work one evening a week! It's crazy!

As for chastity, my last orgasm was much more recent than yours at just over a month ago. Elle has begun to suggest I go longer than my current phase between orgasms of around two and a half months. She has basically said I won't get another one this year unless she changes her mind, which is of course always her prerogative.

Thank you, @allaboutHer, I do enjoy reading your thoughts. And this most recent one has made me feel much better about my situation.

 

The leg that I veeted a few days ago is already quite rough and I can already see hairs growing on the leg that Elle veeted last night. I'm going to be away now until the start of October so I will epilate when I get back. And then it's the time of year when I get to wear my tights!

 

@allaboutHer it is people like you that stop me from giving up on the CM. I am not going to stop my chastity promise, I like the way this makes me feel, act and behave. Also my Wife has already decided this is too good to ever stop, but sometimes I do question whether there is any point continuing on this site.

Yes, if we could somehow take those good parts of our Wives and combine them we would both be delirious. But only if by doing so we didn't change them in other ways. It does highlight very well how we are all individuals and there is no one way to do this.

Funnily enough the reason I have been chaste since August 21 has absolutely nothing to do with denial but everything to do with life. I have only managed to help my Wife have one orgasm in that time as well so it has been pretty tough. The end is in sight though. Or at least I think it is!

 

So, I am having a mug of green tea (less caffeine than the normal stuff us Brits drink) before packing our car for a family based trip back to England. I could have stayed there this week and let my Wife fly back, but the idea of three days in a hotel in a not so nice Northern England town (there are fabulous towns up there, just not where I was!) was so horrible that the drive all the way back to Germany was more than worth it.

Anyway, nothing is going to happen while I am away because it almost never does. Elle flourishes in her own environment where she feels safe to do so. Staying with parents and friends gives limited chances to have any playtime. Last time we were with her parents she did start bossing me around with a smirk on her face. It was one of the first times she did it and I got ridiculously turned on by the power she was showing. Her mother totally noticed and commented on how much of a good boy I was. I nearly fell over!

While we are away we will reach our first anniversary since I asked her if she would let me wear a chastity device and be my keyholder. She didn't really understand what that would mean but she said yes immediately. It took until the middle of November when I got my Holy Trainer before I was successfully chaste and she took control of the keys fully.

I do sometimes look down, see the HT and think to myself "what the hell are we doing?" I've got a lump of plastic encasing my penis, my balls have stretched so much they are almost half way to my knees, I promised my Wife I wouldn't masturbate and as a result I have had five orgasms this year in a time period where I would have had about ninety!!!! And that is a conservative estimate, worked out from masturbating at a rate of twice a week with sex once or so every other week.

But then I remember what I have got, something that totally makes any loss of orgasms totally worth it. I have Elle. She is more assertive, more in touch with her sexuality, more happy with us than she ever been before.

 

Did I say nothing would happen while I was away? Something happened this morning that was fairly noteworthy. Elle nearly made me have a spontaneous orgasm simply by lying next to me and having a bottom!

The context is that due to life, illness, work and so on I have been chaste for just over a month. This is the period it takes for things to get interesting, for all those boy juices in me to build up until the pressure starts having a significant effect. That point was definitely reached this morning.

As it was a Sunday Elle came into my bedroom for a cuddle and a snooze. She turned onto her side, away from me, and pulled me up against her, my arm over her shoulder and my hand caressing her. We both fell asleep like this, it was so nice.

All of a sudden I woke up. My caged penis had become engorged and was pressing up against Elle's bottom, while I was unconsciously thrusting my hips forward. I turned onto my back and felt the pressure in my groin building, just like it does prior to an orgasm. I started breathing deeply and squirming on the bed. Elle woke up and watched, smiling at me. I really struggled to control myself as waves of pressure built up, my holy trainer jutting further and further away from my body.

I raised my arms above my head, out from under the blankets, to prove to Elle that I was in no way influencing what was happening with my hands. Slowly the waves subsided and I managed to bring myself back down. Until Elle pulled me over and started to give me one of her kisses where she bites my lower lip. Wham! The pressure was back. This time my mouth went dry, another thing that happens to me when I orgasm and I folded over in the middle, lying next to her with my knees brought up to my chest. I couldn't stop myself moaning with the effort of trying to not have an orgasm.

I decided that I had to get up and go for a pee and this appeared to work. The pressure subsided and my penis did too. I returned to the bedroom, got back into bed and thirty seconds later hat to get up again. The pressure returned immediately.

I am not sure if I would have ever got to a point where I did ejaculate, but it felt like I got really close. It is the first time that Elle has witnessed this happening to me and the first time I have been fully awake as well. I have had a few nocturnal emissions where I have woken up with the post orgasm feelings and a sticky mess in my bed trousers, but they have always happened when I was in my own room and Elle was asleep in hers.

I am glad she got to see it happen. It was such an intense experience and I have always been worried that she might think that I have somehow made myself orgasm on purpose when it happens. She said that she was sorry she was having an effect on me and I said that no, she wasn't. Elle laughed, and agreed. No, I'm not sorry she said, with a big grin.

 

Before tonight it was a month since I was last able to give my darling Wife any orgasmic pleasure. Thankfully that wait is now very much over!. But first...

Since the 2nd September we have been busy, ill, travelling, basically life just got in the way. It has been hard for me as I have definitely reached the point where I gain more of my pleasure through giving it to Elle. I have desperately tried not to be a pest though, not to make myself a nuisance by trying to force my attention on to Elle. I did get told off a few days ago when I sulked when she said our morning hug was over. She was clean after a shower, also naked, and we were in a lovely apartment on our own with no rush to get anywhere, so I let my eagerness to do something for her get the better of me. What is different though is the new me accepted her admonishment, got out of bed, dressed, went downstairs and made breakfast. I apologised and just got on with my jobs. Before I would definitely had a bad attitude, maybe even for a few days.

Anyway, we are back home in Germany now. There is one significant difference to the house we have returned to. Elle and I have the house to ourselves as now both of our children have moved out. Our youngest has gone to university back in England. So, in a way, this signifies phase three of our development of our FLR and the use of male chastity in our relationship. We can relax a bit about what we do and where and when we do it.

We had a really good chat about it last night during the journey from England to Holland. We discussed where we are, where we want this to go, how we are finding things and all sorts of topics. Elle is really happy with me, pleased with how I am doing, and feeling less and less guilty about the denial aspect of our sexual exploits. It would appear that two to three months is my minimum term of chastity from now. Elle said that this is because it takes three or so weeks for me to reach a point where my response to her attentions is at full power, and then she needs a good period of time to enjoy that response. She refused to answer my question about whether the denial period would now be longer that three months. That sort of detail is very much for her to know and me to wonder about.

Elle was really tired after the five hour drive from Holland to our house so she went for a lie down. I was told to wake her up in an hour so I did so with a fruit tea. She decided we would have a shower together and then I would be allowed to give her a massage followed by oral attention for her bottom and pussy. The shower showed how much of my response has returned in the time since my last orgasm (six weeks exactly) as Elle was able to make me collapse at least three times. One time was when she pushed her pussy against my device, her breasts against my chest and then she bit my lip, hard, as she kissed me. I slid down her into a heap on the floor!

During the massage I was in heaven, I took my time wanting to savour this opportunity, especially after such a long period of not having the opportunity. I am not bragging when I say that I am getting better at this and we both enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, especially when we reached her climax with me inserting a come hither finger to stimulate her g-spot while I licked and sucked her clit.

The best part was how happy she looked as she floated back down.

 

In some respects I really don't understand my Wife at all. Heck, I don't understand women at all, Elle included.

I have however learnt a lot about both of us over the past year. One thing I have found out is that while I get, like many men, turned on by visual stimuli (porn, for want of a better term) Elle isn't. She is much more aroused by written stimuli. We do have a crossover here which is probably larger than many heterosexual couples as the main reason I joined the Mansion was to satisfy my need to read other peoples experiences and immerse myself in chastity that way, rather than the visual Tumblr style of blogs.

Elle and I share a secret Tumblr, a way for us to show each other what turns us on. Or it would be if Elle ever posted to it, which to date she hasn't. Once a week or so we look at it together, and discuss the images I have shared. She told me during an extensive chat we had at the weekend that while the visual aspect of what she was looking at did nothing for her, what it did do was give her information that she could use 'against' me, and confirmation that what we are doing is turning me on. This included a video I had seen on Tumblr that fitted my fantasy so perfectly that it led to me having a spontaneous, hands free ruined orgasm.

This video was of a woman being entered by a black man with an extremely healthy sized penis. The sort of size that chastity devices cannot contain. The size that makes a woman's eyes go wide as it slides into her. The sot of size I wish I had. The woman in the video had a body type that closely resembles Elle's, so that fitted my fantasy as well. But when she watched it I could tell that she wasn't aroused in any way at all.

Recently though Elle has been reading 'romantic' fiction on her kindle. She told me the basic premise of the one that she was currently reading, Bedding the Wrong Brother by Virna Paul. She sounded quite aroused as she described it and this intrigued me. So, today, with her permission, I picked up her Kindle and started to read it. I have had to put it back down, as I am now feeling too damn horny to concentrate. If Elle was at home from work I would have been attacking her, begging for a chance to pleasure her. I had no idea that these books were quite so explicit!

And this is why I don't understand her. How on earth is she able to contain herself when she reads these books!? If it was me in charge she would be jumped on average about every five pages or so.

 

Well, this one @jemima started a VERY interesting conversation between Elle and me this evening. Very interesting indeed. And totally against the rules, as it isn't even close to being Saturday, but Elle had such a good time this evening that she didn't mind.

First off I asked for permission to talk and explained why, that I had been reading the book and wanted to talk about it. Elle gave me permission. I told her about how men like me often like visual stimulation, porn, and how I noticed that she didn't get off on it at all. I then told her that although I like some porn most does nothing to me. Writing on the other hand is another matter, and this book REALLY got to me. Elle was quite surprised, she thought that I was going to say the book did nothing for me. She is really pleased that wasn't the case, and now plans on reading some paragraphs out to me to see what happens!

Anyway one of the most interesting parts of our conversation was when I asked her how she felt reading the book and she said that it did get her aroused, sometimes a lot. I told her that I didn't understand how she could go from reading a book like this to doing mundane day to day stuff, I would never be able to do that. She just laughed. I then asked her how she felt when she was reading about things that either we don't (or didn't do) or she didn't like, like oral sex for me rather than by me.

Lets back up a bit. I love going down on Elle, and she loves it too, giving her pleasure with oral sex is my favourite thing. I love Elle giving me oral sex too, but Elle doesn't enjoy it. In our entire marriage I have had two orgasms from a blow job. She had explained how much she didn't like doing it, and would only do it if I wore a flavoured condom. I wasn't happy with this, it felt really unfair, but I loved her and didn't go on about it. I would be a liar if I said it didn't bother me though, it did. big time.

So Elle doesn't like giving me oral sex. So you can imagine my surprise when she said that she did enjoy doing it, but only when I wore a condom! So, why the heck did we only ever do it twice, I asked!? Elle mentioned the fact of my disfigured glans and how that put her off but I reminded her that she hadn't given me oral sex in years before that, for at least 8 years or so. Neither of us could work out why we stopped! So there I was, in my head begging for her to go down on me, and she would have if I had asked, but I never did because I thought she hated it, and I love her too much to ask her to do something she doesn't like. All those opportunities lost!

Damn. I just realised. I also never asked her if she wanted to try anal sex....

Anyway, the conversation went on for quite a while and covered all sorts of things. When we got home I made dinner for both of us, then I ran Elle a bath and read some of a thankfully non sexual book to her while she soaked in the bath drinking a glass of elderflower cider, before we retired to the bedroom where she epilated the back of my legs for me and then I gave her a foot massage.

All in all a thoroughly enjoyable evening.

 

Something else we discussed yesterday was Mistress Dede's Male Chastity Keyholder Guide. I got it as an audio book when we were in the very early days of me wearing a device, before I got my Holy Trainer. We listened to it together when we were in the car and I remember getting very aroused by the experience. I had begun to understand the wider implication of me wearing a chastity device and wanted my Wife to understand some of the thoughts I was having, about how her being a more defined Mistress and Keyholder was something that I liked the idea of.

At the time Elle was less convinced. She thought that some of the book sounded fun but I distinctly remember her saying that this wasn't going to be a full time thing, a lifestyle, it was just going to be for fun and to help us fix the mess I had made of my penis. Over the past year her attitude has obviously been modified. Elle is now very much my full time Keyholder, I am very much chaste all the time, she is my Mistress and has acknowledged that she loves being in control. She even admitted that we do live in a FLR full time, which I had always recognised but she was less comfortable with.

Yesterday I had to drive for about 30 minutes along a German Autobahn which was lots of fun in our new car. I am not saying what make or model it is but it is a British brand that we couldn't afford until all the morons voted to leave the EU crashed the value of the Pound and made our Euros much more valuable. We were going to be getting a top of the range Skoda or maybe a mid range Audi but it is amazing what an extra 40% or so value to your money can get. The company we bought the car from even put us up for a night in a hotel and arranged travel and everything! We even got a free umbrella.

On a whim I decided to connect to my Audible account and download a book, just for the fun of it and because I could. The book by Mistress Dede is only 35 minutes long so it was perfect. It was really interesting listening to it again from my perspective of someone who has now been chaste for a year. We haven't done everything in the book but it is amazing to realise that we have done most of it. I am going to get Elle to listen to it when we go out for a drive this weekend to see what she thinks.

 

Shagtastic! Not very aerodynamic though...

 

Enough about cars, back to chastity!

Elle and I are going back to England next week to do some research into quitting the UK for good. We have toyed with the idea of emigrating for the past 20 years and have lived an emigration light sort of life, spending almost as much time working out of the UK than we have in it, and wishing we were working abroad when we were living back in England.

After our fact finding mission I am coming back to Germany to work on a few projects and Elle is staying in England for three weeks, working at the head offices for the company she works for. Three entire weeks of absolute denial! By then I will be at the eleven week point since my last full release. The way Elle is talking, although as cryptically as ever, I have a feeling I am going to be denied for a good while longer this time. Our conversations recently have pointedly shown that she has realised how much I change after an orgasm and how she prefers me when I am easy to tease. She also seems to have reached a point where denying me long term doesn't make her feel guilty any more.

Last night I asked her what her plans were for me while she was away. She didn't understand at first so I asked her whether she intended to keep me in my device for the time she is away. Absolutely, was her reply, forcibly. I asked her why she was so definite about keeping me locked up, and her response was she prefers me that way. Her tone meant that there was to be no doubt from me about her wishes!

 

Elle is very much back in control. She had been ill for so long that I was worried that the level of control she had reached would fade. I needn't have worried. Tonight in the shower she very nearly made me have an orgasm rubbing the root of my penis with her foot while I was lying on my back in the shower. Seeing me like that really turns her on so, even though it is a work night, she let me pleasure her. I was in heaven.

Elle held me in her arms as she floated back down from her orgasm, a smile on her face. As good as I thought I was before I am getting better. For instance I am getting the hang of how hard to suck her clit and when to do it. Too soon and it becomes too much very quickly, too late and it is already too sensitive. Too soft, well, its too soft, too hard and it very quickly becomes too much. Tonight I did it, and did it just enough, at the right time and with the right pressure. Elle let me know how well I was doing with the noises she made.

 

I was leaking a ridiculous amount after I had finished pleasing Elle, so much that she let me out of my HT briefly to wash it and me. When I get a chance to wash I get to see what I did to my penis that started all of this. A strange feeling comes over me sometimes when this happens.

I wish I had never done what I did, I wish that Elle had said no. But. If I hadn't done it we would probably never found this crazy, wonderful lifestyle. My offer to put on a chastity device was primarily about hiding what I had done and stopping me being able to continue. As a result we are closer than we have been at any point in our marriage and definitely having more fun. The shower we had tonight was epic, one of the best of my life. But to get here I had to seriously hurt my Wife.

Elle said that she still doesn't like what I did, but she isn't upset about it any more. She agreed though that she might not have said yes to trying the chastity thing without my transgression as a motivator. We have stuck at this through the tough times because we had a real reason to.

It is so confusing.

 

Thank you @salonslave - you are right, my remorse is genuine. Elle has definitely forgiven me for what I did, but she still does not like looking at my penis. She is 100% 'into' being my mistress and in control, but certain activities that are seen as integral to chastity by some of the fantasists such as being milked or edged will never happen to me. I have to put the idea of them happening away. The issue is it also affects Elle and her enjoyment of being in charge. For instance It means she will never get to see me dribble cum rather than squirt it, something I know other Mistresses thoroughly enjoy. We have however talked about the possibility of me wearing a condom to do it with.

I am happy with my lot though, completely. I do not want anyone feeling sorry for me or thinking that I am complaining about what Elle is willing to do as my Mistress. She is absolutely wonderful, and is having a lot of fun with me, and I am having fun as well. What we are doing is much more than fun, it is what we do all the time, even when we aren't doing it. It is our life and who we are.

Luckily when it comes to penetrative sex Elle is happy to have that with me, she doesn't have to look at my penis for that. I just only get the chance to take her that way once every few months.

 

Elle and I went to some friends last night for a relaxing Friday evening with food, drink, conversation and laughter. It was wonderful. Elle and I walked home at about 03:00!!! I had to get up with our dog, but Elle is still fast asleep in bed, hopefully not feeling too rough. This weekend is our first at home alone, the start of phase three of our use of chastity. It is also the last time we will be at home together until November, so I must admit that I am hoping she 'lets rip', and has some fun with me.

When she had got into bed I asked for a quick cuddle as I knew that I was going to be sent to sleep in my own room even though it was a Friday. I am sure I am not the only one who snores after a copious amount of alcohol! Elle told me that she loved me with all her heart, and that I was lovely, and she was lucky to have me as her husband. I told her that I didn't feel that I was lovely and I was lucky to have her as my Wife and friend. She told me that I was being silly and that she would do anything for me. Anything? I asked, with that questioning tone in my voice that said 'really?'.

Anything apart from a twosome, she said.

Eh? This confused me. Don't you mean a threesome?

No, she said, if I had sex with another man it would be a twosome, you wouldn't be involved.

I don't think Elle noticed how much my penis attempted to get hard at that statement. She is thoroughly aware of my fantasy about seeing her have sex with another man, but despite everything that has happened this year such as her having the best time without very much penetrative sex (three times this year I think?) this is still very much a hard limit of hers, and not one that has shifted one iota. I told her that I respected her feelings and wasn't in any way trying to influence her in that way. I again repeated that I was lucky to have her.

Elle, in her sleepily drunken state, then got serious with me.

Whose feelings count in this relationship? she asked. Yours, I replied.

Who is in charge in this relationship? she then said. You are.

Exactly. So shut up and do as you are told. I love you. Go to bed.

 

I hope that the fact that this is my second journal and that this post is on the 8th page means that anyone reading this wont doubt what I am writing. If I read what I am about to write and it was on the first post and by a new member I would think they were yet another fantasy driven wannabe!

Things went up a notch today. Up several. In truth things just threw the notches out of the way and got a jet pack and said bye dudes, I am off!

It started in the morning. Elle announced that she wants me to have sex with her tomorrow. She wants me out of my Holy Trainer so I can make sure I am completely clean and my penis is rested. This is to make sure that I last more than a few seconds as this is after all supposed to be her that cums not me. I am also going to be given a ruined orgasm in the evening. She hasn't made her mind up whether I will be allowed to cum if I get close when we have sex. It depends on whether I am a good boy for the next 24 hours. She also refused to say whether being a good boy meant I would get to cum, or be denied!

I am let out and, on the spur of the moment, decide to have a go at tucking with tape, so I can wear my women's trousers without an unsightly lump. As I was doing it Elle came in and watched. When I pulled my trousers up she had a good feel of the area and was very pleased with the effect and liked the look. Her watching and touching did make things slightly uncomfortable!

A really nice, together, relaxing day then passed, with us just being happy to be in each others company. In the evening Elle went for a snooze, instructing me to give her an hour or so while I took our dog for an evening walk. When I went upstairs with a drink she was fast asleep. She told me to kiss her back while she woke up which I happily did. When she was nicely warmed up she told me it was time for a shower.

She was incredible. She pushed me to the floor, really worked my penis and balls with her feet, trying to get me as hard as she could. I was letting her know she wasn't hurting me. Then she started soaping her breasts, arching her back and stroking her nipples. I was sat on the floor of the shower with my head spinning! Then she slid her hands down and started playing with her pussy, telling me that I wasn't allowed to touch! Elle has hardly even done anything like this and it took my breath away. She was so sexy with the water running off of her, the soap giving her body a wonderful shine.

She told me to move to her bed and lie on my front. She gave me an incredible back massage and then moved onto my bottom. For the first time in my life she massaged my anus! She has never touched me there in our entire relationship other than when she soaps the area in the shower. The feelings she gave me were fantastic! It was much more intense that it is in the shower.

I was then told to lie on my back and she used the under bed restraints to hold me in place. This was where she put a condom on my penis before giving me my first oral sex in eight or nine years!!!! She put my penis in her mouth! It was unbelievable. My penis had gone a bit limp while she was sorting out the under bed restraints but it soon got hard again.

Then she swivelled around and got into position for our first ever 69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its time you had some work to do as well, she said.

My head went into meltdown. It was the most wonderful moment. I could picture all of those porn films, all those Tumblr posts I had seen, and now I was doing it. Unfortunately what also happened for both of us was we were so focusing on each other that we didn't really enjoy what we were receiving. As a result I went soft again and Elle stopped.

She was a bit disappointed but not unhappy. We chatted for a bit and then I picked up her paddle and spanked my penis. Bad penis I said, and whacked it again. Elle took the paddle off of me and whacked my penis, harder than I was. Bad penis, bad penis for not Cumming when I told you. WHACK! Bad penis for going soft! WHACK! Before her very eyes my penis got very erect, harder each time she whacked me. I had no idea that would happen, Elle thought that this was great fun. WHACK! WHACK WHACK!!!

Right, she said, masturbate yourself and give yourself a ruined orgasm. You have got three minutes, I am putting the timer on.

While I knelt in front of her, keeping my eyes on hers, she looked at me sternly and kept telling me I had better not cum on her rug.

This was the first time I masturbated in over a year and the first time I have ever masturbated in front of her like that. She was dressed and I was naked, only wearing two cock rings. It didn't take long before I was very close and my hands got slower and slower, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. I instinctively knew when the firing mechanism was loaded and about to go off, so I stopped. A pool of semen leaked out of me and a globule of it eluded my hands and landed on her bedside rug. It took just over two minutes.

Elle marched over and announced that was worth a flogging, she had told me not to cum on her rug! I was made to get a towel and clean it up. I l know that if this was fiction I would be licking it up but Elle didn't take things that far.

It goes without saying that this was just stupendous. The number one sexual experience of my life. Elle had an absolute blast.

 

Thanks @Nicoftime and @salonslave - yes, it was an incredible night. It was a step change in everything that has gone before. It took us a year, almost exactly, to get to a point where my Wife was comfortable to express herself in the way that she did, and we are both grinning ear to ear even now! Partly because of that and partly because of the activities that then took place this evening, more of which in a bit. @salonslave I KNOW that this makes me a better husband. My Wife keeps telling me so, it isn't my head getting bigger with illusions of my own importance that tell me this. She is so happy with our relationship right now, and it is all down to 'what we are doing', our arrangement.

The incredible thing about yesterday was the fine line between reality and role play. Elle flipped from one side to the other. Sometimes she was playing a character, sometimes she was herself, and sometimes it was incredibly difficult to tell either way.

For instance when she told me to masturbate and give myself a ruined orgasm. It was one of the most incredible moments I have had since starting this lifestyle. Her voice, the command and lack of emotion, was breath-taking. There was no doubt that she was serious, this was truly Elle, not a role-play character. She sat on the bed, clothed, while I knelt on the floor by her bed. I masturbated for the first time in a year and for the first time in who knows how long without any visual stimulation. Elle was my complete focus, I was looking straight into her eyes as I massaged my penis. She didn't flinch, didn't look away. She didn't look interested, or turned off, or anything. Her eyes just took in what she was seeing.

When she tied me up and was wearing a lace eye mask she was playing a character. What was funny was the eye mask kept slipping, getting in the way and obscuring her vision. After a few moments of that she got pissed off with it, pulled it off and let Elle back out to play!

We spoke a lot today about what happened yesterday. Elle said that one of the most surprising moments was when she was whacking my penis and saying that it was a bad penis for not cumming when it was told to. She thought why on earth is it getting hard when I am being horrible to it. Elle wasn't holding back or being gentle when she whacked it. She enjoyed the response though, so I am pretty sure if I ever fail to get hard I know what is going to happen!

Coming up, what happened this evening.