Love and denial

This morning my Wife had a lie in for a while, with a coffee ordered for 9am which I delivered, along with a cuddle. She asked me whether I was interested in giving her a massage and then perhaps making love.

Is that a trick question?

It was fabulous. She took my Holy Trainer off, I had a wash, put on my new cock ring and then applied some delay spray. I gave her back a really good massage before she turned over and told me to orally pleasure her to further turn her on. Then, for the first time in exactly ten weeks, we made love.

The penis ring worked perfectly. The delay spray worked perfectly. I got closer and closer to an orgasm but held off until Elle had a slow burner orgasm of her own. Then I asked permission to cum, and Elle said yes, and almost immediately my own orgasm washed over me in a rush. I have a secret reason why I think this happened but I'm not ready to share it yet.

It left me gasping for breath and my muscles spasming. Elle beamed up at me, Her face flushed and happy.

It was better than fabulous, it was overwhelming, amazing, wonderful and fabulous. So now the clock is reset.

Elle has grown a lot in the past chastity cycle of ten weeks. I wonder what will happen in the next ten weeks.

 

That was the first time I have ever asked for permission to cum, been given permission and then almost immediately cum. And you are right, it was really hot! I was stunned with how it happened and part of the rush was knowing she could have said no. Part of me actually wished she had said no. A very small part, I admit, but still!

 

I have always scoffed at the idea of a post orgasm funk. Not me, I said, I've never had that problem! Depressed after an orgasm? I'm always very happy, honest.

Well, maybe not. My Wife asked me yesterday evening what was wrong, as I was looking and acting really glum. I came up with a few excuses but to be honest I have no idea what the problem was. I just felt out of sorts. We were out walking our dog on a beautiful evening and I had to assure her that I was definitely enjoying her company.

When we got home she decided to cheer me up with a shower. As we got ready I remarked that maybe the post orgasm blues was real. We have talked about it in the past and I have always claimed I didn't suffer from them.

"No more orgasms for you then!" Elle remarked.

She was obviously joking.

At least I think she was joking!

You were joking, weren't you, Elle? @Our Arrangement

 

By the way, the shower was incredible.

 

Last weekend I was ill. This weekend it was my Wife's turn. She came home from work on Friday looking awful and almost immediately went to bed. I was really worried about her but luckily as the weekend went on she slowly improved. I also felt quite guilty as it was in part my fault. After making love last Sunday Elle got a UTI. This got worse and worse over the week, probably in part due to how hot it has been and through not drinking enough.

She was so tired today that I offered to wash her hair for her, in the shower. She was really happy for the offer and unusually let me do the entire wash unaided. She also let me wash her back and bottom as well but there was no full on playtime like there is usually. She just didn't have the energy.

What was really nice was she let me lie next to her on her bed and kiss and caress her side and back. This made her realise that she really wanted a vanilla massage from me, I was very happy to oblige. I wasn't expecting anything so the chance to give her an intimate massage was extra special.

After the massage she asked me if I enjoyed it and, as I stood up, saw the evidence of how much I had through how far my holy trainer was jutting away from my body! We had been lying, naked, with me on top of her, very much in a position that we used last weekend when we made love. I apologized for the obvious reaction, I am so predictable. I am trying to control my urges but sometimes I just get turned on, even when I know that there is no chance of sex.

Elle told me not to be silly, she likes the way my body reacts to her, it is a large part of why she now feels so sexy and assertive. I tried to tell her that my apology was based on the fact that the massage was not about sex, and all of what we are doing is about giving her control of our sex, but I can't control my attempted erections. She wouldn't hear any of it and looked so happy I couldn't argue.

One week post orgasm and I am already starting to fizz!

 

My Wife and I are seriously talking about stopping my orgasms altogether.

Hold on, I haven't turned into a hysterical fantasist, I'm serious. There are positives to that becoming our default status, way more than there are negatives.

We both like the way I respond to my Wife's orgasms, we both understand how if I orgasm it takes a long time to get back to the ridiculously horny levels I get to after several weeks. It would appear that the post orgasm blues is a real thing and I suffer from it badly. My Wife is becoming much more interested in finding other ways to bring me to a heightened state of arousal than simply making (or letting) me cum.

Some of this stems from the issues that occurred last time we made love. Using delay spray was great for me, not so great for my Wife. As I couldn't feel my penis I wasn't as gentle as I usually am and that made her sore. On top of that I had to use cock rings, that expanded my girth and that also made her sore. Plus she now has a nasty kidney infection making her feel really weak and lethargic from the UTI she got as a result. I washed, thoroughly, but she has always been susceptible to them.

It started after her made in jest comment of 'no more orgasms for you then!' after I told her I didn't know why I was grumpy a few days after my last orgasm, and maybe it was true about the post orgasm blues. That joke turned into a serious discussion about what we want from this use of chastity.

From my perspective I get much more pleasure out of giving her orgasms than I do having my own. There has been little chance of that recently, it took ages to go from 49 to 50 orgasms for her and just as long to move up to the 52 she has had now. I would much rather focus my attentions on getting better and better at all the ways we have discovered to do this recently, such as the wand massager and yoni massage. I also have admitted to myself that as much as I enjoyed my orgasm when we made love last weekend, I would have actually preferred her to tell me that I wasn't allowed to cum!

I couldn't go to a permanent orgasm denial if she was a lock and leave sort of mistress but she is far, far from that. If anything if she was to do this with me she would probably help me through it more than she already does. I'm willing to give it a trial run and I am aware that it won't be easy.

 

This is still very new to me, and the amount of orgasms my Wife is having is setting a new standard for us. It's not something i think that I would keep doing long term.

Im going to be lucky if I get to help her have an orgasm even next weekend, she is really ill.

 

Elle has been ill for two weeks now, as I mentioned in my last post. She did go back to work in the week, but only for the mornings, a full day was too much. She is however getting better, a bit each day. We went to bed last night and had a cuddle. We had a shower first though my normal response to her attention just wasn't there. It's weird, it was the first 'fun' shower we tried to have since my orgasm and it was shocking to me how little of my horny feelings were present. To say it confirmed that I want to limit my orgasms if not stop them altogether is an understatement!

Anyway, after the shower, in bed I just held Elle, stroking her back and neck, not making any sexual advances. We talked a bit and I told her that I had been so worried about her that I had hardly though about wanting any fun. All of a sudden she told me she wanted a massage, as long as I wanted to give her one. Silly question!

I still didn't take anything for granted. I gave her the best massage that I could and really took my time. Elle particularly enjoyed my efforts above and around her bottom. When I finished I asked her if she wanted any more attention or if that was all she wanted, She let me know that if I wanted to then carrying on would be enjoyed.

I took my time and had Elle squeaking and purring from my oral attention first on her bottom then, after she turned over, on her pussy. I tried sucking her clit for the first time having read that advice in several places and it worked really well. As she orgasmed I was able to keep sucking and the volume of her cries as she came went up several notches and her thighs were wrapped very tightly around my neck. It was marvelous.

I am so happy that she felt well enough to allow me the chance to give her some attention. Now I just need a few more weeks to confirm my hornyness will return and I will be totally happy again.

 

I am feeling... odd. Detached.

I enjoy reading about the experiences of the members of the mansion who really are using chastity to enhance their relationships but they seem to keep fading away. I don't enjoy posts from people who write one, maybe two over the top 'introductions' and then disappear, who write about how they are maybe being locked up and being made to wear panties all the time and even before they are locked up are feeling wonderfully submissive and perhaps they should suck a cock or something?

For instance. I cannot engage with anyone who describes their penis as a useless clitty. It just winds me up and makes me immediately think they are making everything up.

It is beginning to make me feel that in truth I am actually one of a vanishingly small minority, of people for whom chastity is more than a game but has become their life. That then makes me think that my efforts are doomed to failure, that this wonderful thing that really has truly enhanced my life let alone my marriage will not last. If it was more real, more popular, then maybe I would have a chance.

The problem is these low moments are when my promise not to masturbate seems so ridiculous, so idiotic and not worth keeping.

 

@Caged Wolf , @nvrsaynvr63 and @Mistress B, Thank you all for your kind words and messages, I really appreciate them. I was at a low point last night and this was the only place I could say anything. I haven't done anything to ruin what Elle and I have, it means far too much to me. I don't know where my worries and doubts came from, it wasn't usual for me to feel like that. And given what you have been through recently Wolf I am moved by your support.

Basically we have a lot of real life stuff going on and I am not coping well. Elle is helping me through it but only time will see us get past several potentially life changing events during the remainder of the year.

Normal service will be resumed. Soon. Ish.

 

I am absolutely exhausted, but also totally happy. A four hour drive home, immediately out for a meal then home to be given a chance to massage and pleasure Elle. It was fantastic. The speed with which she was ready for my efforts demonstrated how much she had been ready for it.

When I left last Sunday Elle was still recovering and it had been a long time since we had been truly intimate.

Tomorrow I am back in the road for four days, then home for two days, then back on the road for another week. Busy busy.

 

Hmmm. I really was tired wasn't I!

The speed with which she was ready for my attention demonstrated how much she wanted me and had been thinking about having me orally pleasure her.

And hopefully today I will be on the road, not in it!

 

A thought.

I can no longer watch cunnilingus being performed in most porn. This is largely thanks to advice I have received about how to correctly perform oral pleasure for Elle from our wonderful lady members of CM and a fantastic post I found on Tumblr. Porn cunnilingus is being performed for the benefit of the male audience, not the female performer. It should therefore not be used as a tutorial source.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/149613866639/ladies-i-have-another-question-for-you

The post is a list of 'this is how to do it' suggestions from lots of women. What it doesn't include is lots of fast flicking with the tongue or using your finger to replace your penis as a thrusting implement! The last few times I have pleasured Elle I have used ideas from this post and her response has been fantastic. When Elle orgasmed last night I was hardly moving my tongue at all, I had just pushed it up against her clit and was lightly sucking it.

Elle said her orgasm was long, slow and powerful. The noises she made as sh came went right through me and took me to a place of bliss that I have not experienced for a long time.

 

This evening, as we were out walking our dog, I said to my Wife that I wasn't very interesting. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything, I just honestly don't think I do much that would be considered interesting.

Elle replied that I did chastity, and that was interesting.

I do love her! What a nice thing to say.

 

Over the past few weeks with Elle being ill, then ill again, then her recovering, then me being away consulting on a project in the south of Germany (Bavaria is stunning!) then having a few days on more business back in England (staying in a grotty hotel on a roundabout in a northern English town which was anything but stunning!) virtually nothing has happened between me and Elle.

I had one chance to pleasure her Friday evening but in the best part of a month that was it. I have been locked up in my holy trainer the whole time but that is our new normal so that was to be expected.

One effect of this was my legs weren't cared for with the epilator. The hairs got so long no way was I going to epilate them! So on my trip back to England I bought a big squeezy bottle of Veet. I did my right leg on the ferry returning to the Netherlands and tonight Elle did my other leg for me. They are lovely and smooth now. Not as smooth as when I epilate them though, so I will go back to doing that from now on.

The bonus was afterwards Elle got in the shower with me and, for the first time in weeks, she had some assertive fun with me. She was a bit more reserved than the way she had built up to before she fell ill, but it felt super good to be treated that way again.

 

The first time I epilated it was agony! I was being epilated by Elle and she didn't stop to give me a rest. I really floated off into subspace that night. Anyway, each time after that it got easier and less painful. I wouldn't say it is pain free but it works better than shaving and also better than Veet. I suppose because it pulls hairs out from the root it takes longer for it to grow back.

Also the hair does need to be long enough to be caught by the epilator teeth but not so long that it tangles everything up. That is why the first time we did it Elle veeted my legs first. The end result is definitely worth the pain. I have also now started noticing areas where the hair no longer grows at all.