Love and denial

I read a post by @LQsLady in which she wrote about a weekend where she gave back control to her husband. The outcome was she realized that she missed the closeness that had developed between her and her husband in the short time she had taken control and they had started exploring using chastity. She asked herself whether she had just been used to less attention in their relationship in the twelve years before the use of chastity.

It made me think of my own relationship with Elle. We have been married for 26 years and, apart from one major blip about ten years ago, we have been very happy together. We raised two children and both had successful careers. We have supported each other and had some very good times. Am I giving her more attention now than before, so much so she can see the difference?

I don't feel that different to the person before chastity was started in October 2015. I loved my Wife then, just as I do now. I thought she was sexy and enjoyed having sex with her, though I will admit I always wanted more than I was getting. But LqsLady’s post made me think. Has Elle got used to more attention than she was getting before?

So to find out I used my Saturday privileges and asked her, when we were out on our walkies with our mental puppy. Do you think I pay you more attention now than before chastity? Her answer was instant, absolutely no pause, and said quite forcefully. Yes. Woah, I said, you can think about it for a bit if you like! I was stunned. Really? You really feel I pay you more attention now?

Elle did think a bit before answering. Well, she said, the fact is you did pay me attention before, but now I get more attention and now there is no expectation. Basically, like a lot of men, she felt I gave her more attention when I was feeling horny. I did spend time with her with no expectation, but any intimate attention was always given with a hope of something reciprocal happening.

Since we have joined the Mansion I guess my eyes have been opened to all sorts of ways we can spend time together where sex isn't the expected outcome. Painting her toes, reading to her, listening to music, doing jobs for her when she needs them doing.

Elle then said something else that made me feel sad. Before chastity there were times when she felt like she really needed a cuddle, but that was all she wanted. She knew that if we started to have a cuddle then I would be thinking that she might also want sex. Because she didn't want sex she would decide against having a cuddle. I am so glad she doesn't feel like that any more.

Now Elle has fully taken control of what sex we have and when we have it. After a year of me pleasuring her and never demanding anything in return, of having just a cuddle when she wants it and never demanding or making her think I am expecting anything more, Elle knows that she can trust me. She knows that I am still very turned on by her, that if she wants something sexual to happen she will get it, but she also knows if she says no, then no it is.

The thing I wish I had known earlier is that now Elle knows that she can have sex when she wants it, and that a cuddle is just a cuddle, we are having a lot more sex than we did before. Ok, Elle is the one who gets to have the orgasms far more often than I do, but that is a vanishingly small price to pay for the happy, sexy, wonderful woman who is my Wife.

 

Elle stunned me again during the Saturday dog walk. After we spoke about the way I am more attentive now she said something that made me feel dizzy.

I think you need to have sex this weekend.

Woah, woman, you can't come out with statements like that! At least not if you want my brain not to turn to mush! Can we go home now?

At some undesignated point over the weekend I would be having full sex with Elle, and, as long as I managed to last as long as she did, I would also be allowed to have an orgasm. My first after just over three months, my longest period of denial so far.

Coherent thought was… tricky for the remainder of the day but Elle was as good as her word. In the afternoon she unlocked me from my HTv2 to let me wash and give me a chance to relax. That evening she decided that the time was now.

We went up to the bedroom, had our customary shower, everything was going tickedyboo until all of a sudden it wasn't. Despite feeling so turned on I was dizzy, despite Elle playing with my penis, which for certain reasons she never does, I went soft.

I knew why, but I had to let Elle know. Obviously I could not let her think that it had anything to do with her. This past year has seen her now get to a point where she believes she is sexy and through that is even more sexy than she was before. I don't want anything to undermine that.

Have you ever tried to have sex when you have wanted to pee? It is very difficult. Maybe you can hold on, maybe you can go to the loo quckly without spoiling the mood.

How about when you have wanted to fart? Like, really badly needed to let one go? That's what happened to me. When I went soft Elle tried not to look disappointed but sort of failed so I got off the bed, went into the en-suite bathroom and let it go. The noise was ridiculous, this was no silent but deadly. This roared its way out.

I walked back into the bedroom thinking that maybe, when Elle had stopped giggling, we could have another go. Until I realized another fart had already brewed.

Back into the bathroom, let that one go, nearly as loud as the first.

Again, and again, and again.

After about the fourth Elle told me to shut the door behind me. After a few more we decided to call the whole thing off and I went to bed, not even with a good night kiss. Elle was hiding under the quilt.

I was still letting rip an hour later.

So flatulence stopped play.

Luckily all was well the next morning. I made Elle a coffee in the morning and with permission got into bed for a cuddle. We started to get intimate and Elle let me know the offer of sex was still valid. This time all the equipment worked as it should and Elle was left very happy.

Did I get an orgasm? The equipment worked a bit too well, she had an orgasm so quickly I had only just started to build up to mine. Elle is a one orgasm sort of gal and once she has one it becomes uncomfortable for me to continue. If I am close then I can carry on but I was barely half way there. There was no offer of anything else happening so it looks my current three month stint is going to become a bit longer.

I don't care, I am truly happy.

 

@jemima you know that you are more than welcome to make any comment on any of my posts. I really enjoy your involvement.

 

I've been away from home on another stressful trip so going home to Elle and having a continuation of festivities would be welcome. Unlikely though as next weekend we travel to the middle of Germany, the week after back to England and the week after that to Austria. Then it's Christmas, then back to England, then back to Germany then back to England.

Business is good but it's killing me and is definitely limiting the amount of play time we are having!

 

Elle and I had a really nice weekend. I had only returned to Germany on Thursday after yet another trip back to England, and Friday was Elle's works Christmas dinner. We decided to spend the night close by in a really swish hotel as a way of helping us forget all our current life troubles. I had bought some more Body Shop massage oil, and Elle was really pleased to let me use some on her and give her a really sensual massage after we had had a shower and were waiting for the function to start.

On Saturday we had a four hour drive to go and see a friend. It was really nice as they are one of only three people who know all about the huge pile of trouble real life has heaped on us recently, so we were able to have some drinks and talk about our issues. The drive also gave us an excellent chance to talk about things chastity related as I would be using my Saturday talking privileges.

I didn't really have anything new to say about chastity. It has become such an ingrained part of our relationship that there isn't much left to say. Elle is happy to continue and we have discussed the subject so much previously. The majority of our conversation was about our FLR and how we feel about what it is and where it is going.

Elle is not happy with the idea of coming across as a bossy, lazy woman who henpecks her husband and doesn't do much around the house. She definitely doesn't want a dictatorship style of FLR but also understands why we cannot have a cooperative style. Essentially the simple fact is that if I am going to accept her control of my orgasms then I have to literally accept her as the one in charge of the relationship. If she isn't in control then I can do what I want.

I went into detail about why I am happy doing things she wants me to do, why I want her to tell me what to do occasionally. As long as I continue to use my own initiative Elle is happy to be more demanding. When she tells me to do something it actually makes me happy as I know completing the task is what will make her happy. We also discussed how much we are supporting each other at the moment, and how the chastity and FLR lifestyles are helping both of us get through some pretty turbulent times.

One thing we realised is that with us being apart so much recently Elle has reverted to just getting on and doing what needs doing. She realised that when we were back together she forgot about the FLR, even though it is something she has got a lot of pleasure out of. She told me that the discussion had helped her a lot as I had reinforced the fact that I enjoyed her being in control and wanted to continue.

I really wish I had recorded the conversation as we were talking for at least an hour and covered so much more, but I was concentrating on driving at German Autobahn speeds and cannot remember everything we said.

 

Sunday was lovely. Elle was in such a good mood after her trip to her friends that I was treated to a great evening. She was really tired after the late night drinking wine with her friend and slept most of the drive home. I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to do when we got home and she told me that she would love me to read to her while she had a bath. She wasn't sure she was in the mood for anything sexual and I reiterated the fact that the choice of whether anything happened was completely up to her. We talked about how I am always ready if she does want something to happen and how I am pretty much always hoping that something does happen, but how her control in this matter removes any pressure on her to do anything.

When we got home I ran her a bath, and while she soaked read two chapters of The Island by Victoria Hislop. We are still reading this book because of how much time we have spent apart over the past few months dealing with our real life problems. Elle let me wash her back for her (me touching Elle so intimately is now seen as a treat for me rather than for her) and, when she had dried off, she told me to give her a massage with another of the new Body Shop oils I bought recently.

On Friday I had finished Elle's massage by licking her bottom and pussy until she had an orgasm. I decided that this time I would see if she wanted a Yoni Massage instead. I got her to lie on her back and, with pillows under her neck, bottom and knees, I massaged her thighs, mound, labia and clit, inserted a finger in the come hither position and gently brought her to an orgasm. I love doing it this way as I can watch her tense up as she nears the climax, and feel her pussy clamp down on my finger. She loves the type of orgasm this gives her, different to when we make love or go down on her. We don't do the yoni massage too often but it is definitely becoming one of our favourite intimate moments.

I think the key for the Yoni massage is she has to be in a really good, relaxed and receptive mood. We might have been together a long time but for the yoni to work you have to be able to completely surrender yourself to your partner. She is lying on her back with her legs apart, giving me the best view of her pussy I have ever had. I get to touch, stroke, caress and stroke every single part of her, all around, under, either side, inside, it truly doesn't get any more intimate or any better than this.

We cuddled afterwards and Elle held me close, kissing me and nuzzling my ear. My Holy Trainer looked like it was going to fly off me it was jutting so far away from my body. Elle decided that she was going to switch me as a 'punishment'. She knows I enjoy being spanked and paddled, so it isn't used as a real punishment. She made me lie on my front and used the switch while telling me how much of a naughty boy I had been, for things such as speeding earlier that day, and being cheeky when we were at her friends house. She also asked me what the difference was between the feeling of the switch being used lightly or harder.

Then she told me to switch her! She wanted to know what it felt like! I felt really weird doing it, but she reminded me that she was in charge and I had to do as I was told. She really enjoyed it. She knelt up so I could really see her bottom. I switched her as hard as I was comfortable with and she squeaked, saying she liked it. The next time switched her I dragged the fronds of the switch up her pussy and bottom, and she really liked that. I have been told that she is definitely going to get me to do that again. I have to work on my telling her she is a naughty girl though, my efforts were pretty hopeless and just kept making her laugh.

Elle was so happy with me she actually let me sleep with her. This normally only happens when we stay in a hotel or with friends. It doesn't even happen when we stay with her parents (they are fully aware of the fact that we do not sleep together, and that Elle is in charge of the relationship. I don't think she has told them about the chastity though!)

 

We talked about how Elle is far better at spotting things that need doing than I am but I absolutely cannot expect her to tell me every little thing that needs doing. I need to stand on my own two feet and use my own initiative. I get a lot of pleasure out of doing things for her that she didn't tell me to do, so that will definitely continue. We also talked about making her telling me to do things into a role play scenario which she really liked the idea of. She again mentioned the idea of getting me a maids costume, not a good idea when I was driving at 90 mph in the dark! (I was on a German Autobahn, no laws were being broken!)

The 'I shouldn't have to' style is more for the purists, those who think the entire tease and denial side of chastity wrong, and take the FLR lifestyle way too far for what Elle wants.

 

Thank you @Hans Dietrick that is really kind of you to say.

The strength, depth and bond of our relationship was strong to begin with but the last year, since we started this journey, has seen our relationship improve immensely. Not that you would believe it if you read the ridiculous thread that is currently calling into question the entire use of tease and denial within a loving relationship that uses chastity. I tried to argue that chastity that uses t&d is just different to chastity that doesn't, but then I have been attacked and told I am leading a witch hunt and I am just doing this because I am following the herd and am unwilling to open my eyes.

The entire argument has made me really angry and I have hit the ignore button on the instigator of the 'discussion'. How dare she question my Wife's motives and enjoyment of what she does? How dare she ignore every single counter argument and then accuse us of ignoring her arguments? How dare she insinuate that what we are doing is wrong, and outright say that we are putting across the wrong message?

I do think that some of the posts against her were beyond harsh, but it is difficult talking to such a close minded and entitled person without getting angry. The fact that her followers are continuing to say that we are the ones that are closed minded, that we are ignoring her position and continuing to ignore her original point is why I no longer participate in the thread. It is pathetic.

 

Anyway, Elle and I are both in England but are still not together. Elle had to come back for a team bonding weekend and as I wasn't doing anything I drove her over. I have gone to see friends who I haven't seen for four years as they live in a really remote part of the country. It's been brilliant despite the cold I have come down with.

We came in to England on the overnight ferry with a cabin and usually Elle just gets on board and goes to sleep. This time though she was in a very different mood. She had insinuated that things might happen and she was right. We took it in turns to have a shower due to its size and then she lay on her bunk.

She then said something that she had never said before. She told me that she wanted me to service her! Her commanding tone really turned me on. She then demanded that I take my time and not rush into pussy play, she wanted to be nicely warmed up before I started. I am not sure if she was aware how much her choice of words got to me.

It was a wonderful experience. We rarely have sex in a hotel and have never had any on a ferry before, and she thoroughly enjoyed the attention.

I have been unlocked from my Holy Trainer due to a severe issue for the past three days (I somehow had something that looked just like nappy rash where the skin of my penis was red, itchy and very painful. It must have been a reaction to when I put the device on when I had some lube on my penis after a teasing session last week.) Even though I was unlocked there was no suggestion of me having any relief.

 

The only wrong way is if the use of chastity becomes something like abuse. The problem is when the person being kept chaste wants the abuse, so even that being wrong becomes muddy!

I think one of the reasons people got so angry with the thread about tease and denial was the original poster is perceived as being a findom by some members. Whether she is or isn't I wouldn't like to say, I don't have all the information and she has been vetted by the Mansions Administrator. But findom is widely seen as abuse and a very risky way to get involved in chastity. The other reason people got angry was how their use of chastity was being criticized even though they kept saying that there is no right or wrong way.

In the end it was like arguing with a brick. It got you actually nowhere.

 

I am so turned on right now it is almost ridiculous. I have been feeling a bit subdued recently, partly due to real life stuff and partly due to the squabbling that has been present in the Mansion for a good while now. Elle and I have had a brilliant day though and she really helped me find my mojo again.

We are on a ski trip to Austria, a much needed break. At the moment there is just the two of us, in a huge two bedroomed appartment. More people are joining us in a few days but, for now, it is just us. Elle is having a post sex nap and I am in the lounge area.

We were supposed to ski today but there was a break down in communication and we got taken to the wrong hill. By the time we had hired our skis and found the right slope we decided we would rather have today as one of our relaxing days. We only ski five days in seven during one of these trips. Normally we would ski two or three and then have a day off but this was still good.

It actually meant we had a really good day. We found where we can park our car near the ski lift, went to a Bäckerei for lunch, found a shop for groceries and then went back to the apartment. It has access to a really nice indoor pool with a glass ceiling, views of the mountains outside smoky windows, so we went for a leisurely swim.

This was followed by Elle letting me wash her hair and body in a walk in shower. Oh, my, it always surprises me how erect my penis gets at just touching my Wife's body now. She had let me out of my Holy Trainer in case the sauna was open as it follows Finnish rules (no clothes!) but unfortunately it was all shut down. What am I saying? Unfortunately? It meant we got a shower together 30 minutes sooner!

Anyway, as the shower was a proper walk in wet room and not a less well built cubicle Elle had a field day with me. She pushed me up against the wall tiles and really used her strength, first soaping and massaging my back and sides before starting on my bottom. She was quite brutal with my penis too. Once I had slid onto the floor and turned around she put her foot up against my very erect penis and pushed it away from my body until it was unable to be pushed down any further. The feelings were so intense.

Elle then took me into her bedroom (I sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge) and told me to massage her. I love doing this, the smell of the massage oil and the sight of her skin oiled up is a huge turn on. This was followed by me licking her bottom which she thoroughly enjoyed.

Eventually Elle turned over and told me she wanted me to lick her pussy. This, while it might seem like nothing, is a huge development. It is only the second time she has done this, told me what she wants, that she wants me to lick her pussy. Up until very recently she would let me just get on with giving her cunnilingus. The fact she tells me what to do makes it a more intense experience for me as we are doing it because she wants me to, not because I want to.

Elle was really into my attention and I made sure I took my time. In fact when she had her orgasm I was doing my best to be as gentle with her clit as I possibly could, barely touching it with my tongue. I had managed to get my top lip pressed up against her pubis, my mouth open, bottom lip pressed up against her vulva. I had then pushed my tongue up against her clit and was just applying a little bit of pressure. When she started to scrunch her body up, the signal that her orgasm was approaching, I lightly sucked her clit into my mouth.

Her orgasm was good.

Elle has actually started calling her orgasms our orgasms, and I really like that. I told her it was her 69th of the year and she smiled. Then she told me that I would have to do much better next year! Before she sent me out so she could nap she told me that I wouldn't be getting an orgasm this side of Christmas and I would only be allowed a ruined one if I was a very, very good boy.

So yes, I am ridiculously turned on right now.