Why doesn’t your Domme want sex with you?

lol... I actually just had a conversation about this with my puppy tonight. He is super smart and understands the human condition better than most. He said something similar to you. He helped me to understand how much a man's own body influences his decisions. It's hard for me to comprehend... I've always tried but my puppy re-emphasised the struggle. He also told me that it's not that subs don't already pay attention to their partner, or aren't attentive or thoughtful naturally – they are – but chastity enables them to amplify these things in them. And in doing so, they feel they are showing the love and gratitude their partner needs to be happy.

Logically I think a woman should just be happy with the love and gratitude their partner naturally gives them without amplifying it - any woman who doesn't think a mans honest love and gratitude isn't enough is not worthy of him. But, my puppy made me realise that subs want to give their Domme the very best of themselves, and so desire things like chastity to help them do that.

I think I've fallen in love a little more tonight. x

 

Yes, I suppose sometimes I just forget that not everyone on here is D/s ...lol. But, it is very fascinating to do chastity without D/s. I presume your partner is naturally dominant?

 

Aww, you're such a good boy. Keep this up and I might give you a doggy snack.

 

You know... my puppy called me 'Princess' twice last night because of my post...lol. Guess how many slaps he is getting next time I see him! ;P

Yes, you're right, I shouldn't automatically think people who are into chastity are also D/s - my bad. Though, I do believe chastity does have a D/s dynamic.

Old school is classy. I'm used to very classic gentlemen behaviour and my puppy (who is too young to have lived in the old school era...lol) picks up on things when I tell him stories. I have a mind to turn him into a modern-day Fred Astaire. ;P

 

Yes! I think it is very important for couples to turn sex into a shared hobby! haha!

 

My puppy has just got a PA. We haven't been able to have PIV because of healing. The last week when I saw him we could have had PIV... and he was dying to, kept on talking about it...lol. But nope, he didn't get any - I wanted to do other naughty things to him instead. ;D On one session he had to lay there next to me, blind folded with his hands duct taped together, just listening to my orgasm. Playfully I ignore his carnal needs, but secretly, I'm all too aware of them... I want him to have everything he desires, just in my time and in my way because I know what is best for him.

 

Yes, it seems more that she is a Domme rather than dominant. You can be a Domme just by doing Domme things...lol. A dominant is more a disposition. It develops, of course, but it is an extension of who you are.

I'm a very different Domme than the typical. I love to laugh and have fun. I'm casual and sexy. I'm a seducer of subs... though now I'm lucky enough to have just the one to seduce over and over again...lol. Male chastity to me makes me feel like a sexual deviate after the virtue of my darling puppy. His disposition is sweet and innocent and it is really satisfying to be able to defile him....lol. But... he has changed me. Because of him I've had to access a more caring and affectionate side of me. He needs a Gentle Femdom, so that's what I am now.

Thanks for the links. I've been spending my time replying to people atm so, I'm sure I'll see them if you are still updating...?

 

lol... yes, I know it's nice for husbands to be seen as the perfect model among all his wife's friends...haha! And you know what, it makes your wife gain more social respect among her friends for choosing such a man. (I don't tend to care for that, but for some women that is very important.) It's always a gamble on how a man is going to turn out in 20 years time. Her choice of you seems to have paid off.

(Note: Of course, the gamble is also vice vera.)

 

Very interesting. Thanks for such details! x

Wow, your partner seems to have come a long way.

I've always known I don't have it in my to humiliate but that hasn't stopped me from trying. I used to play with a sub who needed humiliation and degrading... he caved to feel bad about himself. He was an emotional masochist. It intrigued me so I indulged him. To prepare I studied a lot of the hardcore pro-Dommes - their speech and in some ways I came up with even more vile things to do with him (I have an unfortunate condition of needing to be the best at everything...haha!). The sub took on the role of a pig and so I had lots of ammo to do the really mean stuff. I could do everything. I could say the most demeaning things and do the most wicked and horrifying actions to him, but... I felt horrible. I didn't like myself doing it. It was beneath me. It made me realise something very important about my domination - I don't pretend. My morals and values, my integrity, cannot be separated from me and my Domme side. I don't play a role, being a Domme is part of me.

I appreciate others need for degrading and humiliation (giving and receiving) but it's not in me to do it. However, I do use socially degrading words on my sub, though it's not to humiliate but to make him feel sexy and adored. It does embarrass him but in a positive way. And even though I might treat him as a puppy, lead him around on a leash at a club, and do other wickedly delicious things, it is not humiliating or degrading for us as it creates good positive feelings, even in the moment, and draws us closer together.

You need to be aware that your wife will become her words and actions. No matter how much you think it is just a role play, everything affects your wive's internal self. If she was not a humiliator or degrader before, you have now made her to be one. Such things will impact on other values and qualities in her - for example, her compassion and her love for you. I hope she is happy to now wear the burden of being a humiliator and degrader - because yes, it does steal from your soul. I hope she is aware of who she is now.

x

 

Hm... for some reason I think this forum has stuffed up. I wrote this reply to someone else too but it was meant for you....lol. Sorry. But it's good to know you are happy and satisfied.

Cheers.

 

Haha! I'm glad to hear it than. Thanks.

 

Wow.... sounds like an amazing situation. It always fascinates me how complicated relationships can get...lol. I'm glad its satisfying for you. I think you are very lucky. xx

 

Hm... I think a smart Domme would recognise an addiction problem and rather than continuing with her play, get her sub to seek help. If she continues chastity, she could very well be feeding his addiction inadvertently. Number one rule is safety first.

lol... you're not really selling to me the Dommes who just want to 'get their way'...lol. I've met a lot of these Dommes over the years... I'm not impressed. I feel sorry for their subs. It is the unenlightened way to dominate. To start off with D/s is about negotiation for both parties to get what they need from the relationship. This needs to be evergreen, just as consent. I understand compersion and that is the driver for many subs to 'allow' their Mistress to 'get their way' but there also needs to be an understanding that sometimes Dommes are just plain selfish...lol. I hate the fact that chastity gives them an excuse to be....lol. This is why I don't use chastity to get what I want, it's beneath me. I'm a high-value person and so my sub craves to please me, even without a lock and key.

So... what I'm reading is that your wife lost her sex drive and chastity was a way to deal with that...? I'm finding this is what a lot of couples do who are into chastity. It's a way for them, especially the man, to feel better about the situation, which I'm all good for. But, I'm a very open person. If I lost my sex drive, I would never force my sub into a life of celibacy. I think that's selfish. "I don't want sex so you can't have it either". Haha! Try saying that to a woman. ;P

 

I'm a big believer that if you are not happy in your relationship and you have tried to make it work, sticking it out and disguising the problems just for pride is not a healthy way of dealing...lol. People think relationships are more valuable the longer they are. That's bull. I've had tremendous relationships... some have only lasted two hours but they have given me something of great value that I can enjoy for the rest of my life. Plus, the more relationships you have, the more you learn about how to have great relationships, and the more you realise that relationships don't have to last to be amazing.

That being said... I love my puppy. Our relationship is amazing and I wouldn't want it to ever end. I'm a realist (and a hopeless romantic), but I also have hope... I can see how bright our relationship could be to even make the sun jealous.

Just for general discussion:

Well... The big question: does your wife want to touch you and be as intimate to the same degree as you? Ok, guys stop porn to reduce their appetite, but I believe girls should get on porn to increase theirs....lol. ;P One of the major reasons why women lose their sex drive is because sex isn't important to them anymore - they have a man and they've had kids. But, it baffles me as to why most women don't nurture their sex drive. They wait until they feel 'in the mood' and as time goes by they feel like it less and less because.... they are not putting in the effort for a thriving sex life. The problem with a lot of women, they think that they should have sex only when they feel like it - they think that is empowerment. Nope. They are a slave to their feelings. I think women are empowered only when they take responsibility for their sexual drive, which means nurturing it and developing it. This means she has to be damn right strategic about it... smart about it... and you can't do that if you only rely on how you feel to dictate things.

What many women don't understand is that 'being in the mood' should not be the only reason to have sex - closeness, fun, adventure, exploration, thrill are all bonafide reasons. I truly think that women should make sex a hobby that they can share with their partners. Chastity can be that, but unfortunately, the whole premise of chastity is to not have sex...lol.

 

lol.... I say to my sub something like, 'I want to %@#! you tonight'. He gets the point...lol.

Are you in a D/s relationship? Just from your writing, I get the picture you aren't a Domme. Key Holders aren't necessarily dominant. I'm finding a lot of Key Holders are quite submissive, and so their chaste man has more pull than I would allow in such a relationship. (Actually, I dissolve any relationship when I find out a man is a dominant in disguise.)

So... what is your position in the relationship?

 

Haha!.... is this your Key Holder talking? ;P Has she hijacked your account...lol? ;P

What you wrote rang alarm bells for me. Period. I was worried you were in an abusive relationship. Most men can prove to me that they are not, but you didn't.

This is just a (controversial) discussion here, but you are trying to attack me personally. That is rude.

 

This is just a (controversial) discussion here, but you are trying to attack me personally. That is rude.