Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by locked_cuckold, Nov 11, 2018.
Simple question for those of us that seek permanent chastity: Why do you seek it?
What do you mean by permanent chastity?
The two most common definitions are:
A) Chastity as a default state for the remaining length of the relationship.
B) Permanent denial.
Permanent denial seems like more fantasy than realistic to me.
As for the former, if chastity is good for you and your relationship with your partner, why would you want it to end?
There are those that want chastity short term and want to be released every so often for orgasm, and there are those of us that want to remain locked permanently. No release. No orgasms. The device never comes off. (yes, I'm aware that one doesn't need a device to be chaste).
I'm asking what separates us from those that just want temporary. (not that one is better than the other persay)
I would imagine that those who actually want permanent denial for non-fantasy reasons are those with strong FLRs who don't like the drop they experience from an orgasm.
There’s been a lot of debate lately about the meaning of the word “permanent”, it seems.
As for me, I would probably fit the bill of wanting permanence, at least by some definitions: I don’t ever expect our marriage to go back to the way it was; I certainly want my default state to be locked; and after 90+ days since my last orgasm, I really am not interested in having one any time soon. If my Wife wants me to have one I will, but I recently wrote her a long letter explaining why I feel that long term denial is better for me. She didn’t express any disagreement, so I expect not to have one for the foreseeable future.
Why do I seek it? The simplest answer is that riding the continuous wave of denial is way more fun than crashing on the beach of orgasm.
I never wanted permanent chastity. She warned me that if we did this this she was “all in”. I thought to myself “ok. Giggle giggle” and didn’t take her seriously. We use to have sex often. Whenever I wanted, and whenever she wanted. Now that I am locked permanently she is happier then ever. With all the extra attention she receives from me she says her sex life is better than it has ever been and will never go back. She told me that I will be buried wearing my cage and I believe her wholeheartedly. I wasn’t careful what I wished for as the saying goes.
This is most certainly not a simple question.
Why do I seek permanent orgasm denial? Because I want a fulfilling sex life and I don't see how to make my orgasm a part of that.
Permanent, I’ve never heard a word here with so many connotations, which is ironic since the definition is so rigid.
I think when we talk of permanent, we should all agree about cages never being removed to be unrealistic. Skin must be inspected, medical procedures to be done, not to mention a proper cage cleaning. You can probably go to the doctor (I have once and yes it was embarrassing), and you can try to keep it clean through meticulous swabbing and spraying, but skin should be inspected occasionally, rashes can pop up without even feeling them and all of a sudden there is a problem. So forget the super glue, rivets, and locks without keys.
So is it meant to mean permanently withheld orgasm, chastity permanently part of the relationship, or both?
No matter your definition maybe we should ask our partners if and why they want it. I’ve asked my kh if she would ever get to the point where she never let me cum, she said she didn’t know. She could see it happening someday, if my attitude ever got so bad after an O that she decided that it would be for the best for both of us. I was told I do show a change of behavior but it doesn’t last more than a few days. I could see if it turned a guy into a total ass for a long period, a gal might not feel it worth it.
I myself am not really into denial, I’m into not making that decision. If she wanted me to orgasm every day I would take each one with a smile on my face. The only reason I go so long between O’s is because she doesn’t feel the need to give me one very often.
I have to wonder if the concept of "permanence" is as much an emotional (psychological) comfort for the person being locked as it is some ultimate expression of devotion. In a way it's akin to playing the MegaMillions, how ever remote there is a chance of winning. If the device could come off there's a chance, however remote, that the keyholder might change their mind. If the device is "permanently" locked, then the lockee doesn't have to think about what might happen.
That seems to be a double edged sword because part of this kink is that good behavior can be rewarded. If the carrot is taken away...what's the incentive to be "good"?
The many meanings of "Permanent" are why I usually avoid the term. For us, being locked and chaste is the default situation indefinitely for the foreseeable future. We have no plans to stop, she likes the new me and I feel comfortable and fulfilled in my chastity and happy that my submissiveness is no longer a secret. She will decide when I am permitted an erection -- which seems to be with decreasing frequency, 7 weeks now since the last one -- and she likes her authority to grant me the pleasure of spurting a few times a year. We don't talk about whether this is "permanent," we just live each day knowing that each day reinforces my chaste submissiveness and takes us deeper in the lifestyle -- and that the deeper we go and the.more submissive I become the less likely it is that we will stop.
Though it's not a precise term. "Permanent" is generally used within the kink-o-sphere to mean, "sealed". So it's "permanent" as "this window has been permanently nailed shut."
Logically - realistically - those of us in "permanent" chastity won't remain sealed forever, and can and will be released, but this requires a positive decision, some effort, and a change in our relationship. In the mean time, we are chaste by default the way your house is your home, by default, even though you will one day move.
It's very different from merely open ended chastity, because neither of us can simply end the situation without a lot of fuss and some possible relationship repercussions.
As for why?
My wife wants it and I'm a submissive so...
For some of us, chastity is about submission and neutering-lite.
Underlying that, I suspect it's to do with some weird stuff around gender identity.
That phrase "be careful what you wish for" springs to mind here! "I would like you to unlock me Mrs/Miss/Ms/Mr Keyholder". "No!" "Oh dear. That's not quite how I thought it would be!!!"
Ah no. That would be open ended chastity. Permanent is more like this:
Me: When we started this new arrangement, I suppose I expected you'd unlock me for the visit - you usually do... and that that would provide a natural break?"
Her: Well it didn't.
Me: But if you keep me locked for family visits, then there's no natural break until...
Her: Enough, Giles! The weekend came and went and I didn't unlock you. DEAL WITH IT!
Me: Yes, mistress.
(Full story here).
There's no key. Even if a had persuaded her, the best she could have done was give me permission to go through the arduous unsealing process the following day - late evening is a bad time to be messing with tools and/or heat sources. During her "cooling off time", she could have changed her mind.
More importantly, "permanent" chastity is where we're at right now. Unilaterally ending that would be about the same as coming back from a round the world trip early, or insisting on moving house, or wanting to switch to an open relationship.
I think permanent chastity makes for good fantasy play. I’d be turned on if she talked about it but I don’t think I would like it much in reality.
I think long term or full time chastity are better terms. Locked all the time except for cleaning and maintenance releases.
That being said, watching videos of locks being glued or stripped out is my guilty pleasure.
No, because cleaning and maintenance isn't required for all devices. Long term is different from sealed.
If you had asked me 12 months ago, I might have agreed!
Thank you for the replies and please keep them coming as I want to encourage conversation on this topic.
I'm of the belief that the device does NOT have to come off. Granted, this is best accomplished by buying stainless steel, open cage, custom fit and taking more bathes than showers but it can be done. Ms. and I have gone with the "Queen's Keep' by Mature Metal.
My desire for no release, no orgasm, the device never coming off is very complicated.
In my case, me being a MtF plays into it as I don't like the thing attached to my body so the cage serves as a way to disassociate myself from it. At times it can be very controlling, and wearing a cage changes that dynamic. Control over my penis is now in the hands of my owner, and that's enough to take the edge off. Eliminate the erections during the day, and I'm much, much calmer. I'm less likely to bite someone's head off for asking simple questions, I'm less of a bitch on wheels, more loving and more inquisitive. I'm also more submissive, not just to my owner, but everyone.
It's very important that my Ms. is in control. She wears the key around a bracelet on her wrist. I love her and trust her.
Yes, I COULD get out if I absolutely had to (although I wouldn't be able to get back in without the key), but I don't WANT to get out. The chastity cage takes the edge off the sexual desires/urges enough so that I barely feel them.
The other reason is that I'm a submissive and desire my wife (and Domme) to take control over my life. The more control, the better. I see my chastity as a natural progression of our journey together, giving her control over even *that* part of my life/body.
I know it's only been a few days but I can feel the difference in my life.....my whole attitude has changed and I'm so much more at peace now than I have been in a long, LONG time.
I also suffer from MST and the device, for reasons I can't fully explain, comforts me. It really is blissful.
Lastly, the device - being honest - is fucking comfortable! Most of the time I don't even know it's there. Once in a while I'll get a 'twinge' of an erection, but due to the device, it goes away rather quickly.
Before I was locked, Ms. offered to let me out every couple weeks - and I told her that honestly, I'd rather just leave it on all the time.
Someone else in the thread said that they'd rather ride the sexual wave of denial rather than crash onshore after an orgasm.
In my case, I'd rather have all sexual desire removed.
My wife says she loves me too much to ever unlock me.
520 days and last told, "Less than one millionth of one percent considering a release", is pretty much permanent
I live with enforced Chastity. It is whatever she wishes. Welded or riveted shut is not what she wishes. The tease of possible release is what she enjoys. Denial of release provides the energy that keeps it interesting for both of us. It is that dynamic that makes Chastity worth pursuing.
I have just agreed to be chaste for one year, and will be in and out of Chastity cage as agreed in the contract. I may get a release at 90 day interval I might not. The reason I have agreed to this is because my Goddess says it will be good for me.....I first got into Chastity because I was a chronic masturbator.....and I do feel physically and mentally healthier for abstaining. My Goddess believes that there is an energy to sperm and it is bad to waste this on masturbation.
I have known this Goddess for over a year and she has always had my best interests at heart, I will take this trip with her for the next year.....because it pleases her!
I think that's a different track! Permanent chastity fits our dynamic for almost the exact opposite reasons.
I believe modern medical science as debunked that myth along with masturbation effecting vision and causing hair to grow on the palms.
Now if you being caged makes your Mistress happy and that in turn makes you happy, that's fantastic.