True Story Request: Introducing Chastity to Vanilla Wife

You can read more in my introduction, as I’m still new here. But I introduced her to my wife slowly. First, I introduced the concept that we would make a night of lovemaking where I did not have to orgasm; we just cuddled afterwards. It was all about her. It has been growing from there.

 

I'd not seen this thread before despite visiting daily - some great stories!

The more I read about "the conversation" though, the more struck I am that women everywhere must be eye-rolling when their wannabe chaste husbands say "look at all these benefits to you!", whilst voluntarily reducing their own orgasm frequency ...

My own GF is continuing to steadily grow more comfortable & assertive around chastity as our first year comes to an end. She favours 'the muzzled beast' angle, where she takes charge & chooses when to cage me to save / build-up all my sexual energy - directed solely to her - for when the mood next takes her.

We've only had a handful of play sessions so far where I've not come, but for her 'the whole sex experience' is always best rounded off with energetic PIV & she's still not yet fully comfortable with me not orgasming - despite all my reassurances I'm keen to try going without.

I can feel that could change (she is enjoying the big VixSkin ...) so I'll never complain about coming & the whole deal is that we do what she wants.

#ShesTheBoss

 

Sounds like you are handling it very well! She's in charge! Does she orgasm before "energetic PIV" or is that her preferred method to reach orgasm?

 

I think the title of the thread needs to become:

"How do heal emotional trauma, overcome shame, learn fundamental relationship skills around communication, intimacy and embodiment and learn to grow with my partner".

From there all the fun stuff can start to flow.

 

You are a man of few words!

 

before, during & occasionally after ...

 

Wow! You really need to be a Man of Steel to handle that!

My wife only recently has expressed a desire to experience multiple orgasms. But for her the time has to be right, the mood needs to be set and she needs the time to really enjoy herself. But at least she's thinking about it. Before, she wouldn't even consider it when I've suggested going for it. It helps her hearing it from others.

 

You're a good man. Regardless of outcome here, your wife is a lucky woman. It takes guts to have these conversations AND it takes guts to tell the rest of us that things didn't work out as you hoped.

That said, "failures" are quite often a prelude to greater success. Please hang in there. Both with her and with us.

 

Still try to wait for when she's ready, stay on the path that still quietly submits to her. As Laz said, you're a good guy, and she loves you. I thought all sorts of things when I came into this, but at the end of the day, the cage is a symbol of my love for her, and TBH, there is much need for kink when your sensitivity returns after masturbating alone for years. Good luck, and stay with us.

 

Oops!

 

So I have a thing or three to add.

It sounds like you are a good guy. You deserve to have some of these things in your life if you desire them.
This idea of your Woman finding some of these things “not normal”, “perverse”, “weird”……I don’t believe that is Her or Her personality, that is conditioning. I don’t know how to break it but you have to figure it out, or you’ll never be fulfilled.

Second thing, next time don’t wait a year. This conversation was going down this way yesterday or 11 months ago. A little time was probably spent improving the pitch, but it was probably the same pitch, more or less, last August.
Now you’ve delayed all this time that progress could’ve been made.

And that’s the third point and the best one; progress could be made!! As much as you said that She shot it down, with basically no consideration at all, I do believe there is some hope.
The fact that She made a joke or two about it, and even expressed desire for more intimacy should tell you that it’s not too late for Her.
I’d suggest keeping on it. Keep doing what you do, introduce a sex toy to play if possible.
I’ve seen many Lassies make a seamless transition from bullet vibrator to Impact play while bonded to a cross with a tens unit strapped across the nipples. Well not really, but I think you might get a Keyholder just yet. I wish you luck!!

 

Also, chastity is just plain fun. Sell it like that. It doesn’t need to go down a road of change for every other part of life. Do some of our Woman really start to enjoy the power and control, for sure. Some take it seriously too. Would my Wife be mad if I escaped my cage and rubbed one out. I think she’d be disappointed, maybe a little mad. She would definitely give me a punishment and it would probably be very unpleasant. But it wouldn’t really damage our relationship. It’s still a game for us at the end of the day. For others, it’s not a game at all. It is serious and those Mistresses would just as soon end the relationship than they would remove enforced chastity rules.
To each their own, but it can be just a fun game and something to do with your partner that helps you engage more with each other (sexually and otherwise).
You don’t have to sell Her with all the benefits that Keyholders get. That stuff is tough for the average Vanilla Wife to buy anyway. Just sell it like it’s fun game you can play together, like bowling.
It doesn’t have to be weird or perverse because it centers around a certain part of the body.

 

@SubDee, you beat me to every point here. All of it!

I agree, it is conditioning. I don't personally know ChasteJase or his wife, but we've been communicating over the past year. She is a phenomenal keyholder in hiding/waiting. I agree, it's conditioning. And it is also not fair to not respect someone (a spouses) desires. Desires are how we build intimacy, grow, learn and heal.

My wife and I are doing chastity and a few weeks ago we did an exercise where I revealed all the fun things/games/kinks I'd like to try. She said if it had been 2 years prior she'd have freaked out and it would have all been a "NO". But now, she said, she's game for all of it. And was expecting something more 'out there". None of it is over the top, but for a vanilla couple it's nudging on the "new".

Agreed.

Locate. Accept. Influence.

Me too, I wish you luck @ChasteJase! The story isn't over if you don't want it to be. You revealed your desire. She indicated where she is (Locate) with it. Accept and acknowledge where she is (to her directly...state it back to her so she knows you've heard it). Then you get to Influence and create the intimate connection that navigates you two towards something that works for both Both of you should read Kasia Urbaniak's Unboud - it's for exactly this. Given what I know about you guys, a sex toy isn't going to do it. This is about direct, caring, loving communication. She needs to grow past her assumptions and conditioning, past assumptions and judgement. As you know, we've been at this a while and it is all VERY possible. And realize her judgement isn't about you, or chastity, it's about her judging herself about it and herself.

Especially important! At the end of the day, it's play. It's adults having fun, having experiences, learning, growing and sharing time together. Honestly, I think even the ones who "take it seriously" are acting out and playing their kink. They are just very good at getting into their roles and take it to extremes...or threaten to. Whatever bakes your cookies. Enjoy the cookies.


Thank you both for sharing.

 

Locate. Accept. Influence.

I don't know Knightly coined that phrase or not, but it's a dandy.

It's perfect for this situation. I am gonna steal this phrase.

 

I can relate to your dilemma 2 yr.in and My wife is the same way unless I'm hard and want to take matters in hand then she's All for me locking up so I just do myself lock

 

I introduced the subject to my Queen as a way for her to tease me, and spice up our sex life. That’s how it started, but it has evolved from there as she has taken a liking to all the benefits. No long winded explanation, just a simple “let’s try this and see what happens .” Simple is sometimes better.

 

Don't sell it as a lifestyle, sell it as an evening of fun, once every couple of months. It's a much smaller ask, and one that she may be more open to. She locks you in the morning, and then there's anticipation until the evening when she unlocks you, and you have sexy times. (My wife freaked out when the steel cage arrived and she didn't want to touch it. It took a few years but now we enjoy playing a couple of weeks at a time, 2-3 times a year.)

 

OK here we go...

I know I've mentioned and posted many resources over the past year....and all of them are very worthwhile to read. I have found what they all roll up into.

Check out this Podcast:

This Tantric Life with Layla Martin
How to Bring Out The Best In Men - with Alison Armstrong
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podca...ith-layla-martin/id1685418994?i=1000614754592

Then read The Queen's Code (referenced in the podcast):
https://www.amazon.com/Queens-Code-...s+code&qid=1690899462&sprefix=,aps,318&sr=8-1

"The Queen's Code- Paper Back The long-standing war between the sexes is the stuff of legend. In TV ads, sitcoms and chick flicks everywhere, we've all seen the images - the long suffering woman and the clueless, insensitive man. But what if it's all a misunderstanding? In this fairy tale for the contemporary woman, Kimberlee seeks advice and discovers a treasure chest of esoteric knowledge hidden within her own family. As she unravels the mysteries of men's behavior in this romantic journey, so will you. As she learns the Language of Heroes, and transforms how she relates to men, so will you. Whether you're in love with men or frustrated by them - or both - The Queen's Code creates a new ethic and approach for interacting with men in a way that honors both sexes. From eight distinct points-of-view, you'll get an intimate look inside the hearts and minds of both men and women as we struggle to understand ourselves and each other."

Honestly, if any of this resonates, I highly recommend reading this with your wife. Any guy in a "sexless marriage', feeling emasculated in their relationship, not understanding why their masculinity feels diminished, and doesn't understand why their masculine role in their relationship isn't what they instinctively know it should be. Check out Alison Armstrong and read this book.

It is fully mindset shifting for men and women. My wife and I are going through it now and this is the key that brings it all together. To understand each other, the things we do to undermine each other, how we misunderstand each other. How women disempower men. And it's extremely approachable ready. Key is an important word, she also has a book called "Keys to the Kingdom" that is also a good read. Check out anything Alison Armstrong and see if it resonates.

 

One year later.... (I noticed a "like" to this post today that caused me to re-read this)

My wife has definitely seen and embraced the benefits of tease & denial. She may not tease me quite as often but it's usually once every 2-3 days. And when I say teasing, I mean stimulating me to the point of moaning, twitching and thrashing about, desperate for an orgasm. She views this as a substitute for an orgasm; she believes this is very pleasurable for me.

During the course of the year, we learned that too frequent orgasms would lead to a drop. For me, it occurred during the Dec-Feb timeframe. Our dice game to determine my next full O kept "coming up roses" for me and I had an O every two weeks during that two month period. After the fifth one, I had a "bottoming out". We talked and she suggested that we should go at least one month between releases / full orgasms going forward. We changed our dice game to reflect that, but she has rolled 7 each of the times we've rolled since then so I get the minimum denial period.

In place of the last dice roll, we had a wager on a sporting event that easily could have resulted in a 2-3 month lockup, but again I was lucky and it landed on 2 weeks instead. She decided that wasn't long enough and is making me wait at least a month. The important thing is: I have not experienced a drop of any kind since February. My orgasms only serve to make me more desperate for another one for the next week afterwards and I'm at my most attentive during the early days of my denial period. But each month seems to last FOREVER!!! I don't know what I'm going to do when she finally rolls a 2 or 3 month lockup period.

The good news is that she is very happy in our marriage now. She gets effusive when she has an opportunity to tell someone what a dramatic change has occurred in our relationship.

 

@ChasteJase

Thanks for updating this site and for sharing your story and experience.

I also wanted to echo what other people have said; you're clearly a good guy who loves his wife and just wants a more fulfilling sex life with her - ironically through having less sex .

Good luck for the future.