True Story Request: Introducing Chastity to Vanilla Wife

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by ChasteJase, May 10, 2022.

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  1. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    If you wish, please read my introduction on this site. That's what it is about.
    My wife is vanilla and she was hesitant at first. But she agreed to try chastity and now she is probably more into it than me. That is, not more into it sexually, she benifits in other ways. I think many if not most women would actually love the MC lifestyle if it was done on their premises, and not just male fantasy.
    Best of luck to you!
     
  2. SubDee
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    SubDee Long term member

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    capital punishment! Jeez, you better not misbehave ever!
     
  3. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    No misbehaving, but a few corrections. She has started weekly maintenance as well.

    Again, she loves the control. Once she got used to the hardware, she went through a major change. She once used the term asexual to describe herself. Once she gained control, she actually became demanding. She really enjoys orgasms without reciprocation. Or, sex without me finishing. She is not mean, but actually very loving.

    Witnessing her change, has been remarkable.
     
  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I think what subdee was referring to was the term capital punishment…which is death… a bit harsh lol!
     
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  5. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I stand corrected!
     
  6. Notreallysure
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    Notreallysure Member

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    I’m waiting to see how it goes. I’m in a similar situation.
     
  7. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    so an update. I gave my wife a letter a little over a week ago. It was much more mild than I started with but was a very heartfelt 2 page letter. No mentions of chastity or masturbation. Instead, it was a very vulnerable letter about wanting to start communications regarding our intimacy. Sort of an invitation to start communicating more about sex. In it, I did go about taking blame for not communicating or communicating poorly. No finger pointing. I also put it out there that perhaps the specter of intercourse was something that was getting in the way of intimacy in other ways. I basically said that when she is ready I would like to start discussing a path forward toward renewed intimacy. She read the letter and it seemed well received. However, no further discussions have been had about it. There really hasn't been a good opportunity yet, however (which probably highlights one of the basic issues with us). I am not going to rush her but hope that conversations start up soon. If not, I'll need to introduce an opportunity to talk more about it. So...step 1 has gone down but nothing more than that to report.
     
  8. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    It sounds like you took a very heartfelt, non-hormonal approach. Honesty is almost always relieved best. Trust your instincts going forward, you seem on a good path.

    Keep us updated.
     
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  9. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    I like to make good on promises to keep people informed. After giving the letter to my wife there was nothing for weeks. I was starting to get pretty frustrated by the silence. However, she has now put the moves on me twice this week and we have had two amazingly connected lovemaking sessions. This confirmation that she still is interested in me and in sex is invigorating and my goal is to keep the momentum going and not lose our sexual connection again. I would still like to see this lead into something more akin to the philosophies of those on this website, but I need to be mindful to just enjoy the moments for now, keep things going and let things slowly take their course. Again, for now, I am just very happy and relieved to have reconnected with my wife. We have not talked about the letter or had any real conversations about our sex life yet, but I am hopeful that they will be forthcoming. I will update as things progress.
     
  10. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Well done! And thanks for updating us!
     
  11. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    A small update, since the first 2 sex instances, we have now had 6 lovemaking sessions. That's about 3 a week for the past 2 weeks. It's been very nice and the session we had on Saturday was very nice. She initiated another one today and I enjoyed giving her an orgasm by hand. My performance as weaker than usual and I started wondering if I am starting to suffer from too much of a good thing. It really made me crave the whole chastity relationship even more than before (i.e., giving my wife pleasure while I am denied to build up more desire over time). After I gave her an O by hand, she asked me if I wanted to have PIV. I wanted to say next time but didn't want to hurt her feelings. However, next time, I may try that and just see how it goes. I'd love to suggest a more uneven situation (i.e., O's for her but not me) but really not sure how to even start that conversation at this stage, as we are still crawling in our communications about such things.
     
  12. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    You are to please her.. she wants more.. as a good submale, step up you game and fulfill her demands.. whichever ways.
     
  13. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    That's a viewpoint I hadn't considered. Thank you for that perspective.
     
  14. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    From what I’ve read ( and I have a penchant for missing key details) I’d say two things.

    Firstly, you’ve started communicate around the sexual nature of your relationship. So why are you struggling to still suggest what it is you actually want? If you are close to your partner then explain it to her. You didn’t want sex but you did because she asked you to… but did she want it? Or was she doing that to please you after she’d already had her fun? Did either of you want that?
    I understand it’s a hard thing to say but just spit it out “I love to please you, but it’s more enjoyable for me when I’ve waited. I’d really like to try chastity. I know it seems strange but I’m more of a submissive individual and care more for your needs than my own”. For me, I’d still say you aren’t communicating at all… you’re both saying what the other wants to hear.

    Secondly, consider what it is you want out of chastity. It goes a lot deeper than waiting for a desire. There’s not a time I don’t desire s my wife. It’s not the physical aspect I need from her, it’s the complete sense of togetherness. Are you bored in your relationship? Is something else amiss? Chastity isn’t an answer if you’re not being denied the thing it is you crave. That’s my belief anyway. You have to be sexually connected for this lifestyle to achieve anything. It really concerns me that you have to write a letter to your own wife. She should be everything to you, you should share all of yourself. You will become closer for sharing your insecurities.
     
  15. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    @IB-Chaste - Thank you for the truth bomb there. There is a lot in there I need to hear. I agree that it is sad that I am unable to communicate everything to my wife of 20 years openly and freely. Ironically, that is the real cage that I am stuck inside of at the moment.
     
  16. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Sorry, I didn’t mean to be straight to the damn point. I just think that truth in a relationship is the most important aspect.
    I may make it sound easy but I completely understand how difficult these situations can be. Chastity was an easy thing for me to suggest, but previously to that I’d discussed with my wife that the person I’d slept with before her was a man. That conversation was awkward and difficult and I really didn’t want to do it… but it made us stronger. It set the tone for our relationship. She could say what she needed to say and I could too. So for unexpected results she was then open to discuss how she wanted to peg me… and the ball was rolling. We’ve never looked back at that and thought it was weird or unnatural. It’s who we are.

    The real advice I would give. It might sound ridiculous. Is do it. But do it drunk. You’ll say what you want to say with some of your inhibitions restricted. You may regret saying it the next day but it will still be the truth. You may argue. You may disagree. You may realise you can’t give each other what you want… but don’t ever hide who you are for worrying about what someone else will think of you. Especially if that person is supposed to be your rock, know you intimately and support you for all your faults.
     
  17. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Speaking for myself, it can be very hard to open up and speak frankly.

    I love and trust my wife, but there are still things that I struggle to get out of my brain via my mouth.
     
  18. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Likewise. We had a really tough time opening up to each other. Baggage from childhood provided scripts/ways of thinking that made it hard to open up. Oscillate between avoiding issues and trying to please others. We've untangled most of it and a whole new world of exploration and connection has opened up to us in the past 8 months. It's an amazing journey for us, and I hope you can find the same ChasteJase! I know where you're coming from.
     
  19. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    It is like between a rock and a hard place..
    yes, open communication may clear many doubts and insecurities within and clear the mind and heart. Both parties should possess a certain willingness of acceptance and an open mind for such an approach to work. If either party is confrontative, the issue may be made worse. Instead of looking at realistic scenarios, available options and possible solutions on the table, one may tend to look across the table and start fault finding. My wife and i have been married for 15 years, we seldom argue.. we dont bring everything up in the open.. we dont keep grudge long within either.
    At worst if you cant choose between the rock and a hard place.. swim to the other nearest shore.
     
  20. Ron33
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    Ron33 Long term member

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    I got my wife to read a book, Lock in Love. It explains most men don't want to masturbate so much, but we need a little help to stop. It is written in a loving, caring way, not a dominant mean way. I was at home more than my wife and was doing it 4 or 5 times a week. She agreed to try it. She said she did see a difference in me pretty quickly. I was mostly locked when she was gone, not on the wekends. I am still on the honor system at ALL times, no masturbtaing without her knowledge.
     
  21. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    Maybe even better, do it when you've been denied for a month and have started behaving differently so that she notices a change in you.
     
  22. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Thats the right attitude.. never jerk off behind her back.. if you must, do it in front of her… and swallow up every drip.. you wont want to relive that moment anymore.. well, talk about prevention.
     
  23. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Wow,..just read through "Locked in Love". This is a perfect next step for us, thanks for the reference! We have been practicing Devotional Sex (http://www.devotionalsex.com/) for the past 8 months, so many of the concepts are familiar and the basic dynamic understood. But I wonder if adding chastity would be an enlightening experiment by putting more "absolute control" on things. The DevS dynamic is based on trust and honor system. Which works well. But I am curious to fully give over control and free up any concern for my wife about the sexual barter dynamic.

    Good stuff!
     
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  24. Anthony lee
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    Anthony lee Seeking impowerment through chastity

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    I'm in the same situation. Some day...
     
  25. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Male Chastity Play for Modern Lovers: Rekindle Romance for the Best Sex of Your Lives!
    https://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastit...chastity+play+for+modern+lovers,aps,65&sr=8-1

    It mentions the "Locked-In Love" book. And is an good accompanyment/alternative.
     
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