True Story Request: Introducing Chastity to Vanilla Wife

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by ChasteJase, May 10, 2022.

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  1. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    As someone who still hasn't bitten the bullet to introduce this to my wife, I'm curious to hear from anyone on here that waited to introduce chastity to their vanilla wife only to be surprised by the reaction. I know everyone is different, but it would be nice to hear a story or two about how you never thought this conversation would go well but were surprised by your wife's positive reaction. I suppose I am looking for some inspiration.
     
  2. NEsubhub
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    I think the key is to have a partner that is open to trying new things. One that is willing to try these new things to make their partner happy.
    Despite thinking the idea of male chastity was very strange, my wife was willing to give it a try. It's been a fun learning experience for both of us. But if she was closed off to the idea, it wouldn't have happened.
     
  3. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    My GF has taken it on like she knew beforehand. She decided to buy the piercing attached steel cage, and she decides when it's unlocked. We did 70 days without the key going in the lock and now she wants to do a LOT longer (4-6 months!!) "soon" ... but for now she unlocks weekly for us to have many hours of love making.

    I am super horny all of the time but she told me this weekend that she likes me being horny all of the time and that my last orgasm, 3 weeks ago, is the last ever. She explicitly said "You will be horny forever now, I love it."

    She says if I cum then it will be six weeks until the key goes in the lock, so I am incentived.

    I love it :)
     
  4. Shellysboytoy
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    Shellysboytoy Long term member

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    Wife and I have been seriously on the path for the last month or so. We've been together for around 20 years. In that time my wife has always been supportive of my desires, of which there are many. I have a very high sex drive and multiple kinks. While supportive, she was playing a role for me, and not really into it. She has always had a drive, but kind of vanilla.

    A couple of years ago, I bought a cheap cage as a toy. Not really chastity, more foreplay. Just another kink. She went along and played the role. It ended up in my nightstand and stayed there. Flash forward to early March. We saw a preview for a new show that she new would play into some of my sexual preferences. She laughed and said, "Ha! no way we are going to watch that! Unless you are wearing a cage... Ohh that'd be hot to see you frustrated."

    I laughed and thought she was joking. But then she started asking questions about the cheap plastic cage we bought years ago. I WAS SHOCKED!!! This kind of lit a fire under my ass. I started reading and lurking in forums. Early on I was pursuing it more that she was. I learned about the lifestyle aspects. I bought a new cage, and started self locking while working from home. We continued down this path. I started to have some moments of self-awareness, and started showing her the deference she deserved. She started taking the key with her to work.

    April 23rd we went on a date. It was my first time wearing the cage out of the house, and she even wore the key on a chain. When she stepped out of our bedroom with the key around her neck while I was introducing the new babysitter to our three kids it took my breath way. I'm sure I turned red. At dinner she told me she was really enjoying how things were going, and she was not just appeasing me. Since then I have been, mostly, 24/7.

    She has continued to assume the role in more ways than I could've ever imagined. I've had several times where I thought, "Oh SHIT! I didn't see that coming!" in the past few weeks. Kind of great. I can honestly say, for the first time in 20 years, that our sex life is mutually aligned. Never did I think I could be so satisfied with so few orgasms.
     
  5. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    My wife is quite vanilla but she's not a prude, so when I had "the talk" and introduced chastity she had never heard of it before and found it quite strange, but she didn't react badly, she went along with it out of curiosity and because it was something that I wanted. Where is she now? Well, she certainly loves all the changes that it's brought to our relationship and would never want to go back to how it was. She's still not crazy about the cage itself but understands that it's part of the deal. She hasn't grabbed ahold of the power side of it, as that's not her personality, but she happily holds the keys and decides when to unlock. Hope that helps.
     
  6. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    You can't drop a quote like that and not say which show it was!
     
  7. Shellysboytoy
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    Shellysboytoy Long term member

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    Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Grrrls ... What can I say. Sir Mix-a-Lot is a wise man. One of the first things we did when my cage came in was watch this show.
     
  8. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    I haven't seen the show (but will now) because I certainly agree with Sir Mix-a-Lot.
     
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  9. PastaGuy
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    ChasteJase, there are dozens and dozens of these experiences throughout this site. When you have time, sift through the journals forum as far back as you want and I'm sure you'll find great entries of your exact situation. I think a large percentage of folks here have vanilla-ish wives, as do I.
    The "talk" introducing chastity is not easy and I dreaded it. My wife and I shared a bottle of wine before I brought it up. I think that helped a lot. What worked for me was trying to explain how the benefits were for her and how it could help our marriage in so many ways. I'd like to think that most women would seem receptive to ideas that are low-risk high-reward to benefit their marriage. My wife thought it was strange but agreed to try it and even chose my first cage. After ups and downs, were still finding our way but she loves the positive effects chastity has had on me. Wishing you all the best, let us know how it goes.
     
  10. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Every1 has a begining to share.. we hv been maried for a good 15yrs.. we hv been trying for a baby for d 1st few years but to no avail…anyway.. we did consult fertility specialist.. ok, d prblm was me.. too low sperm count.. she threw in a few posibilities.. low T? Excesive masturbation? Ok tats it.. i admited.. its a long adictive habit since teen.. ok.. not tat my wife is d type of woman who loves babies.. just wouldnt mind with or w/o.. she has been very understanding.. she has her own health pointers.. frequent flu.. feeling cold.. sory for draging u down with our prblms.. ok.. So i owned up n gifted her d cb6000.. d popular model tat time.. on her birthday.. her reaction? Im unsure if its her sily smile/ smirk / grin? “Does he hv anymore things darker than tis”.. it doesnt take long for her to acept such novelty... its internet days.. i mean d chastity is on me.. she doesnt hv to chg a thing.. i told her it could b a buildup of libido.. / stamina.. / ok throw in higher sperm count for a good measure..with abstinence on my part.. for a good 3wks str8 during which i promise to prep her up with daily back masage while only being released on her fertile week…during which d 3wks of bk masage evolved into pelvic strengthening finish with oral pleasure… which female wouldnt agree..?
    Ok we didnt get a baby…We r in our 40s ald.. prety much acepted d way we live hapily with each other.. just d 2 of us..
     
  11. SubDee
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    #11 SubDee, May 16, 2022
    Last edited: May 16, 2022
    I started this in February. Have been with my wife/KH for almost 15 years.
    She has always been down to try things but at the end of the day would rarely initiate the sex.
    Since we’ve been married we’ve gone from sex 3-4 a week to sex to 1-2. And that 1-2 times is basically her bending over for me and letting me use her. She has probably only orgasmed 50 times in 5 years.
    It breaks my heart.
    Our recent sex had been only about me. She was not getting much out of it and even though she’d try to be enthusiastic for me, I still always feel like she probably thinks of it as a chore. She is a good woman, and wanted to please me.
    Over the years we’ve played with light bdsm stuff, lots of pegging, lots of toys (though rarely found any that she really liked)
    She’s always known that I like kinky stuff, fantasized about cd, ts girls, submission etc.
    I tried to buy a cage right before we had a weekend away a few months back. Just for fun. But then I went down a rabbit hole of enforced male chastity, fir’s, and this whole world that I , somehow, didn’t know about.
    Well the cage didn’t fit and she knew I was disappointed.
    As I learned all of this new stuff, she knew I was looking at it, and I think may have even looked at a few things herself.
    I kept bringing it up and she said that we should have a meeting.
    So next time the kids are out, we have the talk.
    She asks me what I want out of it etc. “I’m not going to just turn into a dominatrix” etc.
    By this time I had told her that I jerk off every day and it takes up a lot of my time on my off days.
    I also want her to enjoy more sex and orgasms, but she wasn’t thrilled about that. She claims to be satisfied in that department. I think she could discover more that she likes. I’m kind of on the small side of average and I don’t think she has ever really been penetrated that deep. I would love to see it.
    She makes no promises for any changes in the sex but she agreed to be the kh because she sees that I want to make self improvements and she sees that it could benefit her.
    But she is trying to tease me and she is doing a pretty damn good job. And she has started to punish me for bad behavior. She is cashing in on a lot of foot rubbing and massages, which I am thrilled to deliver.
    Lots of cuddling, she loves all that.
    Still not really asking to orgasm any more frequently though which is hard for me.
    I know it’s hard for her with the mixed signals I constantly send, “I want to come, no, I don’t want to, wait, maybe just a ruined, no, really, can I please come”, it must be freakin exhausting for her.
    I’m trying to stop it but she is not really demanding that I do so I keep doing it, unintentionally of course.
    But I am trying not to top from the bottom and I want to let her go at her pace.
    I like the direction she is going with it and realistically I couldn’t have expected a better outcome to this point.
    I can’t say I know where it is going to end up, so I’m just trying to take the most given advice on CM, and “just enjoy the journey”.
    You access some very different emotions when you first embark on chastity, it is fascinating really. To this point, there are certainly peaks and valleys. All in all, we are definitely having fun and communicating better about everything. We had a very strong relationship, but this has made it even better, no doubt.
    I think she would say the same
     
  12. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    It's definitely a scary leap of faith that you take when you hand over control (and the keys), because no matter how vanilla your wife may seem right now, you don't know if she's going to suddenly tap into some hidden dominatrix side that even she didn't know she had. Now granted, that's what many guys here would be hoping for, but for many of us, this is just a way to level the playing field a bit and make ourselves better husbands. Not everyone is hoping to become a sub-slave and be locked into permanent chastity with no PIV ever again, but that is where some guys end up, even if that isn't what they were hoping for.
     
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  13. PastaGuy
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    Chastajaste, curious how it's going. Did you talk to your wife yet?
     
  14. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    I have not, however, I have been chatting on here with TradWife, whose motivations and situation is very different from most on here yet she is giving me some good female insight. I am actually drafting a letter to my wife to give to her because I don't think I could properly word it all in a conversation without it going off the rails. I need to revise the letter (it's going on 9 pages long) to cleanse it of any hint of blaming her for anything and I want to do some more research to add the benefits of why chastity is good for her and me. I have read them a million times now but now that I want to rehash them in the letter, they escape me, so I need to do some research again to collect some of the benefits to share in my letter. Basically, the theme is "I need help to stop masturbating and I only want to have sexual stimulation with you". I have no idea how this is going to go down, but I'll be sure to share it.
     
  15. PastaGuy
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    That sounds like a really good idea. Good luck with it, let us know how it goes!
     
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  16. true42
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    That's awesome!

    Keep us up to date on your adventure!
     
  17. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    With the help of Tradwife I cut 5-7 pages out of my letter to get it to 2 full pages. It was hard to cut so much meat out but I think it ultimately focuses the message much better. Hopefully I’ll get the balls to give it to her tomorrow. This will be a bombshell for my life one way or another. She may just check me into therapy and throw away my cage. We will see. I’ll either become a testament or a warning to future wannabe chaste husbands.
     
  18. true42
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    Good luck, and don't try to make it all happen at once.

    Let yourself be vulnerable, and accept whatever feedback you get.

    And be patient. And loving. And respectful.

    Good luck.
     
  19. knightly
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    Hi all,

    I love this thread. I just joined this site yesterday to find like minded guys who want a deeper relationship with their wives and find a better way to blend our guy need for sex with feminine need for intimacy, communication, etc. I introduced the idea of chastity several years ago and I got an eyebrow-raised look of 'huh, this is weird, where are you coming from?' and that was that. In the mean time, we did confront each other on some relationship issues and taking time to learn about ourselves, each other, hangups and scripts from childhood, etc. That was all key to setting the stage for moving forward.

    I then stumbled on Devotional Sex, which basically fulfills what the idea of chastity proposed for me, but in a completely different context and framework. Instead of "I'm putting this device on me, here's the key, take control of me", it changes the dynamic between us to create a more equitable relationship. She gets more intimacy and connection from me, and I get more "thrill of the chase" and focus attention on her. My sexual energy becomes focused on her (vs porn or other things) and shows up as connection and sexuality. It drives the relationship, which she uses to focus on her pleasure (while maintaining mine to keep me engaged and interested). One of the key premises is that she decides when I ejaculate, which is intentionally relatively infrequent (typically agreed upon timeframe).

    Like many, I was very uncertain about what would happen when I introduced the idea. I had just started learning about Devotional Sex, and started a conversation a few days ahead of what ultimately was an e-mail describing it in more detail. That it's an idea and site that fits perfectly into where we were at the time in improving our sex and intimacy. She was intrigued, and I kept learning more about it.

    Then I wrote up a letter (e-mail) describing what I wanted to try, what's in it for her, how it works, etc. Sat down with her to let her read through it and talk about it. What I thought would be an awkward conversation turned into an awesome clicking of togetherness and discussion. It took a lot of explaining and re-enforcing that I wanted her to decide when I would have an orgasm, and that I wanted to focus on her pleasure and everything we did didn't need to be about me or me having an orgasm. Ultimately, this has taken enormous pressure off of her and re-framed how she had learned about sex and masculinity while growing up. There were so many learned assumptions she had about sex, her sexuality, mine, and negative things about it, she couldn't relax into it. Happy to talk more about this if interested.

    Side note: I recommend keeping your letter to a page or two and be specific about what you want, why you want it and what's in it for her - be man, own it, get to the point and drive the conversation. It doesn't need to be a long sappy explanation of how things aren't working, or that you masturbate too much, etc. Focus on the positives, what you want and why you think this is good for both of you. Having some lead up conversations to set the context was helpful, too.

    Anyhow, just wanted to share that and hope to join some good conversation. We are still on our journey, a constant evolution with its ups and downs, but we are the most connected we've ever been and have some really really fun playful times together now.

    I've noted Devotional Sex in several posts here - I don't mean to be an promotional ad for it or anything, just that it was the icing on the cake of the work we had done together and gave us a great working vocabulary and framework to change old scripts and assumptions.

    Cheers!
     
  20. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    Thanks @knightly . I must have seen a recent post from you because I just started looking into the Devotional Sex site. There is a lot there and I think it looks like a perfect direction, as you suggested. I was tempted to bring that into the conversation but I think my 2 page letter will quickly turn to 4. I think I need to get the basics out first and figure out what's what. Our communications about sex are non-existent, so I am hoping this letter and request will open up some doors and discussions and the Devotional Sex can be a solution if the proper path is set.
     
  21. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    haha, yep, that was likely me. I was in the same situation, happy to chat more, help with the conversation and letter, etc. I'm in a head space to talk about it, here or on the DevS website. Join the forum there if you'd like...it's fairly quiet at the moment, but the owner of the site is amazingly helpful in getting started.

    So excited! Happy to help if I can.
     
  22. Guest 6019
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    Look at the beginning of my blog. Explains everything.

    https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...n-chastity-the-beginning-of-my-journey.39134/

    Not saying it's the right way, but exactly what you asked for.
     
  23. ChasteJase
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    ChasteJase Long term member

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    Thanks @Jah Rubbings I like your blog and your approach. Unfortunately, I think your dynamic is too different from mine for me to find much inspiration in your approach.

    FWIW, I have not provided the letter yet and am still contemplating my approach.
     
  24. Deleted member 96759
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    Just throw in a hand grenade! Tell her you are wearing it; and the first time you enjoy coitus after a couple weeks of chastity she will not object. Just don't cum! I wear a CB-X

     
  25. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    It is a difficult discussion to start. A little wine can help. My wife is quite vanilla and inexperienced.

    We were already on a path of denial and control, with teasing starting. When I discovered cages, it seemed like a natural extension and that is how I presented it.

    She wasn’t shocked. She liked the idea of control a lot, and me being desperate even more.

    She didn’t like the look at first, and she was afraid it would hurt me. Now that I can wear it full time, she likes the look. She loves to tease as well.

    Now, she would not want to continue without it. She is also working capital punishment into her routine. She has grown a great deal.
     
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