True Story Request: Introducing Chastity to Vanilla Wife

I think you are completely right. Nearly all women would like the changes in their men and I think nearly all of them would like the idea that their husband isn't masturbating behind their back. If they get past the kink part, they would like it. I could see it becoming a part of a new marriage where the wife locks up the husband to help him break his premarriage masturbation habit.

 

That sure has been my experience with my wife! She's come to realize I need it for the time being. But ultimately she would prefer that we reach a point that my devotion to her will keep me from "cheating" behind her back without the cage. She realizes that will take time for someone who has masturbated in secret for 50+ to break the habit. It will take a year or more to experiment with a orgasm release schedule to see how that impacts my behavior and urges before we consider removing the "training wheels". I can foresee getting very horny and putting the cage back on in desperation, or, if I slip back into pleasuring myself, my wife requiring another long extended lock-up. The guilt & shame of the latter are incentive enough not to go there. We are committed to daily check-ins, transparency and honesty; I don't know if I could lie to her if I slipped and tried to keep it a secret.

 

Be thankful your wife only sees this as a tool to reduce masturbation. My wife has now seen the benefits of me having no orgasms and has restricted me accordingly. In the last month we haven’t had sex. I’ve only received 2 ruined orgasms (once by accident) and now she has told me that “until you can prove to me that your mood won’t drop off I don’t see the point in letting you have 3 seconds inside me. Indefinitely” - I actually have no way to prove that without her allowing it. So were In a chastity standoff! I’ve got everything I wished for… the benefits far outweigh the momentarily release, but the desire for intercourse is killing me!

 

My wife doesn't only see this as a tool to reduce masturbation. I made it clear to her from the beginning that tease & denial accompanied with chastity would produce a significant change in me that would benefit her. She embraced that aspect and we began to make love almost daily without my release from the cage. She teases me to painful arousal and during that process gets aroused herself though she doesn't always orgasm! Once I recover from my arousal and lack of climax, I feel energized & motivated to please her and fill up her love tank.

I've read a thread on another forum that some men don't experience that drop if they've been denied for 2 weeks or longer. I'm looking forward to testing that theory out with my wife now that we've past the 90 day milestone for an "Initial Lockup Period" described in The Secret to a Happy Marriage. After about a month of denial, those strong urges began to disappear despite the frequent physical teasing. It is during those teasing sessions that the desire for an O is greatest and, afterwards, I find myself grateful that we keep the chastity device on when making love because the temptation is too great.

You are so right though... "the benefits far outweigh the momentarily release". I've already told her that I don't want her/us to suffer the negative consequences and if that turns out to be the case, I'll sacrifice my O's for what's better.

 

I have found this to be the case. Instead, about an hour or two later I'm wound up again and ready to go. Certainly by the next day. I do feel different, and can be a little less patient, but not crazy bad like depression, irritability, etc. It's insane, though. The dynamic we have, with release every 10 or so days, and teasing in between. There's like zero libido downtime. It's tremendous frustration and fun.

The teasing sessions are insane. Without release, and all the build-up, after a long session I almost want to lose my mind, do anything for release. But channel the energy and calm down and I'm back to "normal" fairly quickly. Normal is still a crazy worked up state, though.

 

My wife read the same one! She didn’t tell me whether we’d be abiding by the 90day threshold. Early signs suggested not. But she has now told me that the next orgasm will be in a long time and only be achieved through anal stimulation. I’m not really allowed to ask about what will be happening so if she’s decided 90 days I’ll never know. Her rules are clear now, she decides everything. She’s even taken to punishments for making suggestions, asking for certain stuff, or discussing chastity. My ass is still bruised from the last one.
I never thought I’d see this side of her… I love that we’re now comfortable enough to open up in these ways though. Surprised by how she’s taken to it

 

My masturbation habit was distracting my attention to my wife. So to in effort to improve my respect for her I wanted to include my wife in knowing when and how often I masturbate. I introduced the idea of a cage and she agreed that she would accept the idea. Now I request her permission to masturbate in a release from my cage. Sometimes I just have to accept the idea of no relief. It working well for both of us.

 

I bout a cage out of curiosity, and told her that, and tried it and then told her that I liked wearing it, and a few weeks later she accepted the keys, but she isn't very interactive unless I ask her

 

I think you should tread somewhat carefully so that she doesn't misinterpret your letter as you trying to turn her into a domme-wife (though it may evolve into that). I could see my wife saying "Oh so that's why you wrote that letter!" With that said, part of your approach might be to be playful and low key about it. It's not that big of a deal, it's just a sex toy that might be fun every now and then. I feel like some of the discussions around serving her can get into FLR, which is great, but that can be pretty heavy as a concept to jump right into. I'd say the initial goal should be to get her to agree to have you try it on for her. Then see where it goes.

 

My wife and I had this conversation years ago. But at first she didn’t know she liked it. I had a cheap cage and didn’t work wel with hygiene.
a smelly stink cage was a turn off for her. Last year I brought the idea back to her mind and give her a website with things for starters with chastity. She was getting in to it. And we were going for a search for a cage that wil fit us both. Now she sees the benefits of wearing the cage and she said that we had started this earlier. I’m happy to be caged and she is happy with the attention and benefits. It was for us a good thing for our marriage.

 

Oh, I need to see a picture of that !!! Can't imagine TWO people in a cage, lol !!!

 

Haha sorry my text didn’t add to the post!! Do you have your close nose on haha. She must be find some comfort with the cage.

 

Well now it’s time to find porn she likes and watch it together. Find out what her fantasies are and explore them. There’s a whole wide world of sex, intimacy and kink out there to explore together. But if you can’t talk about all the things you’re doomed. My opinion YMMV. Oh and advice on the internet is worth what you paid for it.

 

this made me lol!

 

Well my wife, found my cage and wanted to know who I used it on,who is IT for? I explained it and she said, No.
I cage, but I would love her to be a part of that

 

Why did she say no? What was the conversation?

 

I introduced my vanilla wife to chastity about 3 years ago. I'm still surprised she agreed to it. I never thought my wife would ever go for the idea of locking me in chastity and denying me orgasms. After all, she was quite vanilla and submissive in nature. I was dead wrong. Its a long story how everything played out and what lead up to "the talk". I apologize if this ends up being a long post and please excuse any grammatical errors, writing is not my strongest skill. I hope this gives someone inspiration to take the dive.

Edit: I wrote this out in notepad first and I got carried away. much longer than I thought. If you want to skip to the part where I actually have the conversation with my wife, go to the 4th to last paragraph.

A little background, I discovered BDSM, D/s, chastity etc back when I was in high school. It quickly became my go to masturbation material and focus of my fantasies. Fast forward to graduate school, I meet my wife at a wedding that we were both standing in. We hit it off immediately and began dating. Everything was great. Sex was good and plentiful. It was on the vanilla side however. No toys, nothing kinky, always the same positions and foreplay but I couldn't complain. I wanted to share my kinks and fantasies but I was afraid it would scare her off or she would look at me/think of me differently. so I had the mentality, if it aint broken, dont fix it. So I kept my mouth shut and continued to masturbate to kink on the side.

Fast forward, we are married with two kids back to back. sex is now nearly nonexistent. She was exhausted from taking care of the kids. I was tired as my career took off meaning longer hours at work. We got into a routine of bathing the kids, putting them to bed, then watching some TV before bed. Problem is she was too tired to have any interest in sex. in fact, she would fall asleep on the couch within 5 minutes of watching TV. If she fell asleep, there was not going to be any sex that night. I attempted periodically to get her in the bedroom but got a "no" probably half the times I tried. Id say we were having sex once a week at best. eventually I became a little frustrated with her because of her lack of interest in sex. I was already masturbating often but that steadily increased. I figured, it was less hassle and more convenient to just wait for her to fall asleep, then go off and masturbate. this lead to a decline in sex, probably occurring twice a month. Didnt seem to bother her, so I just kept on masturbating. I knew this wasnt healthy for out intimacy so something had to change.

Eventually we became conformable with the idea of leaving the kids with the grandparents so we can go on a trip. I planned a romantic get away. I decided I was going to spice things up and bring some toys and of course a chastity cage. my main goal was to rekindle the intimacy and passion. And if by some chance, I got her to lock me in chastity, that would be a bonus. I brought along a vibrator, dildo, lingerie, beginners bdsm bedroom kit, etc. first night of vacation, got back from dinner and we began fooling around. I focused on her pleasure the entire time. After a few orgasms for her, I pulled out my bag of toys. She was pleasantly surprised that I thought of doing this. I pulled out the vibrator which I thought was probably the safest toy to bring out to get things started. she loved it, we had some fun with it and finished with sex. next morning, she asked to see the bag of toys. She basically went through everything and began throwing most it into the trash bin! when she pulled out the chastity cage, she asked me what it was. I told her a chastity cage for me to wear. she said why would i want to do that and proceeded to throw it away. I was totally unprepared for that. she kept the vibrator and lingerie. The week was amazing nonetheless. sex every day, sometimes twice a day. she also wore the lingerie for me. all in all, a success. my goal was achieved. we went home and continued the intimacy. we werent back to prekid level intimacy but a huge improvement.

since we had such a great time on vacation, we decided to take another trip several months later. We continued to work on our intimacy but tough with two young kids that demanded so much of our attention. And it didnt help that I was still masturbating constantly. I wanted to take the next step and have the talk about chastity but I decided it would be best to do it on vacation when it would be just the two of us. There would be no distractions.

For this trip. I kept the bag of toys simple. I bought another vibrator since the first one was a big hit, I purchased a kink3d cobra chastity cage, and a strapon set. admittedly, I was getting ahead of myself purchasing the strap on but I was anticipating that I would get to use it on my wife once she locked me in chastity. I figured she may ask "what about sex?" once I was locked. I would have the answer to that ready.

Although I had a plan in place, I still didnt know how i was going to actually start the conversation. I was still worried she may react badly or think I was crazy. Turns out the answer to how I would start the conversation was right infront of my face the whole time. Several months before our trip, my wife asked me about testosterone replacement. I asked her why she wanted to know about it. Apparently, her best friend mentioned that her husband was put on testosterone replacement and now he was acting like a horny teenager always wanting sex. I turned 40 that year and so we thought it would be a good idea to have my testosterone level checked but I also wanted to research other ways to increase testosterone or libido. Perhaps, more natural ways instead of having to get a shot every week and also having to take another medication to keep my balls from shrinking. I read about fenugreek, ashwandghanda, and other herbal supplements that could potentially increase testosterone levels. I basically went down a rabbit hole on google and ended up on a site that discussed male chastity/abstinence resulting in increased testosterone levels and libido. well duh! we all know what chastity and orgasm denial does to us. I feel like I came full circle on this. The answer was right in front of my face the whole time. My plan was set. almost. I knew I would probably confuse my wife trying to explain chastity. I knew I would become nervous and screw it all up. I figured it would be best if I could find a book, website or a blog that explained everything for her to read. I needed a simple, straight forward, easy to understand explanation that didnt contain anything extreme that would scare her off. I found this with the chastity perkins blog on the website medium. It was exactly what I was looking for. a womans perspective and explanation of chastity. now the plan was complete.

We went on our trip and arrived early enough to have a couple of hours on the beach. my wife was laying out in the sun reading a book. I brought my ipad and had the blog up on my ipad. it was now or never. I began the conversation discussing what I found about testosterone. easy conversation to start since she was the one that brought up testosterone several months earlier. I talked about the herbal supplements and then I segued into chastity. I told her about the website discussing chastity, abstinence in correlation with testosterone levels and libido. I admitted to masturbating often and I felt chastity was a great idea and natural way to increase my levels. (i was a little embarrassed and felt odd admitting to her I masturbated. and I would later find out, she had no clue I was masturbating.) I also admitted I was interested in chastity for quite some time but was unsure if she would be interested. I felt like this was a good reason to give it a try. to my surprise, she was still listening and didnt appear turned off. I handed over my ipad and asked her to read the blog. I told her theres a lot of benefits for her and I wanted to do this for her as well. She began reading the blog and let me tell you, that was the longest 30 minutes of my life. I didnt know if she was going to throw the ipad in to the ocean or start laughing, I just couldnt read her facial expressions. she finished reading the blog, handed the ipad back, and then asked if I brought a chastity cage. I said I did. she replied ok, we will give it a try. success! I couldnt believe I just had the conversation and it actually went well.

She was very touchy feely and frisky the rest of the day. A little unusual for her. After dinner, we got back to the villa and she took me straight to the bedroom. We began to fool around and she was on the aggressive side. again, unusual for her. i put my hand down her panties and she was already dripping wet. she later admitted how horny she was after reading the blog. I focused on her and gave her several orgasms with fingers, thenew vibrator, and oral. Typically at this point we would have sex. however, she told me to get the chastity cage and to put it on. I was a little self conscious and nervous, so I went into the bathroom to put it on. I wasnt well versed on getting this cage on to begin with and I didnt want to be fumbling around with it in front of her. I walked back into the bedroom and the look on her face was one that I have never seen before. she was mesmerized by the cage. she couldnt take her eyes off of it initially. I dont know how to explain it. it was like a new toy to her that she couldnt wait to play with. she aggressively and passionately kissed me while holding on to the cage. I got her off several more times but it wasnt enough. she wanted more. she had this look of lust in her eyes. she couldnt stop playing with the cage. It was like a switch was turned on in her. I never seen her like this before, so aggressive, so sexual and lustful. Afterwards, she had so many questions, mostly practical questions such as taking showers with the cage, does it cause me any pain wearing it, can i go in the ocean with it, can I wear long term etc. I took the opportunity while we were still in bed to pull out the strapon. I told her if she wanted to have sex but didnt want to unlock me, I had a solution. She was definitely apprehensive and I dont think she was sold on the idea. until we actually used it. She was still horny and therefore willing to try it. I purchased a dildo for the strap on that was longer than me and thicker than me. she loved it. she was moaning , almost screaming in ecstasy. She came so hard. she collapsed on the bed. I knew I just sealed my fate. longer, thicker, and can last much longer than me! lol

She kept me locked in the cage for the remainder of the vacation. I ate her pussy for breakfast lunch and dinner and the strap on got used daily. She did allow me out a few times when we went to dinner. After we got back home from vacation, she began feeling guilty about denying me and having me wear the cage. We had sex and allowed me to have an orgasm. I dont know why I was surprised but she told me to put the cage on as soon as we finished. this is where I began thinking, be careful for what you wish for! this was going to be my new life. I pleasure her most mornings and evenings. No more blow jobs for me. No longer get to be inside of her unless its the end of the chastity period and she allows me to orgasm. She now makes me eat my cum when im allowed to orgasm. My wife told me "we are never going back to the way it was".

Over the next 2 years, she worked on increasing my chastity periods. from one to two weeks, to 3 to 4 weeks, and eventually by the end of 2021, she had me up to around 3 months. last year, I only had 4 orgasms. This year, she presented a chastity contract to me at the start of January. Basically she had me sign it and agree to a minimum of 6 months of chastity. at 6 months, she would decide if I earned an orgasm based on behavior etc. If I didnt, she would re-evaluate in 3 months. be careful for what you wish for.

 

That was amazing. You are a very lucky man. I’m very happy for you and your partner. Thank you for sharing this with us.

 

Do you recall the blog/post you had r her read?

 

I did it 2 yrs ago she's not really into it yet but getting better it's frustrating but keep talking to her and she will come around

 

What has been her motivation to keep extending your denial periods?