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The Evolution of Mistress Amante

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Nicoftime, Apr 13, 2017.

  1. Nicotime, I don't really have any feelings about chastity except that in giving up control my concern is that my relationship will not end up like yours or some of the others as noted here. My wife has brought up the subject so in fairness to her, I am investigating the pros and cons. Some of the conversations on the site I find very bothersome but more from how one human being is treating another standpoint. Unlike you who had a time in your life where sex was abundant I have always felt undersexed so you can see my reservations about giving control to someone in this situation. I could easily see going from minimal sex to no sex and that could be very hurtful. Your right, I don't think I can give up control in this situation. I know most of the people on the site say to give up control, don't top from the bottom etc.... but if I'm not getting my needs met, then why bother. As you can see, I can't get my head around this and will continue to pose questions out of a sense of fairness and obligation to my wife. I think you are right in your statement " you can't go home again" I was just curious as to your thoughts on how your relationship would change/ survive if the dynamic changed.
     
  2. Thanks for your honest and straight forward reply.

    I could never give up control to someone I didn't completely trust. I believe you are completely justified wanting your needs met, for me it's all about trusting that she will do so on her terms. If I got nothing out of this I wouldn't do it. We have an agreement we discussed before I handed her both keys. She keeps me subbie, gives the attention I deserve on her own schedule and how she wants, and I don't complain, tell her when and how, or sulk.

    I was once married and thought of asking her to do this...I never did because I didn't trust her. She would just lock it up and forget about it if we had done this.

    Surviving the end of chastity...that's a good one. I think most here have a long relationship of "normal" they can fall back to. We do not. We only dated a few months before starting this, so it's really 90% of our history. We would definitely talk, compromise, and alter our arrangement before it was abandoned. Even then, I think there would be some confusion and hurt feelings if we stopped. So I am not forced by any means, but this isn't going away without some dialogue and compromise.
     
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  3. I have been unlocked the last few days. Two nights ago she drove me crazy!

    I handed her the wand and she took over. We had been drinking a bit and she was kind of verbal. While she worked the wand she asked me to put my thumb in her, said it felt just like my little cock. Then she said to put a two fingers, then three. That's when she said "ahhh that's what it's supposed to feel like", she had a good O that way. She kept asking me if I wanted to fuck her with my tiny dick etc, I was so turned on!

    We were snuggling and she said I owed some spanks...28 of them. Not really sure where that number came from but she was serious and told me to get up out of bed and bend over. She picked the ash wood paddle. She started and was going to make them count. They were awful hard and she had me count them out. Near the end they were so hard I started to laugh a bit. They weren't funny, I just do that when they are hard spanks, not sure why, maybe it's a defense mechanism, I don't know, but if she would have done them faster it definitely might have made my eyes water. When done we snuggled again and she said she could use another round with the wand.

    This time she rode me and and used the wand at the same time. I had to stop her twice cause she kept up with the verbal stuff, saying she could barely feel me inside her, and that I wasn't allowed to cum. Then she came again and said it was my turn but I didn't have long to finish. I tried to cum but after stopping twice my body didn't believe me and after a minute she said I guess you don't need to cum that bad and that I had my chance. We fell asleep, her after many orgasms and me having none.

    This morning I woke her with the wand and slid my thumb inside. She rode it to a nice O, and climbed on top. After a few seconds I told her that I would cum if we don't stop, she said it was ok, and I immediately filled her up. Her visitor is still hanging around a bit so didn't have to clean up.

    She is going on a trip for a week and we joked all week since I have been uncaged that maybe I won't lock back up while she's gone. Lol, she had no intention of allowing that. She said I would most definitely be caged. I asked her yesterday "what if I didn't want to be caged anymore?" She said "too bad" lol, so that answers that lol. This morning she made a point to say someone needs to put their cage on, and before she left she grabbed my crotch and checked to see if my cage was on and said "just checking", I told her her "I could have just put the cage on without locking it" and replied "I tugged on it" and grinned.

    Will miss her terribly, but hope she has lots of fun.

    Life is good.
     
  4. Wife loves knowing she has me locked up, especially when she is away on travel. Lately, she travels almost every week. Sometimes gone one night, or it could be 4 or 5. Never know. She never allows me to be left uncaged when she is away.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  5. A lot has been going on here on cm with a few members contemplating being done with chastity. This had me thinking quite a bit about a recent conversation I had with mistress.

    It was said in a fun sexy way, but I believe she meant it, and that there is a certain level of no return we have passed. The conversation was about me locking back up, I stayed unlocked for a few days and was a bit reluctant to put it on again. I asked her "what if i didn't want to wear the cage anymore?" She cutely replied "too bad". I have said here before that I I wouldn't quit chastity without discussing it with her and coming to an agreement, but the more I think of it, the more I believe our dynamic has changed too much for her to ever agree to quit this.

    This isn't just a sex game to her, she put a lot of work and went through a lot of self discovery to get to this point. It's part of how she self identifies. I don't think she would ever feel comfortable or right not being in control now. I introduced this to her only a month or so after dating and this is 90% of what we are.

    She left for a trip for a week, and although I don't believe in wearing a cage to keep faithful, I do know it made her feel so much better and relaxed knowing I was locked. I think without it, she would have been a wreck, and in all actuality, it made it easy on me because now I don't have to deal with her wondering.

    Yes I know she cannot physically keep me locked up if I don't want to, but that doesn't mean that I feel free to do anything I want. Me refusing to lock up might have some consequences I am not comfortable with.

    So it has been a quite the self realization. I will never masterbate alone, again, ever. I will not have an erection or orgasm without her being present or giving me permission, ever. If I do the math and things continue...at roughly 20 orgasms a year for 26 more years (70 yrs old), I have only 520 orgasms left. Lots of stuff to make you think.

    Anyway, just a lot going through my head, she's out of town till Friday and starting to miss her.
     
  6. I think a key aspect to this is how much is the chastity an important element of your real life and how much of it is part of a fun game. If the chastity is more real than game then it becomes impossible to walk away from, it is so entangled into who you are as a person or as a couple. If the demands chastity put on you become difficult then it just means it is more important you work through the issues. If however it is a game then I can understand someone thinking they either want a break or to give up altogether.

    A second aspect is in the personality of the participants in the lifestyle. If you are not truly submissive then the struggle to give up command of something so fundamental as freedom of sexual expression is going to be that much more difficult. Similarly if the person in charge is not naturally a dominant person then they are going to struggle with how important their role of being in charge is. Either situation is going to cause friction.

    I suppose that brings in a third situation in which giving up is almost inevitable. For someone who enters into this lifestyle with their head full of fantasy and inappropriate expectations, reality is going to suck. It isn't easy even for a true submissive or true dominant to live like this. I don't think the people who have written about maybe quitting fall into this camp.

    Elle has said that she doesn't think there is any way back from how our relationship has developed over the past twenty months. She only sees this developing further, deepening. It will never look like a Tumblr femdom video but neither of us want it to. It is real, it also fun. The one thing she has said about quitting is that both of us need to discuss with the other if at any point they start to be tired with the expectations or the reality of living as a couple where one is fully in charge of the access to sexual pleasure of both participants.

    Our own moment when we passed the point of no return was when she started locking me up for her own pleasure and not because I had asked her to. That took us several months. I could find out how long it took if I went back to my original journal, I cannot remember now, but I do know it took a good while and came as a bit of a shock when she admitted how her feelings had changed. And, like you, I realise that she cannot keep me locked and denied unless I am a willing participant, but I get a lot out of letting her take control. I would not risk what we have by going against her wishes.
     
  7. @mcfeely@mcfeely, you are getting good advice from some very experienced people not only about Chastity but about Life. A marriage is a very delicate balancing act as is any relationship. Every situation is different and the best judge of the relationship are the people that are the closest to it You And Your Wife. Have Faith and Trust in each other and if you truly Love each other it'll work its way out. Take Care
     
    Sublifter49 likes this.
  8. Well I hope I have come up with a compromise that we can both be happy with.

    The maid outfit wasn't doing it for me. It felt like a costume instead of a uniform. It felt forced, and I felt silly. I am not giving up on her maid service though and just purchased some dresses that I know I can wear comfortably and will still have the effect she is looking for.

    I have a black, 2 pink, and 2 red cotton dresses. They are pretty feminine so it's not like I'm getting away with anything, i will actually be able to do the work in these though. The other was a costume, and real chores are almost impossible to do in it. The new duds I hope will be more comfortable and will ensure I am making her the happiest girl in the world.

    Also bought some other feminine clothes. My body changes are becoming more noticeable, and frankly if I'm going to have a feminine figure, I'm going to look as nice as I can.
     
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  9. @Nicoftime@Nicoftime i haave sayed on here a lot of times that a maid uniform is no good for doing cleaning in or heels , its silly. i wears a smock over my ordinary clothes when i clean and do housework and has flat mary janes on as well and that keep my clothes clean cos it is sometime dirty work and the smock can be cleaned afters. i love my maid uniform a lot but i ony wear it for serving at table and then i wear my heels as well. Anyways i hopes youm happy.
     
  10. Thanks jem I'm sure I will be a lot happier
     
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  11. Why not just do the cleaning and chores in your normal clothes?
     
  12. Because she asked for the submissive feminine me. Apparently it knocks me down a peg or two. I can't really argue, it does. It's not a huge step, have worn androgynous clothing for most my life. Just never in front of someone, which is where the attitude change really happens.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  13. We had quite a fun day. Started out with waking her to some morning oral and adding my fingers. She came hard and I then worshipped her bottom for a bit. Then I rested my head on her bare and now sopping wet mound and tried to calm down.

    We spent the day together doing various things, then headed to a local bar. We got pretty tipsy and she was in the mood again when we went to bed. She unlocked me and said she wanted me to fuck her. As she was on top of me she told me she wanted doxi(wand) and Johnson (dildo), so I quickly pulled them out, handed her the wand and held Johnson to my pelvis.

    She then really pulled out the dirty talk. Asking me I I wanted to fuck her with my tiny cock, how she wouldn't feel it after this nice sized one. Then she went somewhere she's never went before. She asked me if I wanted to watch her getting fucked by someone with a real cock, if I wanted her to, what I would do if she did, and if I would help. It didn't take long for her to have one hell of an orgasm.

    She slid off me and told she wanted me to fuck her with my little cock until I cum and I was going to eat it right away until she came. She was on top and still talking dirty. I was so close to cumming I just couldn't get there. She wanted it from behind. I started fucking her but I slipped out, I love this position but not long enough to do it well. She suggested missionary and I went to town. Again I was close but I couldn't finish. I am sure it was the drinking, still rock hard but won't be able to cum without doing it myself.

    She said it doesn't look like I need to cum but I begged her to let me finish myself. I asked her please please please. She agreed but I was going to eat all my cum, every single drop. She told me to lay back and start. I did immediately and although I had to squeeze awful hard I managed to cum. There was a lot and I was looking for a way out, but she had none of that and told me to get to it. I did, is hard to actually do, you don't get much it's one finger swipe. She kept me at it until it was all gone.

    This morning she told me the sex was great last night, I couldn't have agreed more.
     
  14. And so many women don't understand what they would get out of letting their man wear a chastity device! Even weirder is how some women think it's disgusting!
     
  15. Locked back up, after a few days of freedom. Have been a bit naughty lately, admitted that I gave it a few strokes, smoked in the house, missed some oral, and have been a little lippy. So punishment might be somewhat harsh this time.

    I joked to her that while unlocked I was going to take care of it myself. She said I better not and I replied she'd never know. She claims she can tell in my demeanor. I asked her what she would do if I did. "Immediately lock up for one year, no questions asked". So don't think I want to do that. I then asked if she wanted me to be honest about that kind of stuff, yes she does.

    With all the pillow talk about another man fucking her, we continued the banter by sending pics and memes from Tumblr. One of them was about an anklet, and she said she didn't get it. I told her that it's a hotwife thing. I doubt anyone outside this realm knows the connection, but most inside do. She had never heard of it before but said she loved anklets. I told her I would get her one.

    I told her it's more symbolic than anything, that more than likely she would never do it. I told her that I love her so much that her pleasure is a priority, and she could do so if she wished and that I would lovingly be there for her. This was a hard limit for me when we started but now I feel is not only unnecessary, but something I could perhaps enjoy, like watching her enjoy herself, it's a pleasure to be apart of it. I also have realized it's part of the open honest relationship that I have strived for.

    I think there is no turn on more, than open and honest. It's raw, its powerful, and its real. I would love for her to be so open and honest that she could say she wanted some guy. Or that she wanted to suck that guy, or she just had to fuck this other guy. Even if it never happens I want us to be close enough for her to say or act on whatever urges she is having. I am neither looking forward to or dreading actually going through with it, but I hope to establish our relationship as open and honest enough to give her the option to, even if it's telling me who she thinks is cute, I just don't want her holding anything back.

    @Mistress Amanté@Mistress Amanté i love you enough to not possess you, but hold you close. I want to free you of worrying about my feelings, my ego, and what's deemed appropriate. Just be. You may never decide to take it further, but feel free to talk about anything your heart desires.
     
    Mistress Amanté likes this.
  16. My wife has engaged in pillow talk on this subject for years, long before we discovered chastity. She gets really worked up and hot talking about what she did with other guys, but when I broach the idea of doing it for real, she always say's it's just talk. It's kind of an odd thought to me that your partner is willing to help you act out your fantasy of engaging in this act that makes you so aroused, but you say oh, no thanks. Maybe it's a man/woman thing? However it goes for the two of you @Nicoftime@Nicoftime I hope you have fun with it.
     
  17. So far, so good. I like the passion you possess in pleasing me. I like seeing the desire in your eyes and knowing that you are dreaming of the day I don't want Johnson or Doxi, but your little uncaged clit.
     
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  18. I have not agreed to this...I did do some dirty talk about it in the moment, but it's definitely not real...yet.
     
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  19. Of course @Mistress Amanté@Mistress Amanté I'm sorry if I implied that you had. I was referring to my wife who also has not agreed to it, but talks about it a lot. You and @Nicoftime@Nicoftime clearly have a special relationship and I hope you enjoy this particular fantasy. Whether it becomes reality or not is of course up to you. My comment was that if someone offered to fulfill one of my fantasies my first question would be how soon? :D
     
  20. This hasn't been a fantasy of hers that she has said she wanted to live out. I only want her to be free to be open with me and share her desires and needs. I am totally fine keeping it right where it is, and just as fine if she chose to explore something. Either way it's me and her forever.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  21. She sent me a text last night, said she was going to uncage me and paddle me until I came. Make me as dripping as she is (she gets very wet during punishment).

    It sounded scary but hot. Mostly concerned about if it's even possible. She certainly thinks I need an attitude adjustment but not sure that much paddling would make me leak let alone cum.

    Stop thinking....accept and let go. I write and vent about all of this but doubt it comes across how difficult that is for me sometimes. I am naturally pretty willful, and very much an alpha type personality 90% of the time. Maybe because I am, submitting is such a turn on. If it was easy I probably wouldn't care one way or the other. I found the pic below and it's very fitting for me. All the things that run through my mind disappear when I let go and accept... it takes a lot of willpower to start though.

    Couldn't be happier
     

    Attached Files:

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  22. It is a bit unnerving that when I asked you to do only what you desire, without guilt or worry, that you could be just as happy not letting me cum. Totally raw honesty is what I wanted, and with that comes that possibility. It is the most loving thing in the world, to know we are that close, that we are beyond the dogma of social ethics.
     
  23. I would never push this on you, I merely want you to be totally free from possession. That you can be turned on by the thought of some guy and tell me, to fool around with some guy and know I'm not judging, our relationship or our love isn't in jeopardy or on trial. To know that if you really wanted someone, I would be there sharing the joy with you and for you. Giving to you a simple yet unmistakable sign of my love and understanding that is beyond ego or possession. An unconditional love, a love that would allow your pleasure and needs to be my highest priority. That being a part of that pleasure, would be its own reward, and we could look each other straight in the eyes and only love and surrender would be in them. No jealousy, no anger, no bitterness, only knowing that I love you so much that seeing your pleasure is reward enough, and knowing that you love me enough to let go of social norms, do exactly what makes you happy, knowing that your raw honesty and happiness makes me love you even more.

    So yes, I will buy you an anklet, your choice on whether you ever act on your freedom is entirely up to you. Letting go of this was the hardest submissive thing I have ever done, and also the easiest. Once I was really only concerned with serving you, and making you happy, it was like a weight off my shoulders. I don't fear anything anymore. I would feel pride and happiness that you loved me so much to be able share the very world with me. It was the last vestige of my hard limits, and now that they are gone, I feel a sense of liberation. I am yours, the only thing of yours that I own is your heart.
     
  24. The wieght upon your heart has been lifted. You have given yourself in Love. Not for lust or greed or fear but pure unconditional Love. The start of a beautiful relationship. Congratulations
     
    Nicoftime likes this.
  25. Great thread. I wonder how serious she actually was when she said "too bad".