My Hands Free Journal

Thanks for your feedback and happy New Year. It's very freeing to write this journal to give myself perspective on this aspect of my life. It is satifying to think that others might enjoy reading it and perhaps find it informative and/or useful.

 

Funny but the threat of being locked for a week in Gigi never occured to me. My mind went to the worst case senerio and it wasn't living without a cock for a week, even a caged one, it was the end of sharing my chastity with my wife, who is also my key holder. I believe I would have done whatever was necessary to keep that from happening. It seems like I am starting to think like a sub, to truly adjust my perception of myself as being submissive to her and most importantly, reacting accordingly. How appropriate that such a thought is humbling.

 

About 10am Sat Sir walked up to me and asked heads or tails? Cautiously I replied "heads" not knowing what was going on. She flipped a coin and showed me the result. Tails. Sir said "too bad. You're gonna be with Gigi for the weekend." I was ready to protest but caught myself in time. Sir noticed this and smiled. "Now", she said with that new sternness. She handed me the key to swap cages. When I had done this I was told to wear the red panties. That's how I learned that Gigi could happen any time as well as for punishment. I'm writing this because it's difficult to sleep when your dick has been taken away from you. The word "eunuch" has disturbingly come to mind. I wonder if I will ever be able to embrace having to force my cock into my body and pee from a pathetic nubbin. One more day to go. I hope.

 

1-1-2020. Wed.
Last night my love and I were watching the New Years Eve shows on tv. I noticed her put on her key necklace, what she calls her "Domina" key. I'm not sure she's using the word correctly but have learned not to challenge her on it. The ball in Times Square was ready to drop. Sir told me we should start things right. She told me to undress. This I did, hoping for the best. She told me the cage stayed on. I asked if she was going to undress. "Why would I do that" she said. I must have made a face because she shook her head and smiled. I was becoming familiar with that smile, mocking and amused. She then said "Welcome to Naked New Year. Now give me my New Year's kiss." She pointed to her feet. Surprised at this sudden demand I have to admit that I got on my knees and kissed the toes of the ankle boots she was wearing. This was the closest physical contact she had allowed me since what she called "your submission". I felt selfconscious and humiliated. This was really happening! Is this what I wanted? I think this was a taste of what true submission was going to be. Sir told me to stay naked for the rest of the day. I suppose I'll be told to get dressed sometime after midnight tonight. It seems strange to be naked while she's dressed. I hope that's all the surprises for today. Have to go. Sir calls.

 

After Naked New Year I half expected a shopping list of changes to our life all at once, but what we had was a normal day. The metaphorical leash started to tighten after dinner. First Sir had me undress at bedtime and give her a massage. Sir then sat on the edge of the bed and had me stand in front of her with my hands behind my back, legs spread, just as she had when I first put on Holly. She told me that when she wanted me to stand like this she would say "Inspection" and I had better not hesitate. She took hold of my cage giving it a good looking over, including the underside. Then she lifted my balls and gave them a light squeeze as though testing fruit at the supermarket. She made a satisfied noise and gave my cage a few tugs then began caressing my balls. My cock futiley tried to grow hard. She exhaled on her cage, causing me to shiver. It didn't take long to feel the pain begin. I saw Sir's smile telling me she was enjoying my discomfort and her control and ownership of me. She then gave me a light push backwards. Sir then told me that she wanted me to understand that she wanted her property healthy but she would never again touch my cock unless it was locked, and then I wouldn't feel it. That part of my life was over. It was what she wanted and what I had asked for when I had surrendered control of my life to her. Then it was lights out. I lay next to her, cock throbbing. I love her.

 

1-4-20
Earlier today Sir told me that as my submission was a permanent 24/7, there was no need for the necklace to signal when I was to be submissive. Simillarly, she would now wear my cage key on a necklace 24/7. "We are neither temporary, nor part time", she said. I will always remember those words. She then told me to kneel. Once I had done so she showed me the chain with the O ring I had put together and fastened it around my neck with a mini padlock. She said it hung low enough not to be visible under a shirt unless she locked it a couple of links tighter. I would wear this during the day. When we were in for the night she would swap it out for the leather collar with the locking buckle I had put together. This I would wear through the night. Sir liked the idea that I had put them together, taking part in my submission. This way I would never forget my place. She then hugged me, gave me a quick kiss and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. I said anything she wanted. She smiled and said "good answer".

 

1-5-20
Today, while I was washing her cage in the bathroom sink, Sir told me that from now on I would be naked from bedtime through to the following morning, wearing just the cage and leather collar. I wonder how much more fine tuning of my submission Sir will do.

 

1-11-20
Yesterday after dinner Sir told me to follow her into the bedroom. She had me strip, take off the cage and lay on the bed. She put her phone next to me and told me that since it had been a while, she would give me a chance to have an orgasm. She had set the timer in her phone to go off at random sometime within 15 minutes. I would have until the alarm sounded to have my orgasm, just as I had told her I had done shortly before Sir accepted my submission. Sir then handed me a bottle of lube and told me to get ready. I was surprised to find it took a little effort to get hard. Timer starts now", Sir said. " It could be a very long time before you get the chance again." Sir tapped the phone, starting the timer. Doing my best to ignore it, I began to do as told. The buzzer sounded. Hand off cock. Between laughs, Sir said, "Six seconds! You should see the look on your face. I wish I had recorded that. Lock up, sweetie and don't forget to wash the dishes." It took a little doing to get the cage back on, but some judiciously applied ice did the trick. Sir watched my efforts with a smile then held out her hand for the key. "Come on", she said, "that was funny."

 

1-21-20
I had a medical appointment last Monday, so I asked Sir if I could be let out of her cage for the duration. She said that as it was a routine visit, the answer was no.
While we sat in the waiting room Sir must have noticed my increasing nervousness. She leaned in to me and whispered, "It would be awfully embarressing if you had to explain why you are wearing a pink chastity cage." Just what I needed to hear. Fortunately things proceeded smoothly and the cage was not mentioned or discovered. I had begun to relax when Sir asked the doctor if there were any health risks in wearing a chastity device for extended periods. The doctor said he wasn't sure what she meant. Sir told me to show him. Reluctant and embarressed I dropped my jeans facing the doctor. He told me to come closer and inspected my crotch. Then he told me to remove the cage. Sir handed me the key and said, "You may," making it clear who was in charge, so I did. The doctor closely examined my penis and testicles. Not my proudest moment. You would have thought I had dipped my dick in ice water. The doctor told us to maintain hygene and regularly examine my penis and testicles for anything out of the ordinary, etc. After I was back in the cage I handed the key back to Sir. Sir hung the key back around her neck and thanked the doctor. Sir then said to me that it was important to get a professional's opinion about my well-being. I was never so glad to leave a doctor's office.
Seeming to read my mind Sir asked me if I would have shown her cage to the doctor if not told to do so. When I said no, she told me I should be glad she was looking out for my health. Now it was my turn for mind reading. I said, "thank you, Sir." I then asked Sir if it was her intent to humiliate me by forcing me to show myself wearing her cage. Sir told me that she wanted to settle the question of whether my being locked in the cage for an extended period posed a health hazard. She paused for a moment and added that my humiliation was a bonus. I think she was joking. As we drove to a favorite diner for lunch, Sir told me that she was proud of how I behaved in the doctor's office, being submissive and obedient. She said this while absently toying with the key around her neck.
The following day Sir called me over after I had washed the breakfast dishes. She was sitting in her favorite comfortable chair. She handed me the key and told me to remove her cage. After I had done this and placed it at her feet, I knelt in front of her, as directed. Sir said that she had been thinking about how I felt humiliated having to show the doctor that I was wearing a cage. Sir said that I needed to understand that I could be embarrassed wearing the cage while still proud of my chastity and submission. Humiliation was something more. She handed me Gigi, the micro penis cap and told me to put it on. I groaned to myself. I wished that I had not mentioned humiliation the other day. I stood and fastened Gigi to the base ring, compressing my cock to nothing, then returned the key to Sir who hung it back around her neck. Sir looked at Gigi, where my cock used to be, and told me that I would wear her until I learned the difference between embarrassment and humilliation And of course this meant that I have to wear panties until I am released from Gigi. I've been wearing Gigi for 8 days now with one unlocking for cleaning. The cage bars leave indentations in the head of my penis but that should be temporary. It looks like I'm going to have to buy more panties. I miss having my penis, even if just to look at.

 

134 days orgasm free. Funny how
that's no longer uppermost in my thoughts on chastity.
A little while ago Sir handed me a package of new panties. Quite a few new panties. I think it's her way of telling me Gigi will be an ongoing part of my life for the near future.

 

I had some free time this morning so, while I still had my leather collar on from overnight, I took a picture of myself in the Inspection Position for Sir, with a little digital magic added. It's how she wants me to stand when looking over her property. It also reenforces my being subservient to her.

 

LockedN8. thanks for the like.

 

Sir just told me that while having her cock completely disappear under Gigi is amusing, she would rather see me wearing steel. It looks more like denial and submission rather than feminization. So I'm now wearing Holly again. Sir asked me to describe the difference between devices. The Cherrykeeper, Gigi, is open so cleaning is a snap, while Holly is not abrasive as Gigi can be. Gigi is so small that it becomes covered over by the loose scrotal skin. This causes me to urinate on my balls, which means more cleaning. Also, because it's a cap, Holly doesn't fully drain after urination, which requires an extra shower or two. My ideal punishment cage ( I can't believe I just said that) would be a steel cage with bars rather than capping off my cock. That would be lightweight and easy to clean, and I would be able to urinate standing up or sitting down. Maybe it will happen. Sir always pays attention to what I say.
Which brings me to Sir appologizing to me for not warning me she planned to have me expose myself to the doctor. I was stunned. I told her I trusted her judgement, and it concerned my health. If she felt uncomfortable about some choice we could discuss it but the final decision would always be hers. She is in charge, and I will honor and obey her. I am amazed our relationship has changed so much and is still changing.

 

Thanks, I'm glad you like what you've read. Writing a blog can seem like you're talking to yourself, which you kinda are. If someone enjoys it or gets soomething out of it, that's a bonus.
Sir and I are proceeding along the paths of D/s and FLR at our own pace, which is to say, her pace.
By the way, she has read most of the blog and approves that I continue, holding nothing back. So this is not a case of venting behind her back. I was reading earlier about someone being unlocked for PIV sex. I barely remember what that's like. Just thinking about it has my cock trying to break free of her cage. Well it's a good thing I'm locked up with my penis inside my body or I'd soon be masturbating like a crazed monkey.
Have a good night and best wishes.

 

Today Sir has been enjoying my being back in Holly. She would pat my crotch at unexpected moments saying things like "Hiya big boy" and "Guess you're not happy to see me". That was during the day. Tonight, after dinner, Sir had me get naked so she could see me wearing Holly. She had me stand Inspection in front of her, looked at my crotch and said "Where's Waldo", almost giggling. After she released me from Inspection she put a pillow on the floor which was a signal for me to kneel in front of her, this because we have to make concessions to not being as flexible as we once were. So we did the nightly exchange of chain collar for leather collar, after which I washed the evening's dishes. While I was drying my hands she walked over to me and cupped my balls. In a voice used for talking to pets she said, "Where's the puppy? Where's my naughty puppy?" This was in reference to the manipulated photo I posted here the other day.. it made her laugh when I showed it to her.
She gave my balls a gentle squeeze, just enough to make my cock press against Holly in a futile attempt to get hard. Still holding on to me she led me to her recliner, sat down, snapped her fingers and pointed to the floor. This was new. I knelt next to her. "Hands and knees,, she said. I obeyed. This, Sir told me, was my "puppy" position. She showed me a hand signal which directed me to take the "Puppy" position. Next I was instructed to lay stretched out, face down, cheek on folded hands. This was my "down puppy" position. Sir showed me a hand signal for that. She told me that when it pleased her to have a puppy she would signal me to immediately come to her and take the position. She would snap her fingers a second time to release me. I waited silently. She waited a moment and snapped her fingers. I sat up, crosslegged. Sir asked me why I didn't say anything.. I said that puppies can't talk. "You catch on fast", Sir said. "You know that photo was just a joke" I said. She said she knew but it had given her ideas. When I asked her what kind of ideas, she told me that I'd see. She fingered her key on the chain around her neck. "My little puppy,"" she said. "Good puppy"

 

i was folding laundry today when Sir came in with that look she gets when she is pleased with something she's done. Sir told me to get my phone snd call her number. As I did this she told me she wanted me to hear the ringtone she had just assigned to me. What I heard was a familiar computer voice from Star Trek which said, "Incoming subspace signal." We both started laughing. She walked over to me and we hugged. When we stepped back she told me to take off my clothes. I did this with mounting anticipation. "What now," I asked. Sir said, "Finish putting away the clothes, of course." "Yes Sir," I said, disappointed. "Good puppy," she said, giving Holly a quick pat and left the room. it looked like I'd be answering to "puppy" from now on.

 

Yesterday morning Sir told me that I'd be wearing her leather collar all day. If anyone asked about it, I was to explain my situation. We went into Manhattan and passed the morning at the Museum of Natural History, a favorite place of ours. While looking at one of the exhibits, Sir asked me in a low voice if I ever wondered how many people managed to sneak off somewhere to fuck. Needless to say that got my attention. Before I could think of something to say, she suggested we have lunch. It was like getting whiplash. After we finished Sir took a leather leash from her jacket pocket and attached it to her collar. She asked me sternly, "What do say?" I replied, "Thank you, Sir, for putting me on your leash". Sir led me around, people snuck looks but didn't say anything to us. One guard walked up to us and asked if anything was wrong. Sir gave the leash a sharp tug and snapped her fingers, pointing to the floor. I knelt, scared at what might happen, shaking inside. Sir gave the guard her most charming smile and said in a sweet, innocent voice, "I'm just walking my puppy." The guard sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and told us, "Just behave yourselves." He walked away shaking his head. I was mortified. A second snap to release me. We continued moving through the exhibits, eventually stopping by a door for staff. Sir leaned against me and asked, "What do you say to going in there and I give you a blow job?" When I told her there was nothing I'd like more, she took out a coin and flipped it. "Call it," she said, catching the coin. With a dry mouth I said "heads", figuring it might be good luck. Sir put the coin away without looking at it. "Tails," she said. My disappointment must have been obvious because she said, "Oh my god, you thought I was serious!" I felt like all the air had gone out of me. "Come on, time to go home, little guy," she said, patting Holly through my pants.
That night, when it was time to go to bed, I was surprised to see Sir get naked. It had been years since she had allowed me that privilege. I was wearing only her cage and collar, as usual. Sir snapped her fingers and pointed to the floor by her dresser. Using her stern domme voice she said, "Kneel. Hands behind your back." Naturally I obeyed. I watched, mesmerized, as she slowly spread moisturizer over her body. Sir has wonderful smooth skin. She spent extra time on her breasts and around her pussy. My cock began pushing against Holly, desperate to get out, get hard. I tried not to whimper. I don't remember ever being so turned on and so helpless. I was in agony wanting to touch her. When she finished Sir snapped her fingers and said "Release," freeing me to stand. Sir threw a pillow on the floor and told me I'd be sleeping at the foot of the bed that night. "Sweet dreams," she said and turned out the light. Damn.

 

Sir had just switched me to the day collar, as usual kneeling in front of her. Instead of releasing me to stand she tilted my head up by the chin so I was looking her in the eyes. She asked me if I had learned anything from our visit to the museum and last night. I told her that having a doctor examine my caged cock was embarressing, while yesterday was one humiliation after another.
"Good puppy," she said. Sir handed me the key and told me to remove Holly. I applied some lotion and began stuffing myself into the regular cage past the headlock. Suddenly I had something recognizable as a penis in a cage, no matter how compressed. My happiness is derinitely becoming relative.

 

Things have calmed down since the Great Museum Trip, as Sir refers to it. No fresh surprises which feels like the calm before the storm.
Sir came in with her hands behind her back as I was writing the above. She told me, "Pick one". I tapped her right side with a silent "uh oh". "Correct" she said. She held out her right hand, and opened it, showing me a pink cage. It was the short CherryKeeper with an extra large headlock. Then I did say, "Uh oh," as I picked it up. It looked like my cockhead wouldn't fit inside the shallow cage, and the headlock ring looked like it had an impossibly narrow opening. It is too big to be swallowed by my scrotal skin making it...yes, my new punishment cage. "Why don"t you break it in for the weekend," Sir said with a wicked smile. "Yes, Ma'am," I said. Sir brought out her left hand and offered me the key to her cage. So now I'm wearing the new cage, hoping there's no bad skin reaction to being constantly pressed against the cage bars. We shall see.

 

Back in Sir's engraved steel cage. We agreed that the new punishment cage is too tight for me. The search goes on. Sir gave me a stainless steel choker omega necklace (3mm) as a day collar I can wear anywhere without attracting attention. Fit perfectly. Love it.
Sir brought up the idea of my getting a tattoo to celebrate our new relationship. I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand it is undeniably erotic and exciting. On the other hand I think of it as tempting fate, like tattooing your wife's name on you and have her break up with you shortly afterwards. Sir suggested it (whatever it is) be where I shave my pubic hair. Sir had suggested the word "OWNED" which would make the point even if for some reason I was not wearing her cage. More playfully, she suggested two eyes, with my cock looking like a nose. She had me do digital magic to see what they would look like. It's an idea that will be discussed again.

 

Just a little while ago Sir had me strip and take off her cage. She then handed me a small CherryKeeper cage with a large headlock, making what seems to be the perfect fit for a punishment cage, which is to compress my cock without being painful. I look forward to tomorrow's inspection. i still find it strange that I have no problem with wearing a "punishment" cage if told to. I just want to please my love by being submissive to her.