My Hands Free Journal

I had just finished washing the dinner dishes when Sir handed me a package. I opened it to find a dog mask. Sir told me to put it on and get on my hands and knees. She was pleased and said, "good puppy". She had me wear it until she went to bed. Sir seems to want distractions more frequently as we leave home less and less.

 

It's been about 35 days of Social Distancing and, more importantly from a personal perspective, 237 days orgasm free. Or to put it another way, 237 days of frustration. I like to think of it as character building. Sir has dialed things back to occasional teasing, just enough to remind me who's in charge. As if I could forget. Sir suggested a game of name the tv/movie character who was in chastity to his wife/girl friend. Some we came up with are: Carey Grant sub to Katherine Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby; Mulder sub to Scully in X-Files; Magnum sub to Higgins in new Magnum.

 

Last night Sir had me remove her cage and told me I would be sleeping next to her. She undressed slowly in front of me. My hopes rose. So did my cock. Could it be that chastity had awoken her sex drive? Then she told me that I was forbidden to touch her or speak to her. I was also forbidden to touch myself. My hopes sank but she noticed that my erection had not. Once in bed Sir spooned me and began to tease me, never once touching my cock. I don't know how long it lasted but by the time she stopped I was in agony. She then rolled over and went to sleep. At about 3 am I woke from a powerful erotic dream where a girl was sucking my fingers. Even in my dreams I couldn't get a blow job! I thought I was about to cum. I had accidentally woken Sir. When I explained why I was awake she handed me her Jailbird and the support strap and told me to lock up. When it became obvious my erection was too big to fit, she had me kneel by the bed without a pillow until I softened. Once it was back on Sir told me that this was to make certain I didn't get too comfortable wearing her cage, that I was always aware of it and my submission, and to reinforce my understanding that I was forbidden any sexual pleasure without her explicit permission and supervision. I was ordered to spend the rest of the night in my usual place on the floor. What she had also done was make me feel very submissive to her after having eased up on our play. I found the weight of the submission collar around my neck comforting. She certainly knew how to make a point.
When we finally got up Sir inspected her cage until she was satisfied that I hadn't so much as leaked in my sleep.

 

Sir and i were spending a quiet Saturday evening when she brought up the topic of our CFnm and how she was going to have me wear an article of clothing to emphasize my nudity.
The following morning Sir told me I was going to give her a fashion show from her closet. Needless to say, I did just that. After being naked at home for a while, I was extremely conscious of wearing clothing. The last picture shows what Sir had me wear for the day. The black slip came in a close second, so I suspect it will turn up again soon.

 

Today Sir told me she wanted to experiment with Susan's look which meant stuffing my genitals inside myself and holding them in place with a diy gaff. I have to admit that the results, though uncomfortable, were surprising. The reader can judge for Her/him self.

 

Day 245 locked and orgasm free. Am currently feeling very horny. When I made Sir aware of this she said "That's too bad" and let me know that I was definitely not getting released from chastity until at least Oct. 20, which makes 1 year locked and orgasm free. Sir then said that tease and denial would continue, she would have no pity.
Yesterday Sir gave me the task of making a chain belt to be used to support her Jailbird. After some shopping I fashioned the belt with an added the refinement of clear tubing over the chain to keep the links from digging into my skin. Sir was pleased with the results. Sir has told me more than once that she likes making me an active participant in my submission.
To celebrate, Sir took more photos of me in masks. I am starting to wonder what her plans are for them. Not my place to ask. She'll tell me when she's ready.

 

Ron33, thanks,
glad you liked my journal entries.

 

Sir noticed that I didn't have her tag attached to the new belt. I fixed that right away.

 

I was cleaning the bathroom this morning when Sir came in and told me to wash my hands and follow her. She led me to the bedroom and had me put on the puppy mask. Sir then tied my wrists together put them over the hook on top of the bedroom door, just like she did recently only now she secured them to the hook. Next she took out a marking pen and drew the female symbol on my stomach. When she was satisfied with her artwork she stood next me, talking in a low tone, telling me how useless my locked cock was, and all the things I would never do with her again. All the while she ran her fingernails over my body. She held my balls by her fingertips, her nails scratching them lightly. It's been a long time since I let you cum", she said. "Remember how I told you that you aren't allowed to cum until you make a year? Well I meant it." She knelt down and exhaled on my balls, causing them to tighten. She told me to look at her and then touched the tip of her cage with her tongue without ever touching skin. I never felt a thing. She saw how close I was, laughed, and stood up, looking at me filling the cage. Sir then said that puppy needed to calm down and the best thing for me was to stay put. She said she would be back in a couple of hours to take me down. It was the longest 2 hours I can remember. Sir was taking tease and denial up a few notches.

 

Sir just had me unlock and edge myself while looking at her topless. It didn't take me long until I was ready to cum. As instructed I stopped there, so close. Sir told me to lock up. My erection wouldn't fit in the cage. Sir told me to stuff it in anyway. Fortunately I had soon gotten just soft enough to force myself in with the help of some baby oil. I had gotten so close I could have cried when I had to stop. Sir said she's going to go topless for the rest of the afternoon. As I sit here typing this Sir is standing behind me, her breasts pressed against my neck, lightly pinching my nipples. I have had to correct for mis-hit keys a lot. I have just been told to stop typing and do a load of laundry.

 

Sir just handed me new underwear which would "totally change" my look. She wasn't kidding. She wants me to share this new look with everyone here.

 

June 9, Day 272 orgasm free.
Today Sir presented me with a gift she had bought 3 months ago that had just arrived, a full belt. I was instructed to size it snug and told that I would wear it for the rest of the year. When I reminded her that I was scheduled for an orgasm in October she responded, "Oh, that's cancelled." I hope she's just messing with me. Sir insisted that I swap out the brass lock that came with the belt for a Master lock. Subtlety. I can neither see nor feel my penis in the tube. The belt feels solid, permanent. It feels like submission.

 

Wearing the belt.
First of all I have to say that this full belt can be uncomfortable. The tube curves under, splitting the balls, requiring careful movement, especially when bending over or sitting down. I can see that lube where the tube rubs the sack will be important. Sir pointed out an obvious consideration, that if I start to get hard and grow past where the tube sharply bends between my legs, I am probably in for an unpleasant time. In addition, I've found that urinating is uncomfortable rather than a welcome release. This is probably due to trying to straighten while going. It feels I could actually burst a blood vessel if I don't do a gentle flow.
Last night Sir let me sleep next to her after a long time banished to the floor. She said in a serious voice, that she would play with my balls if I asked her, but to be aware that getting hard could be painful while wearing the belt. She tapped the tube a couple of times with her fingernail. I could feel an immediate increased restriction in the tube. Sir then said that I had the option of asking her not to play with me. I realized that she had put me in a position of now not wanting to get hard and instead of wanting sexual attention from her, having to ask her to allow me to remain soft. And I also had to be certain I was soft before I urinated. This was a form of control I had not expected. Previously she could tease me to the point of almost cumming, and that frustration would be torture. Now just getting hard would be more than frustrating, it would be physically unpleasant to being actually painful. Sir has ordered me to post the attached photos to show off how the belt restricts me, as well as a note showing what I must say to her when I wake up every morning and every night before going to bed.

 

Sir has taken to tapping her nails on the penis tube when I am not expecting it. It is understood that I must remain still while she's doing this, trying not to get uncomfortably erect. Trying hard, so to speak.
This is the most "in chastity" I've felt in some time. I think it's a combination of the rigidity of the belt and the total isolation of my penis. I've worn solid tubes before but this combination really gives Sir the domination and control of me that we had agreed to have define our relationship. My staying otherwise naked at home does reenforce my submission, not that that is necessary.
Sir asked if I thought she had shared with anyone we know that I was in chastity. Did I think she might have shared photos of me locked up in a chastity cage. When I said "No", she said "Interesting." When I asked her what she meant by that she just said "nothing". Apparently she feels I need a little anxiety in my life during the pandemic lockdown. Do I now think she has shared that info with someone we both know? I hate to say it, but I guess it is possible. Now I'll be alert for the slightest indication that one or more of our friends know something. yay.
Speaking of the pandemic, Sir has informed me that she won't be giving me any more virus spankings. It no longer amused her.
Written a few hours later:
We were talking about nothing in particular when Sir told me she had been thinking about our talk a couple of months ago, about how she didn't like being penetrated and how she used her physical problems as an excuse to avoid having sex with me. While that was never going to change, now that I understood this, she wouldn't mind having me give her oral once as a test. She would see if she might want to do it again. That's how she put it. Not the most romantic suggestion I've ever heard, and more to the point, one I never expected from her. When I told her I was all for it she told me I had to understand that I would remain locked. My chastity was not going to end. Oral sex would be strictly for her pleasure, one more way for me to serve her. If I was lucky she would let me give myself an orgasm once in a blue moon. This was not negotiable. I agreed to her terms, but honestly I had a moment of hope that she would leave piv sex as at least a possibility, however remote. No such luck. I told her that I would do my best to please her however she wanted. She told me that when she allowed it I had better do a good job as it was my one and only audition for being allowed to touch her sexually. I have to confess I'm worried about not pleasing her. If I get hard while going down on her will it be too uncomfortable for me to do a good job? I just realized that this could be some diabolical mind fuck of hers and she has no intention of letting me lick her pussy. I have to think positive and not let her psych me out.

 

With the news now talking about the city opening soon after lockdown, Sir mentioned that we should begin talking about a tattoo, marking (literally) my submission. To start things rolling Sir applied a temporary "Owned" tattoo under the new belt. It is attached below.

 

I forgot to ask Sir not to get me aroused when we went to bed earlier. My penalty was an extended session of teasing, with my stiffening cock trapped in the torturous tube. Which is why I'm awake now. I can almost relax when I start to remember the feel of her hands on me. So then I start to get hard and the curved tube between my legs does it's job in training me to want to stay soft. As long as I'm wearing this belt I want to avoid erections. I never thought I would say that and mean it. I remember a while ago Sir told me that she would train me not to get hard and not to cum. Not to want to. Basically that she would retrain me so that eventually she would have total control of me, mind and body. I'm beginning to think she was being literal and that I should have taken her at her word. I'm guessing that the ultimate goal is to so thoroughly retrain me to be naturally submissive to her, the belt won't be necessary. Her wish will literally be my command. Or maybe this belt is making me paranoid.
Just had a pee and when I gave the tube a shake to thoroughly empty it, I saw that I was dripping precum. Part of the retraining, perhaps. Is a hands free ruined O next?

 

Today Sir wanted me to dress up for her, showing the new belt. Later, after I had done this, Sir told me she wanted me to shave my head, no explanation given. I was proud that I hadn't asked for a reason why or hesitated to comply. Sir told me that I could sleep in the bed tonight as a reward. In addition to Sir's regular evening massage I have been assigned the task of clipping her toenails tonight. I find it comforting to be able to perform these little services for my mistress, the woman I love.

 

The cable can be pulled and kept aside for pooping. Just have to remember hold cable with left hand, wipe with right.

 

Just when I thought I knew where things were going with us, Sir handed me a package. I asked her what it was and she said it was a sissy belt and I was to size it to my body and wear it until tomorrow morning. This was just so I understood it was to train my attitude, no matter how submissive I thought I was. I am to wear it with the Susan mask. It has a penis tube with a steel basket for the balls. The belt is wire cable enclosed by soft pink tubing. It took some trial and error, but eventually I had it adjusted. I sit here wearing it, wondering how urination and defecation are going to go. yay, a new challenge.

 

It took a while to get it adjusted properly, as I didn't want to make an irreversible mistake.
The basket where the balls rest tends to pinch. I have no idea how to fix that. The basket makes it uncomfortable to sit without keeping my legs spread.
On the plus side, urinating is pleasant compared to my regular belt.
I am curious what it will be like to sleep in it and to walk around in it tomorrow. The thing I'm really not liking is the ball pinching. It just isn't cool to suddenly reach into your pants trying to stop your balls being pinched.

 

Another thought on the sissy belt is that between the penis tube, the ball basket and the front plate, you're carrying a lot of steel between your legs, a lot of weight and a lot of width. First time I can honestly say that I've got a lot between my legs. It would be nice to have a belt with the solidity of my regular belt with the comfort of the penis tube of the sissy. Add to that a flat front which would basically remove a bulge to obsess over. Funny how one's concept of what would be desirable is subject to change.

 

Sir wanted to take some photos. When you're cooped up for too long this kind of silliness is inevitable.

 

Sir sent me an e-mail with the attached cartoons. For the first one, she asked me if the sub on the right reminded me of anyone. (coincidence or did she have me shave my head so she could show me this picture to make me nervous?).
About the second one she just wrote "cute." About the third picture she wrote that she feels kinship with the dominant wife, and that it would make a great framed art poster. She also loved the Femdom Marriage symbol in the upper left. I'm curious if it is a common symbol and what others here think of it. Personally I think it sums up the D/s dynamic of a Femdom marriage (or relationship) beautifully. Would make a good tattoo.

 

Back in the bent tube belt. Hooray for (mostly) safe balls. Some adjustment is better than frequent pinching. I think if I can find a way to keep the cage tight to my groin, most of the pinching will stop. That would probably mean having to pull it tight from behind, leaving no slack in the rear tubing which would make it impossible to pull it aside to defecate. Hmmm. I guess that's my next project. Apparently the pinching in the sissy belt was my fault. Mea culpa.