My Hands Free Journal

We have been exploring this new facet of our relationship, finding limits and boundries as we go, often revising them as practicality or desire dictates. For instance, Sir enjoys cooking and will not allow her dominant status to deprive her of a pleasure. I am a strong willed person but choose to be submissive to her as it makes her life easier and more enjoyable. Common sense is key. Sir would never order me, nor would I do, anything illegal. Dominant does not mean abusive and submissive does not mean being stupid. And most important of all, both partners are responsible for the other. Love is always present. I didn't expect to give such an examination of our relationship when a simple "Yes, we are happier" was my intention. Apparently I am also submissive to the blog.

 

Going into 9 days wearing the new punishment cage, with no idea how much longer I have to wear it. Sir has named it Pinkie. And now she has started to call me Pinky too! She was very specific about the difference in spelling. I recognized this as a reference from a Hepburn/Tracy movie.
We started out celebrating Valentine's Day in our usual way. I brought my love breakfast in bed, ran a bath for her, and ate while she was in the tub. Then things changed. After my shower Sir told me "Don't bother to get dressed." She gave me a chain bracelet with one unusual feature. Instead of the typical clasp it was fastened with a steel ring and pliers, as a further reminder that she owned me. Then Sir handed me the key to her cage. I was told that for Valentine's Day she would let me decide whether I take my cage off for the day and that night lay in bed next to her, allowed to touch her, or keep it on and sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed, to prove my love for her by denying myself that passing pleasure. Reluctantly I handed her back the key. Sir smiled and kissed me, saying she knew I would make the right choice. That settled, we spent the day watching movies, reading and generally being lazy. At one point Sir had me lay on the floor in front of her and began touching my balls with her toes. The small punishment cage filled up almost instantly. Sir smiled as I began to squirm in frustration. She rested her foot on her cage, pressing gently. Next she put her toes on my lips and I slowly began to suck them, finishing by licking both feet. Sir returned to playing with my balls. She asked me if I would like to orgasm with the cage on. I said, "Yes", desperate for release. Sir told me not to be silly, I knew I wasn't allowed to have an orgasm. She tossed a pillow on the floor in front of her, snapped her fingers and pointed at the pillow. I knelt in front of her, hands behind my back, head down. "Let's see if a change in posture will improve your memory." Sir released me 2 hours later with a snap of her fingers. Both knees cracked when I stood up. I will have to try harder not to let my Submission weaken.

 

We had just finished breakfast the other morning when Sir told me to strip. Once I had done so she told me that I would be happy to learn that I could take off the pink punishment cage. Sir handed me the key and, as usual, I removed it in front of her. She handed me a damp towel to wipe my crotch. Once I had refreshed myself Sir handed me a small, open bar steel cage and a tube of lube. "Let's see how this works," she said. "It's not pink, but it is steel." I put on the new cage, and found the head of my penis bulging out between the front bars. On order I took the Inspection position. "That's a different look for you." she said, looking at my crotch, laughing. "Just the head shows, and it looks like the little guy is trying to squeeze out of there like toothpaste through a tube. Those little lips must be sensitive, all puckered up like they're looking for a kiss. My guess is rubbing against your underwear for a while is going to hurt. Would you endure that for me?" "Yes, Mistress," I said, using the term Sir had told me was an acceptable alternative form of address. I could almost feel myself reach a new level of submission (height or depth, I wasn't sure which) as I agreed to accept this new discomfort and probable pain just to prove my devotion to this woman who now rules my life. I wasn't really surprised at this new wrinkle which says as much about my changing attitudes as it does Sir's. I was told in no uncertain terms that I would wear the new cage at least through the weekend. I surrendered the key to her. "Remember", Sir told me, "just because you're poking out of my cage, you're not allowed to touch yourself. That little dicklet belongs to me." Sir had me drop my pants a few times before it was my time to get naked because in the new cage my "little guy looks funny." Surprisingly, being in the cage doesn't hurt. On the other hand, I haven't gotten aroused in it yet. That kinda worries me.

 

Thursday morning, after I had washed the breakfast dishes, Sir had me kneel next to her, my head in her lap. She began stroking my head while she told me she had given it some thought and decided that I would wear the new small cage until March first. Then we would decide if she would renew the option. Not the most reassuring beginning to a talk. Sir then handed me the key to her collar and ordered me to take a few photos while she watched, correcting any mistakes I might make. The first one was a photo which better showed her penis trying to squeeze through the cage. She said others might find it as amusing as she does and it beats ordering me to show her sister. If that was a challenge I wasn't taking her up on it. So before I started taking pictures, Sir handed me the hood I was to wear. She said she liked how it looks on me.

 

This morning I woke up to find what would happen if I became aroused while wearing the new punishment cage. It was very uncomfortable. Sir's first reaction was that it come off immediately to prevent any damage to my penis. It had stopped being funny to her. Instead of putting my penis in a larger cage, Sir decided I should wear the PA rings for the forseeable future. It had been so long since I had worn the rings that the hole had tightened. It took maybe an hour's slow work to get the ring through the hole on the underside of the shaft. Right now it is very sore, maybe more than while wearing the cage this morning. I know I'll be moving slowly and carefully for a while. Boxers only. Sir said that in my current condition the last thing I was likely to try was masturbate. So much for sympathy. I'll just take this as part of my submission. And maybe a couple of aspirins.

 

Yesterday marked 165 days orgasm free. Some days are easier than others.
Sir noticed that I was still walking like I was crippled and said that stretching the piercing on top of the discomfort from the punishment cage might have been excessive. She told me to remove the ring. In spite of my determination to tough it out, I gratefully said, "Thank you, Mistress." I wasted no time carefully removing it. Sir then snapped her fingers and gave the hand signal for the Puppy Position. I went to my hands and knees by her side. "Good puppy", she said. Now lick Mistress's boots." I did so immediately, so relieved to have the piercing out. As I licked Sir's boots I could feel my cock throbbing in soreness. While being carefull to do a thorough job on Sir's boots, a part of me wondered what was next. This was an unusual length of time for me to be unlocked. Once again Sir seemed to read my mind. She said that it was obvious the new cage was unsuitable for all but the harshest of punishments. She had found fault with the previous punishment cages and would need to find a suitable alternative, maybe something other than a cage. There were possibilities once the PA hole was stretched out. Yes, that was still on the table. Then she said something that showed me she had really given this some thought. She said that once the hole was stretched out again it would probably leak from there whenever I urinated, especially with the ring removed. I told her that I leaked pee from the hole now and that most of my precum leaked out from the hole, and a good amount of cum when I orgasmed. Sir told me that orgasming wasn't an issue and that any other leakage either with or without a stretched PA hole was something I would have to deal with. I continued to lap at her boots. Sir then instructed me to inform her when her cock had stopped hurting. It took a few hours but finally, after dinner, I told Sir that just a dull soreness remained. Sir told me to fetch the engraved steel cage, what she called the "steel pussy" because it was snug on her cock, and come right back. Sir had her collection of cages lined up neatly on her dresser, like sports trophys. When I got back she handed me the key and a tube of lube. She watched me without a word and put the key back around her neck when I was done. She led me into the bedroom. "It would be so easy to feel sorry for you and grant you liberties'" Sir said. "So you're sleeping on the floor tonight." She tossed a pillow at the foot of the bed, then stood in front of me and kissed me gently on the lips. "Maybe one liberty," she said and swatted my ass. "Now get on the floor."

 

Last night I was in bed next to Sir, laying on my side, naked as usual,when I suddenly felt her hands on my shoulders giving me a massage. Sir's hands moved slowly down my back as I stiffened in her cage. One hand moved onto my chest, her fingers playing with my nipples. The hand began caressing my stomach. My heart beat faster in hopeful anticipation. Sir put her head next to mine and whispered "I don't need a punishment cage to train you. Your'e not getting out of that cage, you're not going to get hard, and you are certainly not going to cum. I own your little dicklet. All it's good for is peeing and my amusement. I don't want to hear a word out of you the rest of the night." Sir then rolled over and went back to sleep. I lay there getting my breathing back to normal. If I wasn't locked up I would have talked her into having sex. At least that's what I told myself.
This morning I learned that Sir had devised a new punishment/tease/torture. She had me stand in front of her and play with my balls using a vibrator which she handed to me. Then she had me put on panties, placing the vibrator between my legs, resting on top of my balls and under the cage at a medium speed. The tightness of the panties would keep the vibrator in place. The sensation was enough to arouse me but not enough to cum. After an hour of this I wanted to beg her to either take away the vibrator or let me cum. I knew she would agree to neither and would not like it if I begged her for relief from something she devised. She saw my hands kept going near my crotch so she tied my hands behind my back with a shoelace. It was the first thing she could find that would do the job. Later she told me that I was useless with my hands tied so the lesson was over. She untied me and had me remove the vibrator. I sank to the floor hugging my knees because I was afraid I would start to play with my balls trying to orgasm. I never wanted to masturbate so much in my life. Sir could see this and said that someday I would get to the point that I would not want to masturbate, would hate the thought of being so disloyal to her, and that she would help me with this. Amazing something so simple could have such an effect.

 

Seeing that the tip of my cock still looked red and irritated, Sir had me switch back to the Jailbird as it isn't as tight as the Steel Pussy. Sir told me to try wearing the cage without the support belt to see if the base ring still caused me pain in the balls. She told me my panties should keep the pressure off my balls. I have my doubts but want to please her so I said nothing and keep my fingers crossed. Then Sir said that since she had me wearing panties anyway, she wants me to pee sitting down from now on. At least I won't be wearing a micro cage.
Last night Sir laid on the bed naked and had me crawl between her legs with my mouth close to her pussy. She ordered me to blow lightly. I did this while she held my head between her hands. I had almost forgotten the lovely perfume of her pussy. My cock began pressing against the cage bars. After a few minutes of this she had me stand at the foot of the bed. "Was it good for you too" she said with a smile. She then put on a black teddy she knew I was fond of. Sir told me that I could sleep next to her but she forbade me to touch her or speak to her. So far today has passed without any teasing. I find myself both anxious and eager for it to begin.

 

This morning Sir had me strip and tied me to a chair. Just a feather, she said. She then lightly touched me with it, getting the response she wanted. Soon I was squirming in the chair, frustrated in the knowledge that there would be no relief. Sir was thoroughly enjoying herself, enjoying pushing me close to climax and then leaving me to calm down and then repeat the process, never doing exactly the same thing twice. As the saying goes, time stood still. When she was done Sir had me thank her for the attention. I am surprised to say that I meant it.
Later, Sir decided that she liked the look of my face being hidden by the mask that we should try other looks for me. When she was finished Sir told me we will continue experimenting for my new look. Right now she has me wearing the wig.

 

Sir's interest in my wearing masks continues. This consisted of my wearing the white blank mask, a green wig, and a brown wig attached to a female mask all while wearing a locking 3/4" steel submission collar. Sir told me that she liked how the female mask changed my energy, especially when she had me tuck my package. As ordered, photos of the experiment are included.

 

Sir has told me that since we observe Social Distancing and my chastity is permanent, I will have some additional rules that will be in force as long as staying at home for Social Distancing is necessary.
1. I am forbidden to wear clothes at home unless instructed otherwise.
2. I am to sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed.
3. While watching the evening news I must lay across Sir's lap. She will spank me each time "Social Distancing" is said and twice whenever "Corona Virus" is said. They will be hard spanks. I must thank her when the news program is over. Sir has never been interested in any kind of physical punishment before. I think it is her way of relieving stress.

 

Earlier today Sir decided to amuse herself by telling me she wanted some photos of me in the girl mask she has named Susan, as in, "I want some photos of Susan". When I come back from the bedroom with the mask on Sir said, "Welcome back, Susan". I have been told to show what Sir calls the sexy poses and one showing me filling the cage. She has developed a fascination with the Susan look, getting me to agree to going on an almost vegetarian diet for a sexier look. We shall see how this goes. If nothing else I'll be healtier.

 

Thanks for the like, tiruh811.

 

I just looked at my calendar and was surprised to see that I've been locked in one cage or another for 212 days straight, with just enough time unlocked for cleaning. Time flies. Still getting used to near permanent nudity around the house. Sir likes to tease me that she might have me answer if the doorbell rings. I'm pretty sure she's joking or just trying to make me nervous. As I've written elsewhere, we're doing Social Distancing, which means we're almost constantly together. So far we're not getting on each other's nerves, which is a good thing when the other person has spanking rights. I've found that since we've started doing cfnm around the house I'm frequently straining in my cage. Sir tells me that it's something I have to live with and after 200 plus days without an orgasm she's not about to let me have to start all over again. Next time she might allow me to orgasm is after I reach a year going without. She said that considering how desperate I've been, if she decided to edge me, I probably wouldn't last 3 seconds. I'm embarrassed to say that she might be right. Sir has found a new way to amuse herself. She will walk up to me and while standing close tell me things like seeing me trying to get hard in her cage makes her wet, or ask me if I remember what pussy tastes like or how it feels to be inside her. This morning she did this and pinched my nipples hard until I asked her to stop. "Funny," she said, "you're still as hard as you can get, and you're dripping on the floor." She said that maybe a week in a micro cage would calm me down, unless I couldn't control myself putting it on. I figure that was a real possibility. And just a little while ago she had me stand in the bathroom watching her shower. I think she is trying to drive me insane.

 

I now consider myself a victim of current events. We watched the news tonight which means I got spanked every time Social Distancing or Corona Virus were spoken. That's a lot of spanks. Sir told me that she might start using a paddle to save her hand. This just keeps getting better. Sir has informed me that short of an MRI the steel submissive collar I now wear for her is never coming off. She likes how it matches my bracelet. Both are fastened with a flush hex screw.
Sir then said that since I was chronicling my life in submission I should include a photo of my current "bed" as well as one of me in the cage at my smallest. I suppose I should have seen that one coming. Funny how it's difficult to let go of ego.

 

This morning I made the mistake to mention to Sir that I was bored not being able to go out to a movie or a restaurant. Sir then had me lay across her lap letting me anticipate the spanks. I gave what Sir described as a girlish squeal when I felt her spit covered finger press against my anus. This was new and not exactly welcome. She placed her other hand on my back and bent to my ear. She said she bet I wasn't bored now. She then told me to remember that she owned my ass and I should think about maybe it was only fair that it was her turn to do the penetrating from now on. I have always considered my ass a no fly zone. Then she gave me ten spanks and told me to kneel with my hands behind my back. She tossed a pillow on the floor for me. She reminded me that the news would be on soon and asked me how many spanks did I think the reporters were going to give me. We never did set which hour of news we'd watch. Turns out once, twice or even three time a day as the mood takes her. I now hate watching the news, and the phrase "watch your ass" has taken on a new meaning for me. I'm sure she was just messing with my head.

 

This morning Sir told me she wanted pictures with Susan, so I could relax. Half asleep and confused I said "But I'm Susan." Sir smiled and said that she wanted to see if I knew that, and that when I put on the mask I revealed a hidden part of myself. This was a little too deep for me first thing in the morning. Anyway here are the photos Sir wants me to show.

 

Last night I asked Sir why she liked me to wear the Susan mask so much. She said it was a turn on to see me show a softer side. I pointed out that she hasn't permitted any kind of sex for years, so what was going on? Susan seemed to be all about sexuality. The conversation went in circles for a while until it finally came out that for the first ten years we were married she wanted to be the dutiful wife and submit to my sexual needs, that was how she put it, but was just going through the motions. When she started having pain issues she used it as an excuse to put an end to having to have sex with me without hurting my feelings. As if that wasn't enough of a revelation she dropped a bomb by telling me that she was never really into dick. She loved me. but had no desire to have a penis inside her. In fact she found the softness of women attractive, but was quick to reassure me that she loved everything else about me and wouldn't trade our life for anything. I asked her the big question and she assured me she had always been faithful. She started crying, saying she was sorry, she loved me and never wanted to hurt me. We wound up cuddling in bed with Sir joking that the cage wasn't coming off. We fell asleep holding each other.
This morning Sir asked me what I thought, how did I feel about us. She said she didn't want to lose me. I was very nervous when I told her I loved her too, and I understood her now better than I ever had and saw no reason that we shouldn't proceed as we had been, but it was her decision, she was in charge. I felt I needed to do something to show her I was serious, so I knelt in front of her and kissed her feet. She smiled down at me and said it was almost time for the news. I love her.

 

This seem like a lifetime ago.

 

After we renewed our commitment to each other we watched the news and Sir gave me my "virus spankings" as she calls them. Odd as it may sound, sticking to what had become our routine gave us the sense of normalcy we needed. Funny what one can learn to consider normal. This way we weren't tip toeing around each other. At bedtime Sir dropped a pillow on the floor at the foot of the bed. More normal.
The following afternoon Sir sat in her recliner, reading a book. She had me sit on the floor next to her, waiting on her, making tea if she asked for it, fix her a snack, rub her feet, etc. After dinner Sir had me do the dishes and mop the kitchen floor, and clean the windows. For the windows Sir had me wear one of those aprons that loop around the neck, in case anyone should look in from outside. I still felt very exposed. While I was washing the windows Sir told me that if I didn't do a good job I would do it again without the apron. I believed her.
The following day Sir told me she wanted pictures of Susan washing the dishes. Domestic sub, that's what I've become. Attached are those pictures. Sir got a laugh out of the last photo. After dinner Sir said it was story time. I had to tell her how I lost my virginity, and I had better be entertaining. She hadn't shown any interest in my sexual history before, so I was surprised at this demand. I must have passed because I didn't receive any spanks. Or maybe that meant I had failed and bored her. What I did receive was a bucket and a sponge and orders to clean the bathrooms on my hands and knees, "the way women used to have to do it." I'm not sure if this was a punishment or general maintenance of the home.

 

The following day Sir presented me with a cable belt with a curved steel tube. She told me that I would have to figure out how to adjust the size. She said that she liked that there was now no penis bulge in my pants as it directed my penis back between my legs with my balls on either side of the tube, and that I couldn't see or touch my penis. When adjusted properly it was extremely secure, and since I could
wear it in the shower there was no reason for it to come off for the foreseeable future. She said it was time to take my chastity to the next level by virtually taking away my penis. She said that now my penis was not only useless it was out of sight as well as untouchable. She said we might have finally found my permanent device. We'll check my cock a few times the first couple of weeks and then, if all is well, I will be locked in it for a long time, unlocked only for cleaning. Unless Sir decides there is a way to make my chastity stricter. Sir then added that from now on I had to wear rubber gloves when cleaning so I couldn"t even accidently touch my penis. Sir made the observation that unlike my jailbird, wearing the belt makes sitting down to pee no longer a choice but a necessity. One immediate plus with the belt is no more base ring pressing against my balls. I just felt between my legs and there is no sensation of a penis being there. Oddly enough, although the belt is tight, as I sit here I am not conscious of wearing it. Since the tube doesn't. move, and there is nothing to hold, I feel like I'm peeing without a penis. Sir definitely knows how to mess with my head.

 

This afternoon Sir decided to tease me so I could feel what trying to get an erection in the new cage felt like. The word "restrictive" comes to mind. What was interesting was that since I couldn't see my penis I couldn't see how far it grew in the tube, or even tell if it reached the halfway point. My arousal reminded me of Schroedinger's Cat. It was hard and not hard at the same time until it is taken out of the tube and observed. Schroedinger's Cock.

 

Sir told me she had a present for me, that she was going to give me a little pussy. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. She handed me a masturbator and said at least now I wouldn't forget what one looked like. If I was really lucky she would let me use it...sometime next year. Maybe next Christmas. Then she had me hold it between my legs under my balls just because she said it was funny. She said that it presented many options. Maybe she would fuck it with a strapon to celebrate my cockless state, a very reverse missionary position. Sir then took a picture of me sitting on the toilet so I could see how feminine I now looked when I peed. Actually the word she used was "tinkled". I do know that it takes longer to tinkle when I wear the belt.

 

Was just reading some posts and began to get aroused in my new tube. The tightening was immediate and worrisome because growing in the tube could become more than uncomfortable. Even slightly hard makes peeing unpleasant. My new normal is to try not to get aroused at all. Sir knows this and takes enjoyment by rubbing against me, fondling my balls, etc. By putting me in the belt Sir has increased her power over me. Teasing now brings a whole new level of discomfort.

 

This morning Sir said that it would be fun to photograph what Social Distancing means to her. This was followed by the six words that make me nervous: "You know what would look cute".