Living with a vanilla keyholder

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by lockednkept, Jan 3, 2018.

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  1. lockednkept
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    lockednkept New Member

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    I have been into many fetish interest and have been way before I met my wife. We have been married 24 years. I am still interested and she still isn't.

    However, in 2002 I found a post on the cb2000 and was hooked. It took many years and devices to find one that could be worn 24/7 without any need to be removed and have the security I "needed". Having a PA, completed the security with a device from Steelworxx. Getting my wife on board would be the biggest hurdle.

    I knew she would never be the mistress, FLR, keyholder I had fantasies over, yet with the love and relationship we have, there could be a middle ground. The timing and discussion was requires to be light and open. Over the years, things have opened up but has taken time.

    If you have a vanilla wife and want to introduce her to chastity, take it slow, all her to talk, try to find a middle ground you can be happy with or grow from. We started with a few days here and there with me in chastity. Fast forward to 2017, I averaged 2-3 month in at a time. 2018 we have discussed the option for 6-12 months without being removed.

    She has gotten comfortable with bringing me to orgasm with a vibrator on my device so I still orgasm at times. So the possibility is there for what I want to experience.

    Don't jump in the pool full forced. Take time and let her get adjusted. A lot of communication. It would be the best advice I could give.
     
  2. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    What I found helpful when I was first introduced to the concept was his commicating his need for chastity in a very considerate and thoughtful way that I could easily digest.
    I wasn't interested at all initially but I knew he needed it and I loved him so I indulged him.

    lockednkept Mentions "Jumping in full force"
    This is often the case when a man becomes interested or even obsessed by the idea of chastity but fails to communicate that with his partner early on.
    What tends to happen is that he becomes thoroughly submersed
    if not obsessed by the concept and spends huge amounts of time researching and thinking about it until it has become something huge. Mainly this occurs due to his own fear of what may happen when does communicate it with his partner.
    So then we have the elephant in the room.

    I would advise any chastity curious males to communicate their interest with their partner as soon as possible before you end up presenting her with that unclimbable mountain.
     
  3. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    And then continue to communicate your feelings from then on.
    And yes it's ok for men to have feelings and emotions. Reflect on that while you are locked :)
     
  4. ineverknew
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    ineverknew Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely correct ms amanda.
     
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  5. HotWifesHubby
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    HotWifesHubby New Member

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    I introduced chastity for my wife by telling her that the main reason is that IF my cock is locked in a chastitydevice, then she may relax and allow me to give her oralsex (My fave thing to do) anytime it would please her, and by doing so she will get to be more relaxed while knowing that I will not be able to need her to perform back or need to fuck...
    And while licking her locked up in chastity, I will get to tell her my fantasies and other kinks, all while she is relaxed and calm... :)
     
  6. Felix cum ea
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    Felix cum ea Vanilla Chaste

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    Exactly! My wife is vanilla too but I love her so much for indulging my kinks and she finds these still awkward but on the other hand enjoys the lack of pressure for her when I'm locked.

    I do miss the licking though which she allows to my opinion to little, she is just not sex oriented..:(

    This leads quite often to lock and forget scenario's but hey, who am I to complain, we have never been closer as a couple.:love:
     
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  7. HubbyLocked
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    HubbyLocked New Member

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    I introduced the idea of chastity to my vanilla wife to keep me from watching porn. She was a little freaked out at first, but after some lengthy discussions and a few trial runs I could almost see the light bulb click on in her head and she immediately took interest. Maybe she caught on to all of the perks she was getting, or the level of control she had? That moment was very thrilling to me, knowing that she was now officially my keyholder wife! We have only been doing this a few months, so everything is still in the beginning stages. She's not quite the dom I would like to see just yet, as she is reluctant to tease and torment me while I'm locked. I'm not pushing these issues, just taking it easy and serving her the best I can hoping her dominant side will eventually develop over time.
     
  8. Joan.t
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    Joan.t Well-Known Member

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    It will, it will, be a good servant to her, don't pressure her for anything (sex included), and you will be rewarded.
     
  9. Wingman222
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    Wingman222 Member

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    @SoftStart

    I put so much pressure on The Goddess to perform at the start, my methods of delivering the content on chastity,cuckolding and my kinks was abysmal, I am lucky she did not run for the hills.

    I think having the ability to openly communicate is what has seen us weather the storm along with our love for each other.

    Our relationship is still very much in its infancy and with The Goddess being relatively vanilla when we first met she has handled my "complications" with aplomb.

    We are very much still finding our feet and trying to figure out how it will all work. Again it is open communication that seems to steer us in the right direction.

    I have learnt so much on this journey and I am thankful for The Goddess's patience and understanding. My biggest two lessons would be that fantasy often has no real place in reality. The second lesson would be there is no set manual or way to go about it just do what works within the confines of your relationship.
     
  10. SoftStart
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    SoftStart New Member

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    When @Wingman222 first broached the subject I was pretty shocked but keen to discover more. Unfortunately, as @Wingman222 stated above, his method of delivery and content was nothing more than a hardcore porn fantasy.

    It took me a while, but eventually I made him see that everything he had read and/or fantasised about for years had no bearing on a ‘real’ relationship - especially one in its infancy such as ours.

    I enjoy @Wingman222 being locked when apart from me, and I enjoy elements of FLR, but as for the full on fantasy he had been thinking was going to evolve, is something that may or may not ever happen in the future.

    Everybody’s relationship is different, and everybody has different dynamics within said relationship. Some have small children, some have teenagers, some have no children, others live apart, and others have been married for decades.

    Therefore there are going to be different responses and different elements that may or may not work for you.

    But my advice to new key holders would be to be open to new experiences, be open to listening to reasons and be honest about how comfortable you are with things.

    My advice to those who want to be locked would be to disregard everything you’ve thought would happen with Chastity and if you genuinely want to be locked, then accept whatever occurs within your relationship when you begin. Don’t expect the porn filled fantasy to become a reality because unless you’re in a relationship with a porn star, then it ain’t going to happen.
     
  11. ineverknew
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    ineverknew Well-Known Member

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    Great advice :)
     
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  12. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    I can't say that some fantasies aren't going to be realized, because I have found that over the past 18 months a couple have been realized, and I thought my FLR was going to be real straight up Vanilla as it could get.
    But I have tried to take the expect nothing approach. So, when something you didn't see or expect happens, it usually makes for a memorable and exciting time. I don't feel locked and forgotten like some these days, so I guess I'm in a good place, just the right amount of vanilla. :p While I know that much of my fantasy world will never be realized, is it not OK to harbor some hope of some day realizing another ? As so many others have stated, for many Ladies, especially those who are married, it takes time for them to evolve, feel comfortable, and take the lead in ways that you desire. :pray::love:
     
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  13. jemmi
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    jemmi Active Member

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    While both my wife and i have "interests".
    And many overlap, unfortunatly chastity and flr and becoming femme don't..
    I believe we are both subs..
    When i found chastity mansion and became serious about long term chastity, i explained my desires to her, and did not push when she expressed no interest..
    When i found a Goddess here to be my kH, i also was up front about this and again my desire for long term chastity..
    My KH requires that my keys be locked and she has the code.. my wife helped accomplish this task and holds the emergency key.. that is all..
    If i need her assistance to accomplish a required task from my Goddess/KH, for example: nail polish and application technic, she comments, lol, and helps and that's it, no further questions..
    My Goddess knows and undersrands the dynamics, and has instructed me to insure my wife is taken care of.. which i have expressed and have followed when my wife wishes/desires..
    Otherwise i am Goddess pet do do with as she pleases.. i started full time locked under Goddess around
    nov 15 2017, and agreeing to no release till june 29 2019..
    Goddess pet jemmi
     
  14. Joan.t
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    Joan.t Well-Known Member

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    You found a nice arrangement for your sub life: a Goddess to fulfill your dreams of being in control of your chastity and a wife that knows and complies with her demands and is served by you.
    Serving two strong women, a really nice accomplishment that every sub would be jealous of.
    My compliments, server of two Goddesses.
     
  15. jemmi
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    jemmi Active Member

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    blushing, Miss Joan is wise...
     
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  16. HubbyLocked
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    HubbyLocked New Member

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    Another thing I've been doing is telling her how good she looks and also things like "you know best" and always answering her "yes mam" when she asks me to do something. I don't think referring to her as mistress or goddess at this stage would be a good idea, especially with kids in the house! I'm keeping it simple without getting to kinky with titles, but subtly reassuring her that she's in charge. I also feel that helping to boost her self esteem and confidence will certainly be beneficial.
     
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  17. Lockedbytrace
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    Lockedbytrace Intense feeling atm.....

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    Great post! So many great replies! I have been with my partner for 3 years we’re in our mid 30’s and have children. We are so close and have great communication with each other. I have always had dark kinky obsession I usually had to hid from partners and seeked out my desires cheating and keeping secrets. After failed relationships when I met my Tracey and started to fall in love I reluctantly came clean about my sexual history and what my head is like. She was very vanilla but such a beautiful nature welcomed my freaky side with open arms. In no time we had a suitcase filled with toys and props from the sex shop. We discovered chastity together she actually first mentioned it as a joke I didn’t really know about it until then so I done the research thing most of us do and quickly devoleped a kind of fantasy/obsession. I shared my thoughts and new information with her as I went. We were still a fairly new couple with an epic sex life, I was for the first time in my life not living a lie or hiding secrets in a relationship with someone I loved and was open and honest with. We were having so much sex real chastity or orgasm denial seemed like a myth or just something I wouldn’t get. I like kinky restraints blindfold whips ect. So a metal chastity cage looks kinky as at first...I had no idea what pandora box I opened. A few hours in the beginning is all I could imagine being caged for. It didn’t happen over night but in 6 months I was going for 7 days. Then 6 weeks...6 weeks! I think in those early days the fantasy I thought I had changed constantly. It was hot and cold in my head. Yeah total submission control sounds great until you really think about it or live it at first. I think reading some of the good posts on this site helped me mature and experience the lifestyle for what it really has to offer. My key holder is the love of my life and she loves it. She evolved into a lead roll she didn’t think she was capable of. The game is always changing and evolving for us and it has taught me so much about life, myself, my partner, love, sex and most of all how to treat your lover. I didn’t come here to get all that. It was just one of many kinky ideas. What I’m trying to say is I had no idea what I was getting myself into. What is is for us now is better than any fantasy I could dream up. I am a very lucky man (bitch to my princess).
     
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  18. SoftStart
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    SoftStart New Member

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    Unfortunately our journey together has come to an end. I wish Wingman222 well, and hopefully he can find what he is looking for.
    It’s just a shame it wasn’t me.
     
  19. Calibus
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    Calibus Member

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  20. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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  21. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    When you answer her with "yes Mam," it models respect and good manners for your children in the house as well. They will pick up on this over time. That also makes you a better father as well as a good subby @HubbyLocked. :rolleyes:
     
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  22. Joan.t
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    Joan.t Well-Known Member

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    You're on the right path. Keeping it simple is the good motto, caring love the way to go.
     
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  23. HubbyLocked
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    HubbyLocked New Member

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    Just an update on how things are going.. My vanilla wife has definitely shown some changes while having me locked and fully attentive to her. She has taken more control in the household by assigning duties and arranging activities both for me and our kids. She exudes more assertiveness and confidence in her words. She is more comfortable teasing and tormenting me. The other night she caught me looking at some naughty stuff on my phone and told me that from now on I need to give her my phone every night before bed. I was looking at memes under the search term "male chastity gynarchy" and I know she saw it! She didn't say anything about it, but after that she seemed a bit more bossy. She punished me by strutting around naked and let me know she just had a great showerhead orgasm. My brain was jello for at least a couple hours after that! She is enjoying this just as much as I am. I never imagined how addictive and intoxicating female control can be. I look forward to more exciting moments! Thanks for the simple but effective advice joan! If I ever get her to join CM I will definitely have her look you up! :p
     
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  24. iome343
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    iome343 Active Member

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    Happy for you
     
  25. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Well-Known Member

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    My partner is totally vanilla and I do not see that every changing. And, frankly, if it did, she would be a submissive, not a Domme. So sadly I see no way of incorporating my desire for chastity into our lives. I can do it by myself and for myself, and I do so frequently, but that is always going to be a pale shadow of what a truly locked sub must experience.
     
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