Living with a vanilla keyholder

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by lockednkept, Jan 3, 2018.

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  1. Felix cum ea
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    Felix cum ea Vanilla Chaste

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    Well maybe first start to separate the sub aspect from the chastity aspect.
    Both together are a bit too much for your wife right now (I think).

    Start wearing your cage and be extra attentive to her and do things to help her (how small they are is not important: important is that it are things that you would normally leave to her..).

    When she is so vanilla like my wife was, she will probably not notice until after a couple of days that you are caged.
    Chances are that by the time she sees it, you probably had a couple of days to let her experience your changed attention for her and your voluntary help in whatever you can do for her. (start with vanilla things like: making the bed, load or unload the dishwasher and what also is important try to change little things you normally do but of which you know she dislikes it but will not actually make a fuss about: e.g. take your laundry immediately to the proper place and not leave it on the floor in the bedroom (even if it was only until the next morning), help setting all things on the table for dinner; help clean the table after dinner by starting before she starts cleaning..etc. you get the feeling I think)

    Sooner or later she will discover that you are wearing a cage!
    Take this moment to talk to her how much positive you have read about this and how you feel better the last days (before her noticing it) while wearing it!

    Don't ask her to be your key holder, rather tell her that you very much appreciate the changes it brought to you and that you would love her to be involved in this; but without putting any pressure on her!
    Tell her how happy you are that she discovered as you felt not comfortable how to start talking about this; thank her that she helped you start to discuss this about it with her. (when this moment arrives: smiles, hugs, 'I love you's etc are important. make it a fun thing!)

    Then after some time you could slowly move further on this path.

    Take it slow, listen to what she has to say and feels about it, don't put any pressure on her (remember: you do this for her, not for yourself!)

    Important: in all above keep humor in it, show her the fun aspect of it!

    Well, this is my own experience of course; might not be applicable to you both, but maybe you get some ideas how to fit above in your relation..

    Success!

    Felix
     
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  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Well-Known Member

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    Thanks very much, Felix, for taking such time to reply. It's greatly appreciated. I certainly see what you're saying, and it does give me confidence that my position is not quite as hopeless as I thought.

    I do have to admit to a lot of caution, however. Basically, the consequences of misinterpreting her signals and thinking she may be able to accept such developments, when in fact she wouldn't be able to, are severe in the extreme. It's kind of a zero sum game. If it were to go wrong it could be terminal.

    So, seriously, thank you for giving me a lot to think about, and for giving me some confidence. I'll give it a lot of thought.
     
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  3. Felix cum ea
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    Felix cum ea Vanilla Chaste

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    Good luck! and please don't copy/paste the approach I have written about, it has to be custom made for you both :):+1:
    (in fact that is what is so great with the chastity life style: there are no rules! whatever fits you both is the best!)
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Well-Known Member

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    thank you Felix :)
     
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  5. Coolhandluke
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    Coolhandluke Active Member

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    I introduced my chastity to my Vanilla wife in March 2016.

    Prior to this, we'd played with my denial from orgasms and if my Penis became flacid, I'd be left frustrated, she knew she liked me better if was frustrated.

    Well after a week away withal and no opportunity to sort myself out, came home and out love making was superb, I went flacid so was left frustrated and told not to play with myselfthe following week (working away),

    I self locked that week, as night only. When I came home sex again was superb, she asked how I didn't manage to sort myself out so I told her I'd bought a chastity cage and had locked yself in it.

    Well, the rest is history.

    She now demands I'm locked every night and sometimes I'm 24-7, mostly weekends.

    It's as much as I hoped for,

    I now get ruined orgasms, around 1 a month.
     
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  6. DrChastity
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    DrChastity Member

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    This thread has been very helpful for me. Thanks to all of you. I'm very eager to have my wife be my KH but I've tried to initiate this before and it didn't take. But I've learned a lot just in reading these posts. I will change my approach significantly and will try not to rush things. I think I'll use ChastiKey to keep myself locked during the first phase of my attempt to get her interested. Then slowly, I'll see if she'll be willing to set up the locks using ChastiKey herself. I'll tell her that I'll do everything else required. BTW, If you're not familiar with this phone app and website, it's really quite slick and well done.
    I do plan to up my game in terms of being helpful around the house and with the kids, and trying to pleasure her orally when the opportunity presents itself. I would think if I keep up the oral pleasing, she'll hopefully begin to see at least some of the benefits to me in chastity. I'd sincerely like to cut back on the amount of porn I surf, so I'm really hoping that this might be an added bonus the more often I find myself in chastity. Thanks again, and wish me luck!
     
  7. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Well-Known Member

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    I think you are overly complicating it still. Tell her your penis is hers alone and that she can access it anytime she wants. She keeps the keys and can leave them out for you when she wants you unlocked and ready. Let it evolve from there after she is comfortable.
     
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  8. DrChastity
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    DrChastity Member

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    Thank you for the advice. And it makes good sense to me. One question. I wouldn't be too surprised if she initially, and for some period of time, simply left the keys out. In a sense, not engaging and perhaps not showing interest. What would you say would be my best plan of action if this happens? Should I simply try to stay in chastity as best I can in this case? Again, thanks very much.
     
  9. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Well-Known Member

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    Ask to keep them in her purse or buy a $120 biometric pistol safe and set it up so that only she can open it.
     
  10. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    Glass break box with the key on the wall in your house, visible to everyone. Sign says; 'It really had better be an emergency' ..... Well who says a KH can't be a little cruel:)
     
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  11. tqbartleby
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    tqbartleby Active Member

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    The original post is spot-on... patience and communication are the key. You just can't be in a hurry if your partner is starting at some distance from your psychosexual preoccupations.

    I had let my wife know about some of my predilections relatively early in our marriage, so she was aware but never made any move to do anything about it. Eventually I decided to try to force the issue, and she tried to go along, but I went about it the wrong way--topping from the bottom, I would eventually learn it was called--and we dropped it. That doomed attempt was mainly about discipline. Many years later I proposed orgasm denial as a sexual game, and she liked that a lot. I eventually talked to her about submission, and we started an FLR.

    When I suggested we try caged chastity I could see she was startled by it, and a little disturbed. But she went along with it. She didn't like the plastic look of the first devices I tried, which looked medical to her. In addition they weren't at all comfortable for me, so we dropped that. But then I returned to it a few years later, this time with a Jail Bird which fits very comfortably. Because she had already very gradually gone from a vanilla relationship to one where my submissive kink was freely acknowledged and taken into account, and since she likes the dungeon look of the metal cage, it's working out well so far.

    This has worked very well. Basically she's willing to humor my sexual focus on denial, submission and corporal punishment in return for the practical benefits she gets: on the one hand, sexual service for her with no demands from me; on the other, domestic service from me and being able to call the shots in all things. This suits me just fine. I would be ecstatic if I sensed that she was really aroused by whipping my ass and keeping me caged, but she isn't. She goes along with it in a spirit of good fun. Twenty years ago I never thought I'd reach this stage. I count my blessings.
     
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  12. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Well-Known Member

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    Yes, just get into your head, they're not your keys, they're her keys, whether she hides them or leaves them out. If she leaves them out she's testing you, and getting used herself to the whole thing. Don't let her down.
     
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  13. cagedsubJCD
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    cagedsubJCD New Member

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    How has it been going? I am in a very similar relationship, and hoping that she takes a little more control. I am being patient, and enjoy the moments she gets into it. For us that seems to happen a more often these days.
     
  14. DrChastity
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    DrChastity Member

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    I'm so darned excited by just any possible outcome should my wife agree to try chastity and be my KH. I could see her keeping me locked up for *a lot* longer than I've ever been, and also longer than I'd prefer in general. But that said, I think it would mostly be simply fantastic if she kept me locked up for a pretty lengthy period. I think it would be the biggest turn on ever for me. And I'm pretty confident that I would not blow it and I'd keep my big ol' mouth shut! I'd just let her make whatever calls she felt like. Argh! I soooooo hope that she's willing. I can't express enough what a big deal this has always been to me, and I've never actually lived the experience. It would just be the coolest I think.
     
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  15. Blue Jay
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    Blue Jay Member

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    How did this go?
     
  16. Blue Jay
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    Blue Jay Member

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    Being new to Chastity, I have questions around where the “need” comes from that folks have mentioned above? I had always thought of Chastity as a smaller price of a larger picture of submission and am curious if there is something more basic to it?

    Also, why not keep it simple? My humble opinion is to wait for her birthday and hand her a “not scary” contract outlining some simple things she can enforce over the period of maybe a month. She sees that you’re interested in serving her by taking some probably much needed loads off her plate and you get the warm intro you were hoping for. Near the end of the month, bring up that you enjoyed seeing her happier and ask if it would make sense to expand the scope a little bit.

    Just a thought.
     
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