I had a bit of meltdown recently, been happily married for over 20 years, met up with one of my wife’s former lovers who remains a friend of ours. It reminded me she had many lovers before me, I had very few, and I’ve always had a lack of confidence about being below average penis size. I spent days wallowing in self pity and convincing myself I’ve never been able to adequately satisfy her in bed compared to all these average or well hung guys in her past. This after almost 30 years together, ridiculous, but my thoughts wouldn’t stop. After several conversations with her, she told me repeatedly I was being silly and I’ve been a great lover to her, and that she could care less about the size of penises. It’s nice to hear, I’m getting my thinking back on track, but my regrets about my crappy love life before her, and my small penis (about 4 and 3/4 inches) will always be there for me. One good thing from the conversation was we had a good talk about how chastity has been a positive thing for us in recent years, and continues to help with a mismatch in libido, particularly while she is going through menopause. Do others ever have thoughts like these that trouble them?
My wife and I have been married for almost 25 years. She never had any lovers before me, but she is quite aware that my penis is small (4 inches) and unsatisfying for her. Still, we've had a LOT of fun in the bedroom with all of the toys we have for her (dildos, vibrators, etc.) and chastity and denial for me. She also really really enjoys riding my face. And SPH is something my wife and I both very much enjoy. So, no, I can't say I have ever had any troubling thoughts or lack of confidence as a result of my smaller penis. I am sorry that you have. I don't know what to tell you except that with all the time you and your wife have been together she quite clearly loves you and wants to be with you. I think she is being honest with you that penis size doesn't matter to her, and I think you should accept that and enjoy your time together.
Way more to the equation than the size of your penis. She's been with you happily for over two decades. Something tells me you are more concerned than she is about your size.
We all have a past... but you can't change it. You can change your present and future if you want to, but it sounds like you don't need to, you have a wife who loves you for what you are, and you're also able to talk about it with her to change things if you need to. Whatever your past was, you have the future in your hands, and that's what counts.
All I can say is, whatever you might think about your performance (or lack of it) try not to keep mentioning it to your wife. She's said it's not a problem, so leave it at that. Otherwise, you might find that your continued lack of confidence might become a problem. Good luck. Thirty years together is good going. You must have been doing something (lots of things) right...
Have you been treated for depression? That kind of non-stop negative inner narrative that you can’t talk yourself out of sure sounds like it to me.
Seriously, it is not as big a deal for us women as you guys seem to think. Just remember, having someone with a very large penis who is not considerate can cause physical pain and even injury. If you guys concerned yourself more with treating your partner right and making sex a pleasurable experience rather than a pissing contest things will be much easier on everyone.
This is what I love about CM, thank you all for your replies, I showed my wife, she smiled with recognition and agreement at your responses.
My below average penis size never bothered me - most of my partners preferred oral anyway, and that fitted my subbish nature.
I'm sort of in the opposite boat. My wife isn't that into dick, and has let me have a very fulfilling kinky life over the past 25 years or so. I've always been a switch, and have recently been exploring the bottom side of myself. My kink partner is queer, and is also not that into dick. My problem over the years has been that having an above average penis, people have always wanted me to top, or wanted me, partly because of a body part. Being permanently chaste, has removed that from the equation, which is in its own way very freeing. With my wife, we bought an 8" dildo for the strap-on, which is a bit bigger than me, and has become, to us, my new penis, but it's removable, and it always stays hard, compared to the old one. With my keyholder, I stay locked, and for the first time, I'm not required to top (sexually or otherwise) as our kink stuff doesn't lead to sex. It's neat having a bigger dick, but as I got older, it's more fussy in terms of operation. It's harder to tuck away. I've had too many kink relationships that were more sexual than I intended, or my role and perceived value were the novelty of an above average cock. Chastity has been a wonderfully freeing experience. Absent of a dick waving about, I/we are free to explore other stuff, and I know that my value is for me myself.
Some while ago, I had a girlfriend who was a lot younger than me. Her ex-husband had a 9" cock and she said it was definitely 9" as she had measured it herself. Their sex life consisted of him getting on top of her, ramming it in and cumming, all within a minute or two, when he then rolled off and went to sleep. Until she met me, she'd never had multiple orgasms and she said that sex with me was the most wonderful experience she had ever had. She wasn't just being nice to me, she genuinely fell in love with me, wanted to marry me and have my babies. Sadly, my feelings for her were not the same, so I ended the relationship after just a few months. She also measured my penis and declared it to be less than half the length of her husband's, but that I was more than twice as good as him in bed. He had all the gear, but no idea. I appreciate that compared to the complete pillock that he was, it was easy for me to be better. I am now and always have been very happy with my little penis and I've had a great deal of fun with it throughout my life, which I intend to continue to do. Never once in my life have I ever had a woman express disappointment. Maybe they were all just being kind ??
That's the difference between having the tools and knowing what to do with them as well as being a less selfish lover - gotta play to your strengths.
I think the majority of us who love chastity, also put giving pleasure above having or taking pleasure. I think that's a good thing!
You could be right. We’ve talked a bit about whether I should talk to someone, I’m seriously considering it if my thought patterns don’t get back to normal.