Are You Experiencing Total Denial?

you mention your poly relationship a lot, but never really give the full story. it would be wonderful for you to start such a thread. love reading your posts

 

Total denial for 3 months so far. No touching, cuddling, kisses. I sometimes roll over in bed and rest my hand on her hip or back, and that is usually met with her pushing my hand away or rolling away (even when she is sleeping).

I can’t say it makes me feel good. Until I decided to take some control and lock myself I was becoming very resentful of our asexual marriage. I am not one who believes you walk away from a marriage though, so I had to find some way to cope. Permanent chastity appears to be the answer for me.

 

unfortunately not at the moment

 

If we’re playing, my wife uses it as the status quo...

 

It has been one thing after another, especially since the start of the holiday season, and my wife's libido is at a real low point, so, it's more like non-erotic-denial instead of erotic denial. There were a couple of bright spots in December, but not many. A ruined hand job while I was wearing pajamas was about as good as it got.

 

I am living with "Total denial" if it is defined as no PIV.
We still kiss and cuddle but if I start to get too carried away for her liking she says "Do we need to put you in something?" That 'something' is bondage. We have a closet full of bondage equipment and I will opt for this the majority of the time. The bondage now includes tucking my chaste penis between my legs under control top panties or girdles.

My old age along with high blood pressure medicine has rendered me with partial E.D. My guess is the E.D. has been exacerbated by the chastity lifestyle we have practiced over the years. My penis shows obvious signs of erectile tissue atrophy since it has been caged up in any number of chastity devices over the past 20 years.

She is in control I find myself waking further down an ever more emasculated path with E.D.

 

I get total denial because my Wife doesn’t understand my Self Locking at all...
I have been locked for six days so far, she will not even touch me in bed when I’m locked..
Anyone else having the same issue?

 

I've had a few times where I've described it. I don't/won't go into full detail as it's our private life. I've been in the kink community for 20 years or so, and many of our friends are kink folk (who can pass for vanilla and aren't always in kink mode.) so that's where I met my keyholder (It's a deeper relationship, but I call it that for here) and the 3 of us are very close friends, to the point we are extended family to each other. We don't do any 3 way stuff, and while the chastity and denial are agreed upon by the 3 of us, we are pretty vanilla and normal when we are all together.

 

I would attempt to resolve what had caused the change. Barring that I'd be in a quandry. I would want out of the relationship, but as a child of divorce I won't inflect that on my kids. At least not at their current ages, closer to adulthood they can handle. Most likely I'd tell her I was going to look elsewhere for what I need. Marriage for show kind of thing. Keep in mind what you are asking is an extreme hypothetical and the odds of it happening are almost zero. I don't see us going there.

 

Depends on how you define it, I guess. For us it works like this: I have a frenum piercing and am caged 24/7 in an Evolution Bijou, which is very secure. It won't come off without the key short of using power tools and risking serious blood loss. I am released about once/week for cleaning/inspection and then right back on, under her supervision. No PIV, No masturbation for me (not sure how that would work with the cage on). I pleasure her with my mouth, fingers, vibrator, etc on demand, which ends up being 3-5 nights/week. She takes me with her strap on occasionally (once/two weeks?) during which I sometimes will leak fluid like an ejaculation, but no real feeling of orgasm.

My last real orgasm was via masturbation in her presence about 6 months ago. Overall, we have become much more intimate than before beginning chastity, (about 3 years ago-we're both 61) and fully intend on continuing as long as both of us are alive.

 

My wife can go weeks without any Sexual activity... I struggle with this hence the Chastity cage !

 

I am not totally denied anything sexual. I am sometimes allowed to masturbate. But I am denied almost any sexual contact by her toward my unlocked penis. She teases it when it's caged, but when it is unlocked she teases it far less and almost never for more than a few seconds.

I am completely forbidden PIV sex, and I was only allowed that a few times in the last 5 years or so. The last time, which she tells me is the last time ever, was about 18 months ago.

She surprised me a few weeks ago and gave me a handjob to completion for probably only the 2nd or 3rd time in our 25+ years together. While we were laying in bed one morning she wrapped her small hand around my tiny dick through my underwear and stroked me that way until, as I always do, I came very quickly. She laughed at the mess I made in my underwear, and I thanked her profusely.

 

After reading ”total denial”, I immediately thought of Rick and Morty. Morty experiencing “true level”. If nobody else watches the show I guess I’m on my own. It looked pretty pleasant! Sorry to not add anything of value...

 

I would love to hear more on the wife's POV on this. We engage in play that is very close to this. I can be a perv about just about anything when femdom, denial, etc., is even remotely involved. I am coming up on 2 year anniversary of masturbating soon. It has been well over a year since she last gave me a hand job that wasn't ruined. We still have PIV, but this year was a lot less PIV than last year. In the last month, I've only orgasmed twice, both times in my clothes, during a ruined hand job.

Today, I told her I wanted to be officially cutoff (temporarily) from PIV, to focus on other things and take stress and pressure off. She asked me "what makes it official?" I said "if you say it". She said "its official then". My guess is another 2-4 weeks of no PIV but who knows.

So, what is she thinking through all of this? Is her libido a little less, and a more vigorous sex life a hassle? is it fun? weird? controlling? An easy way to screw with me in a fun way? Diabolical?

 

@shannonsanders - it's probably all of the above. While it's fun to play and tease and deny, real life interferes and people get tired and other things take precedence, like children and work and the need to get more than 4 hours of sleep a night.

With that said, I try to find the time to spend with DH when we're both (reasonably) awake and not tired. Sometimes it's hard but it's worth some forward planning. And then the teasing game is fun because there is no pressure to 'perform' as such. Some women prefer PIV over other contact; some love oral or finger play. Some orgasm from being kissed on the right spots. And libido ebbs and flows with the time of the month in addition to all the above factors.

So don't worry about it. But when she wants contact give her all you can without reservation, doubts, lack of willingness, etc. Some of us are very sensitive to our partner's mood and we can tell when it's an unpleasant chore for them (or, at least, we feel like they'd rather be doing anything other than what we tell them to) - so if you put your heart into it, so to speak, a simple kiss may drive her much wilder than a half-hearted oral.

 

Half-hearted oral? Simply inconceivable, I'd never heard or imagined the concept. Dedicated worship and closeness to the divine V is my very goal in life.

Half-hearted PIV is something I am familiar with.

 

@Rectrix - ikr! But it can happen. Or it's us imagining that's what's happening. And then it's hard to separate reality from fantasy and you start thinking, 'is he just going through the motions? should I have an orgasm already?'

 

we've been at this long enough, and had our share of craziness, but also out share of droughts. sometimes more effort just doesn't lead to more results.

also, it is not a matter of "worrying" for me at this point. sometimes, you just don't feel in sync. i relate to a lot of what you are saying, but it is different when you hear it from a woman.

 

Sometimes, I fall back to eroticizing the complete mundane to try to get a little spark when things don’t feel quite right. The risk is that I build things up in my head, and we stay off same page.

Right now, we are toying with the idea that I am virtually completely cutoff, a/k/a I’ve been put into “retirement”. It (usually) doesn’t end up staying that way very long. We have a hotel room to ourselves this weekend so we will see if I stay “totally denied”.

 

Generally speaking I don’t experience total denial as you define it. I am locked pretty much 24/7 except for edging sessions where I get restrained before the cage is removed. These edging sessions can go on for hours sometimes but I am never allowed to cum and have been denied like this for over two years now.

the last few months of 2019 were a little different though. I was locked all of the time and my only unlocking was a daily cleaning my girlfriend performed for me whilst I was restrained as I normally would be when unlocked. She tried to keep it as I sexual as possible and get me locked back up ASAP.

it was very odd going from daily edging to basically no stimulation of my cock whatsoever and I found myself bizarrely craving the edging. The lock up did come with other forms of teasing though. Lots of nipple stimulation, playing with my cage and stroking it, me wearing the strap on and fucking her with it.

Having now experienced both full denial and daily edging I don’t think I could do permanent no stimulation denial.

 

Today is the two year anniversary of both the last time I ejaculated from stimulation of my penis and the past time I ejaculated during piv sex. It's been almost a year since my last ejaculatiom from prostate stimulation

But yesterday I received a loving full body massage from my Wife while remaining locked (and also plugged). It was wonderful.

It is challenging but I am much happier now and a better husband

 

My Wife does need and enjoy non sexual touch from me on a regular basis. Piv once a month typically, but I hope to be permanently denied piv and I think my Wife will be on board for that soon

 

i have no sex, in anyway. Just every 3 month i'm allowed to wnak my self with a very short time to cum.
my wife body is not alloewed for any sexual intention, and i can't touch her between neck and knee without permission