Forced in to Chastity?

"CNC" chastity is something I've done with a couple of my more trusted keyholders. It's really challenging at first, but really hot in retrospect. I am a fan.

 

Dom/sub dynamics vary from person to person. For me, limits are discussed well before even starting a "session" and the topic of consensual non-consent is covered during that time. 6 months or a year later when it happens, it's much more intense. Either not getting the key back when promised or being in bondage and locked back up while I can't escape are a couple of examples of what I've "enjoyed".

 

We started chastity as a way to enhance our sex lives. Over the years this evolved from swinging, to bdsm, and then adding chastity as part of the activity. When we first started bdsm, I was the Top and she the Bottom. Over time we started switching and gravitated to her assuming the Domme role. One day while looking for some new devices in a sex shop, a young lady showed us a plastic chastity cage. We purchased it as a joke and played with it during one session and then a few non bdsm weekends. I would get locked a few hours before we would play and found it heightened our sex lives once it came off hours later.

Eventually the thing cracked and we thought it would be the end when I found a inexpensive metal cage on line. One Saturday at our pool I walked out wearing the cage and the sunlight hit it just right and the flash caught my wife's attention and she fell in love with the device. We continued to include it in our bdsm session but then expanded our weekend sex play except the times became longer. We went from a few hours to over night and then the entire weekend, Friday it would go on and finally off on Sundays. Eventually it changed to going on on Sundays and not coming off until Saturday and then more of my wife controlling my release.

I have been voluntarily caged for many years except for one period that was one total misunderstanding because of someone's lie. My wife was told I had cheated on her and my choice was to remain locked in a cage for a year without any release or face a divorce. At the end of 1 year, she would decide what she wanted to do next. Then she decided to travel to the west coast on business to visit several of her major clients and while there, visit with our children and grand children to explain her extended time away. She had her girl friend look in on me every few days and be available with the spare key just in case.

After 2 months the GF started asking me question on how I could have been so stupid to go behind my wife's back and finally listened to my story about all I did was change the tire on the neighbor woman's car and nothing more. Being nosy, she started snooping around and a month later found a guy sneaking into her house who had the same build, hair color, and clothing style (jeans, tee-shirt, and trainers) as me. After the third time she rang the bell while the guy was in the house and finally got them to admit it was him all along and I was an innocent dupe. She then called my wife who immediately flew home and begged for forgiveness.

I was offered the sweetest deal in the world, immediate and forever release and do what I wanted to her, her girl friend, or both of them together. After a week of sitting quiet and my wife begging me for forgiveness every day, all I wanted was a full weekend of animal sex with my wife. Once we were done she asked me where do we go from here and I grabbed my cage and put it back on. She still controls my orgasms and keeps everything interesting each and every day.

So except for 100 days, I choose to be in chastity.

 

Well truly forcing someone to do something is not very legal, and to be honest not very realistic. Some may not like the options, but they are there.

Even the most expensive devices are a drill or cutting tool away from opening. It might be too dangerous or awkward to do on your own, but I assure you that no cage is inescapable. It might be embarrassing to employ help to get it off, but it can be removed.

Options are what the real issue then. Like you are staying locked or…insert threat here. I believe that if someone did this, trust would then be broken, and not someone I would want holding my keys anyway and it’s back to getting the cage off problem. I’m not say that the options will be good or all turn out, but they are there.

Some options are conditional, some hard. My wife for example had admitted that she would find it hard to ever have me unlocked for good. Her words were “I don’t think we could ever go back to a normal, and you just walking around without your cage on” . Did she say that she would leave me if I didn’t, did she say I didn’t have any choice? No she just wanted to clarify that if I wanted to change it back, things would be different for her. Change. If you aren’t comfortable with things possibly changing, don’t change things. Simple but those are consequences. Every action has them.

If I am having a problem with my cage I would tell her, and she would unlock me. If I told her I didn’t want to do this anymore, we would have a discussion about its importance and possible repercussions of living without it. Of course she would eventually agree to my demands, but that doesn’t mean she would be happy with our new arrangement, and it doesn’t mean that wouldn’t change our life. It just means I have an option to be cage free whenever I want.

 

The word "forced" has quite a bit of nuance, human beings are complex creatures with complex emotions and motivations.

Some people get turned on by giving control to someone else that they trust, the loss of control feels good and erotic at times. And when I say "turned on" I don't just mean sexually, I mean it is something that feels good in a general sense, feels fulfilling, as if it is just the way they were meant to live. They feel as if they are living for a higher purpose beyond their selfish wants... a purpose to serve and obey someone that they love and trust and look up to as a leader... so being denied selfish wants to serve the higher purpose is something that turns them on at a deep level. The self denial and service and sacrifice almost becomes spiritual. The amount and level of control varies depending on each person and each relationship. Some people want to cede or take complete control with no limits and no exceptions while others want limited control, or "only in the bedroom."

For some who cede complete control with no limits, they get turned on by the loss of control even though there will be times when they don't "want" to do something in a particular moment because deep down they feel fulfilled by being controlled and told what to do and the desire to be controlled by someone they trust overrides the temporary feeling of "wanting" to do something or not "wanting" to do something that is expected of them in any given moment. It is something of a contradiction... getting turned on and feeling fulfilled by being denied permission to do something that you "want" to do or being "forced" to do something that you don't want to do at that moment. Humans are complex creatures.

 

I feel like the OP would get a better answer from Fetlifers. This is a BDSM question and this forum is.......shockingly vanilla at times.

 

I had a girlfriend years ago that was a switch like me. On weekends we would flip a coin as to who was in charge of the weekends’ sexual scenarios. It was a lot of fun for both of us. She started liking more and more intense femdom scenarios when she would win. In fact, she introduced me to chastity by locking me up and hiding the key. She would give me one clue Monday through Friday. If I didn’t find the key by the the weekend no clues, just humiliating consequences. Sometimes she would invite some of her like-minded girlfriends to join in the fun too. They enjoyed my first weekend consequences when I had to model my chastity cage wearing just crotchless panties and my chastity cage. The relationship ended in a friendly way but after she moved out, I told her I planned to rent out one of my bedrooms since we shared the cost of the apartment. She said one of her friends that I had met and was looking for a place to share rent. I remembered her from just one of those scenarios as a tall sexy big tit blond and said sure. Two months of great sex later she was my femdom roommate and I was her blackmailed sub. Turns out she had very compromising videos and pictures of me from our on going flip the coin weekend games.

She discovered that I was playing a kinky version of Truth or Dare online. I let her watch while I was online. She took over my account and began posting Chastity Cage Dares that players could request. She used these dares as a source of weekend entertainment for her and her like-minded girlfriends.
You would be surprised what you would do to get out of that cage.

 

I'm not forced by any stretch of the imagination.

I've learned to desire to please her. And she knows how to get my mind into that state. No forcing required.

What else could a guy ask for?

 

Forced? No. My idea? No.

If I had said no, the consequences would be that I wouldn't be in chastity. She would feel weird for bringing it up as often as she had and would eventually stop hinting at it. She would then think twice about exploring things with me and sharing other things that cross her mind. We wouldn't be as close. Neither of us would have known about the benefits either. We would still be a great couple and if cum a way lot more. And she work extra hard to make me cum at the expense of her enjoyment.

Evn though I didn't want it (and I made myself clear the first time we spoke about it), I still wouldn't call it forced. It is possible to like something only because it's a shared thing that you're partner likes. I would never go hiking by myself. I hate it. She loves the outdoors. She likes hiking. I'm not forced to go with her, but when I do, I like hiking... with her. I don't like hiking without her. We have a great time hiking together. Even though I don't actually like the hiking part.

I have zero desire to be chaste and less than zero desire to be chaste with someone who doesn't want me to be. Yet I am now. Is that forced? Well, it doesn't feel like it because I love sharing it with her and like doing it with her. She's really hot with it. And I love how she enjoys it and that makes me enjoy it. And I find I look forward to aspects of it. With her enthusiasm, it becomes something I welcome. So I wouldn't call it forced.

 

I think there are very few cases of anyone being forced into this. I know that in my case, it is voluntary even if I complain occasionally. If I was really committed to finding ways to masturbate behind my wife's back, I am sure I could find ways. But there are reasons I keep going with orgasm denial. One, I love my wife and I know she enjoys denying me. Two, I love a challenge and in most areas of my life I tend to strive for overachievement. I guess its not a big surprise to me that I take my wife's desire for my chastity as some kind of challenge. I feel compelled to beat her expectations. Lastly, it can be rather fun at times. She likes denying me and I enjoy seeing her having fun and enjoying herself.

 

I am not forced. I asked for this. My KH was definitely not the one to bring Chastity up. Even when she says I'm not coming out this week or weekend I know if I need to for any reason obviously besides to masterbate she would let me.

 

I wasn't forced into male chastity, I brought it up to my Wife and she loved the idea. Now it's our lifestyle. I'm sure if one of us wanted to stop, we would.

 

I can see how a cage after say an affair would help ease minds as an example. Very much doubt though anyone is forced into chasity anywhere except their minds. The whole I have no choice cnc thing may appeal to some. In truth though a brass padlock or internal lock is easily defeated. Being caged makes it easier to accept or do things you always wanted to saying I had no choice is all it is.

 

Controlling someone's will is much more powerful than attempting to control someone with a device or physical restraint. A person who is properly submitted and aligned to the will of another will willingly and enthusiastically obey. No force is necessary.

 

Agreed but question was forced into chasity not controlling a person's will. Even in that case a person won't do something that goes against their core values.

 

It is important to find someone who aligns with your core values before submitting to them. I agree that is easier said than done. If someone is truly submissive and they find someone who aligns with most of their core values, they will naturally align themselves and adopt all of the dominant partner's core values so that there is no longer any cognitive dissonance and no exceptions. The result is total submission and obedience with no "except if it conflicts with my core values" exceptions.

 

No two people will ever perfectly agree on anything. I have hard boundaries and she respects them. I'm simply saying if you're being cucked or doing homosexual acts over a brass lock that can be cut or tabs broken off its because it's you're allowing it. The cage gives people an excuse to say oh no guess i have no say.

 

We are going to have to agree to disagree. While it is true that no two people will perfectly agree on everything, I believe (and I have experienced) that if one person is naturally submissive and trusts another to be their leader and dominant, and if their core values mostly align, then the submissive partner may be motivated enough to align with the dominant partner so that their core values align and the submissive partner adopts the will of the dominant partner. If that happens, the submissive's will is the dominant's will because the submissive adopts the dominant's will and it shall be done. The dominant's will is expressed and the submissive obeys... the submissive wants what the dominant wants and is motivated to please and obey. No questions asked. No exceptions. No boundaries.

I do agree with your point that a cage does not force someone to do anything, they do it because they want to do it. That is not different than what I am saying.

 

Yeah that's where abuse starts and where a healthy dynamic ends. Both parties always have a say in the relationship or its not one.

 

If two people are happy with that dynamic, who are you to declare it to be unhealthy or abusive? I am sure there are people who think it is unhealthy or abusive for a woman lock a man's penis in a cage and refuse to allow him to have an erection or an orgasm.

One person's kink is another person's "unhealthy or abusive."

 

So you're ok with having your organs harvested to be sold on the black market if that person wanted? If not that's a boundary. We all have them it's just a matter of where we draw the line.

 

Of course you can come up with the most extreme and unrealistic examples to prove your point that we all have limits, and I agree, and it does boil down to where do you draw the line. But I do think two reasonable minded people can agree on which extreme, immoral and unrealistic examples are off the table (bodily mutilation, violent felonies, physically harming other people) and everything else is on the table. And I really don't see this as the submissive setting boundaries, rather the submissive is accepting control from someone with good character and a known and trusted moral compass who sets the boundaries to which the submissive aligns or agrees.