Why doesn’t your Domme want sex with you?

Ms Veronica may be a statistical outlier with regard to sexual positivity and expression. My wife, when she was younger, had this idea that boys needed to come, and would feel guilty not giving into my groping (as I call it), but would also not want to be interrupted doing (whatever). The mixed feelings that she was not able to articulate would make her upset. And naturally, I'd be wondering what got her panties into a bunch.

 

There's also this anti-intercourse trope you encounter in one corner of anti-porn feminism: all PIV sex is experienced as surrender or submission. I think that's frankly bonkers as a generalisation. If you go back to Anglo Saxon times, there was this idea that it was the women who were hungry for sex, and husbands owed them a marriage debt... Even so, I wonder whether some women with a dominant streak experience PIV as a kind of surrender, and at a gut level would rather avoid it. I also wonder whether something weird around gender is happening.

 

I understand why some would feel it is a surrender. Women have to open themselves to penetration. There is a vulnerability there.

I personally do not feel that domination and vulnerability are incompatible though.

 

I mean physically have to open themselves. I personally believe there is a difference, yes. But that is me

 

And then we would have hands like the cartoon characters.

 

Men have the ability to take it without the women giving consent, so yes there is a difference.

 

Women can rape men as well.

 

Yes but much practically harder and complex to achieve, and not something men generally perceive as a threat worth shaping their day to day lives around.

That's just how it's seen. Partly cultural, I guess, based on experience. Even now, the physical risks and consequences of penetration have always been greater for women than for men.

However, I suspect something more primal is going on: something around gender and/or some instinct to avoid intercourse because pregnancy, especially to women in middle age and later.

 

When I say take I mean physically overpowering a women, and it would be extremely rare for a rape to take place in this manner when a women rapes a man.

 

Summarising so far:

Why don't (some of) your dommes have sex with you?

Because they don't want to.

Why don't these women want PIV?

There's probably no one answer. However, this is quite common in vanilla life, especially as couples enter middle age. Only 25% of women actually get off on PIV, and some of the other 75% seem to lose tolerance for it. If you google around, people talk about varying intimacy tolerance and energy levels, and uncomfortable intercourse. Perhaps dominant women tend toward being "straight lesbians"?

Why did it take male chastity for these women to get what they wanted? (What kind of husbands are you?)

Two things going on:

Chastity usually arrives as part of a power exchange, which triggers the first honest exploration of what she really wants.

Chastity turns the bug into a feature. She doesn't need to feel guilty, and believes his visible commitment. She can enter an erotic situation assured that she won't face renegotiation once he's turned on.

If a device makes you more submissive, aren't you really submitting to the device, not the person?

No. It's like handing over the TV remote control. Or, if we were Ancient Roman, submitting ourselves legally to be a slave. The initial act is one of submission to the person, not to the remote control nor to the law.

Don't you want sex?

Yes! No! (That's how it works. We're masochists, or at least enjoy the power our mistresses have over us. The drives don't sum to a single position.)

Why are your dommes such bad dominatrixes? (They're so physically passive, and don't engage in your pleasure.)

Our dominants are dominant, not dominating.

Many of us have a Service Dynamic, meaning she commands, we obey, mostly to serve. At times this looks like a gender flipped 1950s marriage. At its most intense it resembles Ancient Roman chattel slavery. We like this because we are submissive [ and also get a voyeuristic kick out of it].

How do you know your relationship isn't abusive?

The usual metrics: we're happy to see our dommes etc.


I think that covers everything that's been raised?

 

[QUOTE But, it's rare to read of Dommes or KH being sexual towards their chaste. I wonder why.[/QUOTE]

the possibility why most kh (I think there is a big difference in between a dom, and a kh, thats why I just wrote kh) are not sexual towards their chaste, is because most people discover chastity play after loosing interest in sex with there partners.
spreading legs and get a blow job from a chaste, is far away of good sex. at least for me.
thats why I make a difference of a kh and a dom. being dominant is a very difficult job, it requires a lot of sexual fantasys and focus toward the sub.
being a dom means work. there are no lazy good doms. just putting a device on a dick, is not automatically making you a dom.

 

Sounds great . Love when the woman is the aggressor and tape me up nice and tight!

 

Great reply’s to all things Miss Veronica! Very insightful! Thanks

 

When we first started cuckolding things changed rather rapidly. Part of that was due to her seeing me dressed as a female for the first time. We tried making love that way but it was an epic disaster. She is not at all bisexual and was not attracted to me as a female. She also said I looked prettier than she thought I would and was taken aback by how feminine I acted. That was the first part of that change. The second was that her first Bull had an enormous cock and I was literally like half his size in length and thickness. I had met her when she was 18 and she had only one boyfriend before and he was also apparently smaller in size down there. So he was the forst man she had who was very well endowed and despite her being petite, she was able to fully enjoy not only his huge size but also his incredible talents in bed. I watched as she made noises I had never heard before and came so hard I thought she was going to pass out. I knew as I watched her face and the immense pleasure she was getting that things would never be the same again. By my count after that moment, we tried, and I say tried, to make love 6 more times.

The first time after we started cuckolding, I remember being on top and looking down at my small cock and my soft snow white skin, and all I could think about was how she was comparing me to her Bull who was lean, muscular, hairy chested, and tan...and of course twice the size of me endowment wise. I went soft and could not get hard or finish. We tried again about a year later when she stopped seeing her Bull and again the same thing happened. The last time, we had gone abut 4-5 years without trying and we were in a hotel room in San Francisco watching TV in our matching jammies we had bought that day and for some reason she unlocked me and said "we need to bond". Amazingly she was able to get me hard with her hand and climbed on top of me and my cock was feeling pleasure it had not in ages. But when I looked up at her and saw her beautiful face and thought about this being the view that so many men had seen that she had been with and I came instantly...30 seconds of performance. I apologized profusely but she told me that it was "perfect" and that it was why we were a cuckold couple. That was on December 22nd, 2013. Since then we have not tried nor does either of us want to.

She has her very masculine lovers and currently is seeing 3 men. She has had long term relationships and random one time things too. She is sexually very satisfied but it would not work if we were not in love and still very intimate. I worship her orally every day, often more than once. We still hold hands, cuddle, and kiss and are very affectionate in public. We just dont have intercourse. And of course she does not please me orally. We discovered a long time ago that me having traditional orgasms screws everything up in our dynamic. I would get depressed after cumming and she found that my eagerness to serve and please as her sissy save diminished. So after she saw me cum using my Aneros toy, she decided that I was not to use my cock for pleasure. That last time we made love was the last time I felt pleasure there. But she does allow me to cum using that toy about once a month or so, and of course I have other toys that I can use anytime and do, and she also allows me to see men as long as I am safe so I have male lovers of my own who I dress for.

But every cuckold couple is different. I love our version and every day is an erotic adventure. How many couples can say that after 30 years of marriage?

 

In my opinion, a Professional dominatrix can segregate personal and professional identities because they stay emotionally detached from their submissives. If the dominatrix engages in sexual intercourse with a submissive, then she loses her power and this relationship is all about power exchange. Surely, sexual intercourse isn't everything.

 

I was literally just trying to summarise everything that we'd talked about!

 

Hello. I’m late to this thread so apologies if my question doesn’t fit in to the flow of where the conversation has got to but: what’s the difference you have in mind between inflicting physical pain on a masochist (“positive domination”) and inflicting emotional/mental pain on a masochist? I say nothing about the wisdom or otherwise of masochism in either case, let alone whether being masochistic is a free choice. Let’s just assume for that moment that the masochist “has his shit together” whether he likes physical pain or emotional pain or both.

 

Interesting thread.