Why doesn’t your Domme want sex with you?

Although we have made chastity a part of our relationship, neither Princess or I consider me to be her sub. That said, I do consider myself lucky to be her husband and the sex is the least of it. Regarding attentiveness, I think that women with whom I've had a relationship would consider me to be attentive in an "old school gentleman" sort of way. By that I mean showing courtesy, opening doors, holding her coat and those sorts of things. So, chastity hasn't changed anything there. What it has done is freed Princess from her prior feeling of having an obligation to reciprocate if I paid any sexual attention to her.

 

Yea I agree. To be honest I had a good idea what the result was probably going to be. Sometimes a break from the norm is good on both sides to increase creativity and increase the desire. Pushing off sex for a month will hopefully make the eventual lovemaking more special and not something that is taken for granted.

 

I didn't mean gift in the sense of something calculated or cold, more like the way some women might enjoy giving a blow job. She certainly enjoys my pleasure when she's in the mood to, but I think she's enjoying exploring the road where mostly she can ignore it - partly I think it's an introvert thing.

Yes, I've always been a little ambivalent about penetration. Possibly it's an effect of my submissive nature: I don't really want to penetrate unless it's specifically giving pleasure.

 

What a wonderful reply! My wife has been more and more publicly vocal about praising me in public, and not only has it reinvigorated my own standards, but it gives me a sense of pride.

She is proud to tell others that “he does all the cooking and cleaning, he rubs my feet every night and takes such good care of me”. The first time I heard her say that I thought I would be embarrassed, but I wasn’t, it was pride.

This is an aspect of the D/s lifestyle that is somewhat overlooked, yet can be very powerful.

 

Oh, yes. Absolutely! I love to be humiliated and denied. Honestly, it's just about all I get off on.

These are interesting questions. I think I've always been or wanted to be submissive. Since I was an adolescent I dreamed and fantasized about being dominated, tied up and abused, and so on. But early in our relationship and marriage, the sex with my wife was quite vanilla. Although I had done some heavy foreplay with a couple girls before her, she and I were both virgins before we started having sex. And the sex was very normal. It took a long time for me to open up to her about my desires to be dominated and humiliated, and as it happens by that time she had certainly noticed that for some reason she could never have an orgasm from just my penis. We had begun to introduce more toys into our sexual encounters. Her vibrator gave her the first orgasm, but as she allowed me to get her some larger and larger dildos she realized that she absolutely could have vaginal orgasms too but only from toys that were quite a bit larger than my penis.

As that realization came to her I found my way to encourage her to humiliate me. She had always thought my penis was large or average, and she was learning that was not true. Even though I think she is quite natural at being dominant and a sadist, she was scared to hurt my feelings and would only humiliate me when I asked for it.... e.g., Me: "Honey, doesn't that feel so much better than my tiny penis?" Her: "It feels good, but your penis is fine." I would have to then keep at it to get her to admit it was better, or to remind her and assure that I wanted her to humiliate me, that it was okay to do so and wouldn't hurt me.

Anyway, getting back to your question directly.... She used to humiliate me and deny me because I asked for it or even pleaded with her for it, which made it difficult to believe she really thought I was that inadequate and didn't want sex with me. So the question of whether she or I thought I deserved to be treated that way just because I was born with a small penis: No, she would never have done that to me - it would never have occurred to her to do that - on her own without my encouragement. And, at first, she only did it because I really wanted her to. For my part, I am successful and confident in nearly everything else I do outside the bedroom. I don't honestly feel that my small penis makes me less of a man, or less of a person. But in the bedroom I crave humiliation, some pain, and denial. That's what gets me aroused. So, no, it doesn't make me feel inadequate in any life changing way, but it does fulfill me in another important way.

Now, some things have changed over the years... She knows full well that I want to be humiliated and denied. And at the same time she knows a lot better what gets her off. There is not a single doubt in my mind that having my tiny penis cum inside her after only 20 seconds or so, or having it fall out repeatedly while she struggles to get off with her vibrator on her clit, doesn't satisfy her at all. And there doesn't seem to be any doubt in her mind either. I don't have to ask her for humiliation or denial. She gives it freely, honestly, often publicly, and nearly constantly. I don't think I could make her stop at this point.

Thank you for reading and responding to it!

 

My Domme is my wife. Of course she praises me. She also points out my shortcomings. I know I can not satisfy her in some ways. And she reminds me of that. She also praises me. We are madly in love. And, we both are very kinky and sexual people. I am completely obedient to her and I have never been in a more satisfying relationship. Yes, she gets off on humiliation. As do I.

 

I completely agree. I will say that since starting chastity while holding my own key initially I was able to stop my masturbation because I was focused on something else much more fascinating and delicious. Personally with my OCD I have to pick and trade healthy distractions in order to deal with negative distractions. In this case chastity is just mmmm consuming and deserves the lovely respect of being all pent up and frustrated inside.

So personally being locked up doesn't prevent masturbation. Being locked up adsorbs me into a happy submissive world where I want all that it entails. Especially to make my mistress happy <3 and she's happiest if I'm frustrated and saving all my sexual activity for her.

 

Mrs Edge does not consider herself to be kinky. In fact, she doesn't really consider what we're doing now to be very kinky. We just do it this way because for her, she would like PIV, and the equipment that we bought is a very, very good equivalent. And for me, while I would like more kink, I'm willing to go along with what is turning out to be permanent (or certainly indefinite) denial. I've mentally reconciled situation.

And yes, we've been at this since the late 1990s or early 2000s. We take breaks, but whenever we play, it's weeks or months at a time. This time around, well, we're coming up on a year, and it's going to continue for a while longer.

I'm going to stress that this is not a domme/sub thing for us; it's mainly just about us finding some way to keep things exciting.

That's great to hear! Looking forward to seeing how it goes.

 

<3 Same to you, Miss

 

My wife and keyholder would never have considered herself dominant. It is a role she grew into, and realized she was.

We have explored, and she has found some new things that she herself had not even known about. She experimented with discipline, and discovered she is a bit of a sadist. Punishing, inflicting pain, asserting her Will turns her on, and gives her confidence.

She enjoys being in charge both in and out of the bedroom, but was only into both once we started, it was totally new and foreign to her. She was so used to reciprocating, giving, obeying, being taken for granted, and basically being submissive, that she had no idea it was even possible living any other way. Months of being my kh/mistress led from her playing a role for me, to her actively being the one wanting all this even more than I do.

I don’t really think she changed, she just didn’t know any other way before she experienced it. Is she dominant? Probably not in the traditional sense in bdsm. She doesn’t wield her power every minute over me. It’s in her attitude and little glances. Small smiles and subtle remarks. She loves giving me pleasure, just does so on her terms, which is exactly what I wanted so we are in a pretty good place.

I have a few threads
https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...uh-oh-she-likes-it-grinning-ear-to-ear.18174/
And
https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...n-of-mistress-amante.21891/page-8#post-305026

I don’t expect you to go through them, it’s a mixture of venting, information, and sexual escapades, but basically the gist of how we went from exploring chastity to full on lifestyle change. Our evolution.

So no she was not dominant, until she found that she was. I think going the other direction would be the Mount Everest of tasks now that she has experienced and enjoyed our current lifestyle.

 

My situation is a bit complex. Both my wife and my keyholder are not what I would call, "into dick". With my wife, she's always enjoyed PIV sex, but in 30 years of marriage, has never given a handjob, or blowjob. Getting hard has always been my responsibility. She doesn't like cum, and she doesn't like sex to continue after her orgasm. We've adapted our sex life to accommodate this, starting with Karrezza. A few years ago, we realized that I was spending more time masturbating, or doing kinky stuff to get off. She's always let me explore my kink side, and I consider kink to be a sexual orientation. I've never functioned well in a vanilla sense. I've always had a kink self identity back to the early days. At this point, my wife was enjoying her toys more than we were having sex. That started our experiments with the strap-on, and getting me back into chastity. The hard part was sticking to the chastity, even though it improved our sex life and relationship.

With my keyholder....She's a very close (kinky) friend of both of us, and a sadist, and she's queer. She's not into dick particularly, other than for cbt, and views sex as "Ok, but not as good as a nice massage by someone in service, or being sadistic towards them.". Her big problem with kink partners in the past, both male and female, is that kink always had to lead to sex. The lack of desire and need for sex, makes our kink relationship possible, within the boundaries of our kink roles, and my marriage, and the friendship of the 3 of us. She gets someone in service to her, enough intimacy to make her happy, and an outlet for her kink/sadism.

The more we explored power exchange, the more she began to enjoy restricting me sexually. She knew my wife and I were nearly always choosing the strap-on over PIV, and the more I was in chastity, the less suitable for sex I was becoming. (Someone else pointed this out in this thread, that a fully chaste cock is often too sensitive for giving pleasure without going off itself) For her, to have me willingly stay locked, and learn (we do a lot of reinforcement) to abandon "typical" male urges, and not view the penis as a sex organ, is the ultimate offering of submission. The chastity cage functions for us, as my collar.

Both women agreed that I'd stay locked, and chaste. The strap-on has become my "new" cock, and I enjoy that as much as Ive enjoyed real PIV. Yeah, it's pretty much like dry humping, but being locked, I'm extra sensitive, so it actually feels amazing. When I'm with my keyholder, I don't have a cock. A few times a year she might unlock me for CBT, but otherwise I serve her when we have alone time, and we do typical bdsm stuff, but I don't have any expectation of what you'd call sexual play. They are both really awesome people, and well worth any sacrifice and general male misery I might feel from my restrictions. We don't make a big deal of it. My wife doesn't have to get all Toppy and make sure I stay locked. My keyholder gets a best friend in service. I get to be close to two amazing women, and chastity is the constant reminder of that.

 

Likewise speaking from from a male submissive point of view, I'd like to offer my alternate philosophy on what I see as misconceptions around the nature of male chastity and submission.

Like much BDSM, the chastity cage is a hack to achieve a particular set of results. Thus...

On the contrary, if the chastity device gives him relief from his anxiety - which is why he says he masturbates compulsively - then it's no more used in fear than medication would be, and has fewer side effects.

Unless his domme is a qualified professional, it's probably a bad idea for her to try to fix his psychological problems directly. However, she is giving him a period of kink-enabled respite, and that may give him the space to heal himself. If not, eroticising it at least turns a bug into a feature.

Emphatically no. That's way too starkly purist. If I hand the TV remote to my partner it would be absurd to suggest that I was submitting to anything other than her in the choice of show. The sub submits to wearing the chastity cage, knowing it makes him more submissive. The same goes for discipline and whatever fetish stuff pushes his submissive buttons.

A lot of dommes want to be pampered and doted on, not because they are insecure or defined by their sub - though that makes kink a fun and healthy work around - but simply because they just like getting their way.

We've been FLR for almost 5 years and married for about five times that - My wife commands, I obey. She's off PIV, we don't have PIV. She likes the sense of ownership and enhanced dynamic from having me wearing 24/7 so I wear 24/7. And so on.

For many long-term D/s couples, Femdom is about adopting stable roles and getting on with our lives, and we'll use whatever tools are available to help.

 

Porn didn't increase my need for sex, it went hand in hand with Masturbation. Getting off Porn made me more interested in being intimate with my wife, touching her, giving her a Massage, hugging her, paying attention and it gave me more and better quality intimacy.

in many cases I agree, however on this forum it might be slightly different, have you seen this thread? https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...long-have-you-been-married-or-together.25489/

Thankfully I am not part of the Tinder Generation and I personally I am happy we managed to stay course, of course there are many for whom separation is best but from my experience I am sure much more marriages could be saved by trying, wanting, less PMO and perhaps some Kink

 

I want sex, but sometimes I have to be strong to make my point to my husband. In spite of all that, what I do is make a "deal" with him. If he'll agree to something, I'll shorten the time of his lockup. I've used it to get him to agree to things he normally wouldn't have. I'll also use it to get him to agree to going somewhere with me he hates, like the accessories store or an antique show. Usually, I can get him to agree to it just when I have him dressed up, since that makes him submissive, anyway. But I can also use it as an "excuse" to take off his cage so I can enjoy him..

He knows part of the deal is he goes and doesn't complain, even when I take my sweet time, which I do and he doesn't even make a face.

We're still on the holiday hiatus we go on every year from chastity and discipline. In fact, it's been extended to Valentine's Day because we had to come off of it for a little bit for reasons I posted on other threads here (and somebody called me a liar about). It's working for me now, because at this stage of my pregnancy, I'm finding I want sex more than I used to, and I wanted it alot before I got married and pregnant..

 

Th

We've indulged you, but your thoughts seem to amount to (I summarise): "Your relationships are fake and probably toxic, your keyholders are not Real Dommes (like super duper Amazonian me, Mistress of the Arts of Domination)."