Zero to 60 overnight

Day 29

We are stuck in a depressing cycle of overcast, rainy weather. I feel like we must live in Seattle or the UK where it's my impression the weather is like this frequently. With days being the shortest of the year, it doesn't get daylight very early. We've been sleeping in well past our usual. And our interest in cuddling and playing in the morning is dimished. Lady D still teases me frequently but some of the spark has been missing. I think we both sense that. I still try to initiate with her as is my responsibility, she makes it clear when she's not interested which has been all week... until today. We both worked pretty hard all week helping family deal with illnesses. A daughter & a grandson were both in and out of the hospital with pneumonia that was frightening for them because of the breathing difficulty. Fortunately, they are both much better and resuming their work and school activities. Another grandson was very ill with a high fever and had to stay home from school all week. Since D and I are very involved in caring for these families, we were doing double duty. The good news is we've both been sleeping soundly and getting good rest & staying healthy ourselves (knock on wood).

This morning, I slept later than ever and woke needing to go to the bathroom. It was still dark and when I returned, I thought I would go back to sleep. But D was awake apparently and said she needed my body to warm her up. (Really??? ) I slid over and warmed her and finally spooned her. We laid still for awhile and she asked if I wanted to go back to sleep. This flipped the light switch within me and my reply was to immediately begin stroking and caressing her naked body. I heard her snicker just a bit. She then told me she needed her back scratched, then told me I needed my back scratched. After she finished with that, she began to caress me from tip to toes. Whenever I started to reciprocate, she gently pulled my arms back up over my head. Needless to say, she had me dripping excessively this morning and eventually put me into positions to hump her legs and then torso. She knows I can't cum with the cage on so I think she was enjoying seeing me try.

She then opened the door for me to please her. When she gets me so worked up, it's really hard to take my time to caress and stroke her all over for long. I made an attempt to reach every part of her with kisses and one hand while caressing her nub with the other. Once she started to respond to that, I kept me focus there until I found the perfect spot. Once she orgasmed, she pulled me away, but then mentioned she was still tingling. She allowed me to massage her a little more but then was done and just wanted to cuddle.

All of this to say, she's clearly in charge. I just wish I knew in advance when she wants me to please her and when she doesn't. Unfortunately, I don't think she knows herself until she's really, really turned me into a bowl of jello. Then it makes it hard for me to concentrate and take my time with her.

This will be a short week before our trip out of state to visit family. She's made no further mention of an early release before our trip, so she has me guessing. The earliest I can ask is 10 days from now when we get back. I'm really getting TFD and know that 1 orgasm is not going to induce a drop. I'm thinking 5 might just make me satisfied! But that's never going to happen. Not even in my dreams!

D-8, Me-0 (I was really hoping we could get D to at least 10 before we roll the dice again, but the way things are going, it might not happen. I think I'm going to have to resort to begging or making some suggestions about playing with a couple of toys we haven't used.)

 

Day 32

Sunday night, we went to bed a little late after watching a Christmas movie. We quickly turned off the lights and cuddled. D told me she had a bombshell to share with me. This immediately made me nervous. Uh oh... what did I do? What skeleton from the past had she dug up (are there any?)? She then proceeded to tell me that this is the best Christmas season she can remember because of the change in me and our relationship, as tears streamed down her face and landed on mine. I was stunned & humbled. A caption that Tom Allen had posted had given me an idea for a Christmas gift / sentiment so I told her that I was planning to give her another 12 months of the "me" she had experienced the last 10 months of this year. More tears followed. Finally, she had to get up and get a towel to dry her eyes.

There was no sex following that. Just cuddling, lots of kissing & hugging, and non-sexual touch. It was hard to fall asleep after that.

We also both commented that we were each finally feeling no residual symptoms from the flu and viral infections we had experienced over the past 6 weeks; what a long road that has been.

Yesterday was a long day of work at my daughter's, watching grandkids, cleaning & putting away dishes, preparing dinner, feeding everyone, and cleaning up afterwards. Her youngest son had been sick with a high fever all week last week and stayed home from school but I think I already had the virus he contracted but at least he didn't develop pneumonia like 2 other family members did. We were thinking maybe we'd all be healthy for a stretch but by dinner time my youngest grandchild was showing evidence of a fever. UGH!!! Here we go again. All of this to say that this has put a pretty huge damper on our love life, yet we still seem to have enough time for non-sexual intimacy and a little fun here and there.

This morning, we just cuddled and talked in bed and then got going because it's going to be another long day for us both. While sippiing our first cups of coffee, D asked when my upcoming release date was. I told her it was technically Friday but since we will be traveling and spending the day with her family and then a few days with my family, I had already considered my release wouldn't be until next Tuesday at the earliest. D informed me we would be cutting my lock-up short and tomorrow would be my release day. PLEASE GOD, don't let either of us start to get sick!!!

D-8, Me-0

 

Day 33

I laid awake for a long time waiting for D to wake up. She came thru. Didn't disappoint. But she wouldn't let me reciprocate. In fact, every time I tried to touch her, she rebuke me. We might need to get some restraints.

The intense feeling I had for a minute or two afterwards left me thinking I won't need to worry about a drop. While it felt extremely good, there is much more there that leaves me longing for more satisfaction.

Afterwards, she brought up the reasons for continuing with chastity. She came to the conclusion that it was still very important to keep me from touching myself. She said the thought of me pleasuring myself for so many years still bothers her. And she agreed that the temptation to orgasm more frequently during our times of physical intimacy would be too great. That and she admitted she hates the sticky mess from my erections which are mitigated to a great degree by the cage.

I got the dice out and she quickly informed me that regardless the roll, the clock won't start until Friday since that's the day I was scheduled for release originally. She rolled an 8 which translates to a 2 week lockup. She was very clearly disappointed!!! I was relieved because the last 5 weeks seemed like an eternity. She said something about needing to go at least a month! I said "WHAT????" and quickly disappeared. I'm extremely grateful for one more this calendar year!

 

Day 6

A few more details that were significant to me from my last release: D teased me for awhile before getting up to get a towel and the key from the bathroom. She left me in bed mostly uncovered and I reached up with my hands to cover my chest for warmth. As she glanced back, she exclaimed: "Don't be teasing yourself" (my nipples). This, coupled with her statement about keeping me in chastity to keep me from touching myself, makes it obvious to me her incentive.

D did ask if the reason I wanted to be in chastity was for the intense orgasms because of the periods of denial. I told her that was a benefit but that it was really for the overall benefit of the buildup of hormones and that I would be having orgasms more frequently from pleasuring myself or from the two of us giving in too easily during the heat of the moment. Too frequent O's would lead to significant drops.

D commented that the dice roll to decide my next release was taking the spontaneity out of my releases. I reminded her that she's in control and can choose to release me earlier or later and to only do so when she really wants to. I realize I'm goig to have to keep reminding her of this. We implemented it because she's a bit of a vacillator and indecisive and needs some structure. Maybe no orgasms would be the best solution because it would remove all of the pressure for her??? NAHHHHH

We went away for a long weekend to visit family out-of-state. Intimacy stayed home as we tried to pack too much into too short of time, were tired when we went to bed, and D started to come down with something in the back of her throat. By the time we got home last night, her throat was pretty sore and she can't get into to see her doctor until tomorrow morning. While it's good to be back in our own bed, I'm trying to stay clear of her although it's difficult because she still wants to snuggle up to me.

Without any physical intimacy, teasing, etc., the urge to pleasure myself is greater, but the hormonal energy is lacking. It's tough to get motivated for anything and I want to sit on the sofa and eat. It's a good thing I'm still in my Guardian because the momentary pleasure from an O would only lead to a deeper spiral. I need to jump into some physical activities to get me going here.

 

Haha! No!! I've let her read a few of my popular posts but she's not taking me up on the offer to read anymore.

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words of encouragement!

Chastity feels like it's become a part of our normal life but setbacks interfere from time to time with our intimacy which has been enhanced by chastity!

 

Day 8

D's throat issue started quickly dissipating as the week progressed. She went to see her doctor and a rapid test was negative for Strep. Like a rapid test for Covid, a Strep test can be negative if the symptoms aren't full blown. D sees the same doctor as I do. While he doesn't know that I wear a chastity device, I have had some frank conversations about my sexual health, libido, testosterone levels, D's "physical therapy" (teasing) that has restored my libido and boosted my testosterone, and our practicie of "abstinence" (denial). I think I'm one of his favorite patients... at least one of his more interesting patients. At the conclusion of her visit, she asked about the risk of infection for others. She told him that I wanted to know when it would be okay to kiss her again. He laughed and turned red in the face. Then told her, a quick kiss under the mistletoe was okay but to avoid any passionate kissing. My wife loved this exchange!!! She repeated the story to me at least 3 times!

She told me last night as we were headed out to a Christmas dinner that she was ready for some cuddling again. (Not as much as I was!) We got home late so there was limited cuddling before bed. But when she asked me if I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, I took that to mean "Let's play!" But that didn't materialize. When we awoke, we did cuddle for awhile and then she proceeded to tease me for the first time in 8 days and it was heavenly!!! For a moment, I thought I might get too excited and make a mess, but no such luck! She was ready too because she came in near record time. It was really TOO fast because I wasn't able to enjoy her pleasure as much as I would have liked!

Thank God she's feeling better and we're both healthy again! (KNOCK on wood!)

D-1, Me-0

 

Day 9

When I came clean about my PMO problem back in March, I was feeling very guilty about all of the lost marital / sexual intimacy & pleasure that I had denied my wife over the many years of our marriage, especially the last 10 years that were basically a sexless marriage. I admitted I had frequently pleasured myself in the shower or while sleeping apart or traveling away from home. She on the other hand had only occasionally masturbated maybe 2x / year.

We agreed I was a habitual orgasm thief and justice needed to be served I half jokingly / half seriously put together a sentencing agreement that I would repay her a certain amount of orgasms over the next 5 years above and beyond the normal amount she would be expected to experience under normal circumstances. The "agreement" stipulated that I would only be permitted 1 orgasm of my own per month since full denial would be seen as "cruel and unusual punishment". The agreement also stipulated that there would be no reduction in sentence for good behavior since it would be difficult to estimate the full penalty for my crimes over the many years of our marriage.

This fall, D and I have been involved in a community bible study. We have been studying Old Testament scriptures which outlined the early Jewish law including the 10 commandments. I came across the section of the law that deals with punishment and restitution for stealing from your neighbor. Anyone who stole oxen (Big O) was responsible for paying it back 5x the amount stolen as restitution. If the thief was unable to pay the penalty, he/she was to become the indebted servant of the indebted party. I quickly realized that I had vastly underestimated the penalty for my crimes against D.

This morning, while cuddling in bed, we scratched each other's backs. After awhile, my little guy was straining in his cage. I asked D if she would roll over so I could touch her "magic spot" that yielded such a rapid O yesterday. She declined and said she wants more time between O's so she can enjoy them more. I silently sighed. She then asked me when my next release date is. I told her it's one week from today. She was surprised it was still that far away and mentioned something about not getting a Christmas preseent. I told her that it may be a lot longerr since I owe her at least 5 Oxen or in her case Orgasns, before I could even think about my own release. She responded, "No wonder you're wanting to please me again so soon!"

 

Day 15

This has been an almost hellish Christmas for D and I. The severe storm and cold snap knocked our power out, froze the hot water pipe from our furnace, then snapped it and flooded a few rooms in the house. We finally have things partially cleaned up and our home is at least livable again, though more work needs to be done. We slept in our bed again and were intimate for the first time in a week. She had planned to leave the house decorated until New Years but announced yesterday "I'm done with Christmas" and started putting things away.

Her Christmas present from me arrived last week broken in a thousand pieces with no time to order a replacement. I opened my Christmas present from my daughters and discovered it's damaged and needs to be replaced.

Last night, D and I had dinner alone together at home and got to talk. She confirmed what I had feared... That I haven't been treating her as well as I have in the past 10 months and that I need to do better. I knew it and it was just what I needed to hear! Time to get focused!

D-2, Me-0

 

I have been doing great for the past 10 months since we started chastity. It's been the last couple of weeks I haven't been at my best... neither of us have... because of travel, not being in our home, dealing with lots of issues.

D admitted that she hasn't been behaving her best either. She told me last night that she liked it better when I was the one completely to blame. And she makes a good point because she handled difficult situations surprisingly well when she was feeling really loved and cherished. Despite a bit of a down turn, she's still happy especially since our daughters have been making really positive comments to her about the changes they've noticed in me.

Now I've got to get focused on my New Year's Resolutions. I'm scheduled for a release in 2 days and am not going to bring it up unless she does. If she does, I'm going to ask her to deny me for awhile longer or just roll the dice for a new lockup without releasing me. I need to get back on my A game!

This morning during cuddle time, she teased me for a little while before I rolled over and began to caress and stroke her. She asked me if I didn't want to be teased any longer since it had been a shorter session than normal. I told her that "Yes, I did still want to be teased" but made it clear by my actions I wanted to be teased by her pleasure. We've found a new position for a HJ for her where I finger her from behind. This clearly gives her the maximum stimulation along the shaft of her clitoris because she can come to a climax pretty quickly. She also made a comment about liking the ability to thrust "into it" better that way. I asked her if she liked that position the best and her reply was "Oh, I don't know". She will NEVER compare one orgasm vs the others for some crazy reason.

When she was done, she went back to teasing me gently for a little while which was very nice. After a little bit, I reached over and began to finger her again wondering if it would be possible to give her a 2nd O; she's never experienced multiple orgasms in a short amount of time. After awhile, she told me to stop. She said it felt very good but she was done and ready to get going for the day.

 

Yeah, it's clear that she misses the physical intimacy which is a really good sign. I doubt we would have cuddled before bed if we hadn't had the long conversation over dinner. She admitted she just felt like isolating and veggie out on TV but insisted we eat at the table and converse. Afterwards, she mentioned she had missed those conversations and felt a lot better about things. Her and me both! And I was definitely motivated by that conversation! I woke up in the middle of the night and thought about it for awhile!

 

Day 17

Yesterday morning, we awoke and had our usual start to cuddle time. But I avoided any sensual touch that could be perceived as sexual. I don’t want D to feel pressured as I’m trying to get back to being highly focused on her needs & pleasure especially on the emotional side of things. As I kissed her goodbye as she headed off to work, I told her something like “When I'm with you, everything feels right” which yielded an immediate, positive response. And then I left her an “I love you” kind of a sticky note before heading off to work myself…. really simple stuff.

When I came home from work (a bit late because my daughter is a slave master), D had dinner warming up on the stove and in the oven (my usual job). We enjoyed dinner but got in a heated discussion about something. I was thinking logically and she was thinking emotionally and, as a result, I was getting very worked up. I stopped well after it was too late and apologized because I realized why this was happening. I thought I had gone too far but she seemed to rebound well and we went on talking about other things. I was a bit surprised!

We watched a little TV before heading off to bed. We cuddled, spooned and held each other for awhile. I again avoided initiating any sensual touch and was about ready to drift off to sleep when she started to tease me very lightly. She has a magic touch and began to increase the intensity. As she began to focus on my nipples, she put her leg across my body lightly touching my cage. At this point, it was all I could do to keep from humping her leg.

She then rolled on top of me and we kissed passionately and I wished I could have PIV. I think she sensed my desperation and she paused and asked me if I was ready for her to stop and I said “No”. She started to tease me some more but then asked “Are you ready for the key?” Knowing I’d only given her 2 O’s since my last release, I groaned and, after a pause, moaned “No”. She repeated the question and I gave the same less than half-hearted response. She then reached over to her end table and, to my surprise, produced the key (it’s normally locked in a combination lockbox), and handed it to me. I took it and put it on my end table. She asked me if I was going to use it and I moaned again and said something about not having pleased her 5x since my last release. She immediately knew where I was going and cut me off scolding me like a child. She then told me to get the key and remove my cage. She told me I was spoiling the moment and ruining the mood I complied, fumbling with the lock and cage like a frightened & embarrassed schoolboy.

She went back to teasing me and asked if I was enjoying this. I asked if we could have PIV and she said “No, I don’t think that would work.” I suggested maybe rear entry and she said “I don’t think you could hit the spot.” OUCH!! The truth really hurts but it would have been fun for me to try! As she went back to teasing my nipples, my erection was pressing against her thigh and I found myself starting to thrust ever so slightly. I forced myself to stop but could tell if this continued much longer, even with just the light pressure on my little boy, I would likely make a mess of her leg.

She stopped before I got in trouble and asked me if I was ready. I responded in the affirmative. She said she hoped I wouldn’t take too long! I asked if she wanted me to cum fast. She asked if I was able to control myself. I said no but that she was able to control how fast I came. I gave her plenty of lube and she didn’t waste any more time. I came so quickly I had to force her to stop because I couldn’t take the stimulation any more. She said, “That wasn’t as intense of an orgasm as in the past.” And I informed her that it was, it just happened very quickly.

After cleaning up my mess, we switched to stimulating her. She made a comment to the affect that she might not be able to orgasm. So I gave it my best effort and she made sure I was hitting the right spots. We even changed position once, but it just wasn’t happening even though she was clearly enjoying it. She pulled away and I asked her if she was ready to give it up, but she suggested we try her vibrator. I was ecstatic! I had bought her a Lelo Sona 2 sonic vibrator in May but she had only let me try it once on her. It was too intense for her at the time. I quickly grabbed it from the drawer hoping it still had a charge. I turned it on and the intensity was pretty low so I turned it up just one setting, got some lube on it, and we quickly found the spot. She moaned a couple of times and said she could feel it all the way in her vagina. I moved it a little, lost the spot, and she instructed me verbally where to reposition it. Once I was back on the right spot, she came very quickly without any movement by either one of us. It was kinda weird to me for both of us to be laying completely still with very little noise coming from the Sona. But she really enjoyed it though she had never orgasmed so quickly.

So my release came a day early and much earlier than I was prepared for given the state of things over the Christmas holiday. But I learned something very important. She’s in charge in the bedroom in every way and I had better get fully onboard with that. No more topping from the bottom especially during the heat of the moment. When she asks me questions when we’re in bed, I better start interpreting those as directives. And I do know one other thing, I’m going to have to revise my New Year’s Resolutions.

D-3, Me-1

 

Day 2

I've been reflecting on this conundrum a lot the last couple of days as I've been reading other threads and re-reading my journal a bit. Here are a few things that I've learned; they should be interesting topics for discussion with D:

• D identifies as a submissive. She's told me she doesn't want to be the dominant one in the bedroom. She's said she prefers when I initiate things with her. She's told me that I am and have been the dominant in our relationship.
• D likes playing the dominant, especially in the bedroom, although she doesn't want to admit that. As I've thought back over the years, she's ALWAYS been the one to decide if we would have sex even if I tried to initiate it. She is in control in bed. She has come to relish that roll whether she admits it or not. Despite her occasional claims that she would prefer me to be uncaged, she has taken her role as KH seriously and aggressively protects the combination of her lockbox where she keeps the keys. The other night, we were having a conversation about personality types. She told me she was one type but identified as the opposite type. I realized that was very perceptive of her.
• Being an initiator doesn't make me a dominant. It may just be a responsibility or an option in my role as a submissive. Because D has a responsive libido and mine is a spontaneous libido, I need to initiate intimacy with her. But that initiation most often needs to be outside the bedroom through acts that produce emotional intimacy, acts of love, etc.
• I need to fully engage myself as the submissive in my our sexual relationship. I need to set no expectations for what happens in the bedroom. I need to only initiate in ways that are approved by her.
• Being a submissive to a dominant who doesn't like to talk about the topic of sex presents huge challenges. I need to walk very carefully to keep from turning her off because that will negatively affect her feelings of emotional intimacy.
• I am completely at her mercy when it comes to my physical gratification. I must do everything I can outside the bedroom to make her desire me as her lover and then let her decide what happens. D has made it very clear that she doesn't want me pleasing or teasing myself sexually in any way. The reversue of this applies to her pleasure as well. This leaves me in a constant state of desire & desperation and makes wearing a chastity device all the more important.
• As her submissive, I should always offer to initiate activities that will bring her physical pleasure when she opens the door to do so. In my case, it's after she's teased me sexually because she has told me on several occasions that she prefers that I be teased / pleasured first. When she wants to cuddle in bed, I should avoid touching her in ways or places she doesn't enjoy or in the area of her genitalia unless she gives me a clear signal that she wants to play sexually.

I've been reflecting on the first years of our marriage. Our honeymoon period lasted for about 3-4 years as we experienced the initial joys of living together, making a home together, starting a new job & life together, and starting a family together. I look back now and see how much better it could have been if I had found chastity back then and/or knew what I do about tease & denial. But as I consider it now, the cage takes my little guy out of the equation when we are physically intimate in the bedroom, so I don't know how succesful I could be without the cage. Without it, my little guy would be pressed against some body part of D's and the sensations would make it next to impossible to focus on our intimacy together as a whole. It's hard enough now even with the cage on.

We started our journey of authentic intimacy together at the beginning of March, so we've completed 10 full months. It's include 24x7 chastity, frequent tease & denial, much emotional intimacy through conversation, words of affirmation, acts of service, activities together, etc., and almost complete transparency & truthfulness about our activities & thought lives. Over the course of those 10 months, I've had 10 full orgasms & one solo caged, ruined orgasm with a vibrator (yes, I cheated). I wish I had kept full track of D's orgasms. I started to but she stopped me from writing them on her wall calendar. I didn't start recording them in my journal until later, but she had many, many more than I did, probably in the 100+ area, and that she had more full O's in the first two weeks of our journey (11) than I did since we started.

Yesterday morning, she asked me if I was going to get out the dice to roll for my next release. I waited until she had said something because I wanted to embrace my role as the submissive. I didn't go get them immediately but waited until later in the day when she was occupied elsewhere in the house. I put the dice cup on a table in our room where it would be very conspicuous. She later informed me that she rolled the dice and that it turned up a 9. She asked what that translates to and I told her 3 weeks. Her remark was "That's not bad, that's good, isn't it?" My reply was "Any number that you roll is a good one!"

It will be interesting to see where this goes in 2023. Hopefully, we will continue to accept and settle into our roles and I will keep her pleased and happy.

D-0, Me-0