Zero to 60 overnight

Thanks! I have the greatest respect for your comments.

We've reached the place where we both know that any opportunity for me to give her pleasure will be very pleasurable for me also. And that would defeat the consequences. I've come to realize that when one of us fails, we both suffer in more ways than one. Hopefully, this will be a valuable lesson. I can see D is a bit down this week. And it saddens me to know I'm the reason. But she is very resilient, so I'm confident by the weekend we'll be enjoying much fuller intimacy.

D had her annual exam with her dermatologist today. She was asked if she had lost weight, was told she looked tight, and that she glowed! She was ecstatic and couldn't wait to tell me. Her words to me, "It must be all the sex we're having!" I'm thrilled to be part of her motivation to stay healthy, but all of the credit goes to her. She's an amazing woman!

 

Day (it's been a long time)

I came to realize that the consequences of my indiscretion were equally felt by D. Because she has a responsive libido, not being able to touch me sexually killed her arousal and desire for sexual touch. And she has come to realize that her pleasure is also my pleasure and if I can’t have any, she can’t have any. This cloud hung over my head for the week. We had stipulated previously that I would not be allowed any sexual stimulation for 1 week after an initial indiscretion. By the time the week was over, we were both champing at the bit. I was struggling with lingering temptation to play with myself while fighting depression. But I think it gave me a greater realization of how precious and special our intimacy is now. I hope and pray that is a indelible reminder that incentivizes me not to stray again.

One consequence is regular accountability check-ins. Reporting daily that I’ve behaved myself. It was more than a week before I asked for the key for a hygiene & grooming release. It had been at least 3 weeks since the last time. Things were getting itchy. On Sunday, I asked for the key and headed to the bathroom for the shower. Even though she was in the furthest part of house at the time, she made two trips to our master bathroom to piddle around in the 10-15 minutes I was in the shower. No coincidence I’m sure. I liked that.

She commented about my visit to the doctor’s office for my annual checkup. She asked if I needed to be released for that visit. I told her he has never asked me to drop my drawers at an annual checkup. When I was finished with my shower, I left the key on the counter thinking I might take the cage off for my appointment just in case. But before we went to bed, the key was gone and back in it’s lockbox secure in her bedside table. She hasn’t been as meticulous and intentional with that in the recent past.

We had a conversation about sexual compatibility over the weekend. We talked about how my desires have changed as a result of this journey and chastity. I told her I had much more kinky or erotic desires prior to this. I told her now I think being released, putting on desensitizing cream and a condom, and rolling around in bed with her with an erection feels kinky. She exclaimed, “That’s not kinky!” I told her about my desire to have sex with her wearing a strap-on was a near-term goal. Her lack of objection told me all I needed to know. Green light. I’ve got a Vixskin picked out. Now I just need to figure out what harness to pair with it.

I heard a podcast last week by a neuroscientist who said that sexually addictive behaviors that start at an early age prior to puberty create a supra-normal craving that lasts for a lifetime. This affirms previous remarks I had heard by a different neuroscientist on the topic of sexual behaviors practiced regularly at an early age causing myelination of neural pathways in the brain. I told D I needed to be in chastity permanently because of my addiction to masturbation and my desire to love her sacrificially. She told me she understood and this sounded good.

Now that we’ve resumed normal patterns of intimacy, she’s teasing me often and allowing me to please her as often as she wants. There has been no mention of a release and orgasm for me. And I am not going to bring it up. I’m going to wait patiently, desperately, until she’s ready to discuss it. I suspect it will be a conversation first to discuss when it’s appropriate. I will need to demonstrate quiet restraint even though I’m dying for a release. That’s going to be hard and is keeping me hard continuously. The thought of remaining caged has me already counting the days until my next hygiene / grooming release; how soon is too soon to ask for the key again?

 

Day 33 (full) 13 (caged, ruined)

The intensity level of my desire / frustration / denial keeps getting ratcheted up. Maybe this is D's way of punishing me. I wonder if she realizes it.

The last few nights, when we've gone to bed, I've wanted to jump all over her. I don't know if she's sense that, but she's been much more interested in cuddling before going to sleep. A lot of non-sexual, skin to skin, body on body touch still gets me very stimulated, increasing the pressure inside my cage. Normally, there is a little gap of a 1/4-1/2" between the tip of my little guy and the end of the cage. But lately, he's been peeking out the pee hole constantly it seems. In these moments, I'm hoping she'll roll over and initiate something more but it hasn't happened.

In the mornings, she's been taking the time to tease me thoroughly, to the point that I'm feeling like I could burst. She has such a delicate, tantalizing touch that makes my skin bristle and my little guy weep in anticipation. Normally, when we're ready to get up, we both get out of bed, put on our pajamas and make the bed together. Today, the teasing was so great, I had to leave the bottoms off until I could clean up the voluminous chastity tears coating the outside of my cage and scrotum. How do such tiny glands produce sooooo much "lotion"?

To make the teasing worse, she hasn't let me pleasure her the last couple of days. When I thought she was done and I turned to caress her, she told me to "just relax". So I knew it wasn't going to happen today. As I laid there quietly getting my breathing and muscles under control, she started to ever so gently caress me some more and the teasing started up all over again. I realized I was tensed up and was holding some of my muscles clenched and deliberately relaxed everything in my body. It wasn't long before her nipple play struck my nerves just right and I began to twitch and jerk. A minute or more of this and I couldn't / didn't want to take it any more and slowly turned more in D's direction which signaled an end to our physical intimacy for the morning. I desparately wanted to bring up ideas for a release, orgasm... anything but this continued torment... and let her know the depth of my desparation, but held my tongue.

Not being able to pleasure her makes the teasing even more intense. When she has an orgasm, I feel some sort of emotional release that drops the internal pressure down a little below the boiling point. It feels like it's been a week since I've given her an orgasm, but in looking at my tracker, it's ONLY BEEN 2 DAYS!!!! How is that possible? With the holiday in the U.S. the next couple of days, maybe there will be more time for intentional play time.

D has always liked horses. When she was a child & teenager, she had a pony that she used to ride a lot. The other day, we were driving on the interstate and saw a Ford Mustang and she told me that that was always her favorite car. I never knew that. Interesting coincidence... I've been shopping for a strap-on to use on her... I decided to get a Vixskin since everyone is so high on them... in checking the sizing chart, the ideal model for the size / thickness that I'm looking for is the "Mustang". I ordered it and it should arrive in a few days. I hope she likes it! The harness may take a few more days to arrive, so I may have to keep "him" in the barn for a few days.

I guess the one question I have is: why is the intensity of my arousal / frustration so high this time around? Could it be related to the two full orgasms I had a week apart before starting this "session"? The intensity of those two O's that included some PIV were off the charts... definitely more intense than I can ever remember. Does that factor into my arousal template?

 

I think you are spot on. Especially about her power / control over the situation multiplying exponentially. She can have and enjoy as much physical intimacy as she desires without anything spoiling the experience. I think what's thrown me off is the fact that she doesn't communicate her thougths and feelings about it. Normally, she talks my ear off about things, but not about our bedroom experience.

 

It's a bit insane how it has changed us / tamed us. And it would be impossible to understand or comprehend apart from experiencing it.

My worst fears are she'll get bored with physical intimacy and want some distance from me or get sick for a long period of time. The other night as we cuddled before sleep, she said "Here we are again!" I took this as an indication she was getting tired of it, but that wasn't the case. If anything, it's the opposite.

But regarding my fantasies: they seem like a distant memory that I can barely recall; only a couple can I recall. All I dream about is the next time I'll be unlocked and what that might entail. With those happening so rarely, the need for toys diminishes greatly. And since she desires nothing much beyond what I'm equipped with, she needs very little as well. The few toys become a real treat. The sex toy shops would go out of business if all men were caged like us.

You could have, but sometimes journeys intersect and I can see myself or learn something about myself in the reflection of someone else's story. Then it's hard not to place it in that context. It fits. It loses a bit of meaning outside the context that triggered those thoughts. I welcome it when others interact like that.

 

Day 34

D surprised me this morning as we were making the bed. She decided that it's time. She had miscounted the weeks and thought based on my last dice roll I still had another 8-9 days to wait. But she said it's been too long and she thinks we should just plan on once a month. I told her it would actually be 5 weeks since last time tomorrow but that it seemed like it had been much longer. She agreed.

I was tempted to tell her about ordering "Mustang", the strap-on stallion, but thought better of it. I'm not sure what will be the right time. But it will arrive in a few days. She indicated she wants to try PIV again so apparently she is excited about that proposition. Needless to say, so am I.

Later, she told me she is looking forward to some "Passionate Celebration" this evening. I told her that I've been extremely ready for the last few days. I said that I had been thinking about asking her all week if we could "make love" but that I didn't think I should say anything because of my indiscretion a couple of weeks ago. She quickly reminded me that it is her place to decide. (I didn't think I had suggested otherwise, so maybe she's telling me to keep my mouth shut?) I told her that I don't have to have a happy ending to 'make love" but she said that wouldn't be as much fun.

The pressure of not knowing when the cage might come off has subsided completely. It's a relief honestly. I've been so much more relaxed today. It's amazing to be blessed with such a wonderful woman!!! Something to be extremely thankful for!

I know there are some men on this forum whose partners think they should be in permenant denial or only have 1-2 orgasms a year. I'm just glad I'm not one of them!

Reflecting on the start of this journey back in January of last year: that's when I self-locked for the first time and gave up control of the key. I put my key in a combo lockbox without knowledge of the combination. I snapped a picture of the combination, put it on Chaster, and trashed the photo. The app was set to allow me a hygiene break in 2 days. I had to swallow a huge lump in my throat when the lock clicked shut that day. The next two days were a bit frightening. The thought of going a month or more without a release seemed so extreme. And quite honestly, it still seems a bit on the extreme side.

Tonight, if all goes according to plan, D and I will have some truly amazing sex. And afterwards, the lock will click shut again and it will seem like forever before I'll get to enjoy that feeling once more. And I'll lose myself in the simple pleasures of cuddling & spooning with her, giving her foot rubs, and scratching her back. And she'll tease with her finger tips and her orgasms and keep me on the edge of desperation. And she'll be in my thoughts constantly.

 

I shared with D over dinner last night your 4 month journey of denial in order to heal from your piercing. She recoiled in horror and said, "You mean there are some guys that get their penises pierced?!?! Do you mean like through the tip???" I told her about PA and frenum piercings and that it's not necessarily for chastity, but that many guys get these piercings who aren't into chastity. I explained that idea of making chastity inescapable. She questioned why this was the case and I explained the inability to pull out. She then asked, "Then why are you wearing a chastity cage if you can pull out???" I told her I had bought the Vice and the anti-pullout mechanism. I told her I had tried to pull out after I got the Vice to test it out, how I had injured myself to the point of bleeding and how I gave up and never tried it again. She asked if I had ever pulled out of a chastity device previously and I explained that I had figured out I could pullout when I was testing other devices. She then asked what I had done when I figured out I could pull out. I asked, "What do you mean?" D- "Did you masturbate?" Me-"Probably" D- "You're terrible!!!!!!!!!" Me-"Yes, I was!" (Time to change the subject.)

 

D has settled in finally and gotten used to the new me. The euphoria of the first year (yes, year) has subsided. We have to remind ourselves how's much we appreciate each other. But we are enjoying all the aspects of our new intimacy as we did at the beginning.

Because our sex life is so good, we'd like to be able too experience the deep intimacy / connection we had from intercourse when we were young. We miss that a little and the attempts at PIV from a different position were okay but not the same. The faux cock is an attempt to improve upon that experience. I doubt it will ever go much beyond that. D likes her routine and she's pretty settled. I'm trying to push the envelope a tiny bit is all.

 

Day 28

It's been a long time since I've updated this and I have much to cover, but maybe another time soon.

Yesterday, we drove home a day early after traveling to see family for several days. It had been a tough go for us. I had an outburst with D's mother when she disrespected my wife and my daughter. My outburst was too harsh and cast a pall over us for a couple of days. Then we both started to get an infection and weren't feeling well. D just wanted to be home and really missed intimacy together.

Upon arriving home, we opened a bottle of wine, got out some cheese and crackers and stayed up late watching some TV. When we went to bed, D wanted me to spoon her which i was happy to oblige. I scratched her back and caressed her a little and was about to go to sleep when it struck me, "I bet she just wants to be touched.... all over." I began to caress her everywhere including her sensitive areas and she held back nothing. She opened up for a full "cultivation" of her garden. I took my time and was able to fully complete the job entirely manually... no garden tools required.

We soon fell asleep snuggling together. It made me really happy to 1) guess her need and desire without her expressing it, and 2) fulfill that need / desire with no direct reciprocation on her part immediately. When we awoke this morning, she made sure to tease me to the point of desperation, our equivalent for getting "my needs met".

I really want to cum. I'm pawing my cage frequently wishing I could get some relief.

D keeps mentioning my Christmas present or lack thereof. It seems she's intent on gifting me with an orgasm for Christmas but is feeling guilty about having spent no money on it and having nothing to wrap and put under the tree. I asked her tonight how she's going to "wrap" my present and she said she didn't know and was going to have to think about it. I'm thinking some sexy lingerie for her would be amazing!

 

From my devotional this morning: “Our actions have direct, lasting results on the people around us. Like David, we can sin egregiously and receive forgiveness from our merciful God, but that doesn’t necessarily mean He’ll shelter us from the consequences. Often it’s those consequences that humble us and keep us dependent on Him. David would have to draw on his deep roots of faith as he faced the results of his sin: his ripped apart family and second exile, this time at the hand of his own son.”

My decades of porn use & masturbation had a lasting affect on my brain. Now it’s wired to respond to many different stimuli to reach for “Woody” for a shot of dopamine whenever I’m aroused, depressed, angry with myself, humiliated, frustrated, etc. Fortunately, D is extremely gracious unlike many wives in similar circumstances. She and God have forgiven me but I still have the consequences to deal with. Thus chastity.

My guardian frustrates me sometimes. It stops me from doing something totally stupid. This humiliates me because it reminds me I’m less of the man that I want to be. I’m broken. It causes me to be dependent on my wife, D, for my sexual pleasure. Ultimately it requires me to be dependent on Him because He instructed me to give authority of my body to her when I married her. It’s now a painful experience at times. Why wasn’t this information in the Marriage Manual when we got engaged??? “OH! It was???”

 

Living Dangerously

D has been sick since well before Christmas. We made a trip to visit family out of state 10 days before Christmas. I insisted we wait until the last minute to make sure no one was sick. I didn’t want her getting an infection because they often lead to a lengthy battle for her with a cough that lingers for 2 weeks afterwards.

Though we were staying at an inn so we could have some space from family, intimacy was absent because I was triggered by insensitive comments by D’s mom that led to an emotional outburst. Even though D agreed with my assessment of her mom’s comments, she pinned me back because of my overreaction. It took some time for me to process.

2 days into the trip I started to experience a tickle from congestion in the back of my throat. Within 12 hours, D started having the same symptoms. We both came down with a viral infection and we had to cut our trip short and come home. I recovered quickly but D did not. It progressed to a bad, bad cough that almost completely shut down our Christmas holiday with kids and grandkids.

In the meantime, I’m becoming an emotional, hormonal mess. The gloom of the winter season, a lack of physical activity, and challenges with finding a job have left me depressed and feeling isolated. Prior to the start of our journey two years ago, these were serious triggers for masturbatory behavior to seek relief from the negative emotions. The urge to remove my cage and touch myself was frequently strong the last two weeks.

D was openly talking about my Christmas present being delayed. As I mentioned elsewhere, she has been openly saying she knows what I want for Christmas because it’s what I always want, it doesn’t cost her anything, and she doesn’t have to go shopping for it. But in the meantime, I purchased “gift wrapping” for her present - a red camisole that she had asked for a few weeks ago. She was delighted when she opened it on Christmas Eve even though she still wasn’t feeling well.

Her cough became so bad I had to retreat to the sofa for several nights… not a good recipe for a horny, depressed, triggered male in a chastity cage. But there was nothing I could do about it because the cage is very secure. The frequent erection attempts were starting to cause an irritation to develop on the left side of the anti-pullout. D commented that it was a good thing I had my Guardian on so that I wouldn’t do something “naughty”. She doesn’t realize just how truthful that statement is. There were several nights I tugged on that thing just to see if I could stimulate Woody in some way.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with a female dermatologist for a full body checkup. At D’s recommendation, I removed my Guardian beforehand. When the nurse took me back to the examination room, she told me to strip down to my underwear and put on a hospital gown. The only male underwear I have are some thongs I wear for working out that provide great support and prevent ring burn. But I have several pairs of black Jockey bikini panties made of Tactel polyester & spandex for daily wear so I chose these. After checking me all over, the dermatologist quickly checked down the front and back of my underwear, saw nothing of concern, and was done. She made no comments about my almost hairless body or my panties and seemed totally at ease and professional. Surprisingly, I was completely relaxed and felt no nerves. The whole experience was a relief. I really had expected to be thoroughly embarrassed being almost completely exposed in front of a female doctor who is young and attractive.

Back at home, I had made sure D had all the necessary medications to help with her cough through this episode. She finally began to use them consistently early this week and the thing began to break up. She decided it was time for me to come back to bed last night. I could tell she was missing physical intimacy.

After removing my Guardian before my Dr’s appt, I noticed the abrasion that had developed and some whiter skin on the sides of the glans of my penis. I decided it would be best to take a chastity vacation, something I knew D would be okay with only because she isn’t aware of how tempted and triggered I’ve been.

We went to bed and cuddled a bit for the first time in a while. D commented that she couldn’t tease me because I would make a mess of the sheets without my Guardian on. So what did she do? She proceeded to tease my nipples and throw her leg over my little guy. I was determined to orgasm if she was going to be so brazen with me. But I figured I would have to be stealthy and stay in control of my breathing and moaning. I didn’t want to clue her in on an impending explosion until it was too late to stop; we didn’t have a towel or anything to catch the mess. Every time I started to really enjoy the stimulation and get close, she shifted her leg a little forcing me to start over trying to find the right sensation. I could feel my skin all over my body tingling and crawling as my arousal built towards a climax.

And then suddenly she stopped. WHAT???? D said, “If you aren’t going to get into this, there is no point continuing.” OH CRAP! My strategy had backfired! I told her I wanted an orgasm and was trying to be low key because I was afraid if she knew how aroused I was getting she would stop before I could climax. She made a comment that I shouldn’t have worried about that because I was overdue for some relief. I told her I had been determined to orgasm and was afraid she wouldn’t want that. And she repeated her remarks that I didn’t seem like I was getting into it but that it would have been okay. DAMN!!!!

Instead of starting up again, she rolled over and said there was the morning to look forward to and that I needed some relief. She also mentioned my upcoming Christmas present but said that it shouldn't be confused with “relief” so I figured, “What the heck? If I can have some relief AND a Christmas present later, I’m going to take it.”

I usually fall asleep quickly long before D does. But I knew in my state that I was going to be awake for a while. And sure enough, I heard her heavy breathing well before I drifted off.

I slept well but woke up with a nocturnal erection 45 minutes before her alarm. “Woody” was tenting the sheet and leaving wet spots that I had to keep wiping away. After D’s alarm went off, we cuddled, scratched and caressed one another for a long while before she started to tease me again. This time, I responded in ways she could tell I was getting aroused; my breathing got stronger & my moans were pronounced but not exaggerated. But she didn’t tease me for too long and explained she “didn’t want to RUIN my Christmas present.” That hit me hard because I was really expecting an orgasm at that point. I was torn because I really wanted it but I certainly didn’t want to ruin my Christmas present. And her choice of the word “RUIN” is the last thing I want in an orgasm. CRRRRRAP!!!

Despite my disappointment, I decided to make the best of it and rolled over and pulled her legs apart. D asked me what I was doing and I told her I was getting her into position so I could torture her. I really wanted to tease her and leave her denied, but I knew I could NEVER do that. I want her orgasms just as desperately as I won’t my own. There is no way I could tease her to the edge and just top. She said something like, “This is what you call torture?” as I began to go to work on her.

After teasing the outside of her garden area and thighs for a little bit, I found her opening and she was already wet. As soon as I inserted my finger inside her and started massaging her clit, my little guy responded as if he was feeling the sensations of being inside her. I began to thrust the air really getting into the feelings from my fingers as if I was inside her myself. The act of caressing her little girl made me started to moan and breathe hard. D reached over and began to pinch and roll one of my nipples between her fingers. I couldn’t control myself and began to lean into her to get the slightest sensation on the glans of my penis. The twisting of my nipple was sending electric currents through me and the slight sensation on my glans was all it was going to take to have a full body experience. We were both moaning and building towards an incredible climax. As I was getting right to the edge, she suddenly told me to stop because she had orgasmed and couldn’t handle any more stimulation. Then she asked me if I was ejaculating and I said “No! But I am about to!” She then pushed me away and repeated very innocently, “We don’t want to ruin your Christmas present, do we?” UGHHH!! How could this happen!!! The thought hit me that she might have something planned for tonight and an orgasm now would really mess that up. This can't be happening... that was the most incredible experience especially as it seemed we were about to orgasm together. And then NOTHING! I didn't even realize she was orgasming as it happened.

I don’t know what could have been worse…. getting right to the edge a moment too late because she had already orgasmed, or knowing I would have to go all day without the cage on wanting to blow my load all over the place. I absolutely am going to have to avoid touching myself today because once I do, I know I won’t be able to stop myself. That would really, really eff things up! It feels like I’m walking around with a bottle of nitroglycerine that will explode if I jostle or shake the thing up too much.

I’m convinced that she doesn’t realize how much she’s teasing me by getting me so close, telling me it’s okay to get some relief and then stopping before it can happen. She doesn’t have a hint of cruelty in her nature or demeanor!!! Yet somehow she has a sixth sense that causes her to say things that lead me on and to stop before things can go too far. Can she really be that clueless yet cause me so much frustration??? In a way, she reminds me of The Pink Panther - inspector Closeau - bumbling around and causing devastation in his wake. If she knows what she’s doing and is acting, she deserves an Academy Award for her performance.

Before we were done, she said, “You don’t want to ruin your birthday present, do you?” I responded immediately, “Wait! My birthday isn’t for another 3 months!!!!!” She replied, “I meant your Christmas present!” and she laughed. OH GOD! Did she say "birthday" intentionally???

I’ve reached the point that I’m not going to hold back any longer. Last night and this morning… once she started teasing me, I was all in… I was going to let this go all the way. No holding back! But somehow…. it didn’t happen …. twice!

This is going to be a long day! I’m going to prepare her a sumptious meal for dinner. And then a foot rub. A glass of wine. Candles. Turn the bed down early. Get the Vixskin Mustang out and have him peaking out from beneath the edge of the sheets. “Neighhhhhh! Horsey wants to come out to play!”

 

2023 Celebratory Cake

Over dinner with "Inspector Clouseau" Friday night, I told D my thoughts on the wake of desperation she left me in as a result of her Pink Panther tease sessions the night before and that morning. She didn't realize how much she had affected me. When I told her how close I came that morning, she laughed and said "That's good, isn't it???" OMG

When I asked D if she could have possibly architected my frustration or if she was just playing the Pink Panther, she laughed. Then she said, "I'm just being led by God in my love for you!" I didn't realize that God was that devious!!! He definitely has a sense of humor.

Friday night was just sleep as we were both tired and stayed up later than normal watching TV. When D's alarm went off Saturday morning, she quickly snuggled up to me as we cuddled for a bit. She quickly had me dripping on the sheets as she began to tease me. Then she revealed her plans for my Christmas present. She told me she was going to thoroughly tease me now and then give me a full body massage in the evening. She gave me the choice of an orgasm now or later with my massage. I was already revved up which was making my choice hard. I told her I didn't want one now because I was enjoying my chastity vacation and didn't want to lock up again right away. So I asked if I had an orgasm this morning, could I have another one later? And she said, "NO". So I told her I would wait.

D went ahead and teased me as if she was trying to make me come. I finally had to pull away and take a deep breath. If I didn't know better, my guess is she had an evil grin on her face. After I calmed down, I asked her if she was ready to get up (my language for, "Are we done or do you want me to please you?"). She replied, "We're done. Today is ALL about you & your Christmas present."

I went for a long walk yesterday morning and spent the afternoon cutting & hauling firewood. I was feeling like an old man on a cold winter day and my body was very sore. D obsserved and said I really needed a full body massage. I was almost too sore to full enjoy the finish of her "rub and tug". But the finish produced a great deal of bodily fluids that she whipped up into a frothy cream.

This morning, D didn't set her alarm but had given me instructions in the past to wake her by 6:30 if she slept later than usual. As I was awake well before that, I started caressing her gently and she was grateful I hadn't let her sleep any longer. I took my time but started to crave her touch. I quickly reminded myself that this morning was totally about her and doubled down on my work on her alternating speed and intensity of my caresses. Before long, I had her moaning.

2023 was an amazing year for us in growing in intimacy. We had cake all year with plenty of icing. I told D we topped it off with frothy whipped cream last night and a cherry this morning! She smiled at the imagery.

 

I put my Guardian back on yesterday morning after 72 hours of delightful but sometimes excruciating freedom. Its really difficult to be intimate with the cage on and not feel any stimulation to Woody. But being intimate, feeling stimulation and needing to stop myself without the guardrail of my cage is even more difficult. D's words, "You don't want to ruin your Christmas present were the only thing that got me through those "hard" times without an unfortunate incident.

When D grants me my release, her goal is to make it as pleasurable as possible. She takes her time and when I finally "go off", I don't want her to stop. Afterwards, I need to be back in my Guardian if I want to get any sleep and avoid cheating. She seemed to express a desire for me to remain uncaged afterwards but we didn't discuss it further. But that conversation will likely happen soon. The first week after a release is the hardest for me because my level of desperation is at it's peak then.