Zero to 60 overnight

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  1. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    My journey from occasional play to long-term lock-up

    I started out playing with chastity about a year and a half ago after reading a blog post about a woman who used it on her spouse as a means to get him to lose weight. I had been struggling trying to reach my desired weight and stay there. I bought a few devices that I tested trying to get comfortable with the fit and materials. I self-locked if I failed to achieve my weight loss goal each week. This proved very successful over the course of a year to get to and maintain my desired weight.

    All the while, my wife of 40+ years was completely unaware of my chastity “play”. We were living in a sex-less marriage. Age, ED, diminished libido, subtle emotional abuse and apprehension about talking about healthy sex had reduced the frequency of sex in our marriage dramatically. Sleeping on the couch because of sleep disruptions didn’t help our relational intimacy either. I turned to masturbation & porn for sexual gratification.

    My dissatisfaction with our lack of intimacy finally drove me to find new ways to stimulate myself to overcome my ED. These efforts proved very successful and increased the frequency of my porn & masturbation activity. I was ready to make the effort to see if I reignite a spark in our sex life but was about to leave on an extended trip away from home and my wife in January of this year. I wanted to remain chaste so we could have a new beginning when I returned, so I put on a chastity cage and put the keys in a time locked box. My desire for my wife and sexual energy level increased noticeably while I was away.

    My wife’s birthday was coming up shortly after my return so I planned a really romantic evening at home with hopes of physical intimacy. Flowers, her favorite steak dinner, dessert, chocolate and a romantic movie on Netflix set the stage perfectly; she was incredibly happy. But as we were watching the movie, I could tell I was coming down with something. It felt like the start of a bad cold. I retreated to the family room sofa for the night and later discovered I had Covid.

    During my recovery from Covid, I slipped and masturbated for the first time in weeks and felt miserable & wracked with guilt. I put the cage back on immediately (it had been off since her birthday). I felt safe and secure after feeling lost for a few days.

    My quarantine ended the day of my departure for another road trip, one that my wife would join me on later. While traveling, I felt an overwhelming conviction to come clean with her and not just try to patch things up half-assed. I was determined to confess my moral failures with porn & masturbation and ask her to take control of my sexual pleasure by giving her the keys to my cage. During that time apart from her, I began reading about the benefits of long-term chastity on cuttothechaste.com:

    “He wants you to know how much he is committed to you. He wants you to understand and care about his struggle to control his sexual urges. Many men grapple with how much control their sex drives exert on them. They don’t want to be the way they are. Even guys who would never cheat on their partners feel guilty about how often they lust after other females or because they masturbate so often. Chastity is a way to fight back.”

    I had gone down the slippery slope and was 1) objectifying other women for my own personal gratification and 2) not yielding authority over my body to my wife and cheating on her by pleasuring myself. I felt shame and guilt.

    “From some evolved part of his brain, he does want you to understand how much he struggles with his sex drive and wants you to own and control his access to sexual release.”

    I was definitely struggling with my sex drive. The thought of giving my wife control over my sexual release so that I couldn’t act when tempted was incredibly attractive.

    “Men locked in a chastity device behave far differently than men who are not. That’s because orgasm denial produces some profound hormonal changes in the male body. The changes are so dramatic that even while experiencing almost unbearable arousal, it can feel supremely pleasurable. In this state, a man becomes more attentive to his partner and her needs, more in touch with his own feelings, and eager to please to almost a subservient degree. The chastened man will literally do almost anything his partner asks of him. No one has to tell you how disinterested, inattentive, and unromantic your man becomes after having sex or masturbating. Imagine now that instead of enduring this behavior every few days, you only have to deal with it occasionally and as infrequently as you wish.”

    In addition to keeping the husband from giving in to temptation to masturbate & use porn, coupling chastity with regular teasing & periods of orgasm denial will leverage the man’s hormones to give him the desire to know, love and serve his wife unconditionally. This hormonal boost gave me the desire to change my behavior to match the charge that the apostle Paul gave husbands in Ephesians 5 to love their wives sacrificially as Christ did and does the Church. This was profound and incredibly appealing!

    This concept of sacrificial love completely flips the idea that has been offered for so long that men need sex more than women and the wife should accommodate him. After I came home from my trip, confessed my failures in the past, and asked her to take control of my sexual release, we had the most amazing week of physical intimacy in all 40+ years of our married lives. My wife had orgasms 6 of 7 days that week to my zero. Sleep deprivation finally set in after about a week, and we’ve slowed down a good bit.

    In the last 3+ months, I’ve only had 3 regular orgasms during sex with my wife. Part of the reason for that is I’ve realized I have an addiction and am committed to a reboot and recovery. I really came to grips that I have an addiction to masturbation after having 3 orgasms within a 5 week period. I was having difficulty controlling my thoughts and urges. On April 24th, I slipped and gave myself a ruined orgasm with a vibrator. After feeling really guilty for a couple of days, I told her of my indiscretion. I asked her to hide the vibrator and told her we needed to go longer than a couple of weeks between releases for me next time.

    After extensive internet research, I now have a goal of being porn, masturbation and orgasm free for a period of 90 days with the goal of overcoming my compulsion to masturbate. My wife and I can see improvement. I’m just over two months along in that journey and the calendar is crawling. The uncontrollable urges seem to be diminishing. My response to triggers isn’t leading to thoughts of returning to my old patterns as often. I’m seeing women on TV and at the beach in a healthy way; I’m able to see them for the people they are and not ogle them.

    Our marriage has never been better! My wife is sooo happy! She finally feels like I am her best friend in the world. She’s much more confident in dealing with life’s circumstances. She feels needed by me for the first time in her life. We spend almost all of our waking hours together. Physical intimacy is just an extension and expression of the emotional and intellectual intimacy that pervades our lives. She’s experiencing the benefits of chastity and orgasm denial and is not turned off by my cage. She’s been great about being my keyholder and has even said “No” a couple of times! She never thought she could be this active sexually at age 64.

    One of the most surprising discoveries in our journey is how aroused my wife becomes when she teases me. She has allotted 30 minutes each morning for cuddling before getting out of bed. Most mornings, I try to get her aroused with foreplay but she usually tells me to roll over so she can spoon me and have easy access to her “toys”. She never removes my cage but has become extremely adept at teasing me via my nipples, armpits, ears, scrotum, inner thighs, butt, etc. Her touch has become so electric that my little guy starts trying to escape his confines as soon as she starts stroking any of my body parts. She gets me spasming, twitching and moaning so badly that I can hardly take it. I usually cave to her torture, roll over and hug her until my body stops shaking. Then when I start to tease her again, she’s always dripping wet and ready for an orgasm.

    I started to think that I might need to abstain from any physical sexual stimulation for 30 days as part of my recovery from masturbation. But my wife feels that would penalize her since teasing me is such a turn-on for her. She’s not happy that chastity has made it inconvenient to play with my penis or is in the way when we cuddle or want to lie on top of each other, so she is looking forward to the day we can be cage free. She understands that is going to take time and we’ll have to go slowly when we introduce my orgasms again. I know she misses my orgasms because the 3 she’s given me this year were so mind-blowing and explosive; unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s a good thing we live alone far from any neighbors; she thought I was dying with my first orgasm in March after 4 weeks of denial.

    For now, time has slowed dramatically! I’m like a kid again who can’t wait for summer vacation to arrive. I still have a month to go before we hit the 90 day mark. And it could go beyond that. My wife is not keeping track and I’m not allowed to mention chastity or ask to be released. We agreed to have a monthly check-in on the first of every month initiated by my wife. If she hasn’t brought it up by the 4th of the month, I’m allowed to ask to discuss it. So it might be Aug 4th before she realizes we’ve surpassed the 90 day goal. Our anniversary is Aug 5th which would be 103 days of sobriety. It seems like forever!
     
  2. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    That is wonderful, such fun to read.

    I also feel that around 60 days without the key in the lock something changes. I'm still insanely horny but somehow it's okay most of the time.

    And yes, time feels like it slows down...which is amazing since prior to chastity I had felt that time was speeding up.

    Keep us updated.
     
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  3. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Wow mr littleguy.. you have covered everything from fitness and discipline to christianity to tantric sex.. what else can i add..? Cheers to you!
    Same as you, i was self-locking too..long before marriage until i eventually gifted my wife the control of my manhood.. to break my masturbation habit and to increase bed performance.. i was away on business trips overseas and practised self-locking to surprise her with a harder better penis once return.. i too was a born-again christian but never have thought of husbands being submissive to their wives with they gaining all the pleasure while the husbands relegated to being denied and frustrated..it was always the other way round as i thought..me too a gym rat
     
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  4. knightly
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    knightly Member

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    That is an amazing story, great for you both!!! And thanks for sharing.
     
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  5. An_tonny
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    An_tonny New member

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    Thank you for sharing your experience with us. This amazing story made me feel better
     
  6. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    #6 littleguy3, Jun 29, 2022
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
    Day 64 - Monday

    Between being denied for so long and her regular teasing of me, which she is getting more and more adept at, my body is becoming extremely sensitive to her touch. We joked about finding a spot that she could touch that wouldn't get me aroused. But I seriously don't think there is a place on my body she could touch that wouldn't trigger my little guy to start straining in his cage.

    One of the benefits of tease & denial is that my libido and testosterone levels have come back from the dead. I've noticed a little hair growing back in on my bald spot up top, hair growing faster in the areas that I groom regularly, and a need to shave my face daily. I used to skip shaving 2-3 days but, with daily snuggling, I don't want any thing to discourage D. Yesterday while showering, I realized it was time to trim the hair in my butt crack again. I like that area groomed for cleanliness. It was a veritable jungle! The razor kept getting choked up repeatedly. My testosterone levels when checked by my doctor recently are now in the normal range. It is good to feel like a real man again!

    Rarely do I get the enjoyment of going down on D. She normally showers first thing in the morning after cuddling, coffee and exercise. By evening, she starts to smell an odor when she goes to the bathroom that is off-putting for her (but not me). So in the evening or the next morning when she usually likes to play, she doesn't let me go down there. Only when she has had another shower does the opportunity present itself. Sunday we went for a 4+ mile hike to a waterfall. Between the steep terrain, strenuous exercise, and a little rainfall, we were both ready for a shower when we got home late in the afternoon. D was cold and didn't want to fool around in the shower. It didn't occur to me until laying in bed Monday morning waiting for her to wake up that I might have missed a great opportunity to give her oral sex. I was prepared to miss out on our daily snuggling session Monday morning if she needed to sleep in so I turned off my alarm to let her sleep. But she woke up at the usual time and I jumped at the chance to spoon her.

    After about 5 minutes of holding her, I began to stroke her in an effort to see if she was going to get in the mood for an orgasm. After about 5-10 minutes of that, I tried to spread her legs so I could stroke her inner thighs and outside of her pussy. But she was having none of that. She said "un uh. Roll over. I need to get more aroused first." And then she proceeded to play with me. How incredible is that?!?! Her best foreplay is to toy with and tease me! And Monday was exceptional! By the end, she was playing with my balls and tonguing and sucking on my nipple which had me humping the air and moaning loudly. I finally had enough and rolled over on top of her. Having my full body pressed against hers, tits on tits, feels amazing after that much arousal. It feels like I could have a full body orgasm. I started grinding my cage against her pelvis and quickly realized I could have an orgasm. She remarked "Oh, you're not done!" I pulled off and dove down immediately to give her oral and she didn't try to stop me. She was moaning in under a minute and quickly orgasmed. It is highly unusual for it to happen that quickly so her arousal level obviously had matched mine.

    My brain can't comprehend how horny D gets from teasing me. Mind blown!

    Monday evening, we talked about what happened in the morning. She informed me that she DOESN'T tease me because it gets her aroused. She insisted that she does it because she knows I like it so much and she feels guilty because I'm always doing nice things for her. I guess that's a good thing. I forget for a moment that she's a responsive lover, not spontaneous, so she doesn't normally feel that desire going into our encounters. I asked her: "So does that mean you didn't get aroused from teasing me this morning and that I'm just really awesome at giving oral sex since you came so quickly?" And her response was to laugh because she had to admit that toying with me turned her on.

    Tuesday morning, she started teasing me again after waking up and snuggling for about 10 min. I wasn't expecting anything since we had such an awesome experience on Monday. This time, I let her tease me for a long time and she didn't stop. By the time she was finished with me, her arousal level was obviously high. The "door was open" so I began stimulating her manually. She quickly started moaning and guided my handed for the best feelings of stimulation. She orgasmed pretty quickly and then, a first since our journey began in March, she guided my hand to another position to continue the post-orgasm stimulation. She usually wants me to stop immediately and just hug & cuddle for awhile. Maybe multiple orgasms are in her/our future! Two days in a row for her was certainly memorable! We both had to work all day yesterday so we were exhausted last night. No fireworks this morning!
     
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  7. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Happy for you mr littleguy that your wife has so much time for you.. many members complained of being locked, denied and forsaken..! Multiple orgasms for her and none for self.. i cant help but agree with you that the libido/testosterone build-up is real without the male orgasm. So much of good male hormones have been wasted along with ejaculation.. I still have a thick mop of hair of its original shade, less belly fat for my age and an oily complexion that can match a teenager.. i still get acnes occasionally..! I can only wish my wife to be just as playful as yours..
     
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  8. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 68

    A couple of days of no activity - treasing, foreplay... nothing - which is very unusual for us.

    This morning, she started teasing me as soon as she woke up. Usually, I start squirming and spasming pretty quickly but I was determined to keep all of my body muscles relaxed. As she stroked my armpits, chest and played with my nipples, the intensity at the tip of my penis was excruciating. All of the energy generated from her touch was sending high voltage to my cock head with nothing suitable to conduct and drain it. I'm convinced I'll never have a nipple orgasm without physical touch to my penis. When she stopped and said "we've got to get going", I had to lay in bed for several minutes to let the energy dissipate throughout the rest of my body. My muscles felt like vibrating jello.

    We are packing up to leave for an overnight trip and I told her I needed the key to check things out and shave. She couldn't find it and the other one was locked in a lock box she couldn't get opened. We had put a package of plastic keys in the box and the lock got jammed and we haven't been able to open it for weeks. We've been using the spare and she hid it somewhere and couldn't remember where. I've figured out how to keep myself clean without opening the cage and it's been almost two weeks since we last saw the key. Apparently, I had jiggled the lockbox enough in the interim because when she tried it one more time in desperation, it opened. Whew!
     
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  9. madams-sissysub
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    Thanks for sharing.
     
  10. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 68 continued

    We had a very enjoyable, romantic day that had D in the mood when we retired early to or hotel room. She surprised me by not pulling out her tablet to read. Since she had teased me so thoroughly in the morning, the focus was entirely inn her pleasure. I asked her to name the 3 spots on her body she liked to be touched besides her clitoris. I then proceeded to spend a great deal of time working at arousing her. It's really hard to know what she likes because I don't really get any audible or physical clues. So I'm dependent on her to tell me. I, on the other hand, can't suppress my feelings because I'm so sensitive to her touch. I think that's in large part because of my denial.

    This was good because it took any focus away from me and put it entirely on her. Since we laid by the hotel pool earlier in the afternoon, she had to take an afternoon shower before going out for dinner. This is a prime opportunity for giving her oral since she won't be worried about how she smells. I asked multiple times for permission to go down on her and finally after a good 30 minutes of foreplay, she relented. She found just the right position to be comfortable and seemed to really enjoy herself! We drifted off to sleep very satisfied.

    On Friday morning when D couldn't find the key, I noticed that one of my balls had slipped out so I was hanging a bit lopsided with one ball in the ball trap and one out. Since I'm using the smallest spacer on the Vice Mini, I realized I need to use the next smallest ring. After 5 1/2 months of wearing this cage, I'm a bit surprised. My cage and ring (not a solid ring) could be wearing a bit. So I'm now having to adjust to a tighter ring which requires careful attention to lubrication.

    We went for a bicycle ride on Saturday. I had to stop to adjust things once. The skin on my scrotum had folded over on itself and started to get caught in the ring. We rode for almost 2 hours with no noticeable chafing or irriation afterwards.

    I'm also back in the smallest pullout on the Vice. This pinches under the head a good bit and puts a lot of pressure on my little guy when D starts teasing me or I have a nocturnal attempt at erection.
     
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  11. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 70

    When D awoke, I snuggled up to her for a bit and then went to work caressing and stroking her hitting the areas she said she likes the most. She provided some more verbal feedback as to what she likes and doesn't like. Before long though, she told me to roll over so she could access her "toys". This requires me to raise my arms over my head and I whispered, "would it be better to tie me to the bed?" and she giggled. She proceeded to tease me to an extreme again leaving me dripping and trembling. I finally rolled back over and went back to work on her. She had a very powerful orgasm and made a "fireworks" comment afterwards. She later mentioned that she felt like she needed to have an orgasm for me since I couldn't. WOW! What a jump in mindset! I was a bit surprised she figured that out but she probably noticeed that my breathing tends to increase as her does when she gets close to climax. I told her that I try to hold her close so I can feel the sensations of her orgasm; that's the biggest advantage of giving her a manual orgasm vs an oral one.

    Day 71

    This was the day of the month that I'm allowed to bring up chastity for our monthly check-in. She acted like she didn't know what that meant. When I told her that it was day 71 since my last orgasm, she told me that she had no idea and had completely lost track (as I suspected). Based on her reaction, she's going to have no idea when we hit the 90 day milestone unless I breach the Guidelines we set for chastity discussions. This means I'll probably have to go at least 102 days before I can raise the question of "Is it time?" I probably subverted that anyway with some of the other items we discussed.

    We talked about setbacks and slips that can happen to men who are going thru a NOFAP or PMO recovery journey. She told me she would be devastated if I slipped. I told her I still have urges from time to time but they aren't as strong as they as they were earlier in our journey when she was giving me occasional orgasms. We agreed that I will need to remain locked for awhile until I can develop the skills, tools and habits in a recovery program to handle those urges. She and I definitely don't want to deal with the emotional trauma of a moral failure.

    I told her I'm a little nervous about having orgasms again for fear that it will" break the spell" I'm under. She seemed a bit exasperated with that remark. So I had to tell her that I'm emotionally scared that I'll start misbehaving again if I start having orgasms. She said she thought that that should make things better, not worse. I reminded her that it would mess with my hormones. I then asked her "have you noticed that my mood and behavior has been leveling out and been pretty consistent over the past month or so (i.e. no significant misbehavior)? And she agreed. My last outburst was 6 weeks ago. And she commented that the only indiscretion was a "NO" i uttered a week or so ago when I got a little sarcastic when she asked me if I was awake. I used to do that all the time when she would ask questions that I deemed had obvious answers of "YES". She told me that used to drive her absolutely crazy. That and ignoring and not answering her questions. Why do I bring these things up and to her attention? This will only make her even more likely to keep me in denial. And I'm craving an orgasm right now. But I do actually enjoy the better husband I'm becoming.

    I did bring up the idea of tieing me to the bed to tease me again. Her response was she would only need to do that if she wasn't able to access her "toys". I've been too compliant... maybe I need to play "hard to get"? But I certainly don't want to risk discouraging her from teasing me.

    I did read in one KH's blog that a single orgasm followed by a few weeks of denial seemed to prevent the dreaded Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde transformation. I hope so. I'm going to have to really focus on being on my very best behavior if and when she allows me to cum again. She doesn't even throw out the occasional "should we let him out to play?" question anymore. The closest thing to that she's said recently was some comment during a teasing session about not having access to my little guy and I immediately suggested she reach over and get the key out of the lockbox that's inside of her bedside table. She paused for just a moment and then firmly said "NO".
     
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  12. Stephplayswithyou
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    Stephplayswithyou Active member

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    Thank you for sharing you journey thus far. You've dine a great job to help us understand where you were to how it's going thus far. My wife/kh has agreed that we will embark on the extended long lockup period but I'm still working through dialing in the proper set up. I enjoy reading what others, like yourself, are (or did) experiencing during this journey. I'll be curious to see how you feel about if you've truly kicked your habit or does it require additional time. Will that be part of your next monthly check in? I'm assuming she can extend it if she feels it's needed? Last, I'm also curious to hear about what does it look like after the 90 day period and say she does grant you a release? Do you guys plan to continue with limited releases (say only a few times a year)? Or was that talked about and that will be up to her?
     
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  13. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Sorry, I had a long work day yesterday followed by dinner out with the family. And I wanted to give my answer some careful thought before replying. I've also read thru your thread "How do I help her not feel guilty" for some background. You received some great advice.

    I'm in a similar situation as you though I'm not sure what triggered your experimentation with chastity. Although from your question above, I'm sure part of it is feeling guilty about masturbating and the effects it's had on your marital sex plus just a greater desire for better intimacy in your marriage. The last part is the key.

    One piece of advice from my experience that I didn't find in the replies to your thread: My wife needed to hear that I needed her. I was too independent of a person When I admitted my failures, made myself really vulnerable, and told her I needed her to help me remain chaste so I could be the man she wants me to be (loving, kind, attentive, communicative, seeing her & hearing her, not sarcastic, not arrogant, willing to open up and share my weaknesses, fears and longings, etc.), she completely got on board.

    I have to remind her sometimes.... some things she remembers well like the teasing part (thankfully). Others she has to see in action and not just in words. And that just takes time. We are only 4 months into this journey... it seems like ages... but it's not long enough to figure out a lot because, as some will tell you, it takes anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks to recover from an orgasm hormonally. Throw in a 3 month addiction recovery reboot and I don't have a lot of data yet to figure out what will work for us.

    I'm 73 days into my denial reboot period. I still have urges to relieve myself but they aren't as strong as they were 2-3 months ago. I'm absolutely grateful I have my Guardian on to resist the temptation. And I know what i could do with a vibrator or a power tool to give myself an orgasm. But the sexual intimacy I'm having with my wife is so fantastic now, I don't want to risk bursting this bubble that we're in. And my strength to overcome those urges is growing slowly every day. I'm told those cravings will always be there but that it takes time to unwire & rewire the brain

    My wife is not someone who researches anything on her own. She is dependent entirely on me to provide her with the information necessary to make an informed decision on chastity and has told me that. So I have to do the research and then do my best to present the information to her so we can both make an informed decision. A good example had to do with teasing and a reboot period for us; some suggest 30 days of absolutely no sexual arousal at all. My wife told me that she had gone too long without sexual intimacy and that that would be a punishment for her; she really enjoys teasing me as you've read from my posts. So I suggested the 90 orgasm denial period since that seems to be a gold standard in the NOFAP community. Since I can see progress in how I feel about my self-control, I think we may be ready to go slowly and try release by our next monthly check-in.

    One of the things I've learned about myself is that I'm an "Avoider". See the website howwelove.com for a free quiz on determining your personality type. The Avoider is a very indendent personality type. In addition to admitted my need for my wife, I've had to come to grips with my lack of close male friendships. My wife and I decided that I needed to consider joining a recovery group. I'm starting to walk thru a sexual addiction recovery process with 7 men starting next week. I think the learning process combined with the relationships we will develop will greatly enhance our marriage. It's taken awhile to reach this point for me and for my wife to wrap her mind around, but it all resonates with her. I've even had someone from this site reach out to me because of my expressed Christian faith to say "join a small group we have to meet once a month by zoom so we can encourage one another and help each other thru this journey". My wife is thrilled with that!

    As far as a release schedule going forward: we will go slow! After my next release, we'll closely monitor how I feel and, more importantly, my behavior. We both want the same thing; it's just coming to grips with how to achieve the right balance. I need to continue to communicate to her that my fulfillment sexually comes from 4 basic things: physical touch through caressing, snuggling, etc, physical teasing to a heightened state of arousal, giving her orgasms, and pleasuring her orally. We'll see when it's safe to add my orgasms to that list.
     
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  14. Stephplayswithyou
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    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. No need to apologize, we all have lives to live and there's no worries on my end.

    So now to how you responded, man, iour paths are very similar. Yes, my desires to explore chastity we're driven exactly by what you said. And she's aware of it as well as that's how I presented it to her. So from that perspective, she gets it and I think I can say at this point, is starting to connect the second part about the desire to bring us closer and be more intimate; to reconnect. I 100% agree, that is the key and continue to drive that point home when I can.

    I have a very strong willed, could say dominant, personality in general and have made majority of the decisions in our relationship. It's just been that as a default but doesn't mean it has to stay that way. I've also tried to get her to think about control doesn't have to mean your a Dominatrix (of course I'm not gonna complain should that come out someday! lol). It can be as simple as you start to make decisions vs me doing it when it comes our sex life and it doesn't have to be this huge time suck/planning thing on her end. Again, I think she's starting to see that as well and coming around to it, but still a work in progress which is fine. She has to go at her own pace and find what works for her.

    I too have done most the research. Not that she can't, I just don't think she would. So, I too continue to drive a little as far as trying to help her understand a bit more which she's told me she's doesn't mind the direction. That it's nice to have a glimpse into what I want/need. I've also asked if she would like to talk with someone but so far, she's said she's fine. So while I'd perhaps like to get her here to have a way to learn more, it's not an option for the time being.

    Last, thank you for sharing your journey. It helps me, and I'm sure others, understand what we may or may not experience as we go through this journey. It's nice to have insight from those that have done it for a long time as well as those that are newer. Though yes, I recognize, everyone's journey will be different as you have to take your own path and do what works best for your relationship. I really liked your comment about how your satisfaction comes from 4 basic things. Good luck to you if/when the 5th is added on your journey.
     
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  15. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 73

    No play this morning. We both were tired after not sleeping great and took the extra 30 min to rest.

    It was really hot today - 95 F - and I was out in the heat most of the day working. I stumbled upon a bear in the woods and dropped to the deck before he ran off. Was covered all over with dirt that stuck to my sunscreen as I wasn't wearing much in the way of clothes because of the heat. Went home to shower only to find a service man who showed up to work on our water system. Once he finished it, discovered there was no hot water. No shower. Spent an hour or so trying to figure it out. Decided to fire up the wood stove to heat the water which took awhile and added the smell of smoke to the layer of dirt on me.

    Finally got a shower and prepared a quick dinner for D. We settled down to watch some TV but I was misbehaving badly. At least 3 times I gave her the opposite answer to questions with an obvious answer. And I was reacting badly as she discussed plans to have a photographer take family pictures at a family reunion planned next month. ("UGH") Why was I doing that???

    She put on an unappealing chick flick on Netflix and I found myself dosing off! I decided the best things was to go to bed and excused myself. She turned it off and followed me to the bedroom and got ready for bed. I was asleep almost before she got under the covers but I clearly remember she was naked.

    Day 74

    I woke up a little early this morning before D did feeling guilty at the way I acted last night. I wanted to make excuses but realized that there is no excuse for behaving that way. I still have a long way to go to rewire my brain. And I have to remind myself that I'm on the right path. I dozed back to sleep before our alarm went off. I expected D to be upset with me and to give me the cold shoulder. But she initiated things and start to gently caress me; I returned the favor and worked my way towards pleasuring her. She reminded me that's not the way things work for us so I rolled over and gave her access to her toys. She had me spasming uncontrollably and ready to beg for release and orgasm, but our guidelines don't allow me to ask. I sooooo wanted to plead with her. I pressed my cage against her thigh straining for stimulation but there was little or none to be found. When she was finished, I hugged her tightly pressing my entire body against hers while moaning as I recovered. After a couple of minutes, I started stroking her probably a little too harshly to begin. I gradually reduced things to something very gentle and was able to pleasure her before it was time to get up.

    Post menopausal women tend to have a dry vagina and need a good lubricant to enjoy sex. That was true for D prior to chastity. But our emotional, mental & physical intimacy is so amped up now, she's always naturally lubricated by the time we're finished with foreplay. Maybe it has nothing to do with age and menopause and everything to do with the quality of your sex life!

    I'm incredibly lucky to have a wife/KH like D who ignored my bad behavior and made passionate love to me after we both were able to get a good night's sleep! How can I love and serve her today?
     
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  16. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 75

    Yesterday, D and I had a watershed moment in this journey together. Over dinner, I asked D to estimate how many times “we had made love” in the 4 months since our journey began in March when she became my KH. She said “about 100”. My response was “that’s about what I thought you’d say and I would agree”. Then I asked her to estimate how long it was for the previous 100 times we made love. She said “a very long time” and couldn’t begin to guess. Being the analytical one, I estimated it was at least 15-20 years... maybe longer. Zero to 60 overnight indeed!

    As we talked about chastity and our practice of tease & denial, she said one of the things she most appreciates about our physical intimacy is that there is NO MESS to clean up afterwards. It dawned on me that it’s been a long time since she’s suggested we remove my Guardian. I think panic began to set in because I started to have selfish feelings longing for more frequent orgasms. As we got ready for bed, it occurred to me that if I was having frequent orgasms, the frequency of our love making would be much less than it has been these past 4 months. It seems she craves physical touch almost as much as I do right now and that very likely wouldn’t be the case if I was satiated all of the time. I don’t want to diminish our desire for one another and reduce the frequency of our physical intimacy.

    As we snuggled in bed before going to sleep, I brought up her comment again from earlier in the night: “So you're really enjoying teasing & denying me now because there is no mess afterwards?” She too enthusiastically said “OH YEAH”! For the first time in weeks, I had difficulty drifting off to sleep. I think we’ve turned a corner… I don’t think she’s feeling any guilt about keeping me denied.
     
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  17. Stephplayswithyou
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    Yeah, sounds like she had an aha moment for sure. Which I think you did as well in the sense, this is about to get real. Not sure if a congrats or best of luck is in order here. Lol.
     
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  18. ChasteMarriage
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    Good luck on this incredible journey.
     
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  19. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    I recently switched from the large (46.5 mm) to medium ring size (44 mm) on my Vice Mini. This was because one of my balls slipped the trap after wearing the same setup for 5 months. I already use the small spacer on my cage so the smaller ring was the only option left to reduce the gap. This has really surprised me because i had to use an extra large (50 mm) ring on my previous cheaper cages.

    I've also gone to wearing the small anti-pullout instead of the medium. It took some getting used to so that i wouldn't develop an irritation at tne pinching point beneath the glans from attempted erections. And they smaller anti-pullout keeps my head in the right position so pee comes out just thru the pee hole instead of the other ventilation holes.

    I think the anti-pullout keeps and supports my penis in a better position which reduces the stress on the ring thus enabling me to wear the much smaller ring size than before. I also don't have any ring irritation like I used to get.

    Now everything fits very snuggly which I like. I'm the type who wants my gym shoes to be a snug fit with my big toes right at the tip of my shoes. If I were a woman, I'd wear leggings all the time. Now that I've got the right fit on the cage, all is well with my world!
     
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  20. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 77

    Yesterday started out with an early volunteer opportunity that shifted our normal activities to later in the day. As a result, D didn't workout and shower until mid to late afternoon. I walked in when she was showering and said "I love it when you shower late in the day because it means there's a possibility that later I might get to ...." and I left it at that. We watched too much TV and were tired when we went to bed. When D woke up this morning, she immediately moved into an "I want to spoon you and pkay with / tease you" position. So I complied since it was pointless to try anything else. LOL

    When she had me thoroughly aroused and delightfully frustrated, I reached over and found "the door was open" and we were able to stimulate each other simultaneously. This was really a nice, erotic experience. Eventually I realized it was time for a more direct approach and turned over. Without hesitation, she allowed me to pleasure her orally. This obviously made me very happy as well as her. She had one of her strongest spasms in recent memory. This is very encouraging because she hasn't been comfortable with oral sex in the past and it HAS to feel better than almost anything else. So much about sex is mental and emotional for her (and most women?). This is great progress in our journey!
     
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  21. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Wonderful, and congratulations! Being permitted to worship her sacred place is my highest goal and the greatest reward she can offer you. That she is becoming more comfortable permitting you to worship is a strong sign that she is accepting your submission and accepting your statements that you want to be chaste and not masturbate, and you want to bring your love to her. Of course it feels better for her; she can finally relax and accept pleasure and let her orgasm built, and know that we will not cum too fast and leave her disappointed.
     
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  22. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    I appreciate your response! It is wonderful that she can "finally relax and accept pleasure". And she doesn't feel pressure any longer in our love making! That is huge!

    I wouldn't say that I worship her. Rather,, I really enjoy her and, at this point, giving her oral pleasure while I'm chaste is my ultimate enjoyment! All of this inspires me to worship the One who I believe is the designer & creator of this lovely creature! :)
     
  23. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 79

    Still crawling towards day 90.

    Sunday evening, went to a winery with close friends. They have noticed a change in our relationship and my behavior over the past several months. I commented we were 5 months into the honeymoon and still going strong. I realize now that it was a form of bragging and am a bit disgusted with myself. While I was off buying some wine and our friend's wife was in the bathroom, the husband began asking D about what has happened. She spoke about how I had changed and how she is feeling about it. She didn't mention chastity but told him I would probably share it with him if he asked me to. Later, on the way home, she told me about the conversation which led to further discussions. She mentioned wanting me to be uncaged which started a downward spiral for me... feels of anxiety about staying pure & denied started to hit me. As the conversation continued, the guilt & shame of 40+ years of selfish masturbation & porn use during our marriage began to weigh me down. Laying in bed that night, the thought of being uncaged made me want to touch myself. The next morning, we had to get up and get going early so no "play time". I muddled thru the morning until D came home at lunch and we packed up and went to the beach at a lake not far from home. The swimsuit D was wearing provided all the teasing I needed to get aroused. I was glad my Guardian was still in place to prevent my little guy from trying to get everyone's attention.

    This morning, I awoke with a raging attempt at an erection. I guess the trip to the beach on top of my long denial period is getting the best of me. This caused some serious pain where the anti-pullout impinges me below the glans. D decided to tease me first thing this morning. She was very much on her game and I had to cut it short so I could get some relief. I asked for the key for a hygiene opening since it had been at least two weeks since my last checkup. She obliged me without hesitation. She seemed to linger for awhile as I was getting cleaned up.... maybe trying to be sure I was going to try anything? Finally, she had to leave to hit her workout machine in the basement. I decided I needed a day of freedom to allow some healing and dumped the parts to my Guardian into my bathroom drawer. I have a full day of work watching grandchildren and my little guy is sore, so I'm not going to be trying anything. D will be in for a surprise when we crawl into bed tonight if she isn't too tired to snuggle. I'm really curious at her reaction. (FYI: our key is secure in a lockbox that she alone has the combination to. My cage is secured with a padlock. So when I unlock, I immediately return the key to the box and close it. I then lock my Guardian back up when I'm done cleaning.)
     
  24. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Day 81

    Yesterday morning, at about 4 am, I had my first erection in almost 3 months. I went 24 hours without the cage but was so busy with my grandkids and it was a long day that I was too tired in the evening to think about anything sexual. D was gone most of the evening for a meeting so we quickly slipped into bed when she arrived home. I was almost asleep by the time she crawled into bed. Since we didn't fool around, she hadn't noticed that my Guardian was not in place. I was sure that would happen in the morning, but I started coming down with a cold during the night. So we didn't embrace or cuddle after she woke up. I put my Guardian back on after she left for work; I don't want to risk losing control at this point.

    It was nice to have an erection again. I had to reach under the covers to be sure it was what I thought it was. But I'm still PMO-free for 81 days. I just may make it to 90 after all.
     
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  25. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    #25 littleguy3, Jul 18, 2022
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2022
    Day 85

    I've been hit pretty hard by this viral infection but am finally starting to come out of it a little. Yesterday was my first semi-productive day since Tuesday.

    I thought I would share with you something I put together a couple of weeks ago. Since I've stopped watching porn and objectifying other women, D has become more beautiful to me by the day. She turned 64 4 days prior to my commitment to chastity 24x7 began. One of my favorite things to say to her is "You look incredibly beautiful for a 49 year old woman!" She loves it and I think she even partially believes it now.

    Something inspired me to put together this following list but I don't remember where the inspiration came from. Oh, and be sure to share it with your mate / KH.

    Five things or more that I find sexy about D
    • Her lips; they are soft, sensual, not too large or small and delightful to kiss and taste, accentuated by her soft, petite nose that I often want to nuzzle
    • Her face, framed by a perfect hair style, is so beautiful that she looks decades younger. Gazing into her eyes makes me want to hug & kiss her constantly.
    • Her breasts are well sized, soft and topped off with the most adorable, soft, pencil eraser like nipples. I’m torn with wanting to press my bare chest against them, hold them and tease them.
    • Her legs are toned, athletic and covered with the same soft, baby’s skin that covers all of her body. This makes it extremely difficult to keep my hands off her and resist the temptation to snuggle with her every time I’m awake in bed.
    • Her clothing style always accentuates her beauty and turns her into a cute, adorable creature that I want to be with but not seen with because she makes me look like her father.
    • Her giggle; I love to hear her laugh when watching TV, talking animatedly on the phone or with a family member or friend.
    • Her ability to tease me and drive me absolutely wild without ever touching my little guy.
    • Her willingness to hold the key to my sexual release and own me for her pleasure.
    Can you put together a similar list about your mate / KH? If so, feel free to step on my journey and post a reply to this thread.
     
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