Shibmo's story

Thanks for the advice, from all of you, it really helps me to get trough this.

I’ll get back to you when I’ve got a little bit more time to respond properly.

 

It is so easy to overwhelm her with al of my thoughts. I've been thinking and fantasizing about it for years. She is just getting used to the idea. I want to be clear and open with her, that is why I try to initiate a conversation. But she might just not be ready for that.

This is part of the problem as well.. Monkey-horny-brain wants to take the shortcut, but there isn't one. More rational brain knows, but he isn't always present.
I wont bring up the rules or any of those, for sure Not untill she is ready to engage with the cage. but I had to write it out to clear my mind.

I am on day 18 now, and I hope that the most horny stage is past. I'll try to keep my head down and not talk about it for a while, but I don't expect her to start about it. She might just ignore it for a long, long time. Probably thinking it is a phase, or something.
I also don't think she is feeling in charge, but more like a passenger.

I know she is busy, we are both busy. I truly respect her for that. But that is one of the reasons I want to try to give our intimacy a boost. We both can be tired and grumpy, just because of a busy life. We never really fight, but we can get in quite a mood together. When we are more intimate we can deal with eachother better, boosting eachother, instead of bringing each other down. We can handle the kids better when we are in a good mood, they reflect our behaviour like a mirror.
I want to feel more like a couple in stead of just parents, or even roommates.
I do feel like the atmosphere in home has improved since my lockup. So I do really believe chastity could be something that improves both of our lives.
I've seen, and told her, that I see chastity as a way to align our libido. Giving her the initiative when she wants to be intimate, even if that isn't as much as I would like without the cage.

I've told her something like this, and I like to think she knows it to be true.

I'll try to keep up with those. But it is a fine balancing act. I do like the massages and giving her the attention she deserves. But it also makes me want her, makes me horny, and as you have read, horny-monkey-brain isn't the most sensible...

I could probably milk myself pretty easily right now. Just thinking about it right now makes me want it. It would be just a couple of minutes, tops. I've got a NJoy wand, that wil make me squirt right away. My P-vibe will probably let me dribble, just by inserting it.

But I don't want to do that. Something inside me feels like that is cheating this entire chastity thing. It feels as much as cheating, as pulling out of the cage, or using the key to masturbate.
I am also afraid it will make my mood drop. I've had (solo) p-gasms before, that were more intense than penile orgasms ever were. Even while in the cage. I think having a P-gasm will give me to much post-nut clarity, and will make me to remove te cage. I don't want that.
Also I don't think I truly need do have my prostate emptied. I've had 3 wet dreams in these couple of weeks, that should be enough.

You're acually doing a fine job as a therapist

I don't know if I've written about it, but PIV has never been the main sexual act in our relationship. I have always been struggling with Premature Ejaculation. WIth a bit of luck, I could probably make it for a minute, maybe two. There has been times where I couldn't get past 2-3 thrusts.
She hasn't ever orgasmed from PIV, nor have I given her the chance to. In my current state, in chastity, I probably couldn't even last long enough to put on a condom.
I've tried things in the past, Using desensitizing condoms, doing kegel training (wich only made me cum faster), start-stop method etc.
I'm really insecure about it, but she has never held it against me. She also understand that I need to practice to become better at it. When we were at our "top" frequency, we maybe had PIV once every 1-2 months. We had the most PIV, in te period where we were trying to get her pregnant. Being a blessing and a curse, we are both pretty fertile, so that wasnt a long period to enjoy.

She also is insecure about PIV. She has struggled a lot with pain during PIV, needing to gently guide me inside her. I've always been trying to care for her and be gentle, but there has been times where it hurt.
After her pregnancy that hasn't occured anymore, but instead she has been very self-counsious about the changes of her body. She doesn't like the scars on her belly, or the way er breasts/nipples have changed from breastfeeding.
I've told her numerous times that I still find her very attractive and sexy, but it doesn't seem to improve her confidence.

I do however love to let her cum with my fingers, or trough oral. I do always offer it to her during sex, and I make sure she always cums, if she wants it.
I've also expressed multiple times that I don't think PIV is the most important act. We have had enough nights where we did both cum, but wasn't any PIV. I'm perfectly fine with that, as PIV probably just leads to an embarrasment.

About the thongs, I'm not quite sure. She Is quite adverse to crossdressing. Probably having to do with an uncle who came out as transvestite/drag after being married for many years. I do remember that period, she was truly disgusted about it. It might be one of her fears that I might become like that as well.
I'm not sure if I have ever poperly explained to her, but I'm pretty sure of my own sexuality. I do like a bit of girly-dress-up, but only as a part of private humiliation setting. Focus point on private.
I also really like to wear "naughty" thing during everyday life. Like the cage, or a buttplug, or whatever fits in my pants. Again, it has to be private, I really don't want to get caught.

Physically I don't think I have changed alot. My weight has been pretty much the same since I was 18. (Just checked with a calculator, BMI 21). I've never been a Alpha-male, but maybe this makes it look even more submissive than she has realised I could be.
She herselve is probably also more on the submissive/beta side of life. I like her like that, that is why we fit together in everyday life. It is also why this thread started in the Vannilla section, as I cannot think of anyone more vanilla than my wife.

I know we can't always get what we want, so If I could achieve any of those goals, it would be a good improvement.




This post has been long enough, but I just wanted to say to all of you, that I really appreciate the advise. It really helps, knowing that I'm not completely alone on this journey. Even tough it is trough the words of some internet-strangers. In my journal I try to be as honest and close to the truth as I can be. I'm not perfect, I make (a lot) of mistakes, I'm not in the most amazing fantasy-like-life some people here are. I'm just trying to be better at what I do.

 

I might introduce the blindfold as a way to battle her insecurities. I do like the suggestion, not sure if she will be up for it.

I don’t really understand the Karezza part. as I said, I have a pretty bad case of PE, so I don’t get how I could be inside her without cumming. Especially not while in chastity.
It does sound romantic tough.

 

19 days locked. 24 Days since last full orgasm.

I think the high peak of hornyness/needyness has subsided a bit.
Might also just be tired because of some physical labor yesterday.

Have also developed some mild inconveniences. My foreskin got pinched somehow and is partially blue.
Shaving a couple of days ago, reduced the hairs getting stuck in the cage and pulling. But the stubble isn’t much better.

Sometimes thoughts of unlocking cross my mind.
Most times I don’t even notice I wear a cage anymore.

 

24 days locked, exactly 4 weeks since last O.

Past weekend my hornyness subsided quite a bit. Sunday I had a tournament, so the cage stayed home. In the end I was unlocked from 9:00 to 21:00 (ish).
It felt weird to be able to touch my penis again when on the toilet. It felt nice to be out, but was also missing the cozy feeling of the cage. My foreskin had enough time to recover, so that was nice.
At night I felt hesitant to put the cage back on. I could also just masturbate and be done with it. But that would flush away all of the progress of the last couple weeks.

I like the “new” me. I like the dynamic we have in our relationship. I like having the energy to do things, instead of slouching on the couch.

So I locked myself again.


Then yesterday, we had a good flow. After I got home, I got the dinner going, and while that was cooking, we got a little bit of intimacy. Even with the kids around, it was nice.
Just giving her shoulders a rub, a couple of sweet kisses and hugs.

After dinner she had to go, to take our oldest to his swimming classes.
When leaving the house, she said with a smile that I was being “klef” (don’t really know the English word. Maybe “tacky”?).

I brought the youngest one to bed, and after that I was just feeling horny. I kind of had that blue-ball feeling.

I texted her that I had horny-brain from being “klef” with her, and that I loved that. That I would get to the attic to get on with the renovation, just to blow off some energy.

later when she got home, she came to take a look at my progress, and she was happy with the work I had done.
I said I needed to focus my energy somewhere, and she smiled about it.


Later, when we got on the couch together, I asked her how she was feeling. If she was happy with our current situation.
She said she was.

I count that as a win.
Slowly, but steady will do the job.
So happy I did re-lock myself Sunday night.

 

27 days locked…

Time is passing slowly. I’ve read on the forum of people reaching a “plateau-phase”. I guess we have reached that.
Last few days, most of the time I wasn’t even aware of my cage. A couple of times a day, I hade a wave of horniness, sometimes with a clear reason, sometimes just out of nowhere.

Last night I had a few drinks, and I felt a bit more courageous. I went to bed naked, except for the cage. When she joined about an hour later, I hugged her, but she jerked away from the cage.
We went to sleep (I was half-asleep anyway). Only to be woken by a nighttime emission.

Usually I do have an erotic dream before having a wet dream, but this time I don’t think I did. It just gushed out, with semi-orgasmic feelings.
I wobbled to the bathroom to clean myself, and went back to bed.

This morning I was horny as hell, trying to feel her up. Just wanting to pleasure her. She rejected me, again.
I confessed I had a wet dream, and that made me extra horny, and that I wanted to let her cum.
She changed the subject, and that was that.

I’m feeling so very frustrated right now.

Might be the drop, so many talk about.
Might be a bit of resentment for being rejected. Might be the need to orgasm after a month.
Might be her time of the month to be grumpy.

I do want to talk to her about it, discuss how to continue. But she just shuts me down every time. Last time I checked in with her, she was ok with the situation.

Might ask her if she wants me to orgasm, and reset.

 

How much can a mood change in the course of a day?
I don’t even know where to begin.

We had a moody start yesterday. But during the day that changed. She said her belly hurt, so I suspected her period had started. Oh, boy was I wrong.

My wife is one of those that can actually feel her ovulation. So when she made a remark about her egg, that changed the perspective.
She teased me a bit about getting her pregnant.

We have a bit of tension in our relationship regarding that point. Nothing too serious, more about making some small jokes about it sometimes.
She would love to have a third kid. I don’t.
Weird thing is: I do get very excited by the idea of making her pregnant, and see her carry our child. I just don’t want to take care of another baby/toddler. I feel like I have had my fair share of that.
She knows, and she’s ok with it. But it does lead to some teasing, mostly from her side.
So yesterday she made a remark; “this is your chance”
While being denied for a month, that is a dangerous suggestion. I was really tempted…

Anyway that set the mood for some small teasing during the rest of the day.

We spend the evening playing a board game. I won the first, by the second I was about 30 points behind. I made a joke that that would be worth 30 minutes of massage later tonight.
She accepted the challenge, and I ended up owing her 53 minutes

We went upstairs, and I did massage her for about half an hour before she allowed me you touch her between her legs.
We had a very passionate night.
She didn’t want to have anything to do with the cage, but wanted to touch me, so she asked me to unlock myself.
She suggested PIV, but I suggested I would just let her cum instead, and so we did.
Later she offered a handjob, I told her she didn’t have to, but she went trough, and made me cum.


This morning I started the convo about last night. I tried to explain to her that I don’t really want PIV anymore. It makes me anxious, unsure, and it will probably be over in a few secs anyway. I told her I preferred the way we had sex yesterday. Just being intimate, and having fun, and enjoying ourselves.
I asked her how she felt about that, but she wasn’t sure.

I also asked her if she wanted me to lock again.
About that, she wasn’t sure as well. Not saying no, not saying yes.
I said I liked the thing we had going for the last month, and she acknowledged that that was true.

So now, I’m here. Currently unlocked. Happy as can be.
I think I will lock again later this night, trying to continue the vibe we had going.

 

Exactly one month locked. 31 days. 4 days since last O.

After my last post, I locked myself again later that day. I did put the key back on her nightstand, in the box I made the last time. A silent way to show her I locked again. She did put the key away, but hasn’t spoken about it since.

With the holidays, I kind of expected her to ask me to take it off. With the family visits and all. But no reaction on that front.

She does seem to get in the “reluctant keyholder” catagory. Not really wanting to have anything to do with it, but experiencing the benefits it has on me.
It starts to grow on her somewhat… I think.

Few days ago, when we were cooking for Eve, she was splitting some eggs. I couldn’t stop grinning because I was thinking of the meme that was posted here a couple times. The one where a cage get used as a strainer/egg splitter.
She asked me why I was having this stupid smile on my face, so I showed her the picture. She did have a laugh about it.

Don’t think she would have thought that to be funny a month ago…

 

Few Fun Facts I’ve learned:


- since my lockup, I wake up every night with an erection at 4:30. Most of the time within a couple minutes, never more than 30mins deveation.

- Sometimes my foreskin gets pinched and might get a bruise. It heals incredibly fast, when taken out of the cage. Just a couple hours can be enough.

- hand lotion is perfect for treating ring burn

 

Well, at the very least, I want her to know that PIV is (no longer) my ultimate goal of having sex.
If she wants it, or even ever would express she needs it, I would never withhold it from her.

Yeah, I can only imagine. I would love a custom cage, but life is expensive and paying €200-500 isn’t negotiable at this stage. Besides, I really don’t know where to start looking.
Perhaps if she gets more into it, that a custom cage becomes an option.

I do wear my HTv4 with the foreskin retracted behind the glans. Otherwise the foreskin will peep out of the pee-hole and get pinched in my underwear. It does give some hygiene issues tough.
I have no real long-term experience with true cage-style designs. The one I have is a cheap metal one, and that one catches the foreskin every time. With the foreskin retracted It gives me terrible edema after 2-3 days, and just isn’t for long term wear.

As mentioned before, I am considering buying a cobra knock-off. I do like the look of the kink3d cobra, but those are quite expensive as well. Trying a cheap one might let me learn something about where the skin will go.

 

Thanks. I think you are pretty spot on.
I use this thread as an journal, mostly for myself, to log the steps we have made. I don’t write a lot about the mundane things, as that isn’t the most relevant to this forum.

We both work quite a lot. I work 36hrs a week, she does 28.
She’s a nurse, while I work in a office, so her job is more demanding, and at irregular hours. Taking that into account I would like to think we are equally burdened with work nowadays.
It used to be the other way around, where I worked 40+ hours, and she did 24, but that was before the kids.

Some days are much, much, harder for her, especially when she has had an heavy situation at work. She tells me about it, and I know I need to give her some more space on those days.
She has even decided to change jobs, to go to a bit less demanding floor, at a hospital closer to home. I hope that that might give her some more peace of mind.

I do have my own hobbies and sports to go to, and besides that, we are renovating our attic. Well We… that’s just me. So any hours I have, where I do not have to look after at least 2 kids, I’m trying to get some work done upstairs.
I do notice that since my lockup, I’ve been able to redirect that horny energy, into building stuff. And the project that has been stagnant for months has been getting some real progress.
I’ve actually texted her once along the lines of: ‘I’m feeling frustrated, I’m going to the attic to blow of some steam’.
I do like to show her the productivity that indirectly comes from the cage.

We have a lot going on, being young parents and all. But I try to fit in some kind of a sexual relationship with my wife. I do NOT want a platonic relationship, and she knows that. If that means I need to lock up for a month or more at a time, so be it. It ticks my boxes, and once a month (or 3) is way better than we have had for years.

 

5 weeks locked, 1 week since last O.


It has been a few days since I last posted here. I’ve been needy the first few days, but that seems to be beter now. Chastity wise, not a lot happened. We had some family obligations. She had to work a couple days.
I did remind her of the cuttothechaste-blog I sent her during my last lockup. I asked her to read it, as I would appreciate it if she would read into it. So she would understand my behaviour after cumming.

“Not now, maybe later”
Well… at least the seed is planted.


This morning however, she made a remark that stuck.
I gave her a hug, told her I love her and want her.

“Not now, next year again”.

Even tough it is just a joke that is easy made on the 31st (especially as she is working tonight)… It rang home. I froze and just stared at her.

“what?”
“Nah, nothing. Love you babe.”


Who knows what the new year will bring.

For everyone reading this:
Best wishes to you all, and may your wishes come true.

 

50 days locked, 23 days since last O

It has been quite a time since I last posted here. Mostly because on the chastity-front, not a lot has changed.
Me being caged seems to be quite normalized. She doesn't really react to it, but isn't surprised to see me caged anymore.
I've brought up chastity a few times, but no real deep convo could be started.

One time she mentioned it on her own. We would go to a new-years event at the local pool with the kids. She just asked "Don't you have to go to the bathroom to do something?" "No worries, already took care of it".

Last friday night I had an nocturnal emission. Saturday night I had another. They were the first emissions since my last full O. I confessed to having had emissions to her on sunday morning. She pretty much immedeatly changed the subject.
"You don't want to talk about it, huh?" "Nope".

I do not know if she will ever activly participate in my chastity, but I do know that I like this version of myself. I do feel connected to her, I do like to cuddle and kiss her a lot. I do feel more intimate trough small gestures. I do feel more active, and less depressed.
Maybe self-locking is all there is.

Or maybe I should just wait another week, and try again when she is in her more horny phase of her cycle.
Hope keeps the spirit alive.

 

She does. She knows my mood is better because of it. I think that's why she allows me to self-lock in the first place.

 

57 days locked, 30 days since last O

Past few days have been quite hard for me. Very horny, and still no release.
I’ve tried to initiate a couple times the last few days, but not a lot has happened. Just a good foot rub, or shoulder rub on the couch.

Tried to get her to have a good conversation about our sex and intimacy. Just asking her if we could have that conversation made her upset. That made me pretty frustrated. If she is, or isn’t happy with our current status quo, either way I want her to talk about it with me.

She just said that I’m always into “weird stuff”. Yeah, that might be true, but she has known that for many years.

I kind of feel that as long as she doesn’t give me a clear “no”, that I can continue discovering my own chastity. It might be counterproductive, but it does give me something to focus on.

Yesterday I decided to order a different cage, as the HT v4 does have it’s limitations. It is made of a thermoplastic, so it deforms under heat. And apparently, body heat is enough to warp the ring in such a way, that the locking mechanism fails. Running it under a hot tap, I can easily bend it back to its original shape, but in 2-3 days the gap comes back.
Also, the hygiëne isn’t the best, the closed tube does get smelly after a few days, requiring to unlock and clean.

I’ve ordered a Chinese cobra-clone. A Nano and a small. I’m curious if the more open cage design is compatible with my foreskin, and if it is easier to clean.

I’ve notified my wife of the order, so she knows it is coming in a couple of days. She does see me naked on occasion, so she will see it anyways.
She hasn’t responded at all..

Maybe when the package gets delivered, that’s a good starter to get a real conversation out of her…