Shibmo's story

When looking around this site, a lot of stories it just seems to click for a partner, and then turn everything around. I know for sure that that isn’t realistic. At the very least not for me.

I haven’t decided for a time locked. I just want to see how it goes. Might be a month, might be two. We’ll see.
Last time, after about 3 weeks, my mood started to drop. So I’ll keep that in mind in setting goals.

I do think I need some form of feedback from her tough. I’ve realised that part of the ‘fun’ of this endeavour is knowing that she knows. That we are doing this naughty thing together.
It is some form of intimacy, even when there’s nothing physical happening.

 

I think both of you can be right at the same time. I think I need to find a middle ground.

I guess it would be best to wait until she unlocks me. But knowing my wife, that may as well be never. She won’t take it as a challenge, she would prefer to just ignore it.

She does already know that locking improves my behaviour, so that’s a selling point that is already there. She has also noticed that in the time between my last lockup and now, that I wasn’t the best version of me.

Somehow I need to convince her to be willing to interact with my chastity. Whether it be physical or just mentally/verbal. I think I need her involvement to be able to keep it up.


So far, so good. I’m already quite pleased with the current state we have found.
I’ll try to keep my head down, and give her time. Some time in the future we’ll be able to talk about it (again).

 

10 days locked, 15 since last O.

Even tough it may not seem as much to most thing on this site, I’m quite happy.

We had our first intimate moment since I locked myself. I invited her for a nice massage, and she happily accepted.
We both showered (separate), and got ready for a massage on our bed. There was a slight tension in the air, as we both knew a massage is our usual step-up to sex.

We do have a massage table, but we are having some construction going on in the attic, so we currently don’t have space for it. It does give some extra motivation to finish the construction work tough… So we did the massage in bed.

anyways, we got ready, and as I was walking back to our bedroom, I was contemplating if I should stay naked, or not. I decided to put on my underwear, as that was her choice the last time as well.

We had a nice little massage, with no further sexual acts, but it was good. She surely must have felt the cage a few times when I was moving around, but she didn’t react to it.
It was a perfectly fine, intimate moment. No feelings of rejection, just appreciation and love.

I’ve slept like a baby afterwards.

 

13 days locked..

So very horny today.
She’s gone most of the day, the temptation is real.

When she’s around I can’t stop touching, hugging, kissing, saying how much I love her.

She’s got a couple of late shifts, so no real chance of some privacy together. The waiting game is hard.

 

Yeah, I know. Already getting close to that boundary. Got to back down a bit.

On the upside; I’ve been able to redirect a lot of energy into doing things in the house. Hope she realises that that is a benefit of my chastity.

 

We did, during my previous lockup.
I do want to start that conversation again, but need to find the right moment.
It’s hard to get in the right mood for such talks, with a busy schedule and 2 small kids running around.

This morning I actually wanted to start a conversation. In the weekends, when we get the chance, we like to do a coffee in bed, before starting the day. Usually the kids play in their room, or watch tv downstairs.
A chill moment together, to talk about the coming day.
Whelp, this morning the youngest got sick, was super clingy, and got in between us in the bed.

Goodbye adult convo time, hello parenting mode.
Might take a couple more days before another occasion rises.

 

[QUOTE="IB-Chaste, post: 661187, member: 97841”]

So, my advice on this would be simple; don’t worry too much about finding the right moment, create an atmosphere where there is always time for each other.

Ps. Easier said than done[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your advice, great post.
You are right that finding that time is very important. We try, but we really have to make an effort for it. She is a Nurse, so has a very irregular schedule. That makes things a bit harder, but we try.

 

14 days locked…

This morning I had another involuntary expulsion in my sleep. No orgasmic feelings, just goo in my pants.
The kids allowed us to sleep in a bit, so I got out to clean myself under the shower. Got ourselves a cup of coffee and woke her gently.

we had a few words about the cage.
I confessed my ‘accident’. And that while it gives some physical relief, I’m still very sexually frustrated.
I talked about liking that frustration, and that it makes me able to convert that energy in more productive things.
I asked how she thought the last few weeks were going: “Better”.

A single word, but an important one.

I asked her to let me know if I start to get annoying or irritating, and tot tell me to take off the cage if she wants. She just nodded.

And that’s where the little one broke our moment.


There’s progress. Delicate, but progress…

 

16 days locked.

Yesterday was a day full of frustration. I was very sexually frustrated and really wanted to cum. Very distracted at work, bad focus, way to much time on this site.
At home I could do some “manual” housework, and I could put a lot of energy in that.

She was away most of the evening for sports, and even tough it was past my bedtime, I waited for her to come home.

While getting ready for bed, she avoided me. In bed I tried to talk to her. It was mainly a monologue, with a few single word answers from her.

I told her I wanted to feel intimacy and a connection to her. That I think chastity is a way to do that. That I want to involve her in it. That I want to show her how it works. I told her that pretty much all of my sexual fantasies are about a strong woman taking the lead in the bedroom.
That I understand that it is weird, but that I feel good about it.
That even right now, I feel we are doing something intimate, just by the fact that she is aware of the cage. I asked her about her needs and wishes, and if she had any sexual fantasies. She didn’t really respond.

She didn’t really feel like talking, and wanted to sleep, so I left it with that.

During the night I had another emission. I confessed to her about it by text, right after the fact. She hasn’t responded.

Then, this morning another thing happened.
I was helping our little kid, and when putting on a lamp, I heard something fall.
It was my key. The key I gave to her.
I returned it to her immediately, and she reacted with a nonchalance, saying she didn’t know it was for.

I don’t know if it was true, or that she was still sleepy, but it felt like a slap to my face. And not a good one.
She did have a pretty bad headache to boot, so I have to give her that, but I still feel bad about it.

I truly don’t know where this is going.

 

Just a few ramblings I have to get to write away from myself. I've got a lot of thougts flying through my head at the moment. Maybe you guys have some ideas as well.

Thought project one:
I'm considering to make a set of rules we could follow, in order of weight:

1: She always has the right to use the key to unlock, or lock me. Or to tell me to do it for her.
2: I will only use my key for hygiëne/sport.
Once a week on friday evening, corresponding with the same time I have my sports training.
3: We make an agreement on the lock time (examples below). During lock time I'm not allowed to ask for sexual acts.
4: PIV is welcome but not expected.

Option 1:Fixed lockup.
Something like 4 weeks locked, 1 week unlocked. In the unlocked week there is room for sex and/or masturbation.

Option 2: Sync up with her menstrual cycle.
Going into lockup on the first day of her period. Making our hormone spike line up more (2 weeks locked vs ovulation).

Option 3: Some dice game.
Thinking of something like 3d6 days, adding a d6 for every time I still manage to annoy her.

Making some rules about chastity might help her, not feeling guilty or responsible.


Thought project two:
I'm thinking about getting another cage. The HTv4 knock-off I have now is quite comfortable, but not the most hygienic. I Do really like the looks of the Kink3D Cobra and the Black Hera of House of Denial. However, I haven't tried a "birdcage" style cage before, and I'm not sure if it works with my foreskin.
To test the waters, I'm considering buying a chinesium Cobra style cage. Those are dirt cheap and seem to be ok-ish.
And even tough I do wish to continue this chastity adventure, for the long run, I am willing to get a proper device in the future. I'm very sure my wife would think it is an insane amount of money (at the very least for now).

Because she knows about my current cage, I don't think I can just make a switcharoo. She'll know instantly. I don't want to go behind her back, and involve her with buying another cage. But at the same time, I don't think she would want to be bothered by it. I could always use the Hygiene argument, but still...

Thought project Three:
She clearly doesn't feel comfortable in her own sexuality. We've talked about getting some therapy for it. Problem is, it is quite expensive. I've just been searching online, and a consult varies around €125 to €200,-. Most therapists claiming to need around 5-7 sessions. It is just a lot of money.
Might be well spent if it works, might be quite a dent in our savings if it doesn't.

Thought process four:
I'm physically quite comfortable in my cage. I could just wait it out. Wait untill she asks me to take it off. But I'm pretty sure it won't be for any sexual needs, but for something practical. We are going on a holiday end of februari. I kind of expect that to be the first moment for her to bring it up.

 

I did wait for her, have a drink and talked about her evening. I hadn't included that in my post, but I didn't go straight into the chastity-talk. Partly the avoidance in the bathroom made me want to talk about it. It kind of triggered it for me.

The 2-week point is a hard time, and I do really feel my hormones rushing and having feelings of wanting out and wanting to Cum.... I think it is best to sit it out for at least another week, and let things settle a bit again.

Last week I have explicitly stated that if she wanted me to stop, she can say so. If she's truly annoyed by it, then why won't she say so?
Probably because she knows I want this, and she doesn't want to let me down. Man, it is hard trying to balance these things.

I think my aims are:
- Feeling more connected and intimate
- Dealing with the absence of a sex-life
- Feeding my kinky side as a bonus.

 

should or shouldn’t? I think you mean the latter?

You are right that I AM trying to control it, and that might be wrong.
But it is also out a lack of interest from her side that I try to get some interaction.

Appreciate your advice, as always.

 

Thanks for being so straightforward. You’re probably right. Thanks.