Shibmo's story

Yeah I knew I messed up. But a horny mind isn't the most rational. I agree that it is time for some damage control, and probably some more time for her to think things over.

I guess you are a lucky man then... And btw, It wasn't just the thong, that was just the spark that ignited the fight.

You are right, we don't talk enough about our needs and desires. But that isn't resolved that easily. Writing that letter for her felt like a huge step for me. I know we need to be more open to another to have a more honest relationship, but that is hard...
Also I don't feel like she sees the need to open up more, as she thinks it is good "as it is". I guess I should just be patient, trying to talk the talk when the situation arises.

 

So, here we are again. Almost 3 years later. But as a few of you have mentioned, these things take time.
A lot has happened since my last post. And I just need to vent this a little.


Our life has settled down a bit. Our kids are 2 and 4 now. The oldest going to school during the week.
My wife has changed her job and finished her extra education in April. We start to have some more time for ourselves again.
Our sexlife hasn't really changed. After she stopped breastfeeding, her hormones started to get back to normal, and we got back to our old frequency. Being intimate with her about once a month, with myself masturbating about 2-3 times a week. Sometimes secretly selflocking for a day or two, when we would have alternating shifts. My collection of toys has grown a bit, sometimes ordering new toys out of "spite" when she rejected me again...

In june there was such a moment, and I ordered a new cage for myself (a HT4). And when I put it on, something just clicked.
I wore it for a week straight (without her knowing). This might be a cage what I could wear comfortable for a really long time.

We went on family vacation (camping), and there wasn't much room for privacy. Without a possibility to masturbate, I (of course) started nagging my wife for sex.
I told her that being with her, 24/7, just turned me on. She told me that she didn't feel comfortable, with chances of the kids waking up, others hearing us, etc. Things would be better once we would get home again. She reluctantly gave me a handjob a few times to relieve the pressure.

Of course, when home, nothing happened. After being rejected the second night in a row, we finally managed to get to talk a little bit.
I asked her about her wants and needs, I told her I want to be intimate with her. I told her I didn't needed PIV, but intimacy. I told her how I still fondly remember the times when we were teenagers and could make out for hours. I told her I wanted to play with my toys together, like we did all those years ago.

She told me that she doesn't really want sex, she doesn't feel the need. She told me times have changed, and she doesn't like my toys. She knows I have my needs, but when the moment is there, she just doesn't want to.

My mind wandered the entire night and day, and the next evening I finally build up the courage to tell her I wanted to be locked. Not specifically for her, but for me. I told her I would like to be locked for a week, to try out how I would feel about it. She said "OK" and that's where de conversation ended.
The next morning I locked up before going to work, and put the keys on my nightstand, while she was still sleeping. I send her a message to say I'd put it on, and where I left the keys. She didn't respond. That was last Tuesday.

She didn't touch the keys, nor did I. I kept the cage pretty private, wearing at least underwear in the house. Showering alone, etc. I don't think she has seen de cage yet, but she must have felt the bulge when I hug her.
We both didn't mention it the rest of the day, or the following day.
But this morning...

While she was getting ready for work, and I was still in bed, I texted her (cowardly, I know!).
I told her I would be working from home, while she would be off to work. I asked her if I was allowed to put the keys in her car, so I wouldn't be tempted while I was home alone. She replied:
"No, you just behave yourself"

My heart jumped. It gave me such a rush! I felt my cage straining.

When she left, i hugged her, told her I loved her, and thanked her.
She whispered "and now just stop talking about it".

I am really happy. We are making baby steps, but we áre making steps.
She didn't ignore me, she didn't shame me, she didn't get angry. She kind of accepts me in this way!

 

Hey Drews, nice to see you are still around this place.
Thanks for your advice.. again.

It is so funny, that you read all these things about becoming a better husband and stuff. And I have been locked for just a couple of days, but I do kind of feel where that comes from. I have so much more energy to give. I wonder how long that lasts. I hope it stays. It truly feels a lot different now I know that She knows.

You say a month. I had set my mind on a week. But you might be on to something. But wow, that is so very much longer than I anticipated myself.

I’ll think about it… and see how it goes.

The hardest moments aren’t when I’m with Her. It is easy to focus on Her. The hardest moments are when I’m alone or bored, or both.

A month… maybe, who knows…

 

Yeah, that might be a solution for some, but not for me. I think it is even more selfish for me to coerce her to have sex with me. It won’t be satisfying anyways. And I’m nowhere near leaving her over this.

Yeah, I think being passive would be the right approach now. But damn it is tough. I know I’ve been fantasising about this for countless hours, and she… well probably not. So it is exciting to have come this far. And hard to keep it slow, and not just shift into fifth gear, while she is still trying to find the first.

I’ve told her I would try it for a week. I guess I’ll wait, and see if she asks me to take it off after the week has passed. If she allows me to keep wearing it… well I guess that would be progress.

 

If you put it that way.. it is quite obvious actually.

We had a great night yesterday. I had been quite active during the day, doing housework, taking care of the kids, and making some fine BBQ (if I may boast a little).
When She came back from work, She noticed and complimented me on my work.

The rest of the night was so very chill. We just watched some tv, but there was a lot of cuddles and kisses. It was really nice and sweet.

I remembered a discussion we had a while ago. I was complaining that she would give “real” cuddles to our kids and to the dog, but would always be a bit withholding while giving me a hug.
She told me that with me, she would always feel like I would have alterior motivations, always wanting it to (eventually) lead to sex.
I guess she must have concluded that if she gave me too much physical attention, I would get aroused, and start nagging her for sex later that night.
Of course I would tell her that I wouldn’t pressure her for sex, but we both knew we would get to that same point again.

Maybe that was why last night was so very chill.
I knew for 100% that sex wasn’t an option with the cage. At least for me, that took some pressure off. There wasn’t the tiniest chance, so there was no need to try.
I like to think she felt it too.

 

I think there are LOADS of relationships where this happens. There are a lot of great fantasy-stories on this site. With probably quite a few that actually happened. But I think most guys with a vanilla partner will get to a similar situation.

 

So, another day, another update. I think we are truly making progress, and i’m so very happy about it.

Yesterday we came home a bit late, running past bedtime of the kids. So after putting them to bed, taking care of the dog, etc. etc. It was running past 9.

I suggested to Her to watch her series again. Not because I like the series, but I loved spending time together yesterday. She liked that, and put it on. We chilled for a bit, and cuddled some while watching the episode.

After it was finished, we agreed it was time to get to bed, and that we both needed a shower. I stepped outside to walk the dog for a bit, while she went upstairs to gather some stuff for her camping trip with the kids, the following day. When I came back to the house (like 5-10 min later), She was finishing up packing her stuff.
I asked her if it was ok if I started the shower, and she acknowledged. Usually she doesn’t really like to shower together, just because it is quite small and crammed. So we always communicate about who goes first.

I left the bathroom door partially open, but also to create some privacy. I popped in the shower, and made sure to clean the cage first.
I washed my hair, and when I opened my eyes, she was just there, grabbing some toiletries from the sink.
So far she hadn’t seen me naked with the cage. This was the first time (as far as I know). My heart started racing. I knew she could see me in the mirror. I tried to act as normal/casual as I could, and just continued my normal routine.
Few moments later, she was gone. I didn’t know what to do. I waited a few moments, and about a minute later she popped back in.

And then it happened, she also did her usual routine. Undressed, and got in the shower with me!
My heart was racing, legs shaking.

What would she think of all this? Had she seen the cage before? Will she get mad? Sad? Ask me to finally put that thing away?

None of that. She grabbed me, and hugged me. I could feel her naked body press against the cage. She laid her head on my shoulder and we just stood there for a moment. She felt my heart racing and my legs shaking and asked “why are you so nervous?”
(Or something like that, my memory is shaky because… I was f*cking nervous!)
I said “just because..” and we just cuddled for a minute. She turned around, and I hugged her from behind and I told her I loved her. When she said the same, her voice was more sincere than I had heard in a long time.

I got out of the shower, so she could wash herself, and went to bed. A couple minutes later she also came to bed and we cuddled some more. Made some jokes about the day, and the day to come.

All this time, no mention of the cage. I didn’t catch her looking at it. But she shure must have felt it. And she didn’t respond to it at all. Just like it had been there forever.

I haven’t slept much. I kept on reliving the moment in the shower. It might have been one of my most vulnerable, erotic, intimate moments of my life.

 

Ow, and I forgot to mention.

This morning, I got up early to get ready for work, while she and the kids snoozed a bit.
When I was ready to leave, I brought her a cup of coffee and a kiss.
She mentioned:
“The youngest just found the “carkeys” on your nightstand” with a bit of a smile on her face.
“Guess we need a better place for them, then” I said.
“Well, of to work! Now!” She replied.

It was a sweet encounter. Some mentioning of the cage, without really mentioning it.

I plan on getting a small jewellery box this afternoon, and put it on her nightstand with the keys inside. She and the kids won’t be home tonight, so I’ve got some time to spare.

 

Nice to know that you like the similarities with your own situation. I try to write as close to the truth as I can. I think there should be more honest information about “casual” chastity.
Of course, in my fantasy we would go the full FLR way, but in reality that just isn’t possible with my wife.
I’m really glad how far we have come with this, and we’ll just have to see what it ends up like.

 

Yeah a full locking safe is way over the top. That would scare her away. Of course it is functional, but for now I want to keep it nice, fun and cute.
I’ve just gotten some supplies, I might post a pic later tonight.

Not even sure if I actually want to give it. That would mean that I would give her the keys. She still hasn’t touched those.

 

That is good advice, Thanks.


I actually already got her some flowers a couple days ago (Friday). I don’t think I’ve written about it. I made a mistake (of course). In the morning I wanted her to feel me… in the device. So I pushed her hand from my stomach to my crotch. Of course, that made her angry. Now I think of it, she made a remark, that that would only push her away.
She got out of bed en went to her work.

That evening I made sure that I had dinner ready when she got home, and got her a nice bouquet to apologise for my rude behaviour. I don’t think I have ever apologised to her with flowers, so she seemed to get that I am serious about it this time.

And now, the flowers on the table are a nice reminder of this adventure we are going through.

 

Bought a blank wooden nog from a crafts store.
Lined it with blue felt, added a heart on the lid, and 2 eyelets for a small padlock.
Hopefully makes it somewhat toddler-proof.

might put it on her nightstand as a gift, might still hold on to it a little while longer.



Quite funny actually; the guy from the crafts store thought I wanted it for a ring, to propose. He failed to see the ring on my finger XD
It actually kind of feels like proposing tough… asking a big question, and hoping for a Yes.