New keyholder - don't know what came over me

It will be so funny when you come back and re-read these early posts of yours in 5 years time, when you have him permanently locked and doing your every wish.

 

Yes, I definitely recommend you post on the Female keyholders forum. You will get the best responses there.

 

She would need to get "verified" first.

 

Or the microscope

 

Look at you, exposing the poor guy, lol !!!

 

Men think with their penis. Both locked and unlocked.

A

 

Hi,
First, congratulations for discovering the magic, sexy and seductive power of No. Use it often, you will grow with it, and his swelling member fighting the cage will tell you what his words may or may not.

Cage size: I am in the minority that also likes just a tiny bit of room flacid. 1/4" max on a cold day. My thought process started as not wanting to force shrinkage of a flacid penis. Not sure if that is a medical concern but had read one write up early on that said so and went with it. NO more than this for sure, I have had disasterous results with 1/2" of gap. And that assumes a good fit width wise.

But I think it is too early to buy another expensive cage. IMHO I think you need to get to where he is in it for some days (including overnights) with no release. He will soon notice "morning wood". THEN ask him if he wants more room to grow, and remind him that this will likely make that process more painful (when the penis gets some room to start growing it tries to push the cage away from the body rather forcefully and then it bites into the testicles, etc). Most guys I have read on here go to smaller cages to stop this. In my case I just had to tighten the gap (between the base ring and the cage) in order to limit how far forward it could go. But it still wakes me up many mornings.

But hey, it is fun to experiment so go for another cage if you want to. You just asked for more guy's inputs so threw mine in. I am already a huge fan since you are clearly finding your inner domme and he has no idea what a ride he is in for (somewhere along the line you need to get his commitment that YOU make the rules, but that is a whole different thread...).

Best of luck!

 

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing as the cage size isn't really a factor in whether he gets aroused or not, it's the denial that does it. You will hear the term "tease and deny" a lot around here. Basically, while he's locked, you can say things or do things that will get him aroused but there's nothing he can do about it because he's locked, that's where the magic starts. Plus, once he's gone a little while without an orgasm, the chemicals in his brain will change, he'll get a kind of buzz going on.

And if you have any doubt about the effectiveness of the woman taking charge, read @Headtrip's thread It's Her Kink, Not Mine, So Why Is It So Damn Effective?

 

I would suggest that now (while it is still exciting and new) is the time to start very gently introducing more dominance into the relationship in general.

My wife’s first step was to start expecting me to let her opinion be heard first before I got my turn. You can do that in a gentle and way and see if you like it and if he will play along. Don’t just make it all about the chastity device. Let your enjoyment of being in control slowly and subtly affect other parts of the relationship.

 

The Kitchen Safe mentioned earlier might be a great tool for you then. In addition to the fact it can't be opened once the timer is started, time *can* be added while it's running, so while you are beholden to a minimum time, you could add hours or days if his behavior is unsatisfactory. Also, the batteries are accessible when locked, so it could be used as a "cool down" timer. That is to say, the timer could be set for say 12 hours, and if you're amenable to an unlock, you could insert the batteries in the morning, such that he would know he's on his best behavior, and unlock is coming in the evening (if not, the batteries come back out, or time gets added).

The main thing is the safe is now responsible for the lock up, not mean old you, but you have room to grow into a more restrictive role if that ends up being appealing.

As for not making him servile, the "bedroom submissive" is very common; if he's not naturally inclined to full time submission, it's unlikely to happen without work. It's much more likely to go the other way, with him getting demanding about unlocks.

 

I think you're aiming for exactly the kind of relationship that my wife and I seem to be doing. I am not that submissive and she's not at all dominant, so we're not doing the D/s or Master/slave type of thing. I am wearing a cage almost 24/7, but that's mostly by my choice. I have given her control of bedroom activities, so she decides what we're going to do, if anything, there. We have re-defined "sex", whereas it used to mean intercourse, now it means whatever we want it to mean, so things that used to just be foreplay or alternatives if intercourse wasn't working, like oral, blowjobs, handjobs, etc are now considered "main event" items. The other big change was removing orgasms as the end goal, now we can do things just for the sake of doing them, and stop when we want to stop, without worrying about whether an orgasm was achieved.

 

Hi, Sal,
While I thank @Chaz69 for the reference, and we have talked about my wife's story could help a lot of ladies to gain the upper hand, I would agree that you guys are still enjoying this as a kink and not ready for a full on lifestyle yet (and even if you do, no 2 are the same). Like most the zealous guys here who's heads are swimming with hormones, I see that spark in your story, in how you got excited by saying no and how well it worked on him, that is very inspiring. So many stories here of guys begging their SO's to embrace denial and you seem to have found the joy spontaneously. Please forgive us if we over-encourage you and just take it as a compliment.

Remember most to keep it fun for both of you. Change it up, keep him guessing, remember that "No" is sexy, and communicate. Everything else from cages to durations to rules will work itself out. I would put money on the fact that you are going to love being in control and will figure out how to get him to love it too, but in good time. Enjoy the journey!

 

It doesn't matter what we men think it's about what you want and would like to do. If you keep him aroused as much as you can he will do whatever you want.

 

LTS,


Devices can clearly have different purposes and times when they are used.


A small device that is comfortable, hides well under clothes, and does not cause night time discomfort, is obviously ideal for everyday wear. A larger device might be suitable for playtime on the weekend or such. I think it's ultimately up to you what you want out of it. But also up to him on what he'll be able to tolerate.


I think it's perfectly fine to give him a choice of devices as long as they are secure and meet your own desires. If he would prefer to have some room to grow, even knowing that it will result in painful nighttime erections and loss of sleep, etc. That's on him. Perhaps giving him his reins, but then requiring that he stick with the choice for a week at a time might influence his calculus.


That said, health is paramount. So a device that causes any breaks in skin integrity is unacceptable to be worn. Be sure to stay well lubricated at the ball ring and anywhere there is abrasion. I like almond oil for such lubrication, but your mileage, etc...


Get a tape measure. Tie him up, (he'll like that) tease him mercilessly till he's at his largest. Grab you tape measure and measure him from base to tip, and around the widest part of his cock. Write down the numbers on a nice sized index card with a description of how mighty his dick is. Make him proud.


Tease him some more without letting him cum.


Leave the room make a cup of tea, and come back with one large or several small ice packs wrapped in a thin dish towel. Apply them to his cock and balls. Sit quietly and drink your tea, perhaps read him an article about the Dow Jones Industrial Average and make some remarks about his 401-K not being as big as it used to be, or whatever amuses you. In no time at all his tower of power will be very small.


Get your tape measure. Take same measurements of his length and girth. Write them on the other side of the index card.


Explain to him that his big manly powerful cock is so wonderful, but that you want it only to be your little secret, just between you and him and that you will tell him from now on when you want him to perform his amazing penis tricks and otherwise that you want his delicious pet penis locked in a device that will make him the most comfortable. Tell him that he doesn't have to worry about how it "appears" in its cage because you know how wonderful it is, and you promise to set it free whenever you want it to be free, to grow big and manly and to have it to please you with. You can reinforce that he doesn't have to feel humiliated or anything, you are doing this for his comfort and your satisfaction in knowing he won't be in pain or burdened by erections that will only cause him discomfort.


Thus you offer him compassionate but firm chastity and before untying him ask him to choose which device he wants to put on for the next week, and then put it on him will he remains bound to the bed. I can't reiterate enough the power of this situation!


Don't worry if you don't do it exactly right, (though you should practice beforehand to learn how best to cage him) just do the best job you can. You can always give him the key later to straighten things out to his satisfaction.


Throughout this process be kind, and encouraging, loving and firm about your purposes and intentions. I'd even say tell him you've got dinner reservations at a favorite romantic place you both like. If he complains about not being able to cum after all that excitement, rush him out the door to your reservation anyway.


There in your quiet corner you can tell him how much you love him, and how happy you are with the way things are developing, and play the rest by ear. Just keep reminding him how exciting it is to know that you hold his key and how amazing it will be when next you unlock him for your pleasure.... Good luck. ShieldingMatrix

 

Exactly as Chaz69 said it. Just because I'm locked up doesn't mean that I'm an emasculated slave with no mind of my own. We don't do the whole D/s thing, we still run everything as a 50/50 relationship, but I do go the extra mile to keep her happy. Chastity for us started as most others, just a fun little kink in the bedroom that has evolved into 24/7. She likes the fact that she has this "spell" over me and, even though frustrating most of the time, I like the constant feeling of my built up sexual energy. Do what works for you.

 

This, is how it often starts. You might be surprised a year from now, where your little adventure has taken you both.

Clearly, it appears that you have dominant tendencies, or at least an interest and enjoy it. He, seems to have some submissiveness, even if it is a surprise to him.

For him, using my own experience, if he is actually submissive, it will continue to grow stronger. As he accepts his submissiveness, and you feed on it, it will be interesting to see what limits you may have now, become regular practice in the future. It might help him to know that being submissive is not being weak. Quite the opposite.

Dominance and submissiveness are powerful personality traits. Exploring these traits does not follow a set path. Your direction will be revealed in time. Be aware it may be difficult for you both to stop what you have started. I think most people here would say they would never go back to the way they were before.

And, this uncertainty, can be what makes it so much fun and exciting! You sound like an exceptional woman, trust your instincts and have fun.