It's Her Kink, Not Mine, So Why Is It So Damn Effective?

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Headtrip, Mar 18, 2021.

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  1. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    First, apologies to a few of the ladies for plagiarizing titles and quotes from a few other threads, but I am going to try to talk about what has worked in our case while scratching my virtual head about why it works. Please pardon the later, of course I should just “accept” it, but I’m not wired to do so. This whole thing has been, and still is, a headtrip for me (which has become a source of fun for both of us).

    How well has it worked? Well let’s just say that my Queen, my Keyholder, is no longer my Girlfriend. She is now my Wife, and that is at least in part due to chastity. Don’t get me wrong: I would never be forced to marry someone because she caged me. If she had pushed such an agenda I would have reached for the drill. Both of us were recovering from miserable, sexless, 1st marriages (that is after we each had 4 children). For 6 years we were very busy making up for lost sex and getting the kids out of our nests. She has a voracious appetite for sex and I took full advantage of it. And that became the problem. It was too easy. There was no chase, no “butterflies”.

    When the lock “clicked’ two years ago I was excited for our new game but completely clueless. She made it fun and let me think it was all about me. No clues that she had been planning this for over 2 years with support from her pro Domme friend (who had turned her on to the benefits of chastity long before we met). No clues that this was about to become a lifestyle and not a game. No clues that my rather conservative thinking about women, sex, and her, were about to be thrown in the rubbish. The butterflies arrived minutes after that first lock click and haven’t really left since.

    More to come.
     
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  2. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    It's funny how many guys wish they had it but have such a challenge finding it, and you just stumbled into it. Count yourself lucky, friend!
     
  3. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Very nice.
     
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  4. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    I think my wife has a long term plan too.
     
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  5. Gcar1951
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    Gcar1951 Long term member

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    My KH keeps coming up with new ways to lock me up & the anticipation keeps me wanting more.
     
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  6. Maid Denise
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    Maid Denise Maid for my Goddess

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    It's funny that how the kink turned into something deeper for a lot of us. I am still impressed on how she got me locked up and made me feel good about it . Although I love the feeling of being totally owned .
     
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  7. missmissy
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    missmissy Active member

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    It is truly a journey, not a one-stop destination. Life may bring obstacles, but the strong willed move them out of the way and continue, instead of detouring.
     
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  8. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    All of the replies resonate but this one truly describes her (hopefully us). Early last year she had a major health incident that forced her on disability. Coming out of a 3 day coma she reaches over, grabs my cage, and purrs "yesss" and falls back asleep smiling. She later added that she would never forget me, even in ill health, but I would always be hers. What a woman!
     
  9. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    I find the most surpising effect is on my mind...Im really disinterested in porn, instagram fitties, masturbation, "other" women in general; and I am totally fixated on my wife, all because of a small piece of steel and my lady's acceptance to keyhold.

    My mind is filled by a continuous stream of wanting to be with her and make her happy. I really want HER pussy. And not any other.

    But if the lock stays off for more than a day my mind reverts to my a-hole former self and any pussy becomes pretty...
     
  10. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    #10 Headtrip, Mar 21, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2021
     
  11. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Different but similar here. I never watched porn pre chastity and I masterbated with engineering precision (regularly but for the purpose of regulating my mood - you might say I was a Leptoprin junkie). Over many years this translated into many wonderful fantasies. And as @TheKeyIsMine says in her profile, the resulting orgasms caused me to fixate on the object of these fantasies and less on my lover.

    Now, caged, I find myself looking at porn more often. Especially chastity captions. But now anything that gets me aroused causes me to fixate on the only person who is there when I cum or edge - my wife. I see those sexy girls and immediately crave my wife, not them. It just happens. Even in real life encounters. And it's intense.

    I'm convinced this is true psychological conditioning, and is one of the greatest benefits we both realize from EMC.
     
  12. cody halter
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    cody halter Active member

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    i understand this effect as well.
    Before my chastity lock-down, i was wasting my sexuality, tossing my desire and needs down the drain.
    Literally.
    It was transactional.
    'I think i need to jack off today.
    Well, Ok then, wheres that video link, the one where the bottom in the Black Vans squats on the guys dick and cums twice hands free?'
    Alright, thats good for a few days, whats for lunch?

    Once i become confined, my focus shifts to the enjoyment of desires, the fun to be had vicariously in porn, the anticipation of reading the blogs and posts here and other places, the new erotic artwork on various sites.
    It doesn't drive me crazy that im not cumming at all.
    My constant need to cum has made me able to enjoy all the variety of available sexual material on the internet, an especially useful resource during the last year of this COVID lock up period.

    i would have said this would be a counterintuitive result, before i experienced it for myself.
    i don't have a partner to focus my attention on any longer.
    However i completely understand how having a partner / Mistress / Master would become the center of my world.
    Again.
    As He once was.
     
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  13. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Wow, I have no idea how some of you can keep your blogs updated so well (kudos). So many things have happened in the last weeks and so little time to actually write about them. I was talking about “the magic” last time, and want to get back to that, but life brought some reality checks that have my head spinning a different way right now. Reality check #1: Chastity (practiced as a lifestyle) is very cool, but it has a dark side.

    Three days in the hospital (getting checked for an irregular heartbeat but getting the all clear in the end) meant the cage had to come off. It is one of those worrisome, difficult times. We came home and immediately started arguing about adult kid issues. Uncaged, I was more vocal than I have been in some time and she was madder than a wet hen. Mean mad, not her normal self. I took her side (against my daughter) as I don’t need a cage to remind me where the loyalty needs to be in a marriage, but not without some serious angst. After some days we finally made up and she let me have sex (first since last June) in return for going peacefully back into the cage (Reality check #2, I follow Newton’s 1st law of Chastity: a penis in free motion will stay in free motion unless acted on by an outside force).

    None of this was our best moment, to say the least. As soon as I was safely locked back up she relaxed and we started to have fun again (I so adore my KH/Queen). We survived the whole ordeal, and are stronger, but it makes me wonder if we could last without chastity now. Was this just a temporary “withdrawl” like from a drug, or would the upset linger? We had a great 6 years BC, but Chastity is feeling pretty “permanent” right now (sorry Tom) as neither of us want to challenge that dark side.

    I guess anything this powerful needs to be respected.
     
  14. cody halter
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    cody halter Active member

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    The deep psychology of male sexual needs must be deeply respected.
    They have kept the world turning and knowledge and exploration expanding since time began.
    Balls lubricate the entire society.
    Women are every bit as important or we would all go extinct, and they are finally realizing the power that they have over the balls at their fingertips.

    Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination.

    There is NO One Way.
    And one day, all balls will come to grasp that truth.
     
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  15. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Health issues plus pandemic stress make a tough combination
     
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  16. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @cody halter that is an impressive bit of chastity poetry!
     
  17. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Good luck with your journey. Your relationship has survived some rocky moments so well done
     
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  18. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Vulnerable.

    The best way I can describe my feelings after pegging. Don’t get me wrong, there are many pleasurable feelings at the time, including dry and occasionally wet prostate orgasms that radiate like waves of pleasure through my whole body, but in the end I experience a mix of oxytocin-high and vulnerability bordering on depression. I speak less, cuddle more, and deep inside question my manhood. I asked my Queen if she experienced the same things after PIV and was surprised when she said “yes, and add used”. Come to think of it I can now understand why a woman might have such a feeling after being entered by a man, even one she loves in a fun circumstance.

    I’m not programmed for this. It wasn’t ever part of my mental preparations, and shocks me at a very deep level. My manhood rejects this. But I have a new respect for her. It is not at all how I fantasized it. Not even sure I “love it”, but no question that it changes me.

    For the better she has concluded. She has a blast doing it and even more fun watching me try to analyze what is going on inside my own head as I am worked a bit closer to sub-space, sensitivity and understanding each and every time. So much that she has decided to increase the use of this to shorten my normally 6 week rebound time after an “O”. Seems to be working.
     
  19. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Wow. 6 weeks to get back into sub space? That's what I assume that you mean.

    I have no idea what "normal" is. But that does seem like a long time. (I haven't ever gone that long, period. Scary.)

    I guess that I have been fortunate to "rebound" in a few days, normally.
     
  20. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Some feelings change the minute I'm locked back up. Then a roller coaster of emotions building up over the next few weeks. But She says that it is a full 6 weeks until I accept my place. This doesnt seem to get shorter with time but her patience with it does, which assures longer lockups. She points out little things (to me) in my behavior and I have to admit she is correct.

    I dont like it either, but she IS right, and I love her, which leaves me with little choice but accept my fate (well that, and the fact that she is VERY good at keeping me locked and frustrated).
     
  21. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Excellent!
     
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  22. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Had a roller coaster ride the last few weeks and gaining a new found respect for my wife. As I guy in chastity, all I can think about is my (locked) status, and it sometimes frustrates me and I begin to think it is unfair, that she doesn’t understand nor have to think about it as often as I do. She was in a bad mood last week and I said a few things that didn’t help, so it was one of those times. The chastity cage began to feel like a burden. An irritating, irremovable burden. Nobody was getting “any”, so I mentioned to her that chastity was starting to get under my skin. Maybe we could take a few days off? “No” she smiled and went to sleep. That only reinforced my belief that she couldn’t possibly understand my feelings.

    I was wrong. Way wrong. While I lay there wondering why I was wearing this cage, she was analyzing me and how to turn this around. I have to add that we were fighting some cage abrasions from some experimenting which had stopped any penis play. The next night, with things healed more, brought about some edging. The attention was wonderful and immediately began to turn my mind around. I was about to hit the point of no return. I was just about to warn her. And she stopped. I looked at her a bit horrified - she just smiled. This was the first time in hundreds of edging sessions that she didn’t need me to warn her when I was close. She repeated the procedure several times, proving to herself that it was not a fluke and then rolled over to a blissful sleep while I was left handcuffed to a rope on the headboard, my mind racing and asking “what happened? How does she now know?”. Happy hormones soon tromped any negative thoughts about chastity and I eventually fell asleep.

    She caged me up and set me free sometime in the night and frowned when I came out of the bathroom in the morning. “What’s the matter, dear?” I asked. She just said, “Lay face down over this pillow” and proceeded to put her strap on to work before I could mutter a complaint. I began to think this might be a special occasion (where she reaches around and grabs my limp penis and milks me in the most humiliating but wonderful way). But she didn’t. I was locked. Instead she kept reaching around and squeezing my balls, but not long enough to initiate any leakage at all. She kept this up even after she had a few nice O’s herself (she loves pegging much more than I do). Finally she was done and told me to clean up. When I came back in she was smiling. “Look there, nice and full. My work here is done.” It was then I noticed that my balls were now the size of tennis balls. Purple tennis balls. I have been a horny, dripping, mess for days since and feeling like an 18 year old all over again.

    Sorry for the long story. But this was an important learning event for me. I had been all too focused on myself and thus selling my wife short. She pays much more attention to me than I give her credit for. And through this little tool that I wear she has the ability to shape or reshape my mood in so many ways. I love my wife - and need to learn to respect and trust her even more.
     
  23. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    2.5 minutes. Thats how long I can make it without thinking of my penis/cage/situation. I laughingly said this to my Queen early on and it made her very happy. Reading some if the long timers here I thought this would go away. That I would stop thinking about my penis altogether and not even know the cage was there.

    NOT

    3 months into this stretch and 2 years of longish lock ups and my frustration is at an all time high. Im away from her for a few days well secured in a Lori's and the only way I can get to the 2.5 minute mark is to stay crazy busy. I feel guilty. Im supposed to be spending quality time with my son, and I am. But I just cant forget about my situation either.

    I dont think my wife minds. She rather likes knowing Im thinking of her, and the hold she literally has on me, every few minutes. She says her goal is to make sure this never stops so I better learn to enjoy it. She is right, of course. I cant turn the emotions or thoughts off, only change how I react to them.

    This continues to be a wild ride...
     
  24. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    I don’t think it ever goes away. The cage is a constant reminder that you gave control to your key holder and the fact that she loves keeping you on edge is indicative of how much she appreciates it. What deeper form of love could a couple share?
     
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  25. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Thanks @Open2njoy , I need to remember that rather than feeling guilty
     
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