New keyholder - don't know what came over me

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by longtallsally, Apr 27, 2022.

Random Thread
  1. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Hehehe - I had to look that up on Google!
     
  2. Queens kept
    Offline

    Queens kept Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2020
    Messages:
    190
    Likes Received:
    628
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Machinist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Minneapolis, MN
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    The others on here have gotten it right. If the device is a proper fit, he will be able to wear it for any amount of time you would like. That said, it is important to remember, that even a perfectly fitting cage will definitely take some "getting used to" as it is foreign to the body and the body will have to adjust to this new thing. my Queen did regular "medical" checks when She decided to start me on the cage permanently. Looking for any sign of irritation, redness, blueness, chaffing, swelling and such. i did complain of a "blue balls" type of feeling at first, but a doctor friend of Hers told Her that it would likely subside after a bit, and it did. my body just had to get used to it. Remember to communicate and don't assume things as this is new for you two.
    Just take it easy and take it slow and you will get to where you want to go, and where that is, only you will know : )
     
  3. locked_top
    Offline

    locked_top Caged tiger

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2019
    Messages:
    695
    Likes Received:
    1,038
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    No. Feels good.
     
    Whiskey05 likes this.
  4. Giles_English
    Offline

    Giles_English Chaste slave

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,841
    Likes Received:
    1,911
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Slave
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    In an "oh crap!" rollercoaster kind of way. Masochism is weird.
     
    Whiskey05 and gentleman zig like this.
  5. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Thank you - that bit about not being forgotten seems very important indeed. Definitely noted!!! Thanks again, Sal
     
    Whiskey05 likes this.
  6. ozzy-one
    Offline

    ozzy-one Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    660
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Tradesmen
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Michigan, USA
    Local Time:
    6:20 PM
    Welcome to our group Sal, happy to have you here and looking for fun ways to enhance your marriage. As you have already found from the many responses, we are all here to share our experiences and not all are meant for everyone. By reading and learning what we do, you will find many new things that may be to your liking. Take it slow, and enjoy the journey
     
    Thongkini and longtallsally like this.
  7. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Thanks - great advice! :)
     
    ozzy-one likes this.
  8. Kylara
    Offline

    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2017
    Messages:
    1,003
    Likes Received:
    2,626
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Office work
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Belgium, Brussels
    Local Time:
    11:20 PM
    You know how it works and it will be only better with time.

    We also found that with cage I go slower and she loves it a lot more, even only that way now. It last longer and it is more pleasant for her. You still have a lot to discover both of you.
     
  9. shieldingmatrix
    Offline

    shieldingmatrix Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2008
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    191
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Fort Bragg, CA
    Local Time:
    3:20 PM
    Welcome LTS,

    While you haven't asked, it has been hinted at, the device REALLY matters. The search for a device that is both effective and comfortable is a journey. A device that is comfortable only for a few hours is easy enough to buy. However, a device that is reliable, does not cause discomfort, whose continuous wear does not produce any issues such as breaks in the skin, swelling or edema (which can be a problem with some devices) takes exploration and experimentation.

    Please continue to read widely and try a variety of different style devices by different manufactures. Male anatomy, while typically consisting of the same equipment, cock and balls, is marvelously various. Keep in mind, also that it's well established, if counter-intuitive, that smaller devices are often more comfortable than larger ones of similar design. Custom devices are often more comfortable than commercial ones, and the greatest security is offered by incorporating a piercing in the device. But none of these things are requirements for success in chastity play, only that the device does not cause harm to the wearer.

    With the various flavors of encouragement already offered on this thread, it should be clear that there are at least as many ways to engage in the chastity game as there are players. There is no, "Proper" way to engage in chastity, the kind of chastity you engage in must simply suit you and your partner's needs. Even then, it can change as you grow more bold, or experienced or discover things about yourselves that you had not until now become aware of.

    As a wearer whose wife/KH is not particularly dominant or kinky, I can vouch for her satisfaction with our lifestyle. The basis of which is simple, I'm locked or she's interested in my being unlocked. Granted this is a far more comprehensive type of chastity than you are currently practicing, but I offer it as one of the many possible chastity lifestyles that are available to you for experimentation.

    Under our agreed arrangement, my KH/wife needs no reason to unlock me, and has no obligations to me when I'm unlocked. I don't ask to be unlocked, except for health or emergency reasons. We are otherwise pretty vanilla, no cuckholding, sissy stuff, dominatrix, slave...just middle-aged husband and wife who love each other, one of whom gets to choose when the other is out of chastity. Now and then if I'm lucky she ties me up, unlocks me, teases, and makes me cum or doesn't and then locks me up again. Or we have good ole vanilla sex.

    Again welcome to the community. Take your time, explore, communicate with your spouse and chastity will take you to places you'd never imagined going to....
     
  10. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Thanks so much for taking the time to send this. One of the things I'm beginning to realise is that the device, as you say, does matter. I think for him it's to do with comfort but also about how he feels mentally in a smaller device or a slightly more accommodating one. I'd really like to experiment with both for a day or two each. At the moment we have a well made smaller one (not tiny but snug), which he finds physically comfortable but also a bit humiliating because it's small and he says it stops him getting an erection at all, which seems (he thinks, or at least, I think he thinks!) to make him less aroused. The larger one we had was a real cheapie and not very comfortable but we both quite liked the look (slightly more of the caged animal) and he said the fact that he could at least get just the very beginning of an erection made him much more conscious of the cage and therefore much more excited. So I think I'm going to get him a slightly bigger but well made one and we can compare. He's quite nerdy so he'll probably be up for a scientific test! Thanks again, Sal
     
  11. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    12,249
    Likes Received:
    6,633
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Sounds like your going in the right direction! Congratulations!
     
  12. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    thanks - I'm looking forward to doing the experiment - if he agrees!
     
  13. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    Most men don't like to think they have a small member (well, except for the SPH guys), so instinctively a guy just starting out in chastity is likely to want a bigger cage rather than a smaller one, thinking that having at least some "room to grow" is better than not. However, what the same guy will find after some experimentation is that having less room to grow is actually better, it's much more comfortable to stop an erection before it even starts, rather than trying to stop it once it's already got started.

    I have bought probably a dozen different cages looking for just the right one, but I did eventually find it. And like someone said previously, our bodies are all different, so my perfect cage wouldn't be right for someone else, and vice versa. I have a foreskin so I need a little bit of room in there so I can pull it back and clean while still caged. I went for an open design metal cage with a circular base ring (and it was only $14 USD on ebay).

    Regarding how wearing a cage feels overnight, it can be challenging, and most likely your guy will have some discomfort the first time he tries it. The problem is, men get erections overnight, which is perfectly natural, but they can be painful in a cage. If the erection is allowed to get going, it will drag the base ring up the shaft with it, causing "ball burn" pain. I found the smaller cages (like the HT Nub) was better for this, but most of my early cages had a kind of square "ergonomically" shaped base ring. With my current cage, I get absolutely no nighttime discomfort, which is amazing to me.

    But back to your story, I absolutely love the way you've started taking control. I am willing to bet LOTS of caged guys here started getting caged woodies when they read how you first said "NO" to him, and we all would have LOVED to see the look on his face, like WTF???

    You've probably read this elsewhere already, but just in case, once you start keeping him locked (and more importantly, orgasm denied) for longer periods of time (like two weeks and up) he should start changing his personality (for the better). And this has been my experience too. As others have said, let him stay locked and have him pleasure you orally (or do anything else you want, need a backrub perhaps?). A great schedule would be to have him pleasure you every day, then you pleasure him maybe once a week.

    I think your goal should be to try and keep him locked 24/7, only letting him out when you want to play with him, which can be as often as you like. That's certainly what I am doing an I ABSOLUTELY LOVE it.
     
    ugams and b_quark like this.
  14. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Hi, thanks for taking the trouble to write. I giggle at the thought of me recounting my first 'saying no moment' being exciting for others, but if it's spread a little joy, there's no harm in that! I think I understand what you and others are saying about cage size and comfort. Not being an owner of the male equipment, I hadn't understood that allowing some erection would be more uncomfortable than not really allowing any at all. But what I would love to know is from a sexual arousal point of view, is there any difference (other than that caused by the discomfort)? I hope that he and I can experiement with two different sized cages and find out. But he's kinda said (I think) that if he's very snugly held, it is a little more humiliating, and also isn't as mentally exciting for him as if there's space for the beginning of an erection that's then, of course, not able to expand any further. I interpreted what he was said as there being different sorts of emotions. Smaller goes with more feeling of being controlled but being denied arousal as well as orgasms. Slightly larger - still the feeling of being controlled, more physical discomfort but a much stronger feeling of excitement and arousal. I don't feel quite ready to have such a straight conversation with him yet -I worry that what we have is a bit fragile and I don't want us to analyse it to death. But can I ask, does the above, which I've possibly misinterpreted, ring true? Sal.
     
    bluedragoon, Whiskey05 and spider203 like this.
  15. Disciplined Boyfriend
    Offline

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,603
    Likes Received:
    3,144
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    NE Scotland
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Don't consider it an experiment, just tell him that's the way it is now. ;-)
     
    Chaz69 likes this.
  16. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Haha, it's all too tenuous at the moment for that. Any thoughts on the rest of my question though?? It's the bit that's most difficult for me to understand and I wanted to try to get my head round this before he's back next week. Should i post the question to a different bit of the forum, do you think?
     
    Whiskey05 likes this.
  17. anasyrma
    Offline

    anasyrma Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    1,626
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Virginia outside Washington, DC
    Local Time:
    6:20 PM
    In the Apollo moon landing era, astronauts had to wear a condom like device so they could pee in their suits. These came in different sizes, initially: small, medium, large. Apparently the guys didn't agree with these sizes. Later the design was changed so that the sizes were called: large, gigantic and humongous. This was deemed acceptable by the astronauts.
     
  18. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    Men! What are you like?!
     
    Whiskey05 likes this.
  19. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    I do understand his feeling of humiliation with the small cage. When I would wear the HT Nub, I felt a bit of that myself, because it's a very small cage. As for the arousal question, you really need to be denied an orgasm for a period of time for the chastity "magic" to kick in. Before you started chastity, I can guarantee you your man was wanking at least once a day, and the days he didn't want wasn't because he didn't want to, it's because he ran out of juice. How do I know this? He's male, simple as that. So, what chastity does is it shuts down masturbation, and the longer he goes without, the more the wanting builds up. Add to that the feeling of wearing a cage, it's a constant arousal. Rather than getting the high of an orgasm, followed by the low of the refractory period that follows, you just have a constant low-level buzz type of arousal. You can always feel the cage is on down there, mixed with whatever feelings of arousal/frustration/etc you have, is really nice. Your guy will start to volunteer to do the dishes, do the laundry, etc. He will take great joy in giving you pleasure, that will even become his "sex". Then when you do reach for the key and unlock him, that's a really special occasion, rather than just "the norm". I love the feeling I get when I see my wife reach over for the key.

    And when you do unlock him, it doesn't mean you have to give him an orgasm. Well, maybe as you're just starting it does, but it doesn't need to. Give him a hand job or blow job but don't go all the way. Sometimes just tickle or scratch his junk, that can be really pleasurable. The less attention he gets down there on regular days, the more he'll appreciate it when you do do something.

    But yeah, don't over think this, just take all of this advice and store it in the back drawers of your brain, and then do what feels right to you. In these early days, that will probably mean lots of unlocking and lots of sex, but as you find your bearings, you can adjust and enjoy the ride. I can promise you that it is all worth it !!! My wife and I just celebrated our 27 year anniversary and we just started chastity 4 months ago, and it has been a life changer, no lie !!! Our sex life had reduced to almost nothing and now we do something almost every day. Most days it's just a neck massage and foot massage, but if she's in the mood for something extra, I'm ready to oblige. Many nights when we watch a bit of TV, she'll tickle my balls for a bit. Maybe once a week I'll get some special attention on the weekend, but usually without an orgasm. I recently did a 90 stint orgasm free, just to see if I could do it. She says I'm much more kind and loving than before, and I know I would do anything for her, so we're both loving it. (Here's my story, if u wanna do some reading).
     
  20. anasyrma
    Offline

    anasyrma Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    1,626
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Virginia outside Washington, DC
    Local Time:
    6:20 PM
    Sounds like a little more conversation between you is needed to find out if one option or another makes him either more aroused, or more aware of the cage and you making him wear it, as well as how you feel about him thinking about you. Maybe he secretly wants to be humiliated, but doesn't yet want to let you know this.
     
  21. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    LOL, I love it.
    Do you really need to ask??? lol
     
    longtallsally likes this.
  22. Disciplined Boyfriend
    Offline

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,603
    Likes Received:
    3,144
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    NE Scotland
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    There was surely one called "completely unbelievable" ;-)

    A
     
    Chaz69 likes this.
  23. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    For that one, they just connected him to the rocket itself!
     
    Disciplined Boyfriend likes this.
  24. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    5:20 PM
    Sal, here's something else you can say regarding the size, chastity cages are supposed to be sized based on the flaccid size, not the erect size, so even if your guy has a 12" monster when it's fully erect, if it's only 1" when flaccid, that's the size that matters for the cage. That might ease the humiliation side of things a bit?
     
    Whiskey05 likes this.
  25. longtallsally
    Offline

    longtallsally Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    3,999
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Video editor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    10:20 PM
    I like the idea of filing stuff away for when it's needed. That's what I'm doing! I'm soaking it all up at the moment. And I'm about to read your story. Thanks for pointing me at that. Sal.
     
    Whiskey05, Sexy Slave 69 and Chaz69 like this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice