New keyholder - don't know what came over me

It sounds like you are both having an exciting time and that is the most important thing. It also sounds like you want to slowly progress to more control and maybe longer look ups. This in no way needs to turn into a sissy thing, Me and my wife started similar to what you described and it has never gone to me being a sissy since that is not our interest, no offense to anyone. I suggest for a further step the next time you are both in the horney mood try not unlocking him but let him get you off . Leave him locked until the next morning. I think you will both have an amazing experience. We started just like you and it has turned into my cage 24/7 unless she wants it off. Never dreamt it would go there but we have been married a long time and we feel like teenagers again. Good luck!

 

You guys are doing great! It's not a race or a contest. You do you, and have fun! Sounds like you're having a blast! Would agree that you can still get off, and should!, even if he's locked, but whatever feels fun for you. Good luck!

 

hi and welcome to the Mansion. hope you are having fun

 

You really do not need to know how far you want to go. At this point just experiment with what feels exciting. You are doing a good job checking in later with him. Communication is key. My wife loves to sometime be in control and have it be all about her without feeling the need to give back. She had some guilt at the beginning and we talked about it. If the cage is properly fit it gets tight and feels pressure but it should never hurt. This is similar for nighttime erections. I hope you give it a try with him satisfying you only. My wife will sometimes unlock me and orally make it only about me to keep me happy and satisfied . She feels in control of that also because she comes with the key and tells what she is doing. Since she keeps me locked she knows I am ready when ever she unlocks me. Just offering some suggestions.

 

I've probably mentioned this too many times on this site but a timer safe like a KitchenSafe is just SO useful for self lockers or couples new to chastity. Once the keys are dropped in and it locks, unlocking isn't an option unless you want to destroy a $70 safe. His headspace automatically changes (for the better) when he knows that release isn't an option and all he can do is focus on YOUR pleasure.

Enjoy the journey! J

 

I’ll echo what others said; take your time, communicate with each other, and find a place that works for both of you. It sounds like you are on the right path, and it’s so nice to read that.

As to your question, he probably is not clear because it’s kind of hard to describe. When I try and get an erection in my cage, I definitely feel it, and the cage applies a pressure that we men are not usually used to, but It does not hurt. And in some regards it’s actually a pleasurable feeling because of the reminder that I am caged and only my wife can unlock me. Now sometimes what happens with some men and cages is that the attempted erection pulls the base ring away from the body and stretches the skin under the scrotum. That can hurt in a burning sensation and is not very comfortable. Most use a light lubricant or moisturizer to solve that.

That is one person’s experience.

BTW, your username made me smile. I was a loyal customer of the Long Tall Sally brand for many years before they were bought out.

 

Thanks for your lovely introduction!

I see this site as a buffet, you chose what suits you and ignore the rest. One thing I have learned since I started out here is that the CM community is a diverse group. Some are interested in lots of kinky activities in addition to chastity, others are only interested in chastity. And for some, even chastity doesn't seem to be that much of a kink, it is simply a tool to improve the relationship or one self as an individual.

For my wife and I, it started mostly as a tool to improve our marriage. I have a much higher libido than her, and we didn't handle that too well pre chastity. Chastity has worked wonders in our marriage, and we are closer than ever. We have also learned to be enjoy controlling/being controlled but that took about 2 years (and we still learn). You seem to come from the opposite angle, the appeal is in the control. That's refreshing! At the same time I start to wonder, what would happen if you ever decided to try chasity for an extended period of time? Would it still be about control only, or would you also find that it has the potential to become more than play and really benifit the relationship in a deep way (while you still enjoy the control of course)?

 

From a subs point of view, there's nothing more delicious than being told "no" and "I'm doing this my way".

Couple of ways to go here. Have the conversation about finding out his needs, fantasies even; or maybe whisper in his ear that you're going to keep him locked forever - you would love that wouldn't you; or maybe get him to beg you to keep him locked - play hard to get in this one and then say OK, you want it you'll get it. Might need to get a dildo or two or maybe a strap on for him. Don't forget he's got a tongue.

A

 

If it really hurts... he'll tell you. But a lot of the pleasure is from the slight discomfort, the not being able to have an erection, not being able to penetrate you, or just take himself in hand, so sometimes... yes it can hurt but yes it's nice.

If you're letting your partner dominate you, it's part of the submission to not complain. A little bit of "hurt" is almost required for it to work, just like you being turned on by what you're doing when you tell him to do things you haven't done before makes your dominance so "in the moment".

I'm sure though that if there was a genuine "hurt" that he was uncomfortable with he'd let you know, it sounds like you're doing just fine, and that he's enjoying it.

 

I can be uncomfortable at times. And if it does actually HURT, then he should tell you and you can figure it out. But unless he tells you that it is actually hurting, it is probably just a little uncomfortable at most.

And you shouldn't worry about it being uncomfortable, as long as it's kept clean.

Good luck

 

You can even let him chose the time of the lock , for fun. Or create games of chance that list times for lock. That way you don't feel guilty for locking him.

 

There's denial frustration, irritation, and hurt. Frustration is par for the course - we all feel that. Irritation may be in the way the cage fits, style of the cage, and his body's adaption. I think irritation should be addressed and solution worked out.

Hurt is something like pinching, or constricted blood flow, or sores from ill-fitting cage. That definitely should be addressed. Might need the cage modified, or a different cage. But a well fitting cage will feel uncomfortable or confining during erection (it's supposed to) but not hurt. Of course, there are spike cages that are VERY uncomfortable during erections, but I don't think you're there yet!

Have fun. You are a unicorn and to be treasured. He found a jewel in you!

 

Great question. And by coincidence I was just explaining to a close friend of mine how I feel when caged. For ME, it’s like a low buzz of steady mental desire for my wife. True, I am less overtly physically sexual (because that’s our agreement) but let’s just say that when there is even a hint that I will be released for my reward, that cage feels awfully small.

That said, there will be a wide range of responses here. And your husbands response will be his own, and closely tied to your relationship dynamic.

I will give one suggestion though. I have never read on this board that anyone enjoys being locked and forgotten about. Almost everyone here much prefers some sort of tease and denial and recognition that they caged for their keyholder.

 

Good point, A well fitting device should not pinch or hurt, or makes him turn blue. Each of our “snowflakes” are unique and it sometimes takes a few tries to get the best possible fit.

If it hurts him to wear it, then the cage is not a good fit. If he’s generally fine but feels the pressure of a frustrated erection…..well, that’s exactly the point!

 

My personal experience in my cage has been 24/7 arousal. I want my Goddess all day every day. The cage not only stimulates that desire, but intensifies it tenfold.

 

Yep, me too. The denial and continual attempted erections makes me crazy with desire. This morning I was on my knees professing my love and telling her I’d do anything she wants as she stroked my hair. So… today I have to vacuum the living room, vacuum the stairs, mop the kitchen and not forget to make the bed

 

Sounds like the beginning of something wonderful

take it at a pace that works for the two of you, and at a rate that enhances both of your sex lives! There are no rules to this game except for that of consent.

happy locking!