New keyholder - don't know what came over me

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by longtallsally, Apr 27, 2022.

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  1. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Hi,

    My first post, so please be kind. I am keyholder for my chap (do I call him my pet?) and we've been experimenting with chastity since last autumn. Until then we'd been into very light BDSM and we'd switch being dom or sub between us. Since we've started playing with chastity and tried a couple of cages for him, we've been tending much more towards me being in control. I think neither of us has been very sure about where it's going but it's been fun playing. He's a great guy but I like having the control over him and I think we both enjoy knowing that he can't come unless I let him. The longest we've gone on has been just a few hours. I realise this is nothing compared with others on this site but it's where we are at the moment.
    We use it as a sex-toy and I've always undone him when he asks or needs to pee.

    Except before Easter we were staying in Manchester and as a kick he wore the cage out to a restaurant. I had the key around my neck. Lovely meal, nice wine, lots of flirting with each other. loved the way his look kept returning to the key. We were on to desserts and he asked me for the key so he could go to the loo. And I don't know what came over me, but I just said no. I said we'd spent time getting a fitting that doesn't spray everywhere (thanks Cherry Keeper!) and told him I'd find it exciting if he went to the loo with it on. I didn't think I actually would find it arousing, more of a power-game, but off he went. And the thing is, while he was in there, I realised I was actually very excited. I hadn't expected my reaction to be like that, but it was quite physical. When he came back he seemed quite subdued.

    I asked him afterwards and he said he was still processing. He asked me what I felt and I was honest that it had been a turn on for me. Anyway, we went back to the usual kind of play with it - just for an hour or so at a time. He seemed happy with that but I'm beginning to want more control.

    Then last weekend we were playing around before going out to friends. He was locked up and expecting to be released to get ready and again, I just said no and told him that I'd hidden the key (which was true). So we went out to our friends with him in his cage and all evening I mentioned words like lock and cage here and there and felt really excited because I knew he was being reminded. And I made sure to keep topping up his beer, tee hee. When he went to the loo,(twice!) I felt this wonderful powerful feeling.

    On our way home, I asked him what he thought. He said that he'd found it embarrassing but really exciting and I told him how I'd felt. I asked if it hurt at all and he said no. Back home, we were kissing as soon as we got inside and we were both horny as hell - much more than usual. We undressed each other and he asked me if I was ready for him. Oh my, was I ready. And I realised that he was now totally expecting me to unlock him. And the fact that he totally expected it made me want kind of do the opposite. So I just said that I wanted him but could we wait until the morning and that I'd find the key then. He looked completely shocked but also I could tell that he liked the idea. I said we should just kiss for now, which took a lot of willpower from me!

    In the morning I woke him and unlocked him and did all the things he'd wanted to do the night before and it was lovely. He had to slow down a lot because he didn't want to come too soon, which was really nice for me as I prefer it slower.

    We haven't said much since but I sense that he enjoyed it and also enjoyed the fact that I enjoyed it. He said he still wasn't sure but that we should experiment some more. A lot of the ideas on this site feel quite difficult for me and I think would scare him a lot. I'll look for some threads that have ideas for people who just want to play a bit for a few hours at a time, not with the sissy thing but with the tease and denial and the feeling of control (and being out of control, for him).

    That's a lot longer post than I was intending! Grateful for thoughts.

    Sal

    longtallsally
     
  2. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    It sounds like you are both having an exciting time and that is the most important thing. It also sounds like you want to slowly progress to more control and maybe longer look ups. This in no way needs to turn into a sissy thing, Me and my wife started similar to what you described and it has never gone to me being a sissy since that is not our interest, no offense to anyone. I suggest for a further step the next time you are both in the horney mood try not unlocking him but let him get you off . Leave him locked until the next morning. I think you will both have an amazing experience. We started just like you and it has turned into my cage 24/7 unless she wants it off. Never dreamt it would go there but we have been married a long time and we feel like teenagers again. Good luck!
     
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  3. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Hi Drews, thanks for that. At the moment, I'm not very sure at all how far I want to take it, and nor is he. But I like the idea of him having to attend to me like you've described. I might give that a try. Tell me, if you get excited with the cage on, doesn't it hurt?
     
  4. downlow
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    downlow Junior Member

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    You guys are doing great! It's not a race or a contest. You do you, and have fun! Sounds like you're having a blast! Would agree that you can still get off, and should!, even if he's locked, but whatever feels fun for you. Good luck!
     
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  5. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks. I'll give it a try and see how he takes it. It'll be a week or so as he's visiting his parents at the mo.
     
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  6. Aspire02
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    Aspire02 Long term member

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    hi and welcome to the Mansion. hope you are having fun
     
  7. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. I'm just finding my way at the moment. I joined because I had a bunch of questions - I just posted one about whether or not it hurts to be caged. My partner hasn't been very clear about that. sal
     
  8. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    You really do not need to know how far you want to go. At this point just experiment with what feels exciting. You are doing a good job checking in later with him. Communication is key. My wife loves to sometime be in control and have it be all about her without feeling the need to give back. She had some guilt at the beginning and we talked about it. If the cage is properly fit it gets tight and feels pressure but it should never hurt. This is similar for nighttime erections. I hope you give it a try with him satisfying you only. My wife will sometimes unlock me and orally make it only about me to keep me happy and satisfied . She feels in control of that also because she comes with the key and tells what she is doing. Since she keeps me locked she knows I am ready when ever she unlocks me. Just offering some suggestions.
     
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  9. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks again, Drews. I like the idea of it being all about him too, sometimes at least! Sal
     
  10. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    I've probably mentioned this too many times on this site but a timer safe like a KitchenSafe is just SO useful for self lockers or couples new to chastity. Once the keys are dropped in and it locks, unlocking isn't an option unless you want to destroy a $70 safe. His headspace automatically changes (for the better) when he knows that release isn't an option and all he can do is focus on YOUR pleasure.

    Enjoy the journey! J
     
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  11. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    I’ll echo what others said; take your time, communicate with each other, and find a place that works for both of you. It sounds like you are on the right path, and it’s so nice to read that.

    As to your question, he probably is not clear because it’s kind of hard to describe. When I try and get an erection in my cage, I definitely feel it, and the cage applies a pressure that we men are not usually used to, but It does not hurt. And in some regards it’s actually a pleasurable feeling because of the reminder that I am caged and only my wife can unlock me. Now sometimes what happens with some men and cages is that the attempted erection pulls the base ring away from the body and stretches the skin under the scrotum. That can hurt in a burning sensation and is not very comfortable. Most use a light lubricant or moisturizer to solve that.

    That is one person’s experience.

    BTW, your username made me smile. I was a loyal customer of the Long Tall Sally brand for many years before they were bought out.
     
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  12. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    Thanks for your lovely introduction!

    I see this site as a buffet, you chose what suits you and ignore the rest. One thing I have learned since I started out here is that the CM community is a diverse group. Some are interested in lots of kinky activities in addition to chastity, others are only interested in chastity. And for some, even chastity doesn't seem to be that much of a kink, it is simply a tool to improve the relationship or one self as an individual.

    For my wife and I, it started mostly as a tool to improve our marriage. I have a much higher libido than her, and we didn't handle that too well pre chastity. Chastity has worked wonders in our marriage, and we are closer than ever. We have also learned to be enjoy controlling/being controlled but that took about 2 years (and we still learn). You seem to come from the opposite angle, the appeal is in the control. That's refreshing! At the same time I start to wonder, what would happen if you ever decided to try chasity for an extended period of time? Would it still be about control only, or would you also find that it has the potential to become more than play and really benifit the relationship in a deep way (while you still enjoy the control of course)?
     
  13. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    From a subs point of view, there's nothing more delicious than being told "no" and "I'm doing this my way".

    Couple of ways to go here. Have the conversation about finding out his needs, fantasies even; or maybe whisper in his ear that you're going to keep him locked forever - you would love that wouldn't you; or maybe get him to beg you to keep him locked - play hard to get in this one and then say OK, you want it you'll get it. Might need to get a dildo or two or maybe a strap on for him. Don't forget he's got a tongue.

    A
     
  14. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    If it really hurts... he'll tell you. But a lot of the pleasure is from the slight discomfort, the not being able to have an erection, not being able to penetrate you, or just take himself in hand, so sometimes... yes it can hurt but yes it's nice.

    If you're letting your partner dominate you, it's part of the submission to not complain. A little bit of "hurt" is almost required for it to work, just like you being turned on by what you're doing when you tell him to do things you haven't done before makes your dominance so "in the moment".

    I'm sure though that if there was a genuine "hurt" that he was uncomfortable with he'd let you know, it sounds like you're doing just fine, and that he's enjoying it.
     
  15. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    I can be uncomfortable at times. And if it does actually HURT, then he should tell you and you can figure it out. But unless he tells you that it is actually hurting, it is probably just a little uncomfortable at most.

    And you shouldn't worry about it being uncomfortable, as long as it's kept clean.

    Good luck :)
     
  16. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks - I'm not sure we're quite at that stage yet but I'll give it some thought!
     
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  17. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. Does the fact that you can't have an erection make you less easily aroused? I like the idea of him being excited and aroused - I love having that effect on him. I don't want to do anything that will cause him to be less easily aroused. I want him excited and desperate! Sal
     
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  18. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    You can even let him chose the time of the lock , for fun. Or create games of chance that list times for lock. That way you don't feel guilty for locking him.
     
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  19. downlow
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    downlow Junior Member

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    There's denial frustration, irritation, and hurt. Frustration is par for the course - we all feel that. Irritation may be in the way the cage fits, style of the cage, and his body's adaption. I think irritation should be addressed and solution worked out.

    Hurt is something like pinching, or constricted blood flow, or sores from ill-fitting cage. That definitely should be addressed. Might need the cage modified, or a different cage. But a well fitting cage will feel uncomfortable or confining during erection (it's supposed to) but not hurt. Of course, there are spike cages that are VERY uncomfortable during erections, but I don't think you're there yet!

    Have fun. You are a unicorn and to be treasured. He found a jewel in you!
     
  20. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    Great question. And by coincidence I was just explaining to a close friend of mine how I feel when caged. For ME, it’s like a low buzz of steady mental desire for my wife. True, I am less overtly physically sexual (because that’s our agreement) but let’s just say that when there is even a hint that I will be released for my reward, that cage feels awfully small.

    That said, there will be a wide range of responses here. And your husbands response will be his own, and closely tied to your relationship dynamic.

    I will give one suggestion though. I have never read on this board that anyone enjoys being locked and forgotten about. Almost everyone here much prefers some sort of tease and denial and recognition that they caged for their keyholder.
     
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  21. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    Good point, A well fitting device should not pinch or hurt, or makes him turn blue. Each of our “snowflakes” are unique and it sometimes takes a few tries to get the best possible fit.

    If it hurts him to wear it, then the cage is not a good fit. If he’s generally fine but feels the pressure of a frustrated erection…..well, that’s exactly the point!
     
  22. HusbandInTraining
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    My personal experience in my cage has been 24/7 arousal. I want my Goddess all day every day. The cage not only stimulates that desire, but intensifies it tenfold.
     
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  23. CuriousAndy
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    CuriousAndy Long term member

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    Yep, me too. The denial and continual attempted erections makes me crazy with desire. This morning I was on my knees professing my love and telling her I’d do anything she wants as she stroked my hair. So… today I have to vacuum the living room, vacuum the stairs, mop the kitchen and not forget to make the bed :(
     
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  24. Submissedtoher
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    Submissedtoher Active member

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    Sounds like the beginning of something wonderful :)

    take it at a pace that works for the two of you, and at a rate that enhances both of your sex lives! There are no rules to this game except for that of consent.

    happy locking!
     
  25. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you - erm... I blush.
     
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