My wife might be on board

As I suspected, what she got was something very simple and not particularly kinky. It's a very small and very weak vibrator. I'm sure it was expensive for what it is. It's basically what you might expect to find at the dollar store if the dollar store sold vibrators.

But the point is that my wife actually bought a sex toy. Regardless of what it is, or if it's actually useful, this is a kinda big step.

I mean... It's not like suddenly crazy sex every night or anything like that, but I don't think she has ever been open to anything that was used only for sexual gratification. So yeah. It's like a My First Vibrator (tm) moment. Hurray!

On the other hand, I haven't been in the cage. I was trying to wait for her to ask/tell me to put it on. That hasn't happened. It probably won't. I guess I have to keep driving this horse down this path, or it will never get to the water. Of course, once we get to the water, will the horse drink? Well.... Not if she finds out that I made an analogy where she's a horse.

 

I think that the idea of a chastity contract is a minefield. Especially for the vanilla wife. If you write a contract for your wife, you have an extremely high risk of making a document that looks a lot like a kink wish list (“See Section 5B: Nude service to you and your hot friends”)

The problems begin when you start describing either the things you are open to doing, or your hard limits. I mean- I don’t want to engage in scat play. But neither does my vanilla wife, so if I include it in a list of things I absolutely won’t do, it’s going to raise her eyebrows. It’s like, “If he has to point out that I can’t rub shit on him, then what other crazy shit is he hoping for?”. But, of course, if you are listing limits and you don’t list all the possible kinks that are too much for you, you run the risk of her thinking that anything that isn’t on your list must be something that you are actually hoping for.

The alternative is just listing the things that are OK for her to do to you, and we are back at kinky-wish-list-super-top-from-the-bottom.pdf

It’s quite a conundrum.

I was trying, against my own better judgement, to write a contract for my wife and I. The goal was to reassure her that she was the one who was in control. She could set the pace. She could enjoy all the promises that I’ve made to her over the last couple years. But as I tried to create this contract, I kept getting basically a list that was my own kinky wish list. It’s great to post on literotica, but not really suitable for my vanilla wife. If I could see it for being that, she wasn’t going to be fooled at all about what it was. It was a document disguised as something that empowered her, but was actually an attempt to top from the bottom. Actually several versions of that document.

But then I came to a realization. My wife is vanilla. She isn’t likely to do anything too crazy to me. She might not do anything at all. I don’t need to tell her that it’s not okay to take me to my high school reunion in bondage gear, because she just isn’t likely to try that. In reality, the problem I’m going to have with her is that she isn’t likely to go far enough for my tastes. So my realization is that the contract isn’t about what her limits are- the contract is about reassuring her. It’s about making sure that she knows she is in control of the situation, that there are benefits for her, and that I’m not going to let myself get hurt by the cage.

So how did I handle it? I mean- there is still some chance that she will really dive into it and suddenly want to push beyond my limits. So I simply addressed it with a single clause: I have a safe word, but if I use it, we stop chastity and I have to stop bringing it up for a year. That’s it. I don’t need a list of all the things that I’m OK doing. I don’t need a list of the things that are hard limits. I just need the ability to opt out in case she surprises me and actually exceeds my limits. This also takes any pressure off of her. It frees her to do as she pleases, knowing that I have an out if it gets to be too much for me. In the past, I had told her that she could enjoy me without safe words. I was very trusting of her vanilla nature (and I still am). But I think that the offer kinda put her off because it seemed that all the responsibility for my well being rested on her. So yeah- safe words are a good and necessary thing- even for vanilla wives.

Of course, there is a danger that she will use the nuclear option and order me to do something beyond my limits just to put chastity to rest for a year. I don’t think she’s going to do that. She likes the idea of the direct benefits that I’m offering her. Besides, I don’t think she would be comfortable with me doing anything really crazy, and she knows that my hard limits are beyond her own. It would be hard for her to come up with anything that she would be OK with if I called her bluff and went ahead and did it rather than using my safe phrase. Again- I believe that the whole thing actually appeals to her, so I don’t expect she will even want to try to get me to use the safe word.

In the end I finally did come up with a contract that I thought was suitable for her and me both, and she did read it, and her comments were entirely positive. I gave her the document to edit, and instead of editing, she made comments to emphasize a couple specific sections. No changes. So that’s good? I mean- the fact that she doesn’t want any changes maybe means I gave too much away in the initial negotiation, but I had been offering her everything for 2 years, so I kinda couldn’t pull back on that too much.

The parts she liked? She liked that I was responsible for keeping myself and the cage clean, and that I was responsible for alerting her if there was any physical issues I was experiencing due to the cage. She likes that I was in her service and had to do as she told me. She especially liked the part where I wrote that she could still boss me around during a temporary unlock. And about the one hard limit that I actually included in the list, that neither of us could have sexual relations with anyone else, she simply commented “No shit”.

So, I think I found a successful way to make a contract fit for my vanilla wife. My goal was to reassure her that she was in control of the situation, and I think I did that. I mean- maybe I did it too well? BCWYWF.