My wife might be on board

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  1. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Another rough night with dreams about other women wanting me to cheat on my wife, but of course I was in the cage. And I remember considering if I wanted to play with them the way that I wish my wife would play with me (remember, it was a dream) and be able to give them the pleasure that my wife has thus far refused.

    Of course I wanted to so bad. Doubly so because I haven't been allowed to play with my wife. And, of course, I awoke to pain before even being able to dream about the pleasure.
     
  2. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    One of the difficulties with trying to do long term chastity is that we are trying to have a baby. Because of this, I know that I'm going to be unlocked during ovulation, and her cycle is very regular, so if my keyholder wants to add an additional month to my lockup, well, it's just not a credible threat. And she isn't comfortable with corporal punishment, so I can really act how I wish, and I know that it's not really going to change anything. Ovulation is now, so I'm unlocked at the moment.

    Does it make sense to lock up for 24 hours between sexual encounters in this situation?
     
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  3. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    Ah yes but as we are all well aware, once she is pregnant then there is no need to unlock you for potentially a year! And if the old hormones have anything to do with (not to mention the demands of your new bundle of joy), it could be much longer still!
     
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  4. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I...... Prefer not to think in those terms.
     
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  5. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    So, it's taken me this long to realize that asking a vanilla(ish) woman to play this game is just like asking someone to be confident.

    I'm slow sometimes. I'll probably forget this lesson soon enough, and have to keep re-learning it until it sticks.

    Being the Dom takes confidence. A certain type of confidence. A certain type of sexual confidence. It can be learned (and as a lover, I can either stand in the way of that confidence, or help it to flourish) but it's not an automatic thing. You (I) can't just expect a lover to flip a switch and suddenly be kinky and in control. She has to want it, and I have to want it enough to not push back when she tries to take the reigns.

    So the nice thing is that she seems at least open to the idea. Maybe she even wants it. It's subtle, but I do sense a shift. Small things like random titty twisters. But how do I keep myself from flinching back when she does this. It's like staying still for being tickled.

    I told her that I was happy to let her do this, but I can't keep myself still for it, so she might have to tie me up to do it. She did not answer, and may not be ready to ask (tell) me to restrain myself or let her do it. But she has messed with me before when I was tied up, so I'm optimistic about this step. I'm less sure that I can hold still for pain. I've offered many times, but defending myself is an automatic response. It's like flinching. It's not something that I've been able to master so far, and I feel like I have to make some progress to help her gain that particular type of confidence I spoke about above.
     
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  6. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Still more subtle progress. She is getting more comfy with grabbing her caged junk.

    I've been caged every day except for 2 days since Sept 20th. The 2 uncaged days coincided with her ovulation as we attempt to have another child.

    It's sometimes easier, but often not. I am really horny for anything. I've been trying to not push her. Sometimes I can't help but remind her that I'm totally up for anything at any time. Like please. Anything. PLEASE! ANYTHING!

    Ahem. So yeah. I signed up for frustration, and that's what I'm getting. Of course I hope that edging and teasing in general will happen. I'm trying to be patient. It's hard when you can't sleep.
     
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  7. RexVa
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    Good. But are you also trying hard to be "up for" some pampering for her--foot massages, baths, meal preparation and cooking, dishes and laundry work, home repairs and so on? That might help ease your frustration a bit.

    Stay strong and very focused on her needs and wants, and she'll surely respond in kind.
     
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  8. My-submission
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    It's funny because about 2 weeks ago I posted with some advice even though at that time we were only 6 weeks into this. Fast forward to now and Im reading through your entire post or thread (Sorry I still don't know the difference) taking on board all the advice you have had. It's reassuring to know that you are making progress.
     
  9. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Progress is so hard to gage when you can barely think about anything else, and you know that she probably doesn't think about it hardly ever. It's like being 3 and waiting for Christmas. And it's January... Is it Christmas yet? No? Cool. I'll ask again after lunch.
     
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  10. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I have to say that it's very difficult for me (and I think most men) to understand why women wouldn't jump at the offer of a chastity sex slave. I sure would love it if she offered herself to me in the same way.

    I mean, I know that a lot women want to be led when it comes to sex, and not put in a position where they have to initiate. But my wife in particular likes to control sex. She never really lets go of control. I'm not sure why, but she feels a need for control... So I've offered her complete and total control.... What is her hesitation?

    She has said that she is interested, and yet she hasn't cracked the books I bought her. She doesn't read the websites I link her to. She is holding the key, but there is a sense that it's because she is doing it for me, because otherwise she is not engaged in the process. She says that she likes me locked, but the words sound a little empty... Or maybe it just feels that way because she is otherwise not engaged in the chastity game.

    I think that she senses that it's a trap to try to get her to be more sexual and kinky. (I mean... She's not wrong if that's what she thinks). But the trap is one that snares me. All she has to do is set the bait, and she traps me. I've even told her what sort of bait to use. I mean... I've probably said too much....

    I'm very frustrated. I can't see a path to success. I did a couple days ago, but now....

    I know... Everyone says patience. I have no problem waiting when I can see progress. But I don't know if she ever intends on any movement. And my patience is cracking at the moment.

    I've been caged all but 2 days since September 20. This is my longest locked time done twice with a 2 day break in between. Today marks 3 weeks, and I'm mad with sexual energy. And it's clouding my ability to be patient. And I know that I'm not being patient enough, but Mr happy doesn't listen to such things.

    I wrote her an email a couple days ago. There is no point rehashing what's in the email. Just more encouragement (OK... Probably pressure if I'm honest) for her to engage with me. After sending it, I have been checking for a response constantly. None has arrived, which is a message in itself.

    I guess that I just want either movement or a definitive "no" from her. Wearing a cage is a pain in the ass. If she's just not interested in playing the game, I'd like to just stop.

    But the bigger problem is where do we go from here if we are to stop? Chastity wasn't my first choice for trying to get my wife to engage physically with me... But it's my last idea, and she hasn't shown any inclination that she has any ideas of her own. I don't think I can just continue the way things have always been, though. So I do hope she gets on board, because the train will be leaving the station. Like, I don't know when, but I can't hold the train forever. The conductor (Mr Happy) has a schedule he's trying to keep, and he's way behind schedule!
     
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  11. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    And when I read what I just wrote. When I see it with sober detached eyes, as if written by someone else, the path is very clear. I would tell this guy to be patient. I might tell him to try to offer service to his keyholder. I would definitely tell him to stop bounding her.

    But I'm not detached. I'm physically connected to a denied penis that is *desperate* for attention. I'm practically shaking with the frustration.
     
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  12. My-submission
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    I'm not sure what to say in case it turns out to be bad advice but I will try and offer what I think. Firstly you can't top from the bottom if she isn't even interested. you need to hear it from her direct so I would take it to her. Do we stop or do we carry on? You need to know Are you being led down the garden path. Does she still need time. Is this for her or is she still in WTF is this all about mode. Is she interested? Its a bit of a be brave moment for you if you do. Then tell her what you want out of your relationship and question if you can make it work. Be tactful though, you don't want to end up arguing, maybe pick your timing. And be prepared for worst case scenario.

    FWIW. When I asked my wife to keep the key and she agreed, this was about 11 weeks ago. I asked that she must not release my cock even if I ask. If I do ask she should refuse unless a genuine medical reason. I have not asked once as I am scared that her reply might be "If you want to" or "It's up to you" or "I don't mind" or "What do you want to do" I want to hear a No or if it is a yes there's a good reason but an indication I will return locked. There is something coming up soon when I will have to ask and I am dreading it because for me that is my confirmation. If its not the reply I was hoping for then I will go to the above. I've seen enough from myself so far to know that I'm wired for this.

    Hope this helps.
     
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  13. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Pressing for a yes/no answer is what I want to do. I'm so jittery that I feel like I need to know now... Part of that is because of the state that chastity is putting me into.

    But I think I need to let her process longer. She's not ready to answer, or maybe the answer is 'yes, but really slowly.' Whatever it is should be OK. But if it's 'no', well, there is a whole other discussion to happen that I don't want to press right now.

    I'm not ready for ultimatum. I mean, if she's not into it, there's not really a point of doing it, so any 'or else' statement isn't really what I want anyway... We've been married 15 years. This isn't a last stand sort of thing for us.

    But.... I don't even know where to begin. We have to change something. Sexually, our chemistry is not what it should be.
     
  14. My-submission
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    I have noticed, I don't know about you but after I have had an orgasm. Not long after I get strange feelings of self doubt, I'm not quite sure what it is or how to word it but feel a little low and lethargic and self question chastity for both of us but after nearly a week of being locked back up I'm OK again. I learn to discount these thoughts during this period but would be more likely to listen to them if they persisted. I recognise when I feel like this and try and rationalise my thinking "If she wasn't happy with this there is no way I would still be locked in this chastity device and the key tucked away in her purse. That said I am still bricking it on having to ask soon.
     
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  15. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    #65 tecolote, Oct 24, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2019
    I asked for permission to use the key a couple days ago, and she asked why. (for cleaning). She has turned me down before. But she also just keeps it easily accessible, which is fine, but a clear indication that she doesn't really consider it hers yet. It's like me asking permission was an artificial formality, because it's still mine.

    I used it without asking before, and she didn't say anything. This time, I'm pledged (to myself) to treat it as if she had taken command and would actually be angry if I didn't ask. I think it's right for me to do rather than forcing her to enforce a rule on my behalf. Once it becomes her rule for real... Well, that is what we are working towards.

    I guess what I'm saying is that I think you and I both should carry on until our keyholder says they want to stop. As much as we want to know how much they are committed, we shouldn't ask unless we decide we want to stop.

    Treat it like it is hers for long enough, and eventually she will get used to the idea and actually take it as her own. That's my theory on how to turn an ambivalent keyholder into a key owner.
     
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  16. Fatkid1
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    Fatkid1 Unquestionably devoted

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    I am in the same spot as you, except I have been 'wild' for the last 20 days....same reaction to books, web links, no seeming interest in actually leading from her, she doesn't want a servant, views me as equal....incredibly frustrating. I don't have the answer.
     
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  17. piet00
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    Hello tecolote,

    I totally understand your situation and I am at a similar point.. reading lot about relationship and also the fact that PIV-sex is not fulfilling for me, I discovered that I want to live in a FLR + chastity.
    Not as a "slave" but with her beeing confident, that she has the power in the end.

    I don't think that "beeing patient" is the recipe for success, as it might be that you are unhappy NOT living in a FLR or beeing caged.
    And you can 't ignore this unhappyness, as it might come to the point where you are more willing to quit the relationship than move forward.

    As others suggested I like the idea that you sit together and talk.
    Maybe everyone has 15min and the other one has to listen, no interruptions.
    That she didn't answer your email is maybe not a good sign as I would definitely answer if my girlfriend would write me and putting trust in me opening herself up.

    I think you need to hear from your Mrs. that she is not turned of by the thought, then everything can grow.
     
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  18. CuckeldBull
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    CuckeldBull Long term member

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    I prefer to be caged. I like the feeling of erection n orgasm denial. I started locking myself n after a few weeks showed my wife. She likes being the KH but like most, its at her pace.
    Just dont push it. I stay locked up n orgasm either with her help or by myself bout a 10days schedule. I just cant go much longer. The dribbling drives me crazy. I have access to the key n am always chging my cages due to mood so its an honor system for me. I let her know when Im doing n show her afterwards to let her know she is still in charge. A good hard squeeze n a pat n Im happy!
     
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  19. Lockedmuscle
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    Unless it turns your partner on, you constantly being desperate for their touch, why bother!

    My fiancée hates making decisions, likes me being the lead in everything in general but also never wants to let me wank or have control on when I cum ever again.... so it works but in our way not anyone elses.

    See if there is a way it can work that’s yours.
     
  20. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Actually... I mean being turned on and at her mercy is entirely the point. It makes me feel closer to her. OF COURSE I wish that she would take a more active role in teasing me, but only because it will drive me even crazier and closer to her.

    It's funny. My mood ebbs and flows. I was desperate for her attention a couple days ago, but right now I am desperate but content.

    The only time I get sex (and so far the only times she will let me out) is when she is ovulating because we are trying to have a baby. I'm over 3 weeks into this lockup, which is new territory for me, and she just today is starting to cramp, signaling that her period is starting soon. This means I'm at least a week away... And next weekend I'm going out of town without her, meaning there is a (small) chance of not getting out for 5 more weeks...

    I'm still planning on saying I don't want the key if she offers it early unless she wants to play.... But I wonder if my sanity level will get more or less nutty.
     
  21. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I think you misunderstand me. I'm frustrated, but we've been married 15 years, and our relationship has never been better. I'm not going anywhere.
     
  22. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    4 weeks today, so I wrote the following to my wife:

    I've been locked up for 4 weeks!

    Don't take this as a request to unlock me. Take it as a thank you for keeping me locked for so long!

    (snip)

    I'll ask again: Is it good for you? Do you notice any positive difference in our relationship? Or do you notice a negative difference?

    Her response:

    Positivity...I take a look at the key on my phone many times a day

    So, good progress. I still want more faster, of course. But it's moving.
     
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  23. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    So my personal record in chastity is 30 days.

    It came off because we were attending an event where metal detection may have been a thing. I don't care, really, but my wife preferred not to make that sort of scene. Later, she joked about the possibility of me being challenged by security, and how I might react. And how she might just walk away leaving it as my problem. In short, I can envision a time in the not so distant future where she might just let me fend for myself.

    So I was out of the cage for a couple days, and now I'm back in. While out, I couldn't help but play with it a bit. I ruined it as well as possible, but maybe it's hard to identify where the edge stops and the cliff falls away.

    I am trying to be patient. Some have suggested that patience is not the best approach, but impatience is always an option, while patience is something that grows slowly, and needs to be rebuilt whenever it is toppled in a fit of impatience. I can wait... For a while.

    I'm being patient for the day when she starts to.... Do things with her property. I do keep sending her links and stories that turn me on, and she normally doesn't respond. But as I said in my previous entry, she notices positive changes in our relationship. I still believe that if I'm patient, she will follow me down this path, and eventually lead me to unknown places.

    I can't wait.
     
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  24. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I've been locked up for a couple of days... Maybe more, but less than a week. This is when frustrated bliss begins to fuck with my head. It's when I am most likely to play dangerous games and push my luck.

    So I wrote my wife a letter. It's more than I want to quote, but basically it was about frustration with her lack of participation in this thing. I'm frustrated with mixed signals such as her not reading a book she's had for a year, but also telling me that she likes holding the key. That and me begging her to turn me into her slave...

    Her response was short and sweet and came within a couple of minutes in both an email and a text message. First the email:

    I love having the key...it's in my hands right now I stare at it and giggle I love ...you kinky pinky...your kink is much higher than mine... know that...

    And separately in a text message:

    I'll start reading with my cutsie

    So... Now I have done it. There isn't much room for pretending I didn't bring whatever happens upon myself. I hope I like it. I hope she does too.
     
  25. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    And just like that, a short and mild teasing session happened this morning. Short is fine. It's a first. Huge progress. I'm ecstatic!
     
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