My wife might be on board

Of course. I would have no problem doing that for her. My wife isn't interested at the moment. She is what I call Very Reliability Vanilla (VRV). I think she finds penis piercings to be visually too freaky for her, but if I end up spending a lot of time in a cage, she might change her mind about that. She seems to have changed her mind about the cage, so anything is possible.

 

I've read your story over on cf, and you are part of the inspiration for playing the patience game. It hasn't been easy, but thank you, because it seems to work for us.

 

Today is our anniversary. Last night, my Queen asked me to lock up. I'd been un caged for a few days. I would have caged myself, but I had a feeling that she would ask for it, and she did. She is slowly coming around to the idea that I've given her power over me.

Slowly, our dynamic is moving towards something else. I guess once we get there, I'll know exactly what that means. But it does appear that she has some attraction to holding me in bondage 24/7. Now if only she would do something with that power....

 

At the time I wrote this, I kinda thought that I would be released for PIV either on the anniversary, or over the weekend when we celebrated. Nope.

That's okay. But why am I okay with that? I mean... I'm terribly turned on by having my wife in CONTROL. And I want her to take more control... But I also want sex sometimes... But I'm also very turned on by just being in the cage. It really is like a constant low-level bit of foreplay, and I'm always thinking about her. And weird things.... Giving her a foot rub gets me going now. And she definitely likes the role: she will push her foot into and through my beard, which I'm sure never would have happened before. She's happy as a clam to have me kissing her feet and her butt cheeks. I feel like this type of interaction will just become more comfortable and more erotic over time. I don't know how long it takes, but I wouldn't be surprised to find her pushing my boundaries in some way before our next anniversary. I'm all in for whatever she can dream up. I've told her many times that she has full "no safe words" control over me, and I will do whatever she asks of me. I was pretty certain whenI ffirst started saying this that she was vanilla enough that she wouldn't ever actually ask me for something that I didn't already want to do.

Now I'm less sure. (be careful what you wish for / but also be careful what you ask for!)

I'm still all in, but part of me is starting to get slightly nervous and incredibly turned on by the unknown question of "how far will she go?".

I think that most of us with vanilla wives got into this hoping that it would be a "gateway kink" towards sexual situations happening more often and with more kink. And I have to say that so far, it's been successful. Not nearly to the degree that I was hoping yet, but it's a work in progress, and I see constant incremental progress. We have more teasing from her (albeit extremely mild, mostly verbal), more "sexual situations and explic language" as they say in the movie ratings.... But our sex is still in the PG-13 to R realm. And that is OK. I hope it moves into NC17 and XXX eventually, but it's already hotter than it was just by having a cage to remove.

She (finally) started reading a book. I think if she continues reading, that may open some barriers. Just the thought gives me butterflies in my stomach. Both anticipation and a little fear at what sort of situation I've created for myself. Will she be a benevolent goddess, or will I truly regret doing this? I can't wait to find out!

 

So, the other day, I took the cage off without permission. It was late, she was asleep, and our son was also asleep in our room. And I was itching badly. I wasn't going to be able to sleep, and I thought I was maybe getting a fungal thing... So I took it off, planning to put it on again in the morning.

But I didn't put it back on until after work. She never noticed. She doesn't interact much with the cage. I have my doubts about her investment in this as a lifestyle.

As I was getting out of the shower this afternoon, I asked my wife if I could trim my pubes a little. The reason I want to is because the hairs get caught in the cage and I'm constantly being plucked. But she didn't ask why. The conversation went like this:

"Can I..."

Interrupting "Take it off. Yes."

"No... That's not what I was going to say. Do you want it off?"

"I just thought you wanted to clean up. What were you asking?"

"Can I trim my pubes a little?"

"No. I don't like prickly hairs."

Returning to the idea of taking the cage off, "Do you ever think about stopping this?" pointing to the cage.

"No. It's kinda fun. I like it." my cage grows tight. "And I want to play a little" and with that she sees my penis poking awkwardly out between the bars and reaches down to pinch it. "That's why I don't want you to cut your hairs".

So.... Progress. Now I have to tell her that I was out of the cage without permission (at least I didn't cum).

 

I guess that this is where the crossroads are in my chastity journey. I think that if I wanted to stop, that I should make that choice relatively soon. It seems that the longer we do this, the more difficult it would be to go back.

Today, I could probably tell her that I was done playing. I don't think she would even argue, but she might be a little disappointed. But in a month, or 6 months? Maybe she says "too bad". I think that sometime during the next year, my preference will no longer matter to her. Maybe much shorter than a year.

It's a little unsettling to think about actually losing control of my own genitals, but I'm not stopping now. I still want to lose that control. If anything, I'm impatient for her to assert control and leave me with no option except for following her commands.

 

It's up to her, of course, but I've suggested several times that she should relocate the key somewhere where I can't find it. Clearly she thinks it's better that I be able to access it if needed.

We're just on the cusp. I don't know if she will be angry or not to find that I used the key. Probably not yet, but if it happens a month or two from now.... Maybe different answer.

 

I've not cum in 4 weeks.

My wife-KH hasn't taken to teasing me much. Occasionally, I complain. She doesn't seem moved.

Still she hasn't read much of the book I provided for her. I've no idea how much she reads when I send her a link to this forum.

The key remains readily available to me, making this an exercise in willpower.

I feel, and I think most people here would agree, that teasing is an important part of the chastity dynamic.

But I also put her in charge... So do I have to accept her views on what the chastity dynamic "should be"? I guess I need to exercise more patience. But meanwhile, both she and I get fewer of the benefits of chastity. If she teased me mildly for just a few moments a day, we would both be getting so much more out of this.... Wouldn't we? I'd sure love to find out.

But at the same time, I've told her the same thing in dozens of ways. At this point, it seems clear that she remains completely unmoved sexually. This is basically the way things have always been. Chastity is another attempt among many attempts to kindle an interest in our sex life. But she does not seem interested in sex. She never has. And now that she is "in charge", I'm afraid that it means that we just don't have a sexual life at all.

Makes me really want to wank, but I don't have that option right now. Unless I cheat at my own game.

I'm so frustrated that my wife won't make me even more frustrated! I'm losing hope. Sometimes I feel we are on the cusp. Today I feel like I'm just an asshole with hardware on his junk for no reason at all.

 

It's frustrating. I see progress, but it's frustratingly slow, and rarely in the direction of my preference.

I really wish for her to own me, and it seems that the best way, the most efficient way, would be tease and denial. And I've tried so many times to nudge her in that direction. But there is a resistance. She is simultaneously gung ho to keep me locked up indefinitely, but won't look at any booksoor web pages that I put in front of her. Even if I tell her to just give 15 minutes, I get zero.

So I'm frustrated....

But at the same time, I realize that I put her in charge, so if she wants to make her own path, I have no room to complain. This, of course, makes it worse. Like, I honestly don't know how I thought that putting the person who never cared for sex in total control of all the sex was somehow going to lead to more sex and kinkier sex. It's like putting a vegan in charge of the barbecue and getting frustrated that there isn't lots more steak.

I now realize that maybe trying to 'trick' my wife into discovering kink has backfired in spectacular, enforced vanilla fashion. And sure, maybe she will eventually come around, but in all likelihood, it will be to discover and explore her own kinks. And, of course, my own kinks may never be explored except as a tool to use to make me compliant with her wishes... Which, ironically, is exactly what I have been promising to her. But in my mind, her wishes would morph into something closer to my wishes, but oddly enough, she has her own agenda.

And that's just how it's supposed to be? Honestly boys, Be Careful What You Wish For.

 

I had my wife read this page https://flrinfo.tumblr.com/
And she agreed that she wanted me to serve her.

This is great news, but I really think she is not sure how to get started. She specifically mentioned how hard it is to decide and drive everything. Honestly, she mostly does this part naturally... It's teasing me and keeping me motivated that will be most difficult. I don't think she will even notice that she isn't doing it. Up to now, she has done very little of this at all. I feel like we have turned a new page where it would work better for me to stop giving tips if I can avoid it. But I also don't want this to die on the vine for lack of knowledge or communication.

It seems to me that a good path would be for her to be able to talk with another female Dom, but I don't think she knows anyone, and she is resistant to joining here. I think in person would be ideal, but paying for dom services is probably too close to paying a prostitute for her comfort, though I think I will try to gently suggest it... Honestly, she would likely be more comfortable with a licensed sex therapist (she's a therapist herself). Any thoughts on all that?

 

Emailed to my kh/wife today:

You are my Queen, and I am lucky to be permitted to serve you.

I will work to obey you, even when your commands are delivered as suggestions rather than directives.

I am not perfect, but I beg you to help me improve my service to you.

You have a right to the best possible service that I can provide. I want you to teach me how to serve you to your standards. I encourage you to use punishment when I fail.

I will submit to your punishments regardless of severity, even if you punish me simply to amuse yourself.

The penis that is attached to my body is your property. I am not permitted to touch it except as you allow. You may keep your property caged indefinitely to ensure that it is not touched without your permission. I encourage you to keep all keys safely out of my reach to remove temptation.

It is up to you when, where and how I may feel pleasure. It is not possible for me to "earn" or "deserve" sexual pleasure through service to you. It is only possible for you to grant me pleasure if it pleases you to do so.

You always deserve pleasure of any kind, which I will try to provide for you under your guidance.

My greatest desire is that you will allow me to learn how to fulfill your deepest fantasies.

How may I serve you today, my Queen?

 

"Did you like your email, my Queen?"

"Yes! It made me laugh. And smile. And then smirk."

So no offense taken by her. I certainly didn't mean it as a critique of her authority. I meant it as a promise to learn what she wants without her having to ask for it.

I now have lots of promises to fill. Infinite, I guess. We'll see how well she can lead, and how well I can serve. We are both trying, but also both slipping back to more familiar roles already. Gotta keep trying.

 

Nearly 6 weeks without cumming, and the wife lets me out this morning and gives me permission to cum.

After I do. "That was a lot. I hope you have some left for me tonight"

Wut?

This, ladies, is why you should read your books. We'll see what I can offer her tonight. <shrug>

 

I've been unlocked for a few weeks now. I shared a FLR link with the wife, and she seemed excited about the idea of being the boss. She was all in.

She asked me to take the cage off for a while. I didn't question why. But weeks pass, and nothing is changing. So I asked her if she still wanted to take me, or if she wasn't interested. "I TAKE!" is the reply.

OK cool. More weeks. Still not much in the way of being taken.

Meanwhile, I had purchased a key pendant and made a copy of the key that she could wear as jewelry. I wanted to give it to her for Christmas. But I wasn't caged, so I let it pass.

Her birthday came... I still wasn't caged. This 'gift' was starting to look like a gift for myself. She wasn't caging me... Maybe she doesn't want to?

So I finally gave it to her today. I explained that it was to be a birthday gift, but it seems maybe she doesn't want it as much as I thought she would.

Well, she wore it proudly outside her blouse to work. I mean... Some will know what it is, I think? I'm perfectly fine with that, but I don't know if she is?

So I'm locked today. It's a little weird after such a long break. This was my idea? Weird!

I hope she starts becoming queen soon, because it's hard wearing this thing when she doesn't take the power she says she wants. Maybe it will be harder if she does, but I'm willing to take the risk.