My wife might be on board

So, I thought we were done. I haven't been caged in 2020, and no signs of.... Anything.

So, on a whim, I dropped a note and a cartoon basically saying that she should have put me in chastity for Lent. "40 days, 40 weeks, or 40 months, it's up to you"

Well, last night she told me that she had been looking at the calandar and that I'd be going into chastity tonight.

So, we'll see...

 

Last night came and went with no cage. This morning, I said "So much for 37 days." 37 being the number of days she had calculated were left in Lent.

"37 days of what?..... Oh, sorry"

Sigh. We don't seem to be near the goal.

 

Honestly, I just feel so unfulfilled in our sex life. It is very infrequent, and not particularly wild when it happens. Chastity is a suggestion of one possible way to fix it that might work for both of us by making it hot and wild for me without imposing more frequency than she is comfortable with. But it seems that she's perfectly OK with things as they are. That's a little depressing, because it isn't working for me. If chastity isn't fun for her, then I'm at a loss for what to try next... But I'm not married to chastity, it could be something else. To be fair, she has opened up a *little* bit in the 18-20 months of chastity discussions...

 

Back to basics.

I'm in the cage. She has the keys. I will lock myself back up and basically be full time in the cage until she says otherwise. I've said that before, but got derailed because I thought she wanted to take control. My plan is to go like this unti she actually takes control.

Where do I find the strength not to use HER keys, because she insists on not hiding them.

 

I don't think she would appreciate the imposition of games. Other keyholders might like the disconnect from guilt, but I think that my keyholder would resent me creating games and rules.

That sounds encouraging on the face of it, but so far, she hasn't demonstrated the willingness to take command. She has said that she wants to take command, but given many opportunities, she hasn't actually used any of the powers that a keyholder has. For example, she will not complain if I use her keys and unlock myself. This is still my game. I suspect that she is still going along with it for me. I want it to become her game with her enforcing the rules. As yet, this isn't happening.

That's OK. Obviously I want her to do it now, but even more, I would like her to be ready and comfortable with the direction of our relationship before doing it. Sooner is better, of course, but it's a mistake to rush her, so eventually will have to be good enough.

But I don't ever picture her letting dice or cards determine anything about lockups. She's not a gamer, and she doesn't want someone or something else interfering with her keys.... Unless it's me.

I wrote her the following this morning:

Thank you for being in charge.

Thank you for being cruel.

Thank you for not letting me out until you want to use me.

Thank you for locking me back up immediately after using me.

Thank you for teasing me.

Thank you for hearing me beg, and refusing to release me.

Thank you for making sure that I remain horny and desperate.

Thank you for laughing at my begging.

Thank you for doing things just to make me even hornier.

Thank you for taking ownership of my sex.

Thank you for taking ownership of me.

Thank you for making me into your servant.

Thank you for making me into your plaything.

Thank you for pushing my boundaries further every day.

Thank you for pushing me far enough to make me resist.

Thank you for punishing me every time I resist.

Thank you for whipping my ass red.

Thank you for adding extra time.

Thank you for humiliating me.

Thank you for feeling exhilaration for the power you have over me.

Thank you for punishing me when I am good, just to feel that exhilaration.

Thank you for toying with me just to feel that exhilaration.

Thank you for making me get into predicaments.

Thank you for laughing at my predicaments and ignoring my pleas.

Thank you for making my life into a catch 22.

Thank you for making me beg to cum.

Thank you for pretending you will allow me cum, only to take it away.

Thank you for never letting me cum except when you desire.

Thank you for playing the roll of a cruel mistress.

Thank you for not letting me stop because you enjoy it too much.

Thank you for making me regret doing this, while loving every moment.

It is my sincere hope that I can help you gain the confidence to check everything off the list above. And also to make your own list. You own me now. All you have to do is take me. What would you like to add to the list above? How can I serve you today, my Queen?
​

 

My wife doesn't respond to messages regarding sexual kink very often. I might send 10 or 20 messages before I get one back. I'm not generally sending more than one a day, but she's not generally sending more than one a month.

Finally I asked her if I was coming off like an creepy stalker. She didn't respond, which I took to be a bad sign. Earlier, I had sent 2 messages, one was the "Thank you" message quoted above, and another was a response to an earlier email from her telling her that I would love to read some erotica with her.

Silence. Shit.

But when I got home, she told me that I could read to her on Friday "Just nothing too freaky".

If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open. I was considering just reading from one of Mistress Ivey Green's books, but honestly some bit of fantasy would be better. The problem is that most of this is targeted at men, so I'm having a hard time finding the right story.

 

I'm 11+ days into a lockup. It was supposed to be almost all of Lent, but KH wanted me out- I don't even remember why.

This time is a little different. As I explained elsewhere, I put the key in a little real estate lock box with a combination that I didn't look at. I email a picture of the combination to KH, and deleted all the files. Now, I have no way of accessing the key short of logging into her phone, breaking the lock box, or picking the lock on the cage.

It was a surprise to her that I did this lock box thing. She seems unwilling to hide the keys, and I lack the self control (which is why I need a cage). So I did this, which is probably too pushy, and topping from the bottom, etc. But not having access to keys is an important part of the experience for me.

I know that I would have already cheated the cage if I had access to the keys. Additionally, there is an added element of danger that the email with the combo picture gets misplaced. That danger hanging over my head adds to the experience. She has yet to threaten me with more time, so the mechanics of the situation is as close to a threat as I can get.

I'm not sure where we're going with this. She's reluctant. She has "other things on her mind" (which has been true for 2 years now). I want to make this work.... But obviously this approach has some drawbacks.

Day 12 will be an interesting day. I'm horny as fuck.

 

Yes, she has teased me on a couple occasions. Once for about a minute, and other times just a brief touch. She has said that she enjoys having me caged. It's just that there is some block for her actually taking control.

I'm always different in the cage. Mostly just more affectionate.

 

Being in a cage makes me more emotional. This is a good thing, except when it's not. It helps me to feel closer to my spouse, but it also gives me mood swings that I'm simply not familiar with. So sometimes one day, it seems like this is not working, not worth it, KH isn't doing enough, etc. Other days, it feels like it's the only possible way to get where I want to be.

Then there is today. Today I feel grounded. Content. Sane. I can see progress. I want faster progress, but today I have a sense of why it isn't as fast as I sometimes wish it would be. (Bottom line is that this moody asshole probably can't change as fast as he sometimes thinks he can).

Today is a good day. I wouldn't want every day to be like this. I need the manic days. Adding manic to our sex life is part of the point. But it can't always be manic. Sometimes we need to be grounded. And here, 15 days and 3 hours in, I'm grounded.

Hopefully it won't last too long. As I said, I need a little manic to keep it interesting. But grounded keeps me sane, so it's good to visit this state of mind once in a while.

 

A major setback.

I was wearing a new cage. It was more comfortable than my other one. It is a steel tube, fully enclosed except for the tip, which is covered by bars. I wore it for a couple weeks with weekly cleaning. Everything seemed fine.

Then she wanted some PIV. She unlocked me, we played around. But when it came time for the deed, I discovered that I had significant pain on my shaft. I couldn't perform. Her juices literally burned me. Further inspection showed some minor rash.

I believe that I must have been starting to get some reaction from being in the enclosed tube with not enough ventilation. Perhaps the start of a fungal infection? Whatever it was cleared up within a couple of days.

So yeah. Now she believes that being restricted in a cage, any cage, would create the same problem. Anyway, she seemed to have been sobering up on the whole thing anyway, and this created a tidy excuse not to play anymore.

I'm not sure where I go from here.

 

Thanks for the suggestion. I think it's a bit manipulative, though. I'm trying to put her in charge, not trick her into fulfilling my fetish. It's a fine line, but I don't think I'm going to cross it at this time. Also, I doubt that she would jump to chastity being an answer to me viewing porn. She would see right through that little trick.

 

I wrote an email....

Subject: I think that we should try again.


Yes, I'm talking about chastity.

First off, I know last time was a disaster. The closed tube cage was the culprit. Not having enough air circulation was the problem. I'm sure of it. I've had the other cage on for longer periods without any similar problem.

But that's not why I think we should try again.

Chastity was sort of a last gasp for me sexually. It wasn't my first choice. It was me coming to terms with the fact that you need to be in control of yourself. It's me allowing and encouraging you to have full control of yourself by also offering control of myself.

Bottom line, I just need something kinky in my sex life. More often, more exploration. But we don't have that sort of relationship. You aren't as sexually driven as me, and you aren't comfortable with lots of things that I would like to play around with.

I get not being confortable trying new things for various reasons. I'm not blaming you. I used to be the same way. Over the years, I've become less vanilla, but I still have limits. I don't want to make you exceed your own limits.

But I also need more kink than you. I'm trying to find a compatible place where we both have our sexual needs met. I need a little "danger" with my sex. You need to feel fully "safe". Chastity seems like a way to accommodate both of our needs.

If you participate with me, you get to have full control. Not just sexually. Everything. You get everything the way you need it, and I have the "danger" of having no control over anything sexual. I honestly feel like if you actually took charge, and actively flexed that power to the point that I felt a bit unsettled, that our otherwise fairly vanilla sex life would feel erotic for me again.

You might question this. You might think "well we tried that and it didn't work". But I don't think we ever really tried. You never did take control. I never let you take control. You resisted even keeping the keys from me, and I'd use them as if they belonged to me. When I have access to the keys, I still have control.

It almost always felt like I was dragging you down my path when it should be you pushing me down your path. (I get the irony here--more on that later)

So no, we didn't try. Not hard enough. We dorked around for over a year without ever really giving it a shot.

So what happens if we try? You get to say when we have sex (several times a day, never again, or anything in between). You get to decide how we have sex. You get to have intimate power over me that you can flex in any way you want. If you really feel like I should wake you up with a cup of tea and a fresh flower every morning, then you can have exactly that. For this to work, you need to own me. Not just control, but command.

I've said "no rules" and "no safe words" in the past. Maybe that's too much. One way I've seen couples do this is that there is a safe word, but a steep cost for using it. For example, if I feel like I really need to get released, I can demand release. But by doing this, it could mean no possibility for any kink for a full year (or whatever the cost is). Believe me when I say that you would have to ask something that made me very uncomfortable for me refuse if that was my cost for refusal.

But to make it work, it has to evolve into something that we both 'can't live without'. I want to do things for you that you will crave if I stop. I want to find out what those things are, even if they are mundane. It gives me a sexual high to serve you. I want you to need me so I can feel that more often.

Sexual high. You probably read this and a little red flag tells you that I'm talking about making you do stuff you don't want to do. No. I'm talking about when I'm locked up and giving you a foot rub, it gives me a little bit of a sexual high. Giving you a massage, even more. Serving you when you have control over me gives me that high. I can't explain why, but imagine making me happy by allowing me to serve you.

Yes, I've also asked you to tease me. Yes, that is a very effective way to reward me and keep me motivated. I think it's a win-win for you to tease me into a horny mess. But it's not like you have to be doing that every time you see me. Seriously, at this point, I'm begging you to read a little. The books can show you how to tease me with minimal effort. You don't have to do anything weird to do this. Honestly, just a little bit of normal vanilla seduction can do the trick. A little dirty talk. A little bit of flexing your power. A naughty text. Making sure I understand that I stay locked unless I keep you happy. Little things, not crazy sexual acts. Although those definitely work too.

Look, I'm sexually frustrated. And not in a good way. I'm willing to try anything. Even locking up my junk and putting you in charge. I think it's one kink that may work for both of us, but I'm open to other ideas. I just know that we have to do something different. Please.

Love,

(name redacted)


PS
I get the irony of "giving" you control while telling you how to do it. I get it. I don't want it to be like that, but until you actually take control, it seems you need guidance on how to do it. And since, as far as I know, you haven't sought guidance from books or forums or whatever, I don't know how else to help you.

 

Her reaction to the above email was to tell me that she agreed with everything it said, but also that she is 'freaking out' over issues related to COVID-19 (mainly because her father is at risk) and cannot place any focus on sex at this time.

So the subject is still open, but on hold.