Love and denial

I am so deliriously happy it is almost obscene!

Ok, back up a bit, because it is important to give a bit if back story.

The last time I licked my Wife's pussy and ass she asked me what was going on. She only just managed to have an orgasm and felt like she had had to chase it. When it did happen it was really small and not very satisfying. Then she told me that recently this had been happening every time I licked her.

This upset me a lot because I had been trying to do better with my pussy licking technique. During our time using a chastity device with tease and denial I had been improving, she had told me I was, so why the sudden change? I really couldn't understand what the problem was. I was spending longer licking her, licking more of her pussy and trying new things.

Then it hit me. That is what I was doing wrong! I was spending longer licking her, including when she just wanted me to get on with it, licking more of her pussy when she wanted me to concentrate on the area around her clitoral hood and generally I was just not doing a very good job. I was also primarily concentrating on doing all of this for my own pleasure in the mistaken idea that it was for her.

Then we travelled to England, got tired and busy, had some 'fun' in Police Stations which is going to involve some solicitors to sort out and generally didn't have any time to try and sort out what I was doing wrong with my efforts to pleasure her. Until tonight. We had a fully dressed cuddle and spoke a bit about chastity and where we were with it. My Wife teased and fondled me for the first time in days and this obviously got to her as she suddenly announce that we were going to bed.

After we had washed and I had a shave we got into bed. I couldn't help but notice that she was naked and responsive to my touch. She turned over and, when I kissed her back, she said I could do that some more. I asked her how low down I was allowed to go, expecting to only be allowed down to the small of her back, but was told I was allowed to go as far as I wanted.

Yes! Oh yes yes yes! I mentally punched the air and had to seriously stop myself from just diving into her ass. I slowly worked my way down her back, caressing her neck, belly, breasts and legs as I went. She moaned when I first flicked my tongue over her ass and I spent a good while making her squeak and pant with pleasure.

After that good while and several, mmmmm, that's nice comments... she turned over and I asked permission to lick her pussy. She responded simply by sliding down the bed a bit and planting her pussy directly under my mouth. And this time I listened to her directions and brought her to a strong and very enjoyable orgasm. It took the right amount of time, involved a good amount of teasing but not too much and was a wonderful experience for both of us.

A few things set this apart from every time I have done this in the past. She actually said 'that's nice' when I did some slow lick flick lick of her stretched clitoral hood area. Then, at the end, as she seemed to draw into herself as the orgasm in her built up, she whispered, for the first time ever, I'm cumming...

Oh. Oh my. I swelled so much at that point. I loved the fact that she felt confident enough to say it. She also kissed me while the juices of her still glistened on my face.

More than that happened, our conversations about chastity for instance, but they can wait.

 

Let's back up a bit to the conversation we had before we went to bed.

I am normally only allowed to talk chastity on a Saturday but last week we were busy and never got much time for a private conversation. When we were alone my Wife was thinking about other things and I have learned not to try and discuss our new lifestyle unless it is appropriate to do so.

We were doing our Duolingo German exercises, cuddled up together on the sofa. For the first time in several days she started caressing me and deliberately making me swell under my Holy Trainer. Because of the way she was sat on the sofa she had a foot pressed against my abdomen and she used this to push against my device. It was lovely getting this small level of intimacy, of recognition of what we are doing and the control she has over me.

Rather amusingly I had to translate Ich komme bald and then I had to repeat it. It means I am coming soon. I looked up at my Wife and said, well, am I? Am I coming soon? She looked down at me, as I lay against her side with my head resting on her breast. No, not any time soon, she replied, firmly but not in a mean way.

I do not understand why but this made me immediately swell even more under my device. The Holy Trainer doesn't allow my penis to swell at all but the root of my shaft goes ridiculously hard, pushing the device away from my body.

After we finished our exercises I asked her if I could ask her a question related to chastity as we hadn't had a chance last Saturday. She thought about it and then said yes, I was allowed.

I asked her was she now used to the idea of denying me orgasms, and she said yes, but didn't expand at all. Sometimes getting her to open up isn't easy! Anyway, I then wanted to know if because she is now used to the idea of denial, of not letting me cum, would it mean that my periods of denial would be longer? She basically said that she hadn't thought about it but also she wouldn't tell me how long the time frame of my denial would be.

I then asked if she felt guilty at all denying me, and no, absolutely not was her answer. It is all part of the fun. And anyway, she isn't denying me if she lets me give her an orgasm, as we both enjoy it when she has one. This was the amazing part of the conversation as I think this is a key change in a Woman's attitude towards sexual gratification. If she fully accepts that her orgasms affect her partner in a profound way then she can relax and accept without feeling she needs to reciprocate.

She does not feel that my orgasms are in any way needed to help her feel that she is successful sexually. She absolutely felt this pressure on her to perform for me before we started controlling my orgasms. She feels very sexy. She told me this was down to how I have behaved for the 8 months we have been doing this. I have paid attention to her much of the time we are together. I actively look forward to being with her and spend as much time with her as possible. I have become a yes man, wanting to do the activities that please her. It hasn't been all about sex. When I am allowed to pleasure her I am respectful and grateful. I have begged to cum once after an intense period of teasing but usually I make no such request.

Last night, after her orgasm, I slid up her body and held her, kissing and sucking her nipple, caressing her belly and thighs, telling her how happy I was and how amazing she was. She told me how much better her orgasm was than my recent efforts had been.

As we got into bed she did say one thing that I didn't ask about. She has taken over control of why we do this. If I said I didn't want to do this anymore she would say that I had to, that I wasn't allowed to stop. I mentioned how I couldn't do what she does to me to her, but that I had read a post on Tumblr from a woman in the opposite type of relationship to us. I said that I am uncomfortable with a female sub male Dom relationship but that I realise this is my own version of societal programming.

She said there was only one reason that she would stop. If I said that the denial had become abusive. She loves what we do but in no way would she want it to go further than I was comfortable. I assured her that she hasn't even got close to any limits. I honestly think my Wife would be surprised at just how much she could get me to do, how much she could do to me before I felt that way.

 

Thanks @keephimcaged - yes, that is very much what my Wife said when we first started. Her recent increase in assertiveness and having fun with my chastity has coincided with her finally understanding how much I get affected by her having an orgasm and how much Of an increase in my sensitivity to her attentions I get by not having one. She has got rid of the feeling that my orgasm somehow defines how sexy she is and the change in her is astounding.

I think that society programs us in so many insidious ways that both my Wife and myself talk about rewiring ourselves to get away from it. There are the obvious ways, the stick thin models used by print media to show us what the ideal woman looks like. There are the porn starlet models with perfect bodies and males with huge penises and sexual appetites and abilities to match that make us feel sexually inadequate.

But there are also less obvious ways that society programs us. There are the jobs that are somehow only done by women that I mentioned in another thread. There is the way my Wife struggles to talk about what turns her on or what I could do to satisfy her more, because good girls don't talk about that sort of thing. There is my own expectation of the right to have an orgasm whenever I feel like it.

It is now screamingly obvious to me that if a guy wants to have a wife who is in the mood for sex that picking up a broom or doing the washing up for her, actually talking to her and listening to what she has to say, getting out of the damn car and helping her do the shopping, doing something small and unexpected without thinking that she will immediately jump you, all these are ways of getting her to be in that mood more often.

 

The downside to wearing a Holy Trainer is it does have a definite pong factor. At home in Germany I can mitigate this by drinking plenty and having a cleaning routine. Visiting England has made this more difficult. I have also started running again as the best thing chastity has done for me has been get me fit again. No, really! My Wife has very much enjoyed my transformation this year and she is using her power over me to insist I run at least three times a week. I have got down to a weight my body has not experienced for at least 30 years.

I have been for a run twice this week and although I showered afterwards my device still got whiffy. yesterday my Wife wrinkled her nose at me and told me I smell. She unlocked me and we shared a brief shower so I could clean myself. I was then told that I would be unlocked for the night and secured again in the morning.

My Wife trusts me not to masturbate. I would not break that trust as I love the way it makes me feel and I don't want to upset her. But I do struggle with the access I am allowed to my modified glans. The urge to masturbate is very low but my urge to carry on my modification is powerful. I have often asked to be locked up again but have used the excuse of masturbation to justify it knowing that in fact it isn't that at all.

So this morning I told my Wife what my problem was, that I am strong when it comes to not masturbating but weak with desire to modify my penis. As she has done so often recently she surprised me with her reaction. The modification really upset her so I was expecting this explanation of my fears would also upset her. Instead she put her arms around me, gave me a kiss and a big hug and told me that when she is dead and buried I can do what I like to it!!!

Definitely not the response I was expecting. I told her that back when I thought that she was going to leave me I actually planned to completely split my penis in two. This might shock anyone reading this but it is a modification I have seen and it fascinates me. She smiled at me, patted my cheek and said that I needn't worry as she isn't going to leave me.

I am glad and relieved that she locked me up again this morning. I am disappointed that she told me that she does not want me to get an ampallang piercing lockable device, that is a step too far for her, but she is in charge and I do as I am told.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how much my Wife has changed and is changing. Yesterday she spent the day working in the apartment we have rented in England while I got on with all of her 'admin' tasks. Then we went to a store to get her some nail polish remover and some new polish. The plan was for me to give her some of the pampering that she is enjoying by removing the old varnish she has on her toenails and then I would put the new on.

This is the first time we have ever removed nail varnish so it was a bit of a learning curve but we both enjoyed the closeness this sort of activity encourages. I knelt on the floor in front of her and she put her feet on my thighs. We chatted whilst we waited the ten minutes for the removal chemical to do its work and then my Wife decided we would have a shower before I applied the new varnish.

Wow. She got all assertive again. The apartment we have rented has a great walk in shower, not the small cubicle our home in Germany has. This meant she was really able to go for it and work my ass. Before that I helped wash her hair and then washed her back and bottom, which I love doing. She even commanded me to wash her back rather than asked me if I wanted to, which made me go weak at the knees.

After I had finished doing her it was my turn. It wasn't long before she had me on all fours after stimulating my bottom and abdomen at the same time, giggling as my body jerked backwards and forwards depending on what area she caressed and probed. While I was on the floor she pushed a thumb deep into my mouth, encouraging me to suck it, running it over my lips and teeth. I was barely able to stand when she decided it was time to get out.

We went to her bedroom where I had the absolute joy of being told to kiss her back, then her bottom, then her pussy. Another strong orgasm for my beautiful Wife. I was so happy that she enjoyed my attention. I am definitely doing better now she has told me where I was going wrong before.

The evening continued with us going back into the living room where I reapplied the varnish to her toes, again enjoying the closeness and intimacy of the evening.

At one point she asked me if I would rather be watching the football (Wales v Portugal.) She giggled at the shocked expression on my face.

 

Totally! My Wife was worried it made her sound or seem rude to tell me what to do but she seems to now understand that I enjoy these commands. She put her arms around my neck and kissed me when I had washed her and said thank you, that was lovely. It is another area of our relationship where my patience has paid off. Just the occasional reminder that rather than doing something like getting up to find her phone she could send me to do it instead. I have also made a point of always thanking her when she does give me something to do. This has been going on for several months so I have also shown that this is not another fad and that I am serious about this lifestyle.

 

My Wife had left the bathroom to go to her bed and I was washing paint off of my penis.

Not many people would ever start a journal post with that sentence, but that is what had happened.

And then she came back in and reminded me that I had said I was going to have a shower, so she had decided to join me.

No hanky panky though, she said. Ok Miss, I replied, disappointed but trying to be a good boy. Then she demanded I wash her back and bottom, which confused me as I had thought she meant this sort of activity when she had said no hanky panky. None after the shower, is actually what she meant.

So there I was, on my knees, head on the floor of the shower cubicle, with my Wife's foot first pushing me to the floor and then her toe caressing and pressing against my anus.

She had me in a complete gibberish mess. I couldn't string a sentence together. I'm still struggling now.

She touched my penis. She was laughing at how sensitive it was, how I jolted each time my towel brushed against my glans. All of a sudden she said what would happen if I touched your penis, and she did. For probably only the second time in eight months. I think you can imagine what my penis did at this. You might not be able to picture the look of shock on my face.

In bed she continued to tease me, nibbling my bottom lip, running her tongue over my lips and other things my addled brain cannot remember. I do remember I asked her if I could cum, just so I could hear her answer. A firm but not cruel No. My insides turned inside out and I asked again, and thanked her when she again said No.

As I left I admitted to her that I asked just to hear her say no.

"I know", she replied. "I love you."

 

My Wife and I were talking about a friend who is worried his Wife is about to rekindle an old relationship that got dangerously close to being an affair. I mentioned how I felt sorry for him as this was a huge problem for him and given my fantasies of seeing my Wife have sex, or even just hearing about it, wasn't a problem for me.

My Wife is still very much of the opinion that my fantasy won't happen. She is married to me. She accepts my fantasies are just that and that I'm not in any way going to try and manipulate her to try and fulfil them. They don't upset her. I fact she agreed she could even use them as part of a tease at some point.

We got onto the definition of an affair and we both agreed that what we were talking about was in secret, not done with any knowledge of th husband. I admitted that if my Wife did it it secretly then I would be hurt. I still wouldn't want to leave her but it would change our relationship in a negative way.

"If you did it behind my back I would be upset." I said. "However, if you tied me to a chair and made me watch that would be a very different thing!"

She laughed at me.

"You are a kinky fucker really." She said, with a smile that shone across her face. When my Wife smiles with affection even her eyes join in.

 

Today has been a day of incredible conversations with my Wife, an even more incredible evening but ultimately a failure. I'm still feeling a bit down having been given the opportunity to make love to my Wife but then was unable to bring her to an orgasm using my penis. I think that I was so worried about having an orgasm I just wasn't able to enjoy the sex enough to stay stimulated and despite starting with a great erection I suddenly went soft.

I'm 48 so I am not unaware of or scared of the issues surrounding erectile dysfunction. I will talk to my Wife about using a cock ring to help me stay hard and if that doesn't work then there is always a pill to ensure it doesn't happen. In fact I currently have a discount voucher for Lovehoney so I have a feeling a cock ring will be waiting for me by the time I get back to Germany.

I will write about the things she said to me today when I feel better.

 

Trust

My Wife trusts me. Since we started using a male chastity device to cover and control my penis she has been impressed with my dedication. It is one of the main reasons she has got so much into this, she can see the effect chastity has on me and has seen how difficult at times it has been for me. She very much appreciates this effort and it is part of why she feels so loved and engaged.

As for the chastity device itself, we have used a Holy Trainer. It is brilliantly pathetic. It fits, is comfortable and is a visual symbol of the contract I have made with my Wife. It is also unfortunately fairly unhygienic and is utterly useless at stopping me from pulling my penis out whenever I want.

If it was up to me I would get an ampallang piercing and have a custom built device made that used it to lock me in. No escape would be possible. I had put this idea to my Wife recently but she said no. Yesterday we were driving in our car and as it was a Saturday I am allowed to talk about chastity, so I explained to her why I wanted this custom device.

My urges are not to masturbate but to carrying on modifying my penis. If I was locked in I would not be able to do this and the urges would be controlled.

My Wife thought about it for a moment and then told me that the fact was she trusted me not to masturbate and also trusted me not to modify my penis. If I was locked in there would be no need for trust and she would lose a big part of what turns her on about my chastity. This left me speechless. I had no idea. You read chastity fiction and it is always the helplessness of the male in an inescapable device that turns the woman on. But not my Wife. For her it is the trust she has in me and my trustworthiness that turns her on.

I fearfully asked her whether the use of a chastity device was not needed. My Htv2 is so easily escapable that it hardly counts. She said no, she did still want me to wear a device. She likes seeing it and she likes the way it reminds me all the time of my promises. It is the visual and physical embodiment of Our Arrangement. It doesn't need to be inescapable.

This is why I love this woman. I would not have thought this way but she was able to explain how she felt perfectly. It makes me feel proud of the way she trusts me. It is amazing to think that this trust is part of the reason she has become the amazing, fun, caring, enthusiastic Mistress that she is.

 

The reason why I was upset not being able to perform and give my Wife an orgasm with my penis is partly due to the incredible way the opportunity arose.

My Wife decided that it was time to go to bed. This was our last night together for nine days as she has now travelled back to Germany while I am still in England for over a week longer. We had washed and got into bed where we kissed and cuddled a good while. I waited a long time to be told what to do but my Wife said nothing. Knowing that time was getting on I asked her what her plans were.

My Wife took my breath away with what she said to me.

As your Dom I want you to decide what we do.

I stared at her, my mind racing. I told her that I would have wanted to make love but for me not to cum, but after her recent operation I knew she wanted to leave that for a while. She said that was fine, I could get her as close as possible by licking her and then finish her off and get her to an orgasm with my penis.

Which is what we did. And it was glorious. Right up until my stupid penis decided to go soft. My Wife was so pleased with my recent attention and efforts, commitment and attitude that she had rewarded me with an incredible opportunity. And my stupid penis blew it.

After a cuddle with my Wife she told me that she wasn't going to lie and she was a bit disappointed, though it had been very good to feel me inside her after so long. This is a new thing too as before she would never have said that. So in the morning when I took her a coffee I told her my idea about using a cock ring and she does want to give it a go. I also asked her for permission to lick her pussy as a final goodbye and she agreed.

We used the 25 second rule that @keephimcaged told me about and wow did it work! I didn't rush as the 25 secs didn't start until I got down to business and actually licked her pussy. Knowing she could say no thanks at that point I gave her entire body a good amount of attention with my lips and tongue. So when I did start licking her the 25 seconds passed, then another, and then she started making the noises that mean I am doing the right thing.

She fluttered around an orgasm for ages before pushing me away. At first I was disappointed and asked her why i had again not managed to get her to orgasm. You did, she said, lots of little ones. It was lovely!

!!!!

My Wife has never had multiple orgasms before.

Can I just repeat that. I need to make it absolutely clear.

My Wife has never EVER had multiple orgasms before. Neither of us was counting but looking back there were at least six. I was again stunned.

Can this actually get any better?

 

Punishment

As we were driving around England my Wife and I had an opportunity to talk about how things are going with this new dynamic. One topic I have already written about, the way she trusts me and how this is what turns her on. Another topic we talked about was punishment.

One of the surprises we have had recently was finding out how much I enjoy being spanked and how much she enjoyed spanking me. While she uses the pretense of doing it as a punishment, when I have been a naughty boy, both of us realise that this is just role play. Both of us enjoy it far too much for it to be a real punishment unless she took it to a level further than she is willing to go. Her absolute limit is that chastity and its associated activities must never involve abuse.

I asked her what would she do as a real punishment, what would be the worst thing she would do to me? She again surprised me with her answer. She would make me masturbate. So something that I used to do regularly for fun has now evolved into a punishment.

My first reaction was that wasn't much of a punishment but then I realised that she is absolutely right. Having an orgasm that she is involved in is nice but it resets the chastity response levels. I am no longer as sexually charged after an orgasm. So having one that she wasn't involved in would be a waste. It would take me at least three weeks to build up the pressure I feel when she teases me.

 

Luckily she enjoys having me inside her enough not to stop this activity altogether. It is however quite rare!

 

I'm not bragging but I don't actually do much that deserves punishment anyway. I think it will only happen if it becomes part of a role play that she enjoys, and it will evolve in the way that she takes it.

 

I'm back! At last! It is a beautiful day in NW Germany but I'm so tired after several hours driving that I've come upstairs for a lie down.

Anyway, not much has happened recently as my Wife came back to Germany 9 days ago. We were unable to do any long distance teasing as both of us spent time without any internet connection. I spent several days on a mini break with my family where I didn't have any mobile phone signal, let alone Internet!

Anyway, the one thing that has happened is I need to get a new, smaller ring for my Holy Trainer. I had spoken to my Wife about this when she was still with me in England but it has gone from something I sort of wanted to do to something I have to do if I am going to keep wearing the device.

I was having a shower when all of a sudden something in my middle just didn't feel right. I eventually realised that my right testicle had popped through my ring. I have no idea how it managed to do it, the other ball wasn't going anywhere. Luckily my Wife had left me an emergency key which I had to use to free myself. As I was doing some hiking and climbing I decided to leave myself free. When I got the chance I checked that this was ok with my Wife and she agreed that it was sensible.

I locked myself up again before leaving England and felt much better for it. So now I need to order a 40mm ring from someone and a cock ring. Unfortunately Lovehoney don't appear to sell the Holy Trainer range so I shall try Überkinky.

Anyway, it is so good to be back.

 

My Wife and I have a secret tumblr blog that I use to share things that turn me on. It was started after a suggestion by @keephimcaged and it has been a huge success. I am beginning to share more adventurous posts, things that verge on or absolutely cross a line into being pornographic, and so far almost nothing has been too much for my Wife. There was one amusing moment she caught me with something much more intense and pornographic on my iPad. I described how I was finding things for our shared blog and filtering out stuff like the image she had seen. Instead of being annoyed at me looking at something that was obviously hardcore she patted me on the cheek, smiled at me and told me how nice I was!!!! Eventually I am hoping she too will start sharing things but so far this has just been done by me.

We spent some time together yesterday going through the collective product of about three weeks or so posting, a build up due to our recent trip to England and work commitments. It was quite an experience for me. There was two posts we looked at in particular that had my heart pounding and my butterflies making my stomach churn. One was of a woman, lying on her back, having a male between her legs give her a very good pounding with his penis. He is stood up and we are looking down at the woman over his shoulder. Her ample breasts have that wonderful flowing motion each time he pounds into her, that prove they are very real, and she actually had a similar ripple in her torso, unusual for a porn model but damn sexy as far as I am concerned.

I had shared it because we had talked about whether the amount of PIV sex we have is now at the amount she wanted, but it isn't. She had again mentioned how sometimes her confidence is low and she feels that I don't want to have sex with her, or she doesn't instigate sex as she wants me to remain chaste. I told her nothing is further from the truth, that I am wanting sex with her more than ever, but it has to be on her terms and I want to find a way to stay chaste at the same time. She smiled at me and gave me a big hug.

Before we started with my chastity she had suggested we look at porn together but it never happened and the idea faded. Now we have started doing it, but from a perspective of her growing in confidence and assertiveness, with me going months at a a time between orgasms. She cannot now remember why she suggested the idea but I cannot help but think that she was trying to do something to make our love life more interesting. It was all pretty standard before and her levels of desire were fading. I am pleased to report that the fade has definitely been reversed.

 

The other image we looked at that was hard for me to see with her by my side was of a woman on top of a man, his penis inside her. She is masturbating by rubbing her clit and swaying back and forth, not up and down. He is lying on his back, blindfolded. He cannot see what she is doing but he can feel her orgasmic pulses around his penis.

I suggested my Wife try this with her wand massager. She thought the idea was very interesting!

See what you can do when you don't rush into things? That sort of idea several months ago would have not been met with such a positive smile and a chance of it happening.

Another similar thing has happened with an image I shared several weeks ago that was initially met with no interest by my Wife. It shows a woman straddling a pillow with a wand massager pressed against her pussy. She isn't holding it but she is moving on it to bring her to an orgasm. I told my Wife that I would love to see her do this but she wasn't interested in it. It didn't involve me, she said.

I had an idea and reposted the image. I told her that we could do it together, with her straddling me rather than a pillow, the massager pressed between us. If the massager was placed under her pussy and on my abdomen we would both be stimulated. I don't know if it would be enough to make me have an orgasm, but it would definitely have an effect. I would also be able to caress her at the same time.

This second idea was met with much more positivity. She thought there was a much better chance that this could happen.

 

There is one more thing I posted in our tumblr that I want to share. It was a dream I had the night I travelled back from England to the Netherlands on the ferry to finally see my Wife after nine days apart.

We are in your bedroom. I am naked apart from my device. You are fully dressed. You tell me to turn around and that I am not allowed to look at you. If I do turn around I will be denied any play for several weeks.

I hear you getting undressed. You describe what you are doing. You are on the bed. Slowly you remove your clothes, touching your body as each part is exposed. At one point you stand behind me and press your naked breasts against my back.

You get back onto the bed and describe how you are touching your thighs, your breasts, your neck and then your pussy. I hear you turning the wand massager on and you describe how you are pressing it against yourself.

I hear you have an orgasm.

You calm down slowly, when you are ready you get dressed again and come and stand in front of me. You kiss me on the cheek, tell me I am a good boy and go downstairs.​