Love and denial

Our dog was whimpering at about 1am this morning so my Wife stroked my back to see if I was awake. I wasn't but I awoke immediately as she had said that if I snored she would wake me up and make me sleep downstairs. I have sorted the dog out and put him back in his sleeping pen but it gives me a chance to write an update.

I got back to Germany after my recent trip to England on a Tuesday and true to form my Wife hasn't initiated any play time since my return. Having been apart for nine days I found this difficult to cope with. Last night, after we went to bed, she allowed me to sensually caress her legs, pussy and abdomen. I did it sensually rather than sexually to show her that I appreciated being allowed to do this whilst being aware that it was within limits. I was sensitive to her response and, if she had instigated it, would have been happy to go further. Eventually though she turned over and went to sleep.

When I got up to come down to the dog she hugged me and told me that she loved me. I thanked her for allowing me to touch her and she told me it was her pleasure. I explained that I enjoyed it due to not having a chance to do anything else since getting back to Germany. She said that it was unfortunate I got back on a work night, but also that she understood this was where we were very different. She is well aware that if I was in charge we would have been very active, work the next day be damned!

But I am not in charge and last night was the first time she has ever actually said that she was. Over the years of our relationship I have always known she was the lead, the senior, that she was the one who made the major decisions. I have always been consulted and sometimes my views are taken into account, but she is far better at organizing us than I ever would be. All the good in our life, our current financial, social, physical and mental wellbeing stem from her drive and abilities. But she has pretty much always denied that she was in charge, until last night.

When we discovered chastity I also discovered the idea of an FLR, a female led relationship, or FLM, a female led marriage. I prefer the tag FLR, even though I am very married. My Wife wasn't that interested in the idea but as she has come to fully engage in my chastity and thoroughly enjoy keeping me chaste she has changed in many ways. Maybe now she would be more receptive to the idea.

So we were talking about our relationship when in an offhand manner I asked her whether she was in charge. And she said, quite firmly, that she was. It took my breath away. I was very aware this was another new development. I'm not going to start trying to push her into a full on adoption of FLR ideals but it is a start. The fact that she has accepted her position is wonderful as it can only help her become even more assertive. It also gives me the opportunity to actively support her and prove to her the love and respect I have for her. She doesn't want a subby hubby who sits back and let's her get on with everything, only doing the things they are told to do. She wants me to use my initiative. Micro management is a pet hate of hers so the last thing she will want is to do so to me.

 

Thank you @joe01, I am really glad that comes through in my writing and it's really kind of you to say so. We were in love before we started using chastity in our relationship. What has happened since has really pleased and surprised us both as now our love is even deeper and more intense than it has ever been. It is at the core of the reason why this is now how we both want to carry on.

When she got home from work yesterday my Wife kissed me and the feelings I had for her nearly brought me to my knees. It wasn't a hugely erotic kiss but the feelings that welled up inside me were so intense. I asked her why didn't I feel like this before, and she said she didn't know. I told her that I always want to feel like this for her and she smiled, stroked my face and kissed me again.

I'm getting a contained attempt at an erection just writing about my Wife kissing me. How wonderful is that!?

 

It has been a difficult week for me. Not for the same reason as I used to have, worrying about my chastity, but because my Wife didn't let me pleasure her. This wouldn't normally be an issue but I had been on my own for nine days when she came back to Germany without me, it had been a few days since before then that we had been intimate and I am now well over a month since my last orgasm, so the fizz has definitely started.

I kept telling myself off for sulking and tried hard not do do so. It wasn't that I didn't get any attention at all, my Wife does something pretty much every day. One day she kissed me, hard, her hand cupping my face while she bit my lip. She regularly pats my bottom. One evening she let me stroke her body and legs sensually when we had gone to bed. Yesterday she made my legs weak while we were out shopping, after she played with my bottom when I bent over to look for something! Luckily I had the shopping trolley to lean on.

But I did not have a chance to get really intimate. This was fine unless all we were doing was sitting with the tv on while she complained there was nothing to watch. Great, I thought, I'm glad nothing is on, now we can go and have som fun...

Nope.

She did notice I was sulking but also noticed that I tried to keep myself occupied when those feelings hit. Las night she told me that it was ok, that she understood. I told her that it definitely wasn't ok, that this is all about her desires, not mine, even if my desire is to please her. Just because there was a reason for my mood doesn't make it ok. She didn't punish me however, but instead gave me a big hug and kiss.

I told her she was far too nice and made her laugh by acting out a meeting with a judge who I was asking to grant me a divorce on the grounds that my Wife refused to boss me around and shouted at me when I tried to do the ironing. Another guy offered me his Wife as a swap as she was a complete bitch! I love it when my Wife laughs and smiles at me. Her smile lights up her entire face.

 

Last night however I did get a chance to pleasure my Wife, and it was wonderful.

As usual we started in the shower, she let me wash her back and then, when it was my turn, again had me collapse through the amount of stimulation she gave me.

I got to look up and see her smiling down at me, the water running off of her ample breasts onto my face. She lifted her right leg and put it over my shoulder, putting her pussy right into my face. In porn films they do this so easily but the fountain of water nearly drowned me! I still loved the opportunity to hold her legs and lick her pussy, I just had to come up for air occasionally.

In her bedroom I was told to give her a massage. If you have access to the UK based Body Shop (there are a few in Germany) I highly recommend their range of massage oils. The only one my Wife doesn't like is the lavender one, she says it makes her smell like an old lady! Last night we used the Thai Lemongrass oil that smelled fantastic.

I thoroughly enjoyed massaging her back, buttocks and legs. She lay on the bed horizontally so when I had finished I was able to kneel on the floor to lick her bottom. This was such a wonderful experience, the squeaks she made confirmed she was enjoying it as much as I was.

After a while she knelt up and gave me the most wonderful access to her ass and her pussy. This was the view I had a while back where I lost control. Now I know this is a risk I keep myself in check but it isn't easy. The view is utterly incredible. I can see her pussy as I shove my tongue inside and watch her lips part and move around my tongue. I can see her button just before I flick it with my tongue. It does drive me mad with desire.

I tried something a bit new but hardly revolutionary and put some lube on my fingers and massaged them inside her pussy while I liked her bottom. She obviously liked this, I could feel the inside of her ripple around my finger and she started to fuck herself while I held my fingers still.

When she was ready for the finish she turned over and I had the opportunity to lick her pussy to orgasm. I had my finger inside her when she came and felt the tightening and rippling of her pussy when she did so. It was wonderful. I knelt with my head between her legs, her legs over my shoulders and her feet resting on my back, both of us panting and coming back down.

This totally made up for the wait. We cuddled and laughed and talked before she yawned and announced it was time for sleep. A wonderful Friday evening.

 

Thanks for the idea of the yoni massage I will look it up later. We are both looking for more ways to bring us closer together in the holistic way my Wife talked about. We have both now realised that the happier we are non sexually the better we are together sexually. I am sure that is a no brainer for many people! Later today we have arranged that my Wife will have a bath while I read to her. We saw a picture of it on Tumblr and both realised we would love to do the same thing.

I used to read to our children when they were young and my Wife enjoyed it too. We have got some nice smelly stuff for the bath and it will be a nice environment for her to relax after a busy and hectic weekend.

I can't wait!

 

Ok, just read the yoni massage link. Um, I misunderstood haha! I thought you said it was a finger massage. That is most definitely not a non sexual massage!!!!

I shall definitely be telling my Wife about it though. Yes indeedy!

 

@KatyTwilight if I am massaging my Wife's vagina and labia there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to keep it non sexual! I think it is going to be my Wife telling me to take deep breaths and relax, not me her! I've been chaste for over a month now and I'm about ready to pop.

I think it's going to be a fun conversation trying to convince her that it is an alternative massage and not me trying to have my way with her pussy.

 

I have just given my Wife a yoni massage!!! And she had an orgasm! It was the most incredible, sexual, spiritual experience. She absolutely loved it.

Thank you @KatyTwilight you really have no idea what a wonderful gift you have just given me. I am forever in your debt!

 

I am still in awe or what happened last night. The link that @KatyTwilight sent me about Yoni massage is responsible for the single most incredible thing that has happened to me since my Wife agreed to be my keyholder last October. It was so incredible that it is definitely one of the top three sexual experiences of my entire life.

And yoni massage is not sexual. It is a different approach to massaging the female sexual organs. It is sensual and spiritual and focuses on relaxation.

I have been married for 26 years and with my Wife for 28 years. I have never been able to get her to have an orgasm with my fingers in all of that time. I had no idea what to do and this is one area where porn films are worse than useless. The techniques they use do not work in any way at all when it comes to my Wife, in fact they turn her off from sex rather than get her off. My Wife does not masturbate much, if at all, so she was unable to show me what I should do.

The evening had started with no intention of trying to get her to orgasm. In fact I was aiming to do the opposite, spend an evening with my Wife focusing on being her husband and friend. She had a bath with some muscle relaxing scented bubble bath wth the light low, me sat next to the bath, reading a book out loud. She lay, relaxing, letting the stress and aches of a busy day soak away. She has said that I am definitely going to read to her from now on as she realy enjoyed it. It has been many years since I did this, since our children grew out of wanting to be read to, and she has missed it.

We had swum that morning in the local outdoor Olympic sized swimming pool so her shoulders were aching. She lay on her bed and told me to massage her shoulders for her. I knelt on the floor at her head and massaged her back and shoulders, finding a knotty area that made her groan with pleasure as I gave it extra attention. She then turned onto her back and I massaged her breasts and abdomen, getting in some occasional Spider-Man kisses as I did so.

We started talking at this point and I took the opportunity to introduce her to the idea of yoni massage. I had only read her the first few paragraphs of the link Katy sent me when my Wife told me that she wanted to try it. I finished reading the rest of the article to her and then we got ready.

I put pillows under her neck, bottom and knees. She was already relaxed from my massaging and the bath, so we started deep breathing. She giggled at trying to get our breathing in synch but as we continued through the experience she did have to concentrate on this several times.

I poured massage oil over her yoni mound until it trickled down each side of her outer labia. I then started to massage her mound, very gently, while she concentrated on her breathing. Then I massaged first her left outer lip, then the right, gently holding the lips between my right thumb and forefinger. My Wife remarked how I had never concentrated on that area before, and we talked about how nice it was. Throughout the experience she told me how hard to press, how fast to move and what felt nice or what was too much.

I then found and stoked her inner labia, first her left lip, then the right. This started to arouse her and I watched as ripples of pleasure literally resonated from her yoni along her thighs and up her abdomen. This was where I too had to relax and concentrate on my breathing. I used my forefinger to gently stroke her clitoris, moving in circular movements. She closed her eyes and started working on keeping her breathing under control, her noises of enjoyment further arousing me.

She told me her clitoris was becoming too sensitive so I moved to the next stage. I inserted my lubed right middle finger inside her vagina, palm upwards in the come here position. I started stroking the inner top of her yoni, finding the soft spongy area of her g spot indicating how aroused she was.

It wasn't long before she really had to work on controlling her breathing. Occasionally she would open her eyes and look at me, I had started off lying between her legs but when I inserted my finger found it was better if I knelt on the floor instead. I used my finger to stroke as much of her inner yoni as I could until it started to really grip my finger, so tight I could barely move it. I used my left hand to massage her mound and abdomen which she thoroughly enjoyed. On one upwards stroke of her abdomen, just brushing the underside of her right breast, she let out a gasp of pleasure that further aroused me.

All of a sudden my Wife arched her back, clamping down on my finger, pushing my right hand into her labia. She relaxed and started moving in time with the strokes of my middle finger. She arched her back again, her head disappeared from view, all I could see was the line of her abdomen and her breasts, up above me. She partially relaxed again, her eyes closed tight and her breathing deep and slow.

Her leg started to shake. And then it happened. I moved my left hand from her abdomen so that my left thumb just brushed her clitoris. My Wife had a shattering orgasm on my finger. Her whole body scrunched up, my right middle finger inside her, her legs shook and her breasts were squashed together as she held herself rigid. After seconds that stretched for years her head collapsed back onto the pillow and she bucked around my finger.

When she couldn't take any more she pushed my finger out with her yoni muscles and held my wrist tight with her hand while she floated back down. I was speechless at what I had just witnessed. I stood up and my Wife let out a shocked gasp at our how far my Holy Trainer was being pushed away from me. The attempted erection was so large that I could barely stand up straight. I lay down next to her and she laughed, telling me to try and lie on my front, which of course I couldn't do.

You enjoyed that then, she said to me. She also told me that the experience was different and incredible for her.

Yes. I enjoyed it. Immensely. By not trying to bring her to orgasm, following the instructions of this link I gave her an incredible orgasm. Of course I enjoyed it.

The entire point of a yoni massage is relaxation without attempting to receive anything in return. It fits perfectly into our chastity arrangement. It fits perfectly into this growing exploration of each other. I feel like I know my Wife even better.

Thank you @KatyTwilight. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have given me the most incredible gift.

 

Sunday has been a day of rest after a really busy day Saturday. I have been aroused to a new level the entire day after the Yoni massage experience last night. The image of my Wife having an orgasm from the massage is something that will stay with me for a long time. When she came downstairs for breakfast she held me and told me that I can definitely do that again.

I have received a lot of attention off of her today. She has teased me several times, making me feel aroused with the slightest of touches. I really am on the edge all the time, several times today I have felt close to having some kind of orgasm. The main time she had me losing the ability to think was our shared shower and then on the bed doing our German language lessons. She caressed my back, tweaked my nipple, stuck her fingers in my ear and spanked me for losing my focus. It was incredible.

When I had finished I lay on my front, looking at her. She was naked, lying on her side, looking back at me. She looked happy and content. I felt like I was about to explode. So I asked her the question. And this time I meant it, and I didn't mean it, but I wasn't saying it just to hear her say no.

Can I cum?

No.

I really want to cum.

No.

...

Can I lick your pussy?

No.

I really want to lick your pussy.

Well, you can't.

And she went downstairs, telling me to make her a drink. Later, when we went to bed, she let me kiss her feet and then her back. She wouldn't however spank me for asking her again if I could lick her pussy. She knew that I wanted to, and that I was being naughty on purpose!

 

My Wife has joined the Mansion. She won't post as much as I do, but she did agree to join. I told her that some of you said you would like to chat, share information or just say hello. I hope she learns as much from you as I have, the members of the mansion have helped me so much over the months of my membership so far.

Welcome to the mansion my lovely darling Wifey, Mistress Elle. @Our Arrangement

(Our Arrangement is what she called our use of chastity and the acknowledgement of the FLR we live, right back when we had hardly started last year. It struck a chord with me and it is still how I think of what we are doing now.)

 

@KatyTwilight you don't need to apologise! And I totally understand about the difficulties of trying to write on your phone. It's hard enough using an iPad like I do most of the time.

Could you imagine having a job where you gave women yoni massages!? I don't think my Wife and I ever managed to keep the massage completely non sexual, but we were not seeking or expecting an orgasm. It just became very obvious very quickly how aroused my Wife was becoming. When the orgasm surged through her it was a marvelous experience for both of us. I have the image of it happening, how she looked, sounded, moved, vividly in my memory.

I have put the yoni massage in my top three sexual experiences and yes, you were very definitely part of it. Without your link I would not have discovered it. As I said I had never before managed to use my fingers to bring my Wife to orgasm so this was really special.

I think the key point was we had, without realizing it, prepared the environment and my Wife for this to happen. She was very relaxed and receptive. This is the key for you and your Wife, I think. She has to be in the correct mind set first. That said I honestly think she will thoroughly enjoy it even if she doesn't orgasm.

 

This week just got better. My Wife's latest development is ratcheting up the tease side of tease and denial. She had me speechless last night and was still giggling about it this morning while we had breakfast.

We are going on holiday tomorrow but to get cheaper flits we are driving to an airport four hours away from our house a day in advance. There is a whole bunch going, friends, family, kids and olds, all off for a week of sun, sea and, for some but probably not me, sex. My Wife decided that she needed to get some fun in before we went as opportunity in our apartment is likely to be limited.

Things started in the now normal way. She has to be spotless to feel sexy, so into the shower we went. She was obviously up for a good evening as she was laughing before she got out of the shower at me curled up in a heap on the floor, wishing we had a bigger shower cubicle. She had said we were going to try ruining my orgasm but first I had to give her a back massage, bottom lick and pussy lick orgasm. She was extremely responsive to my attention and I was in heaven. The fact that this was happening on a week day made it very special.

When it was my turn I had a pillow put under my bottom and she went to work with her wand massager. The feelings were intense and, after a short period, I had to tell her to stop as they got too intense. A single dribble of cum came out of my Holy Trainer. She was disappointed that it wasn't a spurty ruined orgasm but as we are still learning she was ok with it. I think the problem with the HTv2 was when it was touched by the massager it vibrated, made a loud buzzy noise, but didn't pass any of the vibrations on to me.

What was incredible was when she got her hands round my balls, pulled hard and held the massager against them. If she had left things like that for a bit I'm pretty sure she would have got her spurty! I think she is a bit worried about hurting me though, so yanking my balls is still something she needs to get used to.

When we had calmed down we started our German language lessons. Her back was aching so she lay in the floor and started doing stretching exercises. She suddenly noticed that I had stopped following my lesson, and was watching her, mesmerized by her nude body, her legs raised and parted, her hands pressing her breasts.

This is where the night went in a new direction. All of a sudden she started moving her fingers over her body, up to her breasts, around and over her nipples. Slowly, slowly, back down towards her pussy, over her abdomen and then back to her breasts. This was very new. In the past when my Wife has teased me this way she has not really believed in herself, has put a jokey edge in what she was doing. Not this time. I could tell she was watching my reaction, fully understanding the power she had realised she had over me.

When I finished my lessons, somehow stumbling my way through them, she smiled at me and told me the night was over. I told her that it was still four minutes before her bedtime, and how when her hands had got close to her pussy I had started to feel dizzy. In that case, she said, and now her hands did go to her pussy, and she started rubbing her clit! For the first time in our relationship I watched my Wife masturbate. It was glorious, and I was devastated when she stopped, when she said that was enough and packed me off to bed.

This morning she told me I had looked like a confused schoolboy, not sure of what was going on, absolutely dumbstruck.

I'm in awe of my Mistress Elle. Hopefully she will get time to join in with the mansion on her @Our Arrangement profile, when we are back from the holiday. If there is Internet at the apartment I will try and get her to start a thread or respond to some so she can get a feel for how people like to share information and ideas.

One final thing. About half an hour after I went to bed I was relaxing, reading on my iPad. All of a sudden I felt a warm, almost hot pee like sensation in my device. I didn't think anything of it until a while later when I suddenly realised I was very wet. I had let go of a stream of clear fluid, warm and a bit sticky. It didn't have the colour or smell of cum. Another first.

 

For the first period of my keeping my journal in the Mansion my concerns were partly about things like was my Wife truly interested in what we are doing? Would she really want to keep doing this indefinitely or would she get bored and want to stop? Would she ever start to do any of the things that I read about, the tease and denial that turns a feeling of being denied and forgotten to denied and tormented and made to feel incredibly horny.

In this new phase those earlier concerns have totally been put to bed. She has proven in no uncertain terms that she is fully engaged in my chastity and very definitely fully in charge. This is no longer just a game. She is having fun (as am I. Mostly.) but it is not a game.

Now my thoughts are running around things such as what is she going to do next? How far does she want to take this? How long are my periods of denial going to be from now on? We started off doing a few weeks, now I am basically denied for a minimum of six weeks and she seemed to take it in her stride when she denied me for ten weeks! In fact she really likes how I respond to her in the period after a minimum of three weeks denial, so is she ever going to let me have a full orgasm again? Each time she realises that something she does has a huge affect on me and that she likes it, she does it again plus something else, so how far will she go?

I had to apologise to my Wife last night. After months of her Saturday rule (only being allowed to talk about chastity or sexual matters on a Saturday) being easy to keep, now I am struggling to go five minutes before I think of something I want to talk about. The thing is so much is happening that I am in a daze half the time. I still have the image of her slowly and sensually stroking her body and breasts and then rubbing her clit burnt into my brain.

The first time I begged her to let me cum it took me eight weeks to get to the stage where I was horny enough to really mean it. Please, I am begging you, I need to cum. This time it took me four weeks. The difference is definitely the amount I am being teased. It isn't every day and it isn't always intense, but I do get some kind of acknowledgement every day of her love and involvement.

 

We are going on Holiday today! Yippee! Well, we go tomorrow, but we are driving to the Airport today and staying at a friends house who lives near. A whole bunch of us are going to spend a week in a few apartments on a Greek Island. We can see the Aegean Sea from our porch and there is a bus that will take us all to the beach. Sun, sea, sand (well, apparently rocks) and for some, perhaps some sex. Maybe me too, who knows!

There are young children going too, and lots of us sharing the apartments, so my Wife has decided that I shall remain unlocked during the day. Also because of the risk of being led away to explain the plastic lump in my trousers I am not travelling locked. When we were finalising the arrangements earlier this week she told me that if it was just me and my her travelling then I would stay locked. As a compromise we are still taking my HTv2 so I can wear it at nights, and she has the opportunity of making me wear it to tease me.

I didn't book the apartments so I am completely unaware as to whether there is any internet. If there is I will carry on posting in the evenings but otherwise I am back home in 9 days time.