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Love and Denial - Year 2

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Jasmic68, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. I haven't been keeping up with my journal despite quite a bit happening over the past few weeks. My heart just hasn't been in it, partly because of issues in our private lives and partly because of issues within the Mansion itself. I did briefly consider quitting the Mansion altogether but was talked down from that feeling by a few significant members. I'm not sure that I could tear myself away anyway, it has become such an integral part of who I am now.

    So, maybe a highlights reel of some of the recent events, in no particular order.



    I have been epilating my legs, as part of the rules Elle has given me, for several months now. My leg hairs have got thinner and easier to remove in that time but I also killed the epilator we had used. We couldn't afford to replace it so I had shaved a few times but this was time consuming, only lasted a very short time and left sharp scratchy hairs.

    Yesterday (Saturday) we went to Mediamarkt, a German store that sells everything from cameras and phones to washing machines and coffee makers. Elle bought me a new Braun Epil. Silk 7 and it is fantastic. We went to her room early and she made me lie down on a sheet on her bed and went to town on the back of my right leg. It was just as well she stopped when she did as a mixture of the vibrations, the pain, her stroking my legs and my intense feelings of submissiveness that her doing this to me had brought me very close to orgasm.




    As I went to bed on Friday evening I asked permission to remind Elle of something, which she granted. I told her that she had said several weeks ago she wanted a yoni massage, but we hadn't had the right time to do it. She thought it was an excellent idea and said we could do it Saturday night.

    After she had epilated me on her bed and then had fun with me in the shower afterwards she decided she didn't want the yoni massage, which really disappointed me and I complained, then immediately apologized. She forgave me as she realised how much I was looking forward to it. She told me to read to her instead, and I read the latest chapter of Bedding the Billionaire to her. It had some really steamy sex in it which I just managed to get through.

    The sex actually aroused Elle and to my delight she decided she did want a yoni massage after all. It was utterly fabulous, she had a wonderful time breathing deeply and sinking into the intense feelings of arousal that the massage induced. When she had her orgasm the build up was slow, intense and powerful. I could barely move my right middle finger that I had inserted into her yoni to stimulate her g spot, her orgasm was so intense.




    Although Elle is having fewer orgasms this year than she did last year she is still having more than she did prior to my chastity. Lots more. The thing she loves the most though are all the non sexual intimate things we do together. We are looking for more and more ways to increase this. For instance I read to her regularly, several times a week and not just when she has a bath. Sometimes I apply body lotion to her after she showers. Massage oil is a precursor to a sexual activity (with an orgasm for her, not for me, obviously!) Body lotion isn't. It's a precursor to just being close and sharing touch.

    Another thing we have done is a bit of a chastity cliche, but as is often the case it is a cliche for a reason. We have bought a foot bath bowl and I regularly give her a foot soak, then I wash her feet, then massage them with some foot creme. There is something gloriously submissive about kneeling at her feet while I wash and massage them. Elle absolutely loves the attention.

    We have also watched YouTube videos about how to give a pedicure and how to apply nail polish. This has helped me do her nails far better and now the varnish stays looking good for a few weeks where before it would only last a few days. The amazing thing about the varnish is it does the same thing for Elle as my device does for me. My device reminds me, all the time, about what we are doing. Elle sees the varnish on her toes and it reminds her of what we are doing, what I am willing, eager to do for her. When she wears open toe shoes and is complimented at work about how good they look it makes her really happy.



    So we continue to have fun, it helps us get through the crap we are experiencing in our private lives, and continues to strengthen our relationship.
     
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  2. Mistress Jules
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    It sounds like you two have managed to work through the crap and still found time for each other. I know this is not easy when real life throws stuff at you so kudos for managing to do this.
     
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  3. Thank you @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules. I have read your posts about your own issues and how you have worked through them. Elle and I have talked about how the increased levels of intimacy have got us through this year and actually managed to strengthen our relationship at a time when it could have been torn apart. I asked her if she wanted to take a sabbatical from the chastity (for her relief, not my own!) and she looked at me like I had gone mad.

    I cannot go into details about the awful year we have had, but it involves lawyers, barristers, court appearances and the possibility of a catastrophic outcome for a very close family member. Neither I or Elle have done anything wrong or are involved in any way other than as witnesses to one small aspect, but the impact is still huge. If August goes badly for us then I don't know how we are going to get through the next few years.
     
  4. please @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 i hope that everthing gets better for you and Elle and please don't leave here cos i like you lots.
     
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  5. Thank you @jemima@jemima that is really sweet of you to say. I am not planning on going anywhere. I like this place too much to leave.
     
    jemima likes this.
  6. And, if I left, where would I write stuff like...

    What the hell just happened!?

    After an evening of me giving Elle a foot soak and foot massage before removing her old toe nail varnish ready for reapplication, then having a shower, Elle told me to put my device back on. I very innocently told her that i might struggle as I was more than a little aroused.

    Does this help, she said, tweaking my left nipple really hard.

    That cascaded into Elle masturbating me with her feet, then grabbing my hand and using it to masturbate herself!!!!

    I'm still in shock...

    I just had an orgasm all over my Wife's feet. We have never done anything like that before in our entire relationship.
     
  7. Elle. Oh my, what have I unleashed!? Was this sexy, adventurous, dominant creature always in there?

    Over the time we have been developing our use of male chastity and working towards an FLR we have talked a lot about what we want and how we want to happen, about how we feel, our hopes and worries. Well, when I say 'we', I mostly mean 'me.' Elle has listened, answered questions and very, very occasionally, brought up topics of her own. She has taken things slowly, as I have written many times, sometimes so slowly it feels like no progression is being made at all. Then, completely out of the blue, I realise a fundamental thing has changed.

    Wednesday night. Elle had told me to go to bed, that she had work the next day. I told her that because she was making me feel aroused I would struggle to get my Holy Trainer back on. Instead of telling me off or doing something to stifle my erection she started having fun with me.

    The Elle pre-chastity never tweaked my nipples. Post chastity there was hardly a breath before she said 'does this help?' and started rubbing, tweaking, licking and pulling first one nipple, then the other, saying things like, 'ooh, its getting hard. Isn't that helping your erection to go down? No? Oh, how about this?' then she started sticking her tongue into my ear, biting my earlobe. All the time this was happing I could hear her chuckling to herself.

    At some point, she rolled onto her back and pushed her feet up against my penis, squashing my balls really hard up against me. She then positioned her feet so they enveloped my penis and while the lower foot squashed my balls the upper foot started massaging my abdomen and penis. Before I could take stock of what was happening my body took over and I started to thrust. I was having sex with my Wife's feet!

    I could tell, very quickly, that I was close to having an orgasm. The strange thing was I wouldn't let myself fully go without her permission. It had been a week short of four months since my last full orgasm and I was ready to explode. I asked for permission to cum, half expecting her to say no, but she didn't, she breathlessly told me I was allowed. Hearing her talk I could tell how turned on she was by what we were doing and that was it, there was no going back. With only a few more thrusts I came, all over her feet and legs, in a howling, overwhelming expulsion of passion.

    Here is one of the changes. In all of the time we have been together, nearly 30 years, Elle has never let me cum anywhere apart from inside her. She has always said she hates the smell and texture of cum so this was an incredible moment. But, before I could relax, Elle had grabbed my hand, pushed it hard up against her clit and made me realise it was now my turn to masturbate her. Lying to her right, using my left, weak hand, wasn't easy, but for a while I managed to illicit moans of pleasure from her. But it obviously wasn't enough. Elle grabbed my hand, pushed it harder against her clit and started rubbing herself, moving my hand up and down.

    So, I have just cum all over her feet and legs, and she is so turned on she is using my hand to masturbate herself with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What is happening!?

    When she orgasmed I could hardly breathe. It took a long time for us both to calm down and, when she did, she told me I had to clean up her legs. Now, I know it is a lot of peoples fantasies to lick up their own cum or even other peoples and I have told Elle this and she has never commented about it. I waited for further instruction, asked her if she meant I needed to get a towel, which she agreed to. I wasn't chickening out I just didn't want to push things too far and gross her out. If she had said no, lick it up, I would have done.

    As we lay together I told her that what had just happened had completely blown my mind. The way it just happened, the way she got turned on by me literally having sex with her feet, left me feeling almost dizzy. The post orgasmic loss of my erection did however mean I was able to get my device back on and finally stumble out of her room. She looked so content as I left.

    For some people what I have described is nothing, a normal almost vanilla sex session. For us this is a major step. She did this, all of it. I was a passenger.
     
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  8. During our Saturday chat I brought up the Wednesday night episode and how it made me feel. I was obviously very turned on by it and very grateful for the orgasm, my third this year, but I was also a bit frightened and very stunned by it. Elle wondered what I meant. I told her that it was a demonstration of just how far we have come and how she is in control. I have literally no say in anything that happens. I am stunned because when I did, the having sex with her feet would never have happened. Not because I wouldn't have wanted to but because I would never have had the guts to ask, and I don't think she would have thought that it was something fun she would want to do.

    The difference is therefore even more stark. Not only did she masturbate me with her feet, the fact that I came all over her feet and legs turned her on so much she masturbated herself with my hand! I am realising that Elle is just getting into her stride and that there truly is no way back.

    Whenever I read about a wife who is not interested in agreeing to be her husbands Keyholder, that she thinks its weird or disgusting, that she doesn't want to be responsible for their husbands orgasms, I think about the journey Elle has made. I wish that I could help them see the benefits of all of this from her perspective. When she started she felt guilty not letting me cum, she didn't understand why I wanted her to do so. It took months before she realised that I enjoyed her not letting me cum almost as much as I did having an orgasm and that after a few weeks my response to her was so incredible it turned her on as well. She realised that she could have those cuddles without worrying about whether I would think it meant she wanted sex, as she was the only one who was allowed to decide whether it did or not.

    She also realises that if she wants something, she gets it. If that is me to go to bed and let her sleep, even after she has teased me to the point of collapse, then she gets it. if she decides that she wants to be pleasured in some way. then she gets it. And this freedom means she wants me to pleasure her far more often than she ever did pre-chastity. That is what happened Saturday night.

    It had got quite late. She had had a bath while I read to her, then she laid on her bed to let her hair dry whilst I read another chapter of her latest book. There was quite a sexy scene in it and although earlier on she had decided that she didn't want to have any sex play she suddenly changed he mind. She told me that she wanted a yoni massage, it was relatively quick and she was already relaxed and ready to go.

    This demonstrates yet more changes in this lovely woman. Whenever she has had a yoni massage before it has been something we discussed in advance, and she has always asked me if I wanted to give her a yoni massage. As if I would ever say no! This was the first time she told me she wanted one on the spur of the moment and the first time she actually told me to do it and didn't ask.

    Having given her a Yoni massage very recently I didn't need to read the instructions. I have them on an open tab in my iPad as in the past there was quite a delay in between massages. I got the pillows for under her head, her hips and each knee. I used massage oil to massage her abdomen, breasts and thighs. I then started the yoni massage proper, telling her to breathe slowly and deeply. I watched as she sank into the bliss of the moment, and felt her as she built up towards her orgasm.

    Another change was that usually Elle would shut her eyes and relax into what I was doing. This time she occasionally opened them and watched me. Also at one point she told me to press lighter, the first time she has ever given me an instruction.

    Again I urge anyone who hasn't yet tried a Yoni massage, either as receiver or as giver, to do so. It is an amazing experience for both participants and fits into the chastity lifestyle perfectly. In fact I would think that a chastity Keyholder would be the perfect example of a receiver. The fact that there should be no reciprocation is part of the idea behind the Yoni, and this lack of reciprocation is a major hurdle for many women to get over. Elle successfully stopped feeling guilty about this months ago, and as a result absolutely loves receiving a Yoni massage.
     
  9. Wow. Has it really been over two weeks since my last update?

    I may have said this before, and probably quite recently, but this lack of journal posts is nothing to do with a lack of things happening. I just don't seem to have the urge to write as much as I used to. Elle continues to slowly develop as a Mistress and doesn't waver in her established routines. I am locked up pretty much 24/7 with an occasional release for hygiene, as always.

    We recently had a chat about how chastity has developed for us. I had remarked that she had changed me and this had actually distressed her. She didn't want to be like the stereotypical woman who marries a guy and then decides they want to change them into someone different. I assured Elle that the changes were things that I appreciated, that I like the new me. I am more stable, less quick to become angry or sullen, quicker to apologise and realise when I have crossed a line.

    Chastity is one of the things that she has done that I hadn't actually considered to the depth that she has taken it. The fact that my orgasms now come after ever longer periods of denial is very much down to her. I told her that I had never thought about going two, three, four, even five months between orgasms, that this development was utterly down to her. Her response? A giggle. A giggle, a great big smile, a hug and a kiss, followed by her agreeing that this was true.

    My chastity makes her happy.
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  10. Last weekend Elle and I had a trip to London. It was our final weekend before the private issue we have faced for over a year is due to head into its final, potentially horrible conclusion. We had decided the only thing to do was to have as good a time as possible.

    We spent Friday night in a hotel that should have cost over £600 but, because of the wonders of Hotels.com, we got for less than a quarter of that. The view wasn't much, which given we were on the 16th floor of 17 was a bit disappointing, but we didn't spend a lot of time looking out of the windows. The entire room was controlled by remote and the lighting was crazy romantic. There were strip lights along the base of the bed that you could control the brightness of at the touch of a button. The bed itself was huge and really high, with plenty of room for us to relax and have fun.

    Oh, one small note to consider. Elle had 'forgotten' the key to my Holy Trainer in Germany. No release for me!

    Elle even gave me permission to do whatever I liked to her. I did point out how unfair this was as we had left all of our toys behind and I couldn't be let out of my device, but she just laughed. She doesn't make these offers very often. Because of how much she values non sexual intimacy I decided that what she needed was a sensual cuddle rather than any oral pleasuring by me. We talked a bit about my decision and Elle appreciated my choice.

    But then she changed everything. Kiss my bottom, she said, turning onto her side. She has hardly ever said something like that to me, rather leaving me to work out whether I am allowed, or to ask for permission. It is making me swell in my device just remembering how my breath was taken away with her instruction.

    I did as I was told, starting with light kisses on her buttocks, before slowly working my tongue between her cheeks until I was licking her anus and really getting into it. My legs were up by her head and she played with my testicles as I licked. I was having to hold onto my arousal as I didn't want to get too frantic, the noises she was making were so erotic I struggled not to let go completely.

    After a while she turned over and told me to lick her pussy. I started in the same position, with my head between her legs and my legs up near her head. I have never managed to make Elle cum when I am this was around, I always have to turn around so I am looking up at her instead. This time was no different but using the techniques I have learnt from the Yoni massages I got much closer. I did however turn around when I could tell she was close but not getting closer.

    The difference in her response was startling. The very first time I licked her clit her entire body tensed and her hands clamped on my head. She started moaning and raising her buttocks up off the bed. I engulfed her clit in my mouth, pressing my face into her, sucking on her whilst pushing my tongue inside her pussy.

    Oh, she exclaimed, that's good!

    And then she tensed once more, before having a long, intense, slowly increasing in power orgasm.

    I don't know when we will have the chance to play again. Certainly not next week when the final chapter of our stress is written. If it resolves in our favour I can see it being a while until she is ready again. I I have no idea what will happen if it doesn't resolve in our favour. The events I have written about in my journal make it a no brainer that I will wait for her to be ready again.
     
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  11. It is done. Over with. The pain, grief, fear, worry and feeling of helplessness that has gripped Elle and I for the past year is finished. I am still numb with shock that it finished in our favour. Elle and I were only on the periphery but completely mixed up with the issue. Now we can get on with our own lives again.

    ---

    After our five hour drive home from the ferry we were exhausted so took things easy all afternoon. (I do enjoy driving in Germany. 100 mph is fun.) Elle decided she wanted some pampering to get things going again so, after a shower in which she let me know who is boss, I gave her a foot massage and after I had finished that read to her.

    I have started reading another sexy novella. My reaction to reading her the sex scenes turns Elle on more than the actual sex scenes do. In this particular book, Bedding the best friend, in chapter one a butt plug was mention. Elle's eyes lit up and she instructed me to go and get my butt plug and put it in. For the second time ever she watched as i lubed my bottom and slid the plug in. It was an intense experience, especially when I read a section about a sexy daydream. Elle loved it.
     
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  12. That is wonderful news, so pleased that things have been resolved, must be a great relief for you.
     
  13. Thank you. The feeling of relief is indescribable. Just over a year of our lives, thousands of pounds, a ridiculous amount of miles travelled and an immeasurable emotional impact has finally come to an end. That will take time to get over. I am still having problems sleeping but hopefully the stress will dissipate.
     
  14. Glad to year your finally out the other end. Hopefully lighter times ahead.
     
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  15. Last night was the first opportunity I have had to give Elle some sexual attention since the end of our personal nightmare last week. As usual I wasn't expecting anything to happen, Elle always manages to surprise me when it comes to her wanting sex.

    It followed the same 'routine' as our most regular sexual activity. Shower, I clean her back, thighs and bottom, she cleans mine, she makes me collapse from sensual overload, we retire to her bed, I give her a full body massage followed by me licking first her bottom until she reaches a high level of arousal when she turns over and I lick her pussy until she orgasms.

    However there was a difference. Firstly Elle was far more into what we were doing. I'm not saying that she wasn't in to it before, but now I could tell she was getting more aroused more quickly. This was proven by the speed with which she turned over and then the speed with which she crescendoed to her orgasm. It was also proven by the way she was moving, changing her position to make my licking hit her sweet spots, instead of lying fairly still and letting me get on with it.

    I cannot go into details about what out private issue was about, but the moment it all ended, the instant we realised that the nightmare was over, that we had our lives back, Elle very nearly collapsed. She has been an absolute rock for the past year, so strong, resolute, contained. It was obvious in that instant, of the end, that the amount of effort this took was enormous, and how much the result meant to her. I held her as she sobbed, head buried in my chest, as she took strength from me and managed to remain standing.

    This was the main reason I wasn't expecting anything. We had talked about our lives getting back to 'normal' (well, as normal as this chastity FLR lifestyle can be!) and had both agreed that we shouldn't rush into being sexual again, after the stress of the past few weeks and months. Everything that happened last night happened because of Elle. She decided that it was time and she showed me how ready she was.

    I honestly think that our chastity arrangement, where I demand nothing and only provide, only accept what I am offered, helped Elle to be ready for sex faster than would have been the case otherwise.
     
  16. Elle just told me that when she has been teasing me she likes knowing that when she sends me to my bed that I will be lying there thinking about what she has done to me. It is why she gets me to the peak of arousal before grinning at me and telling me that it is time for bed. I want to be a good boy as good boys get rewards, occasionally, but damn, I so want to be a bad boy too.
     
  17. I am still trying to process something that Elle said to me last night.

    Elle doesn't tell me much about what is going on in her head. I know she enjoys our arrangement, that is obvious from the smiles, the giggles and the intimacy it has brought about. She doesn't tell me much else. She hasn't told me about any of her fantasies, if she has any, she doesn't talk about things she has done that she has enjoyed and she definitely doesn't talk about things she is planning on doing. And, she absolutely, positively, definitely never, ever tells me how long I am going to be denied for.

    Last night I had read a very sexy chapter of our current book to Elle. It was very close to one of my fantasies of Elle pleasuring herself, and I became very aroused reading it to her. When it was finished we cuddled and she caressed me, continuing to keep me aroused. Our conversation came around to the length of my current period of denial which, at the writing of this is one month, one week and four days.

    I may have exaggerated that period just a teeny bit, describing it as having been for months and months and months. Elle giggled and told me it hadn't been for that long, so I reduced the description to weeks and weeks and weeks. But I also said that it felt like weeks and months and years!

    And then she said it.

    Well, it hasn't been for years. I've not denied you for that long. Yet.

    Yet!?

    Yet!?

    What do you mean? Yet!?

    I asked her if she had thought about denying me for that long and was shocked to hear that she had. It is something she is considering! She hasn't done it yet because she is still finding ways that she can do this without denying herself. I have to say that I was quite shocked.

    This is all her. None of the actual chastity procedures have come from me. I offered to wear a device for a completely different reason, as a way of covering up my modified penis. She has discovered how much she enjoys my chastity all on her own. And she is deciding where it goes and how far it goes.

    This isn't my fantasy. I don't want to be denied for years. I struggled with the longest period we have done so far of five months. I like having orgasms. This is something we would need to discuss, I would definitely need to be helped. The past year has shown me how much I rely on Elle for guidance and care.

    As with everything though she won't do anything until she is ready. She will do it at her pace and she won't set rules that bind her to anything. It is why she hasn't used a dice game scenario. It takes away her dominance and control. That doesn't mean she hasn't considered a dice game, she has, but the rules would be set and followed at her discretion.

    A rare glimpse into her thoughts.
     
    Mash2214 likes this.
  18. Elle and I had the time last Saturday to discuss chastity and our FLR. It was the first conversation we had had for several weeks due to our private issues. I brought up the incredible idea that she has thought about lengthening my periods of denial to something measured in years rather than months and whether she would tell me that it was going to happen. No, was her simple reply. I would just let you discover it by doing it. And then she took my breath away by saying something else, something she thought that I might say.

    "Darling, I just wondered if you was aware that you have now denied me for two years?"
    "Really? Well, how about that."
    "Am I going to be allowed to cum soon?"
    "Now, you already know the answer to that, don't you!?"

    I really don't know what to say.
     
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  19. I am having to adjust my thinking to the direction this chastity lifestyle is going in. It is a fact that Elle is fully in charge, that she gets what she wants and when she wants it. She gets the amount of sexual attention she desires and in the way that she desires. She told me to trust her to do this when we were on our Italian holiday back in April, and was disappointed in me for my attitude to wanting to ogive her more sexual attention. To her way of thinking I was topping from the bottom, that I was imposing my desires over hers and this would ruin what we have achieved.

    The way I have to change is I have to stop thinking that my job is to provide her with more and more orgasms as often as possible. This is not what she wants. What Elle wants is much, much more intimacy. She wants closeness, touch, enjoyment, free from the need to take things as far as an orgasm.

    This thought chimes in with something she said last night. I was reading to her, a book in which people are having sex, explicit, hot, steamy sex. I told her that reading the book to her was an interesting experience for me, that it was turning me on more that I was reading this stuff to her than what I was actually reading. Elle told me that it was an interesting experience for her too, and her reasoning I think explains the entire reason as t why she enjoys my chastity so much.

    Her enjoyment came from watching my reaction and the crucial fact that she could do so knowing that there was absolutely no expectation on her to do anything. I have often said that I do not understand how she can get so turned on and not feel the need to turn that desire into sex, into an orgasm. I think the knowledge that her enjoyment springs from such a fundamentally different place than my own goes part way to explaining this.

    I have read how some men struggle with this lack of reciprocity, that they seem to fear that their wife is using it as an excuse just to shut down their access to sex because they no longer want any themselves. For me they are missing the point. Sex ≠ orgasm. Or at least sex does not equal orgasm for them and it doesn't have to equal one for their partner either.

    Last night I had a shower with Elle. I washed her back and asked for permission to wash her bottom, which she granted. She washed my back during which she also washed my bottom. She does not have to ask for permission. She dried herself then lay, naked, on her bed. She told me to massage her feet, which I did. I then stood at her feet while she lay, reading her iPad, checking emails and Facebook. She then told me to read to her. The book included a very hot scene where two characters indirectly talked about wanting to have sex, a scene that had me extremely aroused.

    Elle then spent some time caressing me and telling me how much she had enjoyed the evening before sending me to bed.

    Did we have sex? Neither of us had an orgasm. I didn't touch her intimately apart from her bottom during the shower. We were both extremely aroused and both thoroughly enjoyed the experience. We were both naked, her completely and me 99% and enjoyed the intimacy this brought. To me we had something every bit as good as sex, so as far as I am concerned it was sexual.

    The other incredible thing was this was the second night in a row that something like this happened. The evening before Elle had told me to give her a full body massage with body lotion and had been quite dominant in her instructions. I was made to massage her back, her bottom, her breasts, her thighs. It left me struggling to breathe.

    Two nights in a row? When was the last time that happened!?
     
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  20. that's very very nice i think. my Mistress says that lot of men want to has spurtys all the time even if they has a cage on.
     
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  21. I agree @jemima@jemima, luckily I'm way past wanting spurtys all the time, but I am struggling with a reduced access to giving Elle orgasms. I have to calm that part of my brain down considerably.
     
  22. A brilliant week culminated in a wonderful evening last night. Elle rewarded me for being nice to her by first giving me a shower, then telling me to lie on her bed where she gave me an exquisite sensual massage. Then she let me read to her the very explicit romantic novel we are currently enjoying. Then she let me make love with her.

    I would have to go through my journal to find out how many times that has happened this year, but it is probably no more than three. It is such a privilege these days, given how she gets her pleasure in other ways. At first she was thinking of letting me have an orgasm but when I had to stop to put some penis rings on she told me to cover my penis with delay spray. This was actually a relief as I knew full well I wouldn't last long otherwise, with the spray I was able to concentrate on her.

    I cannot even begin to describe the feelings I had as she had her orgasm. A feeling of overwhelming love rushed through me, mixed with pride that I had done something for her that brought her to this peak of pleasure. I honestly wish she would want this more often, but would never try to push her in that direction.

    Note to self, I need to order more delay spray.
     
  23. Side note. The delay caused by me putting on the penis rings and delay spray meant that Elle told me I had to turn her on again. I immediately thought of the yoni massage process, of using massage that starts away from the yoni and slowly spirals in, until the recipient is almost begging for her clit to be touched. I applied some massage oil to her abdomen and thighs and gave her a massage that she thoroughly enjoyed. I used the technique of using my thumb and finger to caress each of her outer labia, a different finger to stimulate her anus and then finally, gently, caressed her clitoris.

    After we had finished I asked her how this part of our evening had gone. Elle told me it was wonderful, so intimate and absolutely perfect at getting her ready for our lovemaking. It is amazing that something so good has come out of our exploration of male chastity. I can honestly say last night was one of the best experiences of sex I have had as I was feeling so confident with what I was doing. That is a new feeling as prior to all this it was all very hit and miss.
     
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  24. Elle continues to make a recovery from the pressure she had been under for over a year. Even as her closest companion, friend, lover, husband, I had no idea how much that pressure was affecting her. On the surface she had been coping better than I had but when the pressure was released it was absolutely obvious how amazing she had been at keeping things under control. She is an incredible woman.

    The first thing that happened was an increase in the levels of non-sexual intimacy she wanted. The sorts of things we do that include me applying facemasks, foot soaks and massages, reading to her and so on. Every single night last week I pampered her in one way or another, spending hours each evening with no other distractions. Then the sensual intimacy increased. The teasing that had all but stopped came back with a vengeance. all of a sudden she rediscovered how much she likes giving my nipples a good tweak just before sending me to bed, and other such fun that is designed specifically to turn me on at the worst possible moment. (For me, not for her, she loves sending me away knowing I am fully aroused, knowing that I will be thinking about her and what she has done as she falls asleep.)

    The sexual aspect had returned the week before but this weekend it came back with a vengeance. She proved the chastity theme that a man who demands no sex but allows his Wife a space in which to control sexual decisions could end up having far more sex than he would have otherwise. Without going in to all the gory details, mixed in with the rest of our weekend Elle had a lot of fun. On Friday she actually told me to lick her bottom for the very first time. Until that moment she had either made it clear she was open to it, hinted at it or asked me if I wanted to. Being told to do it took this activity to a whole new level that I hadn't expected but loved. (Her) Orgasm of the year number 31 followed.

    On Saturday I was released from my HTv2 so we could go swimming. Throughout the day we spent time together doing all the things that really turn her on, such as gardening and making the house a happy, clean, comfortable environment. (I kid you not, I may have written before about how one way I can guarantee to be looked upon favourably is to get involved with the gardening. She knows I am not fond of it as an activity and yet I join in willingly and happily when it is done together. This always seems to make her so happy with me things develop into a more sensual/sexual activity later on, especially as the gardening leaves us needing a shower to get clean again.) Elle delighted me by telling me she wanted a Yoni Massage. Just as with her instruction for me to lick her bottom, the shift from I wouldn't mind a Yoni Massage to would you like to give me a Yoni massage and then to I want a Yoni massage has been gradual. The fact that she is now happy to almost demand, or to expect that I will be happy to do as she requests is so subtle and yet so powerful. Orgasm of the year 32 followed.

    And then the issue occurred. Before I gave Elle the Yoni massage she had let me read a chapter of her sexually explicit book to her, a chapter that included a very hot sex scene. Throughout this I was erect, aroused and struggling to keep my desire in check. Then she told me it was time for me to fulfil her fantasies. Fantasies? I asked, noticing the plural. Well, she said, we will start with the Yoni. The implication of the word 'start' was not lost on me. I was erect and aroused for the entire massage, struggling to focus on the fact that a Yoni giver expects no reciprocation.

    Almost as soon as she had come down from her orgasm she told me she wanted me to make love to her, and I was allowed to cum. Having had an erection for who knows how long I almost immediately started going soft. Arghhhh! No! Nonononono! Quick, where are the penis rings, if I get them on quick enough....

    Nope. Damn stupid penis goes soft and resolutely defies any attempt from either of us to make it hard again. Play is abandoned, both of us happy with the Yoni massage (one of the best I have ever given, building on the experience we have gained recently) and both of us disappointed by the lack of my orgasm. Disappointed? I was distraught! Elle has talked about pushing me for a longer period of denial and here she is letting me have an orgasm and my damn penis intervenes.

    I know what happened though, not that that helps. My body thought I had had an orgasm when Elle did during the Yoni massage. It was intense, feeling her muscles ripple around my finger, watching her body convulse with the waves of pleasure she was experiencing. I felt so close to having an orgasm myself, I knew if she told me to even start masturbating right then it would take just two or three strokes to push me over the edge. The delay however was enough to let me down from the precipice and once down my head got scared of heights and wasn't interested in going back up again.

    On Sunday Evening, after a day of normal life stuff, we shared yet another sensual shower, one of the most incredible we have had in recent times, and then Elle instructed me to do the ironing wearing nothing but my device. While I did so she sat on the sofa having a beer while we listened to a podcast of an interview with a member of the mansion. @AliceInBondageLand@AliceInBondageLand was talking to The Pageist about FLR. Link - http://thepageist.com/2017/03/02/episode-046-aliceinbondageland-and-flr/

    We stopped the interview several times to discuss the points raised. It was really interesting and a great opportunity to discuss what we are doing. Elle assured me that although I am coaching her with regards to what a woman in charge of an FLR can be, I am not doing it in a way that is pushing her in any one direction that meets a narrow definition that suits my desires. I am letting her find her own way, my coaching is more me telling her that I both want and like her being in charge, and the things she is doing are OK. I absolutely love doing things for her. I love the opportunity to find those things for myself, and I love it when she tells me what to do. She is gentle with her requests, they are always accompanied with a please and followed with gratitude, but the expectation is if she asks I do.

    Sunday finished with me reading to Elle a chapter of our current book followed by about two minutes of incredible teasing before being packed off to bed. Elle giggled when she saw my penis pulsing in its device, a visual indicator of the affect she has on me.
     
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  25. It has been a difficult few weeks due to illness. I caught the flu and boy, was it a doozy. An entire weekend lost while Elle told me to stay in my bed. Then a second weekend where although I was better I still wasn't up to much. Although the phrase Man Flu could be used to describe a male who is ill and sometimes legitimately, I would never have turned down that much play time voluntarily!

    So, another update for what has been happening either side of the illness.

    Elle decided to give me a weekend of making all the decisions regarding what we did with our lives, both with regards the fun bedroom stuff but also in the more usual mundane stuff. I made sure that she got to do all the things that she likes, took her out for a lunch on the Saturday and a breakfast on the Sunday. Germans love to Frühstuck at the weekend and we love to join in, there is nothing quite like a German Breakfast buffet. Full English? A Full German is also a good thing.

    On the Friday Evening I chose to give Elle a Yoni Massage. I could have chosen anything but I decided to split the weekend into two themes. One was me doing things to her, the other was her doing things to me. The Yoni was a successful evening that included a bath for her and a full massage to get her into the mood. Mood setting for a Yoni Massage is as important as the Yoni massage itself.

    The Saturday took a bit more arranging and discussion to get ready. When we listened to the podcast by Aliceinbondageland she had talked about Desire smuggling, where one of the partners isn't open and honest about what they desire but uses several different tactics to try and get what they want. We discussed how the chastity thing we have started has made this easier for Elle, she is much more able to tell me what she wants than she had ever been before. We also discussed how conversely I now find this harder. I do not want to be seen to be influencing her in any way, fearful of the ever controversial topping from the bottom.

    Elle told me that I needed to tell her what my plans were or she wouldn't have a clue what I wanted, and to stop being silly. I told her how much I enjoyed it when she took control and teased me, and how during our recent issues this part of our arrangement had virtually ceased. The main thing I enjoyed is how much she got off on it, her enjoyment of my reaction to her teasing. I was trying to explain that I wanted her to have fun doing what she wanted, not what I wanted. I knew no matter what she did I would enjoy it, so that way we both got what we wanted.

    The funny thing was I was also going to do something else that the podcast discussed, and that was to teach Elle how to 'hurt' me. Not in a really bad pain junkie type of way, but in a how I used to do things to myself back when I was allowed to masturbate. So, for instance, I bought an unscented and colour free candle. I was also going to demonstrate how she could use a boot lace to tie up and divide my testicles. Neither were used.

    To start things we had a shower where Elle really got into her dominant persona, the we got out our entire box of toys and... well, Elle displayed how much she enjoys this control thing and took over.

    I was made to lie on the bed where she thoroughly blindfolded me, strapped me down using her restraint system and she went to town. Massage oil, nipple clamps, breasts in my mouth, rubbing herself on my leg and lots of other teasing was used against me. She then got out her Lovehoney wand massager and started stimulating me with it. It was almost more than I could take, she took me to the edge of an orgasm several times but kept stopping at critical moments. I have no idea how long this went on but I know I was in a mess when she did finish.

    On the Sunday she let me give her a full body massage followed by an orally provided orgasm. It was an exquisite way to finish a weekend.

    When Elle had said that this was going to be my weekend I did sort of expect to be released from my Holy Trainer. That never happened. I remained locked up for the entire time. After everything had finished I said to Elle about this and she told me that I had never once asked to be released. I was in charge so it was up to me to decide whether or not I was caged.

    Doh!
     
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