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Love and Denial - Year 2

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Jasmic68, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. The weekend after my illness I had to convince Elle that I was up to some play time as she was going to let me have another weekend to recover. I was desperate for that not to happen though, I have given up my own orgasms and need to have access to hers!

    This time Elle had released me from my Holy Trainer. Before we started playtime I asked her whether I should put on my Penis rings and some delay spray but she said we would wait and see how things developed. After I had given her a massage and then licked her bottom (obviously with her permission!) Elle turned over and asked me if I wanted to make love. I was so dismayed that Elle noticed the look on my face and asked me what the matter was. I immediately composed myself, knelt on the floor by the side of the bed, pulled her towards me and buried my face in her pussy.

    Elle didn't need to ask what I wanted again and melted into her enjoyment of what I was doing. After she had reached her climax and calmed down again we discussed what my issue from earlier had been. It all stemmed from the recent time she had let me lick her to an orgasm and then had told me that I was allowed to make love to her and that I was allowed an orgasm. No matter what we had tried my penis had remained limp and useless. As far as my brain was concerned we had just had an orgasm, when she had one, and we didn't need another. Penis rings had no effect. Elle had let me go to bed uncaged and when I left her room I had desperately tried to get it to go hard with absolutely no effect. If I had managed I would have run back in, no doubt to be told it was too late. At no time was I going to play with myself!

    I told Elle that when she had asked this time I had realised that I would need to find the penis rings and get them on and then spray myself and wait the ten to fifteen minutes for it to take effect. That would mean basically restarting what I had already done to her so I had decided to forego another chance at an orgasm for myself and stay true to our arrangement. We discussed how if I am uncaged there is nothing wrong with her telling me to put on the rings and delay spray as part of a tease, make me think I am going to get to make love but to then deny me, to change her mind. I can wear the rings while I pleasure her and then she can decide what she wants to do when the time arrives. Stopping the fun to get ready would ruin the flow. I think the fact that she actually had wanted me to make love to her made her see this as a really good idea so I would hope she will try this at a later date.
    L-u-c-y and Mash2214 like this.
  2. We have just had a quiet few weeks and I have an observation to make. I don't want to stop being kept in chastity. I don't want Elle to give me the key to my device and let me do what I want again.

    Elle and I just had a holiday on a warm island surrounded by an ocean. It was wonderful, relaxing, fun, everything a holiday should be. But we were also surrounded by family and friends. As wonderful as the week was there was absolutely no chance for any intimacy between us. I had my device removed for the flight, more to not cause an issue that would inconvenience the other party members than spare my blushes, and due to our living arrangements it wasn't put back on until earlier this evening, when we had finally got home again.

    While it was great having erections, even though no opportunities to use them presented themselves, I also realised something else. This is just like it was before I put on a chastity device and I don't like it. It's nice, safe, and dull. Elle and I were happy, relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. But we had absolutely no fun, the spark that we have created over the past two years was completely missing.

    Elle missed it as well. So much that she was very receptive to some intimacy this evening even though she was tired after two days of traveling to get home. It further demonstrated how far we have come in the time we have been doing this, since we set up 'our arrangement'.
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  3. Elle and I had an interesting conversation about her orgasms this evening. A while back she had commented on how male I was being counting them but this evening she said that she understood more about why I am doing it. She also said she has missed them over the past few weeks and this is quite a change in her attitude towards them.

    In the past she has been ambivalent about having orgasms. She enjoyed them when they happened but didn't really miss them when they didn't. She could happily go months without and regularly did. I have also written about how she was going off cuddling me because of the pressure she felt to have sex when she didn't want it. At the time we were drifting apart sexually even though we were still very close as a couple. Now she has just had a few weeks without them and doesn't want to do that again.

    As for my counting them it is in part a way of keeping track of how successful I have been and of how many times we have been intimate together, but it is more to do with how precious each of her orgasms has become to me. I didn't realise this would happen but having given up my own orgasms hers are far more important. I treasure each and every one.

    The first eight months of this year and the last eight of last year were the worst period in our married life (because of a situation out of our control, not because of any issue between us.) It is a miracle she had any orgasms at all, it really is a testament to the power of our arrangement that she was able to be intimate with me at any point during those months. The fact that the horror of that time is over will hopefully see her return to how she was in the months before things went so badly wrong. I am proud that I was able to stand at her side and be strong for her through that period, and it is so good to see her start to blossom again.

    The nicest thing to hear was what she said after she locked up my penis again after its week of freedom, and before she packed me off to bed. She wants to do something positive about the number of orgasms she has had this year.

    I left her room with a great big smile on my face.
    L-u-c-y likes this.
  4. Always great to read your latest update! You clearly have a wonderfully intimate relationship, and you may have talked about this before, but I’m curious about why the separate bedrooms?
  5. Thanks, @Lakeman@Lakeman, it is equally good to know that others are enjoying my musings! And absolutely no worries about asking questions about anything to do with my journals or experiences, I've been writing now for nearly two years so there is a lot to read through.

    The separate bedrooms are quite simply due to my Wife being a light sleeper and me being a heavy breather. I also go to sleep later than my Wife. The interesting part about the arrangement is how the emphasis on me sleeping in a separate room has changed since we acknowledged that our marriage was an FLR.

    Before the FLR I did use to complain occasionally that I had to sleep somewhere else but that has stopped completely. It is one of the few areas where Elle has said that she is in charge and what she wants is what she gets. There have even been occasions where we have had visitors and they have taken my bedroom and I have slept on sofa cushions on the floor downstairs. We used to describe her bedroom as our bedroom but that is no longer the case. I still keep my clothes in the wardrobes in her room but it is very definitely her room and her bed.

    Elle also uses it as part of her fun with teasing me. She regularly gets me to the point of desperate arousal before announcing that it is time for me to go to bed. She loves the look of pleading on my face and recently said that it turns her on knowing that I will be in my own room, thinking about her and what she has been doing, unable to sleep and wishing I could masturbate but unable to.

    I am really glad that you have realised through my words how intimate our relationship has become. I honestly feel that I could write a book or become a counselor helping people save their marriage. It isn't rocket science, it's just about spending time together and doing things for each other that make your partner happy. Obviously we have taken this to the extreme of giving Elle the power to deny or grant my orgasms but the basic elements of how our relationship works could help anyone.
    L-u-c-y likes this.
  6. I have to say I recently had a similar experience where my body is fooled into thinking it had an orgasm when she did. Weirdest thing. I went into full refractory period. I even checked her and the sheets to see if I had accidentally had one without realizing it(never not knew before but this was new too). Nope, no cum anywhere and I did not feel an orgasm at all.

    I was dumbfounded. When she had her O, she said I could finish and as soon as she came I could feel myself wilting away, yet still plump like I just had an O. She didn’t mind a bit, she had already got hers, and doubt I would have lasted long enough for her to have another, but I certainly was.

    Glad to hear it’s happened to others.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  7. It is always good to hear that others have experienced the same thing. I am sure if I tried to explain what I am doing and what I experience to some of my friends they would look at me as if I was mad and think I was making it all up. Sometimes I even wonder if I am imagining it myself. How on earth does my brain confuse itself into thinking it has had an orgasm when it is in fact my Wife who just came? It was such an intense experience and although at the time it did feel like I was post orgasm the feeling of overwhelming desire wasn't removed. If anything by the next day it was ramped up.
    L-u-c-y and Mash2214 like this.
  8. Last night Elle asked me if I was happy.

    How do I put this so I don't allowed her to be confused, or to doubt my words?

    Ummm, I would put how I feel as.... just north of ecstatic!

    She had just...

    • Told me to have a shower with her (not asked)
    • Told me to wash her back (not asked)
    • Allowed me to soap and clean her bottom (after I had asked permission)
    • washed my back and then moved down to wash my bottom, also reaching between my legs to massage my balls. (No permission asked for. She doesn't need to.)
    • Laid down on her bed and told me to give her a massage (not asked)
    • Told me that I was to massage, not lick her bottom
    • Allowed me to lube up a finger and slide it into her bottom, massaging her for several minutes by sliding it in and out of her, making me more aroused than I have been in a very long time.
    • Turned over and told me to finish her off
    • Let me lick her pussy, telling me to go slow.
    • Had a powerful orgasm after a relatively short amount of licking, demonstrating how much she wanted my attention and efforts.
    And this was a pretty normal evening. In contrast, before chastity, we would have sex about twice a month and I would masturbate several times a week instead. A lonely, futile and ultimately unsatisfying exercise. Now I give and get more attention in a week than I used to in a month.

    So am I happy? Damn yes.
    L-u-c-y, Mash2214, Allen1987 and 4 others like this.
  9. Elle and I had another one of those conversations last night that would never of happened before our chastity journey started. I was talking to her about Maria's Diary, a powerful account of how a man encourages his wife to first dress up sexily and then to have sex with other men, to cuckold him. The thing is in much the way many men (like me for instance) experience a different reality with chastity when their wives or partners truly take over, this man lost control when his wife really did cuckold him. And boy, did she ever! She didn't stop after making his fantasy a reality.

    While reading the diary was arousing, it was also the final nail in the coffin of any lingering fantasies I had in that direction. I know for an absolute fact that I couldn't take what Maria's husband endures. I told Elle that I hold no real thoughts of encouraging her to do anything similar in the fantasies I have in my conscious thoughts but in my deep uncontrolled dreams, it is another matter.

    I talked about the dream I had had where she had a surgeon friend slice my penis in half and install the chastity device that kept the halves apart. This is not a fantasy of mine at all and I have no idea where the idea of such a device came from. But in my dream, as the device was being fitted, my Wife had first told me that now my penis was ruined and would never function as a real penis again, that the device was permanent, she had then had sex with the surgeon in the room while I laid strapped to the table, forced to watch.

    The mind blowing part of the conversation was how my Wife agreed with each section of my dream. First off, she really does know someone who she could potentially ask to safely carry out such a crazy operation. Second, she probably would tell me that my penis was now ruined and as far as she was concerned unusable. Finally, and the bit that I was really surprised at, she said in such a scenario she really would look for sex with someone else, and the surgeon friend of hers wouldn't be a bad place to start.

    The conversation also went over the difference between having an affair and cuckolding someone, in how the affair is secret and kept that way, and the cuckoldress does it with the full knowledge of the cuck. The difference between an open marriage and a cuckold marriage is then in the way the cuckoldress taunts her partner with her sexual liaisons and humiliates the cuck. The problem is the man involved in such a situation has no control over the direction his partner takes.

    Elle told me that back when we were living in a long distance relationship if I had ever stopped wanting sex with her she would have had an affair. She worked in a male heavy environment and there were many offers from men interested in having sex with her. She knows that she would have got to a point where her interest would have been stronger than her resolve to be faithful. This was quite a surprise to me as I had always thought her interest in sex was a weird mix of strong when we were together but nonexistent when we were apart. It just goes to show how much I have got to learn.
  10. The fun continued as tonight Elle told me she wanted me to give her a Yoni Massage. She was incredible, so responsive to my attention. My current period of denial nearly got the better of me though, as her body moved in the way they do when a woman is having an orgasm, I very nearly came myself. It was exquisite.
    L-u-c-y and Mash2214 like this.
  11. That post really didn't do Saturday justice. It was a great day with far more going on than a simple (albeit fantastic) Yoni massage.

    First was our Saturday talk, the one day of the week I am really allowed to ask questions and start conversations about our arrangement. Elle had taken me shopping and while we were in a fantastic sports shop had said something about taking a family member climbing. It's been years since I have done any climbing and I replied that I didn't think it was something I was comfortable doing. Elle retorted, partially joking that she didn't think that I had a say in what I did or didn't want to do as she was in charge.

    This was the inspiration for my question to Elle. Do you actually think you are in charge? I said that I asked the question because although I feel like she is in charge, because I have accepted that our relation is an FLR, she doesn't always act like she thinks it, or really believes it. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't, and that leaves me a bit confused. I don't really know where I stand with regards what I am allowed to do or even expected to do.

    Elle thought for a bit and her response was quite surprising. She actually does feel like she is in charge. When I asked her about which bits of our relationship she was in charge of she thought again and then said that most of it actually. In fact pretty much all of it. She wants to discuss things but, if after a discussion we are in disagreement about something, she has the right to decide to do what she wants.

    This is definitely a shift in her thinking, as momentous as the moment we both realised my chastity was now happening for her pleasure and wishes, not because of what I wanted. The conversation continued for a good while as I drove home from the city we had been shopping in. It left me feeling much more sure about myself and about us.

    In the evening I tried to epilate my legs but my epilator, a Braun wet and dry something or other, decided this evening it would run out of power and needed recharging. I will have to finish my legs in the morning. It had been the first time in three weeks that I had epilated my legs and my hairs had got very long. It was noticeable however that there are far fewer hairs than when I first started epilating and the hairs I have are now finer and are pulled much easier.

    Elle decided to trim my hair (on my head) and this meant we had to have another shower. Oh dear, I said. What a shame! Normal fun ensued although one unusual thing did occur. Elle had unlocked me from my HTv2 for a routine wash but during the showers while she was soaping my bottom, she reached from behind me and started caressing my penis. Elle never touches my penis! In the past two years that is probably the second or third time she has touched it and the first time she has caressed it, getting very close to masturbating it... I nearly collapsed, the feeling was so intense and unexpected.

    After I had finished the Yoni massage I stood up and went to wash my hands. When I came back Elle pointed out that my penis was dribbling. I collected a long string of precum and held it between my finger and thumb of my left hand. What do you want me to do I asked? Your usual, Elle replied. I pretended not to understand though I was shocked at what she was suggesting. In the past I have shocked her by licking up my own precum, but now she was telling me, for the first time, to lick it up. I asked her what she meant by my usual and, without hesitation, she told me to lick it up, which I did.

    I'm not sure that my feigned innocence and lack of understanding was strictly speaking submissive and I knew what she meant all along. But I really wanted her to say lick it up, I really wanted her to look like she really wanted me to. If she had been uncomfortable with it I wouldn't have pushed and would have washed my hands again. I felt extremely aroused doing it and it marks another moment of note in our development. It isn't exactly a fantasy of mine but her dominance and control is.

    The other thing we talked about was my cross dressing and the use of sex toys on me such as butt plugs. I had wanted to put a dress on earlier in the evening but since Elle has truly taken control of my activities I didn't feel like I could without permission. Elle told me that she wants me to ask if I want to cross dress and she will decide whether she will allow it. I am not allowed to sulk if she says no. I asked if i was allowed to ask for her to do things like allow me to wear a butt plug and she thought that was a good idea too, with the same rule, no sulking if she says no.

    So all in all a very good Saturday.
    L-u-c-y, bethanise and Mash2214 like this.
  12. That's awesome, @Jasmic68@Jasmic68! Sounds like she's really taking over!
  13. She is, bethanise, but in a really loving, supportive and encouraging way. It's not at all like all the grim faced dominatrixes you see on in femdom Tumblrs, and not like much of what you read here at the Mansion. She doesn't have a cruel edge or an enjoyment of humiliation. I am being told how much I am loved more than I have in a very long time. Somehow this chastity lifestyle has brought us closer together than we have ever been, and we were a very affectionate couple before.
  14. I am still trying to process what happened last night between myself and Elle. It finished off the weekend in an amazing way and just took my breath away.

    What is the general trend of the way most submissive men seek to be treated in their D/s relationship? What would be the most common fantasy relating to the type of woman that a man who wishes he was in a D/s relationship would wish for? From what I have seen on Tumblr and what I have read here, the main fantasy is for a harsh, stern, powerful woman, perhaps one who is frequently humiliating the man and has no need for his penis, aims for permanent chastity and throws away all of his male underwear, laughing at him having to sit down to pee.

    There are those who take it further and advocate for some ultra strict gynarchy, where women are all powerful and men are mere worms at their feet, fit only for castration and the occasional lick of the stupendously incredible boots that all women seem to want to wear when they are in charge.

    This is not the way Elle has taken things. She is becoming more and more loving, more and more supportive and more and more vocal about how much she cares for me and enjoys my company. We had been married for 25 years before all of this chastity arrangement started, we were best friends when we got married and stayed friends throughout that time. We had, like many couples do, a few blips along the way, but our friendship and our desire to stay together got us through those. So when I say we are really close now, closer than ever before, that is not in any way saying that chastity fixed a relationship, it improved it, way beyond anything we could have expected.

    This is also not to say that Elle is not dominant, when she needs to be she is. Very. But most of the time she isn't. She also has begun to be more comfortable being 'bossy' as she puts it. At first this was something she was quite uncomfortable with, but over time is getting used to. It is another example of how I am training her, much to the chagrin of those who say that such an act is topping from the bottom of the worst kind. But all I am doing is letting her see how happy I am when she gives me a task, and I do that task to the best of my ability, every time.

    This is how she became comfortable with denying me my orgasms. At first she felt guilty but over a timescale of about a year, she saw for herself the change in me, in how turned on I was when she said no, by how I reacted to her when I was several weeks or more away from an orgasm, and the guilt has now totally gone. The same thing is now happening with her truly taking control. As I said in an earlier post she now does feel like she is in charge. For our entire relationship I always felt she was, but she never felt like she was. Now she does. And yesterday she was sat on the bed when she said to me that she actually likes being bossy. Not all of the time, but when she is in the mood, then she enjoys it. And that mood isn't a bad one, it is the complete opposite. For her to enjoy being bossy she needs to be in a good mood, the flip side to all those mean, nasty Domme's we read about.

    Last night we went to her room to epilate my legs. I had done the fronts and sides and she was doing the backs. One particular area, my inner thighs, are extremely sensitive and had me squealing with the jolts of sharp pain I felt with each hair pulled out by the epilator. Afterwards I asked her if doing this to me turned her on. She told me that it wasn't exactly a feeling of arousal, more a sense of power, of control. It was one of the things she enjoyed subjecting me to because I did it, without complaint, and it was something we did because she wanted it to happen. I never asked for this, it was her idea. Bizarrely this is why we only epilate my legs, not my chest, as it further shows how she is in control. She knows that if it was up to me I would remove the hair from my back, chest and arms as well.

    After we had finished I asked her what she wanted to do and she wasn't sure. I asked if she was interested in perhaps making love as I had been free from my device all day. No, she said, its Sunday.

    Sunday? What sort of reason is that for not having sex!? I asked, utterly confused. She just laughed at me and told me to read to her. Anyway, the book we are reading is very, very explicit and got us both turned on. When I had finished the chapter she had obviously changed her mind and asked me if I wanted to make love. I looked at her and immediately said yes. I grabbed and put on my penis rings and well, we had one heck of a session. It was marvellous. No delay spray, just me, Elle, some lube and passion. The night before I had a nocturnal emission, as a result of her teasing and how turned on I had been. This meant I was able to really set myself to pleasuring Elle without the fear of cumming to soon.

    After a good time Elle started to have an orgasm and basically pushed me out of her! I swear all of the orgasms she has had over the past two years have made her very fit in that department. The same thing happened when I gave her the Yoni massage, she was pushing my finger out no matter how much I tried to keep it in. Elle accused me of going soft so I showed her the evidence that this was very far from the case. We got back on with it and had a huge amount of fun.

    The thing is neither of us had an orgasm. Before all the chastity stuff this would have left both of us very unhappy. We would have been disappointed both for ourselves and for each other. We wouldn't have talked about what had happened and would probably not have spoken about anything for a good while. But not now. Elle started to apologise and I told her to shut up, don't you dare say sorry. I just got to feel you, to know how amazing it feels to be making love to a woman I love. And anyway, as the Yoni massage has taught us, an orgasm is not everything. It is a happy visitor if it turns up, but it should never be the goal.

    Something else occurred to me. I wasn't in any way disappointed not to have had an orgasm. The reason is quite simple. For the past two years I have been rewiring my expectations surrounding sex. My goal has been to please Elle, not myself. Sometimes to do so is to please both of us, but the majority of the time it has been about her, not me. She was lying there, underneath me, glowing, a huge smile on her face, that post sex flush to her cheeks and breasts. It is exactly what I want to see, and I got to see it in the best way possible. Also orgasm from penetrative sex is a skill, and not something either of us have practiced much this year. She has her fun in other ways, so it is hardly surprising we very nearly but didn't quite get all the way.

    I am still on cloud nine. What a brilliant experience.
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  15. Tuesday night was a surprise for me as Elle had an urge for a weekday orgasm which is extremely rare. If it does happen it is more usually towards the end of the week. It was also a surprise as it ha Donny been a few days since our lovemaking at the weekend. A shower, a massage and oral worship was what she wanted and what she got.

    Thursday on the other hand was all about tease. She had a shower with me but then got me to apply body lotion to her. I was told to apply it all over apart from to her yoni. The teasing was gentle in comparison to what some put up with, especially when you consider she was lying still and letting me do the work, but the knowing smile on her face said it all. I'm turning you on and I'm not even doing anything.

    I was rewarded by being told to lie on the bed and then she applied lotion to me. First to my back, then to my legs and then, oh my, she started massaging my bottom. It was utter bliss, I'm swelling in my device just thinking about it.
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  16. ha Donny? WTF?

    It was also a surprise as it had only been a few days since our lovemaking at the weekend.

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  17. it is nice to have your bottom rubbed yes and i like my tummy rubbed as well.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  18. I really like reading your posts Jasmic, especially this thread. Thank you for taking the time to write and share your thoughts.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  19. This is the end of my Love and Denial - Year 2 journal. Today was the second anniversary of receiving and putting on my HTv2. Although we had been trying to find a device that fit since early October 2015 it was only this moment when things clicked into place.

    What a two years it has been. An incredible journey of self discovery for both of us. While the journey has calmed down a considerable amount recently it is still bringing us ever closer to each other, and is still helping us learn more about ourselves and each other.

    Elle and I are still enjoying everything that Chastity has brought us and there is no suggestion that it is going to come to an end any time soon. The best thing is in how it has taught us to be more intimate without resorting to sex yet has also led us to be far more sexual with each other.

    We listened to a podcast about chastity as we drove to a town a few hours away from us on Saturday. It didn't teach us much, if anything, but it did chime very deeply with us. It was an interview of @AliceInBondageLand@AliceInBondageLand by The Pageist and it was really interesting. One thing that Alice said was especially powerful, and made me think about my own experience.


    Men are penis centric, and orgasm centric. But because of this they are being sold short, they are missing out on so much alternative sexual experience. They aren't finding out how sensitive and fun ass play is, how sensitive their nipples are. This is 100% my experience. I have had four full orgasms this year, the most recent just last night, and I would not have wanted any more. There were times when Elle teased me to the point of begging for an orgasm but the absolute best thing she did for me was to say no.

    She didn't say no last night. She told me she wanted me to make love to her, flogged me while I struggled to get my penis rings on and sprayed myself with delay spray (I was struggling because her flogging and demeanor were turning me on so much) told me to lick her pussy to get her in the mood, made me think she had changed her mind and was gong to deny me, told me I was allowed to cum but laughed and said 'if you can' looking at my recently sprayed penis, and then rode me to my orgasm. She then gave me one of my fantasies and for the very first time in our marriage lay in front of me and masturbated herself to orgasm.

    Bloody hell, why would I ever consider wanting to stop this amazing experience? I would have to be mad.

    Elle agreed to be my keyholder two years ago. She wasn't sure what the deal was but was willing to give it a go. She thought it was a bit weird but she could see it would make me happy. A few months later she told me that if I said I wanted to stop she would be disappointed. Another few months and she said I would have to have a good reason to stop, but if I wanted to she would agree. Another few months and the reason for doing chastity had switched. Now we would only stop if she wanted to, I didn't get a say any more. Another few months and she took full control and established our marriage as an FLR.

    The last few months have been more about finding out what those three letters actually mean, what our roles are in an FLR than learning anything new about chastity. This evening she asked me to go downstairs and get her iPad for her. When I paused she looked at me and said that wasn't a request!

    Where are we going to be in a years time? I'm not sure but I know I am looking forward to finding out.
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  20. Mistress Jules

    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Oct 27, 2013
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    Sounds like you are having a great time, here's to the next year ;)
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  21. I've recently completed reading all of your journal entries since day one and have to say that I have enjoyed them immensely. It's fascinating to hear how your relationship with Elle has developed and illustrates to me that with care and consideration, plus a does of luck and hard work, it is possible for a wife to grow more dominant in ways that she likes and wants to express herself, and at the same time for a husband to change is male centric view of what being in a FLR really means,

    Of course, the simple truth is that an FLR with chastity (tease and denial) at the centre is whatever a couple makes of it. I'm strongly of the opinion, that if this type of relationship is to work 24/7, then there must exist between wife and husband a high degree of love and affection, a willingness on both sides to give and take. It is clear reading your journal that you have this and are therefore experiencing what many of us hope for.

    The most important thing seems to be for the man to keep his fantasies under control and not expect too much, too soon. I know that I am guilty of this, and must do better. Unfortunately, submission and the feeling of being controlled and even dominated by a feminine presence, is a very strong one. It's wise therefore to learn to take much from some of the little things and to shower your wife with what she wants and likes. In return and over time, I am sure that she will in turn grow ever more expectant and willing to take charge over you.

    I hope that this won't be the last of your journal entries, as I look forward to hearing how things develop.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  22. Wow, that shows real dedication @At all Times@At all Times! I'm impressed and gratified that you found my ramblings worth the effort.

    I honestly would never have guessed where this chastity arrangement would have taken us in the short two years we have been doing it. The simple fact is I made my luck twenty five years earlier when I married Elle. What stuns me is that in that time she never showed any inkling that this crazy, wonderful, dominant, experimental sexual being was lurking inside her. We had a good sex life prior to chastity but it was pretty much 99% vanilla. Passionate, lasting, fun but vanilla nonetheless.

    I completely agree with your thought that it has taken both of us to get where we are, a willingness to explore this together and to trust each other. I also totally agree that getting my fantasies under control was a key aspect. What it allowed was for Elle to transition into being my fantasy, one that I actually got to live rather than imagine. We are still learning what makes us tick and enjoying the things we learn. In fact I would go as far as to say we are much more relaxed about those things we are learning, not worrying about the why and just enjoying the what.

    For instance why the heck do I get so erect when Elle flogs or spanks me? It has honestly never been a fantasy of mine, I've never sought out that sort of thing, but on more than one occasion we have witnessed the effect she can have on me, and it is significant. But does it matter why? Who cares, it just does. So, Elle wants me hard, she stands behind me berating me for not getting my penis rings on fast enough, strapping my back and buttocks, and laughing at me when it has made me so erect I can't get the smaller penis ring over my glans!

    I think another key aspect is the level of domination and control in our day to day lives is minimal. It is there 24/7, but not to a level that would be unsustainable for either of us. Elle needs time to be allowed to relax and I need space in which to breathe. The control aspect is always bubbling just under the surface and, when she feels like it, it comes into full force and she has a lot of fun with it.

    I have no intention to stop writing a journal. Writing all this stuff down helps me enormously. I don't write as much or as often as i used to but I still need this outlet to help me both remember what we have got up to but also to sort out my thoughts and feelings.

    And thank you, @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules, and many more to come!
    bethanise, L-u-c-y and Mistress Jules like this.
  23. @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 I'm glad to hear that you will continue with your journal, but I know how much time this can consume. I blogged for about 5 Years under the name atalltimes and wrote over 600,000 words on the subject of my attempts to make ours a female led marriage. I finally gave up when I realised that I was just repeating myself time and time again, with highs associated with periods when my wife played along with my fantasy, followed by long periods when very little overt control or domination took place. This lead me to conclude and agree very much with what you are saying about day to day interactions and sustainability.

    I'm pretty much sure that it is impossible for the average vanilla wife, even one who has accepted and taken to the more dominant role in a marriage, to express and sustain a high level of control 24/7. For my own relationship, we have currently reached a middle ground, whereby my wife has seemed to accept, and is beginning to enjoy, the sexual feminine effect she holds over me. It is this desire in me and my expression of desire to worship and "serve" her, that she now finds more acceptable than any other form of "femdom". Of course I still fantasise about her keeping me permanently locked in chastity, teased and denied orgasms, and even to serve her and look after her house dressed and treated as her "housemaid". All that aside, which is very unlikely to happen because she doesn't like seeing men in drag, I do see the potential for one and two. I have introduced her to chastity, but she is less than encouraging and has only tolerated me wearing a device in the past, never at her instigation. She has teased and kept me denied, but never more than once after she has had her own orgasm, like Elle she is a "one at a time girl", never any more, despite my open desire for her to keep me this way. That said, she does and has become much more expectant about how I should serve and submit to her in day to day life as well as in the bedroom. It is perhaps here, and why I say that you should enjoy the small things, that our relationship has become closest to what I would consider to be a realistically sustainable WLM.

    She has me wait on her, wash her underwear by hand, expects me to clean her shoes and boots, maintain the cleanliness and presentation of what she calls her "Boudoir", do all of the kitchen work, cleaning, washing and ironing (well not all, she wont let me do her clothes), and generally fetch and carry for her. Now that I have accepted that my fantasies are probably very unrealistic, would I seek above all else is for her to want to encourage all of the above buy keeping me teased but denied, with or without the use of a chastity device, but preferably with. What I can't figure out is why she is reluctant to do this, I know I should ask and I'm getting to the point where I'll just have to do that, even if I don't like what I hear.

    I don't want this to end, so am afraid to ask, but at the same time so desirous for a more tangible feeling from her that she is indeed engaged and enjoying this.
  24. It actually means a lot to me @At all Times@At all Times that, having spent so long writing a blog of your own, you read through mine and understood what it represents. I think you will also have an understanding of how a journal/blog can help you make sense of the things you want to happen and the experiences you have been through.

    Reading Maria’s diary, which I wrote about recently, has helped me understand that I would not be able to cope with being overtly dominated 24/7. I enjoy my Wife dominating me occasionally, especially when it is done without any warning. But the idea of her doing that all the time would change the dynamic of our relationship fundamentally, where what we are doing has just enhanced it. I couldn’t live the way Maria’s husband does, as much as what happens to him on a day to day basis might be amazing to experience for a while, he has been utterly controlled, dominated and humiliated every day for a decade or more now.

    I hesitate to try and tell you what to do about the chastity device or the maid service, but I do have a few ideas. First off I think you need to separate the two. Which is the one you want the most and which is the most achievable? Personally I think that the device is more likely simply because at first it could be self administered, the same way I started. It is also less in her face, as most of the time I assume you are dressed, so it would be covered up.

    Then you need to talk about it in a non sexual environment. Explain how it would make you happy. Suggest a trial period of a few months. Not one where you are wearing the device for that long immediately, but slowly extending the periods you are locked. A day at first, then two, doubling the length each time. The point is you need to demonstrate what is in it for her. Why is locking you up going to enhance your sex life? Do it where you keep the key at first.

    My Wife loves the way she can turn me on with the simplest of glances, or touches. She loves the way it has made our sex life dependent on her needs and wishes with absolutely no pressure from me. She knows I am ready to go all the time, ready to pleasure her without any pressure for reciprocation. It took her months to get to this point, but now at her second anniversary of being my keyholder, from a start where she wondered what the heck we were doing, she would not want to stop.

    As for your Wife’s reluctance, there are many reasons women don’t want to get involved that I have read about. First and foremost is the mistaken belief that you don’t want sex anymore, where nothing could be further from the truth. Then there is the belief that denying you an orgasm is cruel. This was how my Wife felt, until she understood that being told no, I’m not allowed, excited me more than being allowed to cum. When she saw how aroused I became, how easy that arousal was to achieve and how sustained it was, the guilt was banished. She also felt the power of being able to tell me you can cum, and to see the strength of my orgasm.

    Another worry of my Wife’s was the fear that the device would hurt or damage me. This is why a period of slowly lengthening the periods of lock up was important. She now understands that at times it can be uncomfortable, but as long as hygiene is maintained I am still in full working order. If anything I work better in the sex department than before. All these fantasies of shrinking penises and so on are just that, fantasies. There has been a change in our approach to sex, in that it cannot be as spontaneous, but she is even getting off on that now.

    The other evening, when she marched into the bathroom and told me to get myself ready, she wanted me to make love to her, was a first. She has never been so direct. Normally she would have got me into bed and made her wishes known through actions rather than words. The look of hunger in Her face was incredible, and the way she flogged me as I was putting on my penis rings was stunning.

    It already sounds like you have a lot of things in your relationship that many members of the Mansion would love to have. I doubt that your Wife is uncomfortable with the power play that is part of chastity, so I agree, a conversation about why she is reluctant would be a good idea. As I say, you need to explain how it would please you and offer to have a trial period where she doesn’t hold the key.

    I really hope that things go well for you, but just remember that you have already made your Wife happy with the things you do for her. Also consider that chastity is first and foremost a mind thing. While the device helps it isn’t 100% necessary. Read up on Karezza approaches to sex, or the Eastern Tantric use of orgasm control. Maybe they would be more to your Wife’s flavour.

    Good luck.
    L-u-c-y likes this.
  25. @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 Thank you for taking the time to consider my own situation and give some useful advice.

    Like you, I'm not sure if the reality of becoming a 24/7 maid to my wife would be sustainable or even preferable. Having said that, if my wife wanted to and/or would enjoy changing the dynamic of our marriage in such away, then the prospect would still excite and arouse me greatly. To be honest though, what I seek above all else is to feel that my wife is engaged and encouraging my submission. I think we are pretty close, but she just needs a little help to take the next steps.

    First step, is to get her comfortable with tease and denial as a thing that she can enjoy, giving me pleasure rather than seeing it as her being cruel. I am pretty sure, no I know that she knows I like to be kept this way, but still seems reluctant. Even before your most recent reply, reading your journal and other information on CM, it did strike me that it was this element of cruelty that may be holding her back. As a result, I have tried to reassure her that this is indeed not being cruel. I text her with the following message, "Being kept teased and denied makes me eager to please and how I long to be kept. You don't have to feel guilty because it makes me feel that your encouraging me to be the devoted and attentive husband that you deserve to have, please encourage me as much as you can".

    The result was that evening when we lay in bed, she soon had me aroused and excited by playing with nipples, pleasuring her orally until she had her orgasm, then after some more teasing which she seemed to enjoy herself, she told me that she would decide when and if I would be allowed a release (our word for Orgasm) and that I would have to control myself. She also seemed quick to reassure herself by asking "did I enjoy that?", by which she meant pleasuring her. Although clearly prompted by my text, so I can't quite count this as a non-prompted denial, she eventually announced that she needed to go to sleep and left me aroused and very hard. For the first time ever, I didn't want to go and wash myself, so went to sleep with the scent of my wife on my face and taste in my mouth.

    Whether or not my wife is going to become more comfortable with tease and denial remains to be seen. The proof in the pudding will come, or maybe "not" when I am next permitted to pleasure her, to see is she feels the need to reciprocate and allow me to orgasm also.

    If and when my wife gets to the stage that she seems comfortable with denial, then and only then might I reintroduce how keeping me locked might not be such a bad thing, possible during the week when I am home alone and she is at work, free at weekends.
    Jasmic68 likes this.

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