Discussion in 'Chastity journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Jan 1, 2017.
Repeat post due to issues with the server database
glad someone was able to use something I shared..
You gave me a lot of support that you probably didn't realise much about, on many levels. Your own issues were very different from mine, I'm not an alpha male whatsoever, but they way you dealt with your problems and discussed them helped me enormously.
I think a key element to the success of what Elle and I are doing is the mix of taking it seriously but making sure it is fun at the same time. This evening, as it has been hot and muggy in our bit of Germany for the past few days, Elle let me out of my Holy Trainer to have a wash. She took me into the shower with her, had her usual fun, got me all worked up and then got out to dry.
After I had regained my wits and finished washing, I was stood in front of the sink cleaning my teeth. I was standing leaning way forwards, my left knee still trembling from my raised levels of arousal.
What on earth are you doing? Elle asked me, referring to the way I was standing.
I am trying to stop my penis touching my testicles, as it is so sensitive at the moment, I told her.
With a wicked laugh she told me that she could help with that. And she did. By stroking my bottom, back and sides, she gave me an almost immediate erection, and my penis was no longer touching my testicles! For some reason I also struggled to maintain my coordination while cleaning my teeth.
There, she said. Problem solved. And she went into her bedroom chuckling to herself.
Weeeeell, I wasn't expecting that! But, as someone famous once said, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Elle told me that tonight she wanted me to give her a face mask and read to her while she rested and let it do its thing. Face masks are one of the many new ways we have increased our intimacy since we started this new lifestyle. Not that you have to be chaste to apply a face mask on your Wife, but it does make you more aroused if you are.
Anyway, after we had relaxed after our hectic days we went upstairs, got mostly naked and she washed her face. I chose a face mask by Garnier and when she had relaxed, applied it to her face, being careful to avoid her mouth and eyes. While she relaxed I read chapter 16 of How to set up an FLR by Georgia Ivey Green to her. It was brilliant. It is called Make it easy on yourself, and it is all about how a Mistress can make being a Mistress easy for her and arousing for her sub. It confirmed a lot of what we are doing is pretty much what Green recommends anyway, with a few extra ideas.
The fact that it confirmed what we are doing is taking things in the right direction was especially good for Elle as she sometimes worries she isn't doing very well. The fact that it added a few new ideas was great as it didn't overwhelm Elle and didn't give her too much to think about.
There was one particular section that had an immediate impact on me.
"send your partner to the bedroom to insert a butt-plug or arouse themselves in some other way. Believe me, butt-plugs are highly under-rated as a sexual turn on. Making your partner insert their own butt-plug can have an effect on their behavior as well as their sexual pleasure, and all you have to do is tell them to put it in."
from "How To Set Up An FLR" by Georgia Ivey Green
Elle liked that idea and I told her that the best bit was she didn't have to do anything other than tell me to put it in. She remarked it was a shame we didn't have any plugs. What do you mean, I said, we've got two!
She made me get them out and show them to her. She had forgotten I had ordered them months ago. The first one I found in our sex toy was the medium, she was surprised at how big it was. The small was less shocking.
Put it in then!
I couldn't believe what I just heard. Elle was telling me to put the small butt plug in, with a big grin on her face. I was more than a little surprised, I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen tonight, or not for a while. It's typical Elle though, always expect the unexpected is pretty much her motto.
She made me wash first, then bend over the bed and insert it myself while she watched. This is so mild to many of the members of the Mansion, but for me this was an incredible experience. It was excitingly embarrassing, thrilling, highly arousing and made me feel very submissive.
Can you walk around with it in? She asked. I demonstrated that I could, just about. I was very aroused, so coordination was tricky but not impossible. Elle told me that next time she sends me to get some rolls from our oval Bakerei she will make me wear it. To say she looked like she was enjoying this is an understatement, she was positively glowing. I did tell her that I might order a pint of bread and a loaf of milk if I was wearing the plug. She laughed and said maybe we should work up to going to the shops then.
So yeah, for the first time in our relationship, I inserted a butt plug into my ass while my Wife watched, and she enjoyed it.
I apologies for the awful English in the previous post. I had obviously got the word relaxed stuck in my brain and used it far too many times!
Finally back home after another mad trip back to the U.K. Not a lot has happened over the past few weeks, in the world of chastity based sexual experiences. There has only been a few notable events.
I am more involved in the development of our FLR than I am in our 'use' of chastity. My chastity now is just a fact, it's what we do. We no longer discuss it much because there isn't much to discuss. The FLR on the other hand is where all the issues lie. We both want it, or at least both realise it is something worth doing as a way of strengthening our relationship. It is being tested though with the amount of stress we are under.
This evening though we had a some time that showed how much of an impact the past few years have had and how far we have come. To put it in context you have to realise that in our time together we have done a lot of travel and usually that travel has meant no sex play during or after for several days. We are usually too tired and while I am willing to try if Elle is tired nothing happens.
After an awful overnight ferry crossing to Rotterdam in The Netherlands with little sleep I had a five hour drive through Holland into Germany and then to our home. During the last hour of the drive I was really struggling. I didn't so much fall asleep after emptying the car as collapse into unconsciousness. Then, in the evening, after watching a bit of tv Elle announced she was going to bed at 19:30.
I popped into her bedroom to grab some things when she told me she was letting me out of my Holy Trainer as after the journey I was a bit smelly. I jumped into the shower to have a good clean and was surprised that she joined me. After our mutual cleaning and Elle getting me thoroughly arroused she told me that it had been a special treat for being so good.
I have been snapping at you because I was tired and stressed, and you didn't complain once, she said to me. The fact that she realised this and had appreciated it made me really happy. I had been worried I had been upsetting her and was expecting her to tell me off, not reward me.
As Elle was clean I offered to give her a massage with body lotion rather than massage oil. The lotion is something we do when we want to be romantic, intimate without being sexual. She happily agreed and lay on her front. My arousal continued as I rubbed in the lotion and I apologized for getting so turned on again. I asked Elle if she would want me to not get an erection without permission, whether she would want me to use hypnosis to stop having erections without her release trigger. She told me that would be a step too far in her dominance of me and anyway she liked seeing a visual signal of the affect she has on me.
After I finished applying the lotion she shocked me again. She opened her legs further, letting me see her bottom and pussy. She asked me if I wanted to do anything else. I was nearly flippant but controlled myself and simply told her that I always want to do more, but we only did when she decided that was what she wanted. She told me that I had permission to carry on, and lay making happy noises while I licked her bottom. This was followed by her turning over and letting me pleasure her further by licking her pussy.
Her orgasm was slow, slow to build up, slow to reach its peak, and strong. It blew me away. When Elle is tired it is harder to get her to cum than at any other time. It normally just doesn't happen. I had turned her on so much with my attention in the shower and my offer to apply body lotion and the fact she understood what the significance of that offer was, she had relaxed so much and then relaxed even further.
After a cuddle she licked my ear and, with a giggle, told me to put my Holy Trainer back on. She giggled because she knew that even that small piece of attention would make getting the device on tricky.
A lovely, intimate, sexual, resonant evening.
The night after I massaged Elle with body lotion and was then allowed to pleasure her orally I spent two hours pampering her. Spending time on sensual, intimate sorts of activities is far more normal for us than being overtly sexual. I also do not expect any sort of sexual activity during a working week so the Monday evening had been very special. Elle has told me that these intimate moments make her feel far more open to sexual activities happening at other times so I make sure I offer to do things for her as often as possible and also make sure I never pester her for anything sexual as that has the opposite affect.
The strange thing was the night before was one of the first times where my intentions were completely pure. I genuinely only wanted to help her relax, enjoy some time with her intimately but not sexually. Before I have usually been a very typical male and at the back of my head hoped that she would become turned on and want to have some kind of sexual experience. This time the thought process was more it's a week night, she is tired, we have had a shower so we are clean, I wonder if she would like some body lotion rubbed into her?
Anyway, I have read other people write about how they offer foot massages and the like simply to give them a chance to touch their Mistress even though they know it will not go any further. Any pleasure they give is worthwhile. This is very much my own experience. Elle doesn't always want sex, but she does crave and need intimacy, and I can give her as much of that as she wants. Before chastity any such offer would have been met with suspicion as to my expectations, but no longer.
On the Tuesday evening I offered to remove and reapply Elle's toenail polish. This is something Elle never bothered with before I offered to do it for her, and now it has become another visual marker of our arrangement, just like my chastity device. She says that she looks down at her toes, sees how they have been cared for, given color, loves what she sees and is reminded that I have done it for her with care, love and devotion.
We are complete novices at using nail polish so, having had a few goes with ok results, I did some research on YouTube. While we were in England I bought some extra supplies and equipment and this was my first chance to use them. I removed her old polish using cotton wool pads soaked in nail varnish remover, with her toes wrapped in tin foil. I waited patiently, kneeling by her side while the remover did its task and she read her social media posts. Then I gave her a pedicure, using cuticle pushers and clippers, nail clippers and files. An undercoat was applied and left to dry. We need to get a UV lamp to cure the varnish quicker.
While the undercoat was drying I also applied a face mask on Elle, and read the next chapter of How to set up an FLR. It was the first chapter that has disappointed us. It was about cross dressing, something I do, with Elle's encouragement. But the chapter was all about humiliation, which isn't anything Elle is interested in. It did give us something to discuss though. One thing did come up that was interesting. Elle makes me keep my legs smooth but doesn't allow me to do the same to my chest, back or arms. I said that my women's clothes didn't work so well on my top half as on my bottom half, and she agreed! So, who knows how my future regarding hair will develop!?
After the under coat had dried I applied the colour, a reddish purple called wine. While that dried I read the prologue of Bedding the Billionaire, a very sexual book that Elle has on her kindle. She giggled each time I got to a part describing sex and also wiggled her breasts in my peripheral vision to put me off.
I finally applied the top coat and wow, the difference to how her toes looked before. She absolutely loved the way they looked. They shone more, glistened even. The colour somehow looked clearer and having pushed her cuticles back the varnish looked more even. The entire evening, as I said at the beginning of this journal post, took over two hours, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. This is something we would never have thought of doing before discovering chastity, femdom and FLRs. Elle is a loving, caring, nurturing Mistress, I feel so lucky that she is my Wife and now my keyholder.
I need to find more things to do like this, so we have more opportunities to spend time so close and intimately.
I am struggling and I don't mind admitting it.
I can see from my ticker that it is 2 months, 2 weeks and 6 days since my last full orgasm, which makes it about 80 days ago. In that time I have had a few ruined orgasms that happened hands free, after Elle had been teasing me. I haven't kept a record of when they happened but I know it is a few weeks since my last. Two have happened while I was laying next to Elle so she knows and trusts I haven't done anything to stimulate myself.
The problem is this isn't strictly speaking true.
The first time it happened I was lying on the floor, on my front, reading Tumblr. My device was pressed into the floor beneath me. When I realised I was about to cum simply from reading something that had aroused me it was already too late.
When I was lying next to Elle I was again on my front, my device pressed between my abdomen and the bed. Elle had really had fun with me and I was still very aroused. Lying next to her, feeling her body against mine, remembering what we had done and reading chastity themed posts was too much and I had another ruined orgasm.
I now recognize the feelings and could, if I wanted, do this on purpose. I could lie on my front, make sure the device is tight up against me, do something to arouse me such as read a femdom story or watch some Tumblr gifs or videos, and I can guarantee I would cum.
It wouldn't be a full orgasm, it doesn't leave me feeling sated or lead to a diminished reaction to Elle's teasing, but a ruined orgasm is still an orgasm. I promised not to masturbate and, when we started all of this I kept my promise. But as we got into longer periods of denial I began to find this difficult and would occasionally have 'accidents'. These all happened in the first year and, after having a long talk with myself, stopped well over a year ago, before Elle started taking this more seriously.
But then these accidental ruined orgasms started, and I realised I could make them happen. I'm not masturbating, I told myself, I'm not touching myself at all. But deep down I knew that this was semantics, if I induce even a small ruined orgasm through my actions and thoughts, it is no different to me masturbating. So I promised myself, without saying anything to Elle, to stop. And I did. Until the last time it happened a few weeks ago.
The last time it happened was a genuine event though, although it was one we both thought I could have avoided, though the circumstances did make Elle laugh and not get cross. She had agin teased me, got me very aroused and was lying next to me reading. We were both still naked. I was lying on my back, my right hand resting gently on her buttock. I realised that even this slight touch was arousing and, before I could stop it, I had a ruined orgasm.
Yep, I came because I was touching my Wife's bottom!
So, this weeks topic of discussion will include my admission and resolve to control this type of ruined orgasm. I want to have them when Elle wants me to, not because I have got myself I to a state where it just happens.
And this leads directly into another reason I am struggling. After 80 days of denial I am ridiculously horny. I'm struggling to concentrate. Driving the car is a nightmare! My imagination, my fantasies are running wild. Getting to sleep at night is an issue and I am waking up with my Holy Trainer uncomfortably tight and jutting away from my body.
What worries me is I have a feeling that Elle is taking me further into denial than I have been before, meaning I have at least another 60 or more days of denial to go, possibly even 90, as she tends to do this denial thing in months.
This is not a complaint! I love the way I feel, I love the way Elle has taken to this keyholder malarkey. I am fully aware that many guys would love to have someone like Elle take control and how lucky I am that she is mine and I am hers. It's just an observation.
Right, time to shave my legs. We've killed the epilator so it's shaving until we get a new one.
I can so relate to serving you Mistress just to make her feel good., foot massages ,removing nail polish, washing her feet etc. even when you know you will receive no kind of stimulation of any kind you still get wet and excited just to serve her. It makes me feel good to serve my Mistress in these special ways. I'm enjoying reading about you journey
This is very interesting. Maybe you've found the Fountain of Youth, like when you were a young teenager and would get hard and cum at the drop of a hat. Is it Possible that Chastity is that secret Fountain of Youth. If it is we'll live forever. Yippee
Not so much a fountain of youth as a brief pulse followed by an ooze!
Jasmic, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey. Your story was one of the first things I read when I found the Mansion about a year ago and I continue to enjoy reading your posts. Thank for allowing us to share in this part of your life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to leave me a comment, @Lakeman. I try to make this as interesting as possible whilst keeping it real. I don't write about everything that happens but everything I write about has happened. The fact that others read what I write is amazing, and that some get enjoyment or help from my ramblings is in part what keeps me going.
Oh dear. Where on earth did that come from? The bad, shout before you think, get wound up by ridiculous nonsense me was back Friday evening. Elle came home from work upset by me not hearing her call me on my phone or on my IPad with Skype, and for some reason I had a huge meltdown, yelled at her and generally made a dick of myself. I really upset her, and she later told me she was so shocked she wondered whether this was the end of what we are doing.
But things are different now. This time I realised immediately how badly I had reacted, how out of order I had been and how she deserved a huge apology. I also remembered several conversations we have had during the development of our FLR. One is that in the past after an argument she hated the way I would sulk, sometimes for days on end. This time I made sure that in the morning I was subdued but not sulking. Another was that while she might go to bed in a mood, she never holds a grudge. This was very true as after a slow start in the morning she became more affectionate towards me.
We ended up having a lovely day, doing stuff people our age do. Going to a garden centre for breakfast and to buy some new plants and gardening equipment. We went general grocery shopping, planning our meals for the weekend. We went to a small local cinema to catch the very last showing of Guardians of the Galaxy.
I didn't expect any sexual activities as with Elle it is all about mood and after the way I behaved the previous evening I thought I had blown any chance of some fun. The difference was my attitude during the day really pleased Elle and she rewarded me with a very sexual shower with the added bonus of releasing me from my Holy Trainer and making a point of making me very, very hard. At one point my penis was between her breasts while she grasped and manipulated the root of my penis, under my balls. I looked down and could see my modified glans. This nearly undid me, I was desperate to cum.
She then let me massage her and even told me to lick her bottom. Before I did so I told her that I had been looking for an opportunity to apologize all day, and told her how upset I was with the way I had behaved. We discussed the incident and how we move forwards from it, with me saying that I want to banish that me for good and need her help to make it happen, while she lay on her front and with me kneeling on the floor by her bead, leaning forwards with my mouth centimeters from her bottom.
And then I thoroughly enjoyed myself, helping Elle to her twentieth orgasm of the year. A much reduced amount from last year, but with the stress we are under it isn't a surprise.
It has been a quiet few weeks, especially last weekend when I didn't get a single chance to pleasure Elle due to how busy we were. I did get a chance to be sensually intimate during the week a few times, reading to her, giving her a non sexual massage and a few foot massages, but my denial sometimes isn't just about control of my orgasms, it also means no access to her Yoni.
That stopped abruptly last night.
We had gone to bed and Elle asked me what was wrong, that I have been looking and acting glum recently. I explained how our life stresses are getting on top of me, how our current situation has stripped me of the ability to act submissive and supportive to her and how this has affected me quite badly. I am still not fully over the argument we had two weekends ago, not because of anything other than I am shocked that the old me reared his ugly head.
I suppose it would be like an alcoholic who has been able to keep their urges under control for almost two years before letting the monster slip out. I don't want the horrible aspects of who I used to be to take over. I was mostly nice before, Elle honestly loved me, but she was beginning to wonder if the good times were worth the effort of getting through the bad times. Since we started using chastity and developing the FLR this was the first time it was as bad as it used to be.
Elle had also told me that she has something we need to discuss on our Saturday walk, something she wants sorting out before it becomes an issue. She did give me the choice of talking last night, but I declined the offer, the Saturday rule is one of the most grounding rules she has given me. She did say she would rather talk today, but she didn't want me to worry and not sleep. My thought was if it was truly awful then she wouldn't want to wait.
Something must have clicked in her because the Mistress who has been mostly absent for several weeks came out to play. Elle teased me mercilessly, caressing me, licking my nipples, not letting me touch her, she was getting more and more aroused as my arousal reached almost ridiculous levels. At three months and a few days of denial my desire for her is constant and devastating.
After getting me to the point where both of us thought my Holy Trainer was going to be pushed off and my balls were deep purple from how tight it all was, she rolled onto her back. I knew what she was about to do and a groan escaped me. She grabbed my right hand and pushed it onto, into her pussy, moving it to indicate that she wanted me to masturbate her.
The passion, the wetness that she showed me, took me to a new level. She shoved her wet fingers into my mouth and made me lick them, suck them, taste her. At the same time she was grinding herself against my hand while I caressed her Yoni. At one point she moved my hand up to above her clit and inserted her own fingers, pounding herself almost frantically. The noise this made took me even deeper into my submissiveness, increased my own levels of hornyness. She then grabbed my hand, brought it back down and made me understand what she wanted. She wanted to cum.
With her guidance I brought her to a crashing orgasm, with loud squeals of release and pleasure. After a while of watching her sink into the bliss, She relaxed, holding my hand still, her face and chest flushed.
The Mistress doesn't come out very often, but when she does, it is worth every millisecond of time spent in denial. I simply could not give any of this up. That sort of thing never happened between us before. Elle would never let herself go so deeply, always expecting that I would want something in return. The old me is gone. The new me is in awe of this woman I have been with for nearly thirty years.
After our session I went to bed, struggling to contain my rampant arousal, not wanting to have a hands free ruined orgasm. I just about managed it but I was very close once before I went to sleep and then twice when I woke up. In fact I awoke at 05:30, very close to cumming, just about managed to bring it under control. At 07:00 when the second wave of arousal hit me, I got upmand did some quiet housework to try and occupy myself and help me to calm down.
Later in in the morningElle got up and came into my room. She had a sore back and wanted me to rub in some muscle relief gel. She took off her dressing gown and lay, completely naked, on her bed. The arousal came back immediately and rose rapidly as i massaged her back. When done I next to her and held her hand. I described what had happened and she told me she liked it when I cum because of something she has done, even if that thing is indirect.
Waves of arousal crashed into me, she watched as each grew in intensity. I described my feelings and she lay next to me, smiling. And it happened. Holding her hand, not stimulating myself in any way, I came. I cupped my hand under my device and collected the cum. The look on Elle's face was of utter delight. This confirmation of the affect she has on me is one of the things that ensures this use of chastity will continue.
Elle unlocked me from my Holy Trainer so I could wash, and allowed me to have the day device free. Her back ache meant no playtime that evening, but she did let me wash her in a shower. Kneeling on the floor, cleaning her feet and legs, was pure bliss.
We finished the evening with me massaging her entire body with body lotion. Elle is so confident in her teasing now that she effortlessly took control and, with the slightest of gestures and mild commands, took me to a point of arousal that proved how little the mornings ejaculation had diminished any response from me. She lay, first on her front and then, rolling onto her back, the look of amusement at my reaction to her nakedness clear to see on her face.
Can this get any better?
Wow can this get any better. When an Orgasm is caused simply by Love. What else is their.
I could actually feel my heart pounding in my chest. It was so intense. It takes three or four weeks of not being allowed to orgasm and then tends to happen after a few intense periods of teasing. It also took the best part of a year and a half of orgasm control of longer and longer periods before it started. It's almost as if my body has reprogrammed itself to this new normal and decided that if I am not going to remove the ejaculate it will take control of the situation.
So what was the big talk about, sounds like it wasn't too bad
The talk was nothing to do with chastity and only moderately to do with our FLR. Elle was getting fed up with me trying to take over with regards to certain aspects of running our house and family lives. She was specifically upset with me taking over jobs she had already started and also with me getting upset with her for doing what I saw as menial tasks.
I hadn't even realised I had been doing it. We have agreed to trial that if she is doing some housework, or a chore of some description, that I will ask her if she could do with my help or would she mind me doing the job for her.
I must admit I was relieved when she told me what the issue was. It was so easy to fix, and I apologized immediately for doing what she described. She realizes that I am just trying to make her happy, but I have basically been told to back off and let her be domestic occasionally. It s another example of the reality of living with a Mistress as opposed to the fantasy portrayed on Tumblr and the like.
Mine is somewhat similar but am I not quite as hands on as others so my help is usually wanted. I do know for a fact that if I tried doing everything, she would be pissed. Just as I wouldn't want her hovering over me when I'm cooking and trying to "help", somethings are a one person job, and to take over for someone can be borderline rude.
The other day she was doing dishes and I soooo wanted to do them for her...I don't think she gets them as clean...but I bit my tongue.
I do the same Jasmic. I try and do everything and when I see her doing dishes or something I feel I have let her down and not doing my job. I think sometimes they just want to do things for themselves.
You absolutely nailed it @Redhead's Hubby, I feel like I have let her down if she see's a job that needs doing and gets on with it. Elle is getting better at 'asking' me to do things though and I am convinced she is going to continue getting more comfortable with the idea. She asks something like 'could you get me my iPad and glasses from upstairs, please' and I hear the same sentence minus the 'could you' bit. We have discussed this and Elle is happy with this being what happens, as she is determined to remain polite. She knows I would never say no.
I totally understand why she felt annoyed with my trying to take over though, it's all about striking a happy balance. She likes being occupied, hates sittting around when there is work to do.
@Jasmic68 I think in a loving wife's/KH's mind moving from asking to commanding or demanding is a big step. One thing that we do is talk about how we feel frequently after a T&D session usually the next morning or day. We ran into some serious relationship issues years ago and found that we just weren't understanding each others feelings. So now we talk much more freely.
Sometimes we will have a bit too much to drink and she'll ask me what my fantasies are because she knows I'll talk freely when I've had a few. Or she'll ask me if I've had any dreams about her. Many months ago I confessed to her that I think she's being too easy on me and how her being more strict makes me feel closer to her. Which it does, not lying to trying to top from the bottom. Things went pretty much normal for a few days then one night she just started telling me what to do. She saw how it affected me and is now hooked on not even using the words "could, would or can you..." anymore unless we are around others. The first time she said "go get my water bitch", I dropped to my knees and hugged her leg, looked up and said "yes, ma'am". She loved the reaction and has been that way since. She likes to know what I like to use for her advantage.