looking for answers

My personal view and not without some experience is that I believe that it is extremely unlikely that going in for chastity play/ lifestyle etc would save an already broken relationship. I'm not saying it could not. Equally I think shifting your relationship dynamic so that you both adopt new 'roles' is not likely to be of much help in an otherwise broken relationship either.

I think you need to have an already pretty sound relationship in which you already communicate well. I'm sorry guys I know most of us don't relish the communicating bit especially about feelings.. it can be hard raising your level of communication to a point where SHE considers that you are both communicating. But if or when you get there it is totally worth the effort and will in time become normal. Though I would advise against over analysing everything as it can spoil the magic..

I had a partner way back and to be honest we used my being locked and denied as an excuse to not have sex and drift further apart thankfully we both saw the light and divorced. I have a lot to be greatful for in regard to male chastity .

My most sucessful relationship was one where we both fully enjoyed all aspects of me wanting to be locked and denied by my partner, a woman that learned to want to keep me denied and loved the act of locking me up. Believe me we talked about everything and anything for hours. We lived apart but we one time were at her place for 2 weeks and not once in that time did we watch tv or do anything seperately.

Talk is cheap and between couples its value is often vastly under appreciated.

 

I'm not so sure there are many guys that want a KH without a relationship and those that do are missing out on a lot. I think its more that some guys are happy to have a KH without a relationship until they can get into relationship. Not something I'd want, but each to their own.

But there are times when you are not in a relationship and don't have a KH and that for what ever reason you just want to be locked. The reasons why are myriad and it's different for each of us and are subject to change.

In my ideal world I would be in an LDR where we saw each other regularly and frequently but had our own homes and to some extent some parts of our individual lives could also be completely or almost completely seperate. To be honest I am a selfish person I suppose because I love having my own time and in my own space, dong what I want and when I want to. That said if I have that then when I am with my partner I feel it is far easier for me to give 100%, its all about her, her wants, her needs, her wishes when we are together I exist for her, I want to give her all that I am and all that I can be and would have it no other way.

The icing on the cake would be if she both wanted to and enjoyed doing TTTWD. When we were apart she would want to and would keep me locked and my longing to be with her would be constant.

 

Just a few thoughts because there are a lot of questions there and I think each one could be a thread of it's own.

I have never felt like our relationship has shifted from one of love to one of actual slavery and I would not wish to be in such a relationship. It has helped her confindence and allowed her to express her desires more because the control she now has empowers her to,

I think in any relationship there will always be some pressure at various points to perform and give your partner the experience they want, people's intrest's will peak and dip every so often but that is why we made the choice to not use chastity full time. My wife enjoys me just being plain old misserable moody me as well the obediant constantly horny chast male. If the comunicatioin is good then you can let your partner know if you feeling or not. I would rather us both enjoy it than just me.

My missus has never got bored of my cock lmao. Of the two of us I am deffinatly the stronger. Once I start playing, fondling and pushing the buttons I know have the best effect on her she starts having to fight her own desires have me in her. Her main pleasure is feeling me cum deep inside her and she and as much as she like to make me wait for it she struggles with that wait herself despite my more than eager toung, fingers and toys.

Were all diffrent. We will all find a way to take something pleasurable away from this and there is in no way a one rule works for everyone rule out there. If you have any concerns or worries about your relationship talk to your partner and air them so you both know what you do and don't want from this kind of kinky play. rember to do this regularly and remember its ok to change your mind.
there are a great many of us that go from only wearing the device for upto a few hours at a time to those that never take it off and never want to again.

 

That would not work for me. I think compatibility in sexual desire is important. But could work for others.

No. Me and my current and previouis long term partners have a number of other important things in common. Mostly I've wished for sexual dominance to be a larger part of our relationship. It is with my current partner. Sometimes when we have been playing a lot I feel the relationship is unbalanced. But then we go for a walk, have a nice conversation, do something else together and that brings back some balance.

"Safe, Sane, and Consensual" is the motto of responsible power exchange play. So no, sneaking hormones and actual threats of blackmail are non-consensual and likely not safe.

I do cross dress and enjoy it tremendously. It is a form of bondage really: corset, heels, and generally more restrictive clothing. But it is less comfortable. When tired of the discomfort I'll change back to boy clothing. It would excite me if my partner enforced cross dressing. It would excite me to be compelled. What would compel me? Some undesired consequence if I did not. I want some coercion. But we would wrap the coercion in some consensual framework. Exactly what that looks like depends on the people playing but our goal is safe, sane, and consensual.

Not in my case. Denial excites me. I want to not get what I want. That is just how my sexuality works. Ideally my partner and I find a sexual expression that engages both of our fantasies and we have fun. Some people do write about chastity being a way to save a relationship and shift focus. I suspect that in most of these cases the guys are excited about being in chastity and controlled. When they start getting more of what they want they are more willing to give. I don't know that but I suspect that. And I also believe that it works as you describe for some couples. Lots of variations.

My partner likes penetration. She does not climax from that but will often choose penetration over tongue and climax. I don't see her changing. So I don't see her ever denying me the pleasure of penetration for very long. But there are ways to turn that pleasure into a torment. It is about finding things that work for both.

 

1. I see a lot of people especially men and sissies in chastity posting about their love for their wife/ mistress/ master almost overcoming their own wants/ needs but with chastity being something so enjoyed would you be able to continue a relationship with them if they simply didn't want the kind of relationship you want? My experience = that if there is dissonance regarding one party wanting something, the other party not being interested, it can lead to problems/feelings of neglect. The couple of should most definitely talk things through as it can lead to one party seeking their needs elsewhere.

2. Have any of you dominant men/ women ever felt uncomfortable with how much you could ask of your submissive and how much they would give up for you? Has that amount of control ever made you feel like you were no longer in a relationship based on love but one based on a signed contract? In this area I cannot speak...I tend to be dominant in other areas, and I can say that the amount of influence/decision making and reliance on that has put a great deal of pressure on myself, and has also led to the relationship feeling more "transactional". I have worked very hard to ensure that my relationship with my wife does not become so "intense" or overwhelming.

3. In relation to my previous question, for you submissives out there has your new role as a submissive with someone to actually dominate you ever changed how you felt about the relationship? Have you ever felt no longer loved or cared for but like a servant? If any of you are in relationships where you are made to sleep in your own bed after sharing one or were suddenly denied even the simplest form of physical contact, did those actions/ behaviors make you feel negatively? I think that most chastized have felt neglected or less loved at certain times...the need to be physically touched/attention paid makes one extremely sensitive sometimes. The trick is, to me, to realize when this overcomes you and to not let your judgement get clouded. The POINT is to give up some control (or all)...it is at her discretion. On the other end of the spectrum, I believe that pure 100% neglect is bound to have negative disastrous consequences. Solitary confinement exists as a punishment for a reason in many penal systems...experiencing that would be problematic in regards to chastity.

4. this is just something I want to get an actual answer about, but I have seen a lot of stuff on the interweb when it comes to chastity about forced feminization/ forced sissification and I just want to know, does that kind of thing actually happen? and I don't mean forced as in the guy actually wants to be a feminized but also wants to be humiliated, I'm talking about actual force like sneaking female hormones or using threats of blackmail and other things? and if it actually does happen is it looked at as one of those things that a mistress/ master can do or is it seen as wrong and dangerous? I cannot say, but if it does...I would say it is extremely dangerous both relationship wise and health wise. Sneaking hormones or blackmailing someone (which implies directly against their will) could lead to some very real legal/retaliatory issues. Enough said I guess.

5. for the men who are single and just want a KH without being in a full-fledged romantic relationship what are you hoping to get out of being locked up? This I cannot speak to.

6. as a keyholder does knowing you can demand orgasm at any moment retain it's excitement or after a while does it just become a fact of life? Has the predictability of your sex life caused your sex drive to decrease or is orgasm enough to keep your interests piqued? <wife> it has over time enhanced our sex drive. Initially it was odd, and didn't really excite me, but soon it became clear that his excitement and interest in me increased dramatically over time in chastity. While his excitement is predicatable, his reaction and willingness to do anything I want to scratch that itch keeps the excitement for me as keyholder strong and alive. Example: prior to chastity, I had an extreme interest in my breasts and nipples being played with...something that grew post having children. I could never get him to pay enough attention to them, frustrating me to no end, and resulting in my threatening to find someone who would do what I wanted if he wouldn't. As we moved into chastity for him, his "interest" grew exponentially in doing whatever I wanted...as in WHATEVER I wanted . I soon had him playing with my nipples for hours when I wanted, how I wanted, quivering at my heel the entire time. If I want him to go uncaged, in a desensitizing condom, and pound me to orgasm while I use my wand...that is what I get. THAT keeps my interest piqued....use it wisely <grin>

7. Do any fellow KH still desire to be penetrated by the cock they have locked up or does the use of toys, tongue, and finger make you forget it's even there and if so does it make your responsibilities as a KH seem more burdening? <wife> I enjoy penetration over toys, tongue, and finger 100%. I love his cock in me, and nothing else will do end game to get me off. This has created friction (no pun intended). We have found a compromise...which means I get what I want, and he exercises self control! I love being teased a little, but at the end of the day I find it more infuriating after too long than not. I need him pounding my pussy (usually while I use my hitachi wand) to really orgasm. Numbing condoms help, certain positions help, so on. I don't think of it as burdening, but something that makes us both happy with some compromise.

 

Interesting questions I will talk them through with my wife and report back;-)

 

It may be important to keep in mind that a large amount of what goes on (as seen though this forum) is fantasy, spun into great detail in the mind of a lot of males. The problems many 'vanilla' women have with a 'chastity'/'bdsm' lifestyle is that their menfolk spend a huge amount of time building this fantasy, then suddenly spring it onto them with preconceived ideas of how they should act. Consider how many men may have little or no idea of what their women want, and possibly don't care.

As a result, no 'lifestyle' change will ever 'save' a broken relationship. Nor is anyone really physically coerced into feminization/ forced sissification, etc. against their will. No 'contract' would ever be legally enforceable. If it's not done with the full consent of both parties (even if one puts up a mock protest), it's not fun, and therefore not going to succeed. It might help end relationships if one party is not into it, but it certainly won't 'fix' them.

 

I know this is a bit old but the question is very timely for us, especially for me. Whose comfort level should be considered? My instinct says both parties' - does that make sense in a 'led' relationship?

 

Your question is a little vague since you don't explain what makes it timely. But I'll try and answer you this way: you should not be concerned about his comfort level. He wants you to lead and to grow in your confidence and leadership and dominance. He'll let you know if you're going too fast or too deep. And if he complains quickly then you need to have the conversation about whether chastity and submission are real in his conception of your marriage or whether he's only in it for the kink.

 

I can't answer all of your questions, mainly because many of them fall outside of my own experiences, But you have touched on a few topics that I feel I can contribute too. So in no particular order;

Chastity is something I discovered AFTER my marriage had ended. So it's definitely not something I adopted to save a relationship. I do it because (despite the occasional discomforts) I've found that it starts to feel really good after a while. I've found that my mood can be negatively impacted if I am not locked up (even without Orgasm) So there is really no coercion or guilt necessary for me.

Do I want a keyholder? Absolutely, but I'm hoping that can be someone with whom I can also develop a romantic relationship. Someone I can see (in real life) at least several times per week. What do I hope to gain from this? Aside from the tease and denial aspects of chastity that I have so far been missing, simple vanilla things such as warmth, touch, friendship, and maybe Love.

Would I be able to continue a relationship with someone if our wants and desires diverged? That's a tough question to answer. In the short term Yes comfort will probably win out for a short period of time. In the long term I suppose it depends on how much we still have in common. If the romantic interest is gone, it would be tough to stay. I'm pretty sure one of the worst things anybody could do to me would be to lock me and forget me.

Feminization seems to be a fairly common topic in porn. I strongly encourage it if all parties give informed consent. But this touches on one of my core values ...Informed Consent. ...without it, whatever it is you are doing could be interpreted as abuse. This does not mean no spontaneity or absolutely nothing can happen without specific transactional consent. But it does mean you must communicate with your partner and operate within an agreed upon framework. ....So yeah, fun and sexy as it may sound in porn, sneaking hormones would just be WRONG in my opinion.

 

I was going through various threads and found this one and the questions really resonated with me, especially this one. Since I'm quite new to this, I find it hard to balance equality in a relationship and not being concerned about his comfort level.

 

How did chastity and female control come into your marriage? If you're like 80% of the couples here, it was him who raised the issue. It takes a man a long time and a lot of thought to get to the point of revealing this need to his wife. That means it's a deep need and one he's been thinking about for a long time. He's admitted to himself that he wants it. It's hard for you to go too far in his mind. Feeling guilty or concerned is common for new KHs, but you'll get over it.

 

Yes, he was the one who introduced it to liven things up. I was open to it at first, then various things in my head interfered. I think the need continues to be deep and I'd like to go with it.

I'll stay strong and enjoy the benefits.

 

Our relationship was well established before we added FLR and chastity, and will always be foremost.

Recently I did ask her if she wanted to continue. She replied, “Yes, I like it and you do more for me the longer you are locked”. Next, I asked if she would ever go back (to vanilla). She said, “No. You are going to be locked for a long time.”

She likes the control, and enjoys the service side of me that has emerged. Yet if anything about our new lifestyle were to threaten our relationship, we would both agree to drop it.

 

Ironically, this is one of the areas we work on the most. I am service oriented. She does not want to over request, and I tend to over deliver. I need to help find the balance she is comfortable with.

We don’t have a contractor rules, well a couple of rules. The relationship is still firmly based on love.

 

No. The relationship is still based on love and trust.

She is naturally dominant and I have realized I am a service submissive. So far, FLR and chastity has strengthened our relationship as we both are learning to fully realize who we are. A strong FLR requires good and frequent communication. Because of that, we are better off than ever before.

 

I think this is a common mis-conception that is propagated by porn. It feeds the fantasy, but is far from reality.

I sense from the writings of others on this forum, most started with strong relationships. My personal opinion is; chastity would make a bad relationship worse. Chastity can bring out intense emotions. You need a strong trust with your partner to safely explore those emotions.

 

99.99% of forced feminization is fantasy, especially with hormones. It's kinda funny that forced feminization is such a big fantasy but it makes sense. There is such a taboo for a male to even admit to himself that he desires it so that he can only do it or accept it if it is "forced" upon him which lets him blame someone other than himself for it. I used to enjoy the fantasy until I just accepted and embraced my femininity.

 

1. It would be fine without chastity. However the change in me is something we are both enjoying heavily. I think it was day two where she said "We dont have to do this every day" At about day 7. "You really shouldnt have asked me for this if you didnt want it. I really like this now and I dont want to stop - EVER"

So.. from my innocent non domineering wife of 25 years she turned into a little evil mynx. I got lucky perhaps.

2. You are kind of asking Her about this. I can answer what she has told me. "This is really new and I am learning. I really am enjoying what I am seeing and I am only getting more curious" (So I guess her answer is. Well I tried it. Never thought I would like it, and my alpha as hell husband would have NEVER asked me for this. I am still shocked. I want to see how far this can go. "

3. When I lie down on the ottoman and present myself for unlocking (for cleaning, adjustment or switching to a different cage) I feel immensely loved. I am 100% naked with my groin exposed. She is fantastic. So no. For me it is great. It only strengthens my love for her. Similarly when I havent seen her for a while and she reaches over and plays with my balls and my cage and says "I see it is still on does it feel good still?" That also gives me PRECISELY the right amount of attention and love I have been seeking for 25 ish years. It feels fantastic.

4. Forced Feminization isnt our jam. If she wanted me to I would. I doubt that will come up. If it does I guess I will learn how to walk in heels.

5. N/A I am so far away from single it isnt even funny. I am cheat proof now and I am not even talking about the little plastic cage that I could rip off in a second if needed.

6. Once again answering for Her because we have talked about this. For her even though prior to chastity I didnt pressure her for sex. She felt pressure. Which blew my mind. I was trying to be nice and empathetic and yet she still felt pressure to perform and to make me orgasm. Literally before I was put into chastity blowjobs were like a cookie. If I wanted one all I had to do was ask and she would unzip me and within 2-3 minutes I would orgasm. About a nine months ago we bought a 100 pack of strawberry flavored condoms. I just moved them out of my end table a few days ago. There were 24 left. That is a LOT of blowjobs. So no she isnt having any problem with this arrangement. it is 100% obvious she is 100% in control and can and WILL say no. She even loves telling me no when I am in bed caged and 100% naked ready to go to bed. "You are not getting to cum tonight" Then she giggles. Last night she told me I was going to service her and I was going to remain in a cage. I got dizzy and almost came in my pants on the way to dinner. I immediately asked her out loud. "Will I get in trouble if I cum in my pants?" Once again a giggle at it and "No you cant control that. I am messing with you a lot" So is our sex life predictable? Not at all. It is whatever she wants WHEN she wants it. I can tell you she likes it a lot.

7. Not sure we havent really talked about this. Last night was our first session in two weeks that I have been locked up. I went down on her. She came. It seemed like seven seconds to me. An hour had passed. Does she want my cock? No clue. I suspect when she does I am going to last a legitimate 7 seconds. Definitely not as long as last night. She isnt missing a thing. She is getting exactly what she wants with ZERO guilt that I am not happy. I am clearly happy lapping at her gorgeousness with my tongue.

 

1- my wife is not really a mistress and she has difficulties to say now, she progress a lot but she still a little vanilla. Of course I love her even if my kinks needs are not fulfill by her.

2 - She feel a lot guilty when she asks me things to do, not always but most of the time. being dominant is a hard road that some Mistress have difficulties to do.

3 - On my side of course and I speak only for me, I feel a lot more better one I am no longer in charge. being in her control avoid me all my bad side, laziness, wanks and so. I found that her advice are better than mine and under her guidance all works a lot better at home. I love her more and takes a lot more care of her one controlled, caged, submitted to her will.

4 - not all mistress want to humiliate, most want to improve their male. Being feminized is a fantasy that many men have and having it done by a girl is the top. I don't feel shame in panty nor if I am healed from my masculinity. In fact you get better once you are a sissy, a beta male. You still a male and you still are the one she choose to live with.

5 - N/A
6 - As she get more and more dominant me and our sex life get a lot better.
Before she get bored and has no orgasm nor pleasure, now that I am forced to know and please her, she has all she never had before and get a lot horny. Hundred times more.
Also, now she knows that she will only has what she wants and not being annoyed with my desire (like to go anal) and she stops when she wants. she don't have to play the rag doll (as before) to let me have my pleasure.
She also get rid of her feminine cloth as she don't need to makes me hard or please me in any way. no lace, lingerie or make up for me. I have to love her has she is and as she wants.
In a word she now feel free and confident.

7 - Now she loves the cock, she always have but now she really enjoys it. We have toys, extender, magic wand and I have learn to use them in her way and to please her needs. It is different than before FLR, it is now for her and she really enjoys it.
she feel no distress nor regret if I had no pleasure, sometime she told me that it is what women do all the time so it is now my turn to being frustrated.

despite all the weird look of FLR it is a lifestyle that suits us well and I am happy in it when she get more dominant and I serve her. A man car orgasm serving his Mistress, it works for me.

 

In reply to question 7, my madam has no desire to be penetrated by my penis, it did not satisfy her, and it being locked does satisfy her, and she has a bull to pleasure her when she wants.

 

There should be an award for succinct writing on Chastity Mansion. Too many people blather on too long. It makes it hard to read. Say your point, assume the readers are smart and then shut up.