How can I have balance between married and FLR life?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by MissThick, Jan 12, 2021.

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  1. MissThick
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    MissThick Member

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    My husband has been wanting to do an FLR relationship for a few years now but i can't seem to find a good medium between normal life and flr life.. how can i do both or do you just do one?
    I find that I start out being great with FLR and then drop off as life gets busy and I find it fun but I lack energy sometimes for play time.
    I am finding that our relationship has been strained because I can't seem to keep it up.
    What can i do for my husband on days that i lack this energy instead of giving him a full session and how can i start pur FLR up again and keep it?
    Hope that makes sense :)
     
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  2. Suewiang
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    Suewiang Member

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    He should be expecting nothing but to serve you well.

    if he has expectations then he is wrong as been your sub only your needs are to be catered for fully.

    so on the days you are tired and busy he must know that he does his chores well and when you are ready again he will know your needs again.

    never feel guilty as his job is to please you not you him
     
  3. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Without meaning to be cute or snarky, FLR is real life. You're in charge, you're the leader in real life. It's not a game you play when you get a break from real life. If he gets pouty when so-called real life gets in the way of his gratification the next "play" date should be strict punishment for being a burden and not following your leadership.
     
  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Well in a FLR you are never doing it “wrong”, but maybe you could use a few tips to keep the fire burning, with minimal fuel.

    Truth is, it is damn near impossible to stay “on” all the time. What you can do, is a few things that reminds your sub you are still thinking of him and gives him subby fuel. You do not have to do a scene, some elaborate session, heck you don’t even have to be there. I’ll give some examples.

    1 foot rubs, my wife’s favorite, and he can do them while watching tv.
    2 routines and conversation about them. I assume he has some routines, making your lunch, cleaning the bathroom, kitchen etc. comment on the job he’s doing, maybe let it slip that he may have earned a night out of his cage. You can always find a flaw and change your mind.
    3 run you a bath and wash your hair for you(my wife loves this too)
    4 edging, this is fun because you don’t even need to be there. If he’s been good you can allow him time out of cage to touch himself but no cumming. You can set edges “get to the edge and stop 10 times and lock back up” This is challenging for him and easy for you.
    5 random attention.randomly ask for a pic of “your” penis while texting. Just checking your property. Tap his cage and ask if your cock is being kept clean and good order “you just may use it later” . Back rubs, random questions like who’s the boss, who’s in charge, who gets to cum.

    Pretty
    simple stuff and no effort, but tends to work him up and give him the fuel to keep being your sweet submissive.

    She used to be more active with the teasing, scenes, and even discipline, but now it’s mostly her telling me she’s ready for a foot rub, and saying I did a good job on the house. It doesn’t have to be work for you, just let him know you are still thinking of him, he’s appreciated, and you are still in charge.

    good luck
     
  5. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Looking at your description, it seems the focus is all wrong. If he wants an FLR then there shouldn't be pressure on you to 'keep it up'. Merging your everyday life and the 'play time' of an FLR is always going to be a process, with ups and downs. just don't feel like it is all your responsibility.
     
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  6. Suewiang
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    Suewiang Member

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    Of course also there is the other option. pif he wants to be a sulky little boy because he can’t get what he wants then treat as so and send to the corner for the evening each time.(along with a good hiding if you have the time for that ) I’m very sure it would change his attitude
     
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  7. MSDB321
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    I think a FLR can be almost anything so it must be possible to find a mid way between full on FLR and normal life.
    For example do you keep your husband in a chastity device? If you do then increase his time of lockup if he bothers you for a session.
    In any case expecting a session sounds a bit like visiting a prodomme!
    As others have written..does he have a list of chores to do around the house? Delegating chores to him is certainly part of a FLR life.
    Do you run the family finances? That can be part of a FLR life.
    To me FLR is an attitude on the part of the man, if he is showing the right attitude then he is living in a FLR relationship. He should show you respect, love, and obedience.
     
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  8. King Hippo
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    There is no right or wrong way to have a FLR, as long as it is female driven. There might be some things you just want him to be in control of... but that is your decision... and if he doesn't like that you allowed him to have that decision, remind him that that is your decision... and that's final.

    Have fun and don't forget to be honest and allow open communication on both ends. Good Luck!
     
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  9. MissThick
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    I love all these replies.
    They helped a lot.
    I am finding that this forum has been very informative and has energised me up again.
    I do suffer from a low libido so sometimes its hard to keep thinking about it. I am loving the idea again and will be on here more often to get ideas haha

    I need more ideas of playtimes that aren't all punishment. If anyone has any?
    I love just beating him but i know that it can't be like that all the time as it will get either too much or just repetitive.

    We have done a chores list in the past but i end up feeling bad that I'm just relaxing, which i know is the point.
    I love the way he treats me as well.
     
  10. StubHub
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    StubHub Active member

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    I wait for her lead, if she is tired or uninterested. I take care of chores and wait her directions.
     
  11. MSDB321
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    Have you tried bondage? Get some soft rope and hogtie him naked, add a leather or rubber helmet with the eyeholes closed and maybe a gag (but if you do, dont be far away) then leave him. That will give you some peace and quiet and he will be wondering when you are going to release him. When this has been done to me, it is amazing how you just drift off because there is nothing you can do so you might as well relax and think pleasant thoughts. You also feel very vulnerable being helpless and naked and not knowing when release will come.

    You could also try Tens units or violet wands. Have him restrained preferably standing up and give him short sharp shocks. Play games with the control box so he thinks you have turned it up or alternatively down and you haven't. The anticipation is amazing for him and you can have a lot of fun.

    There is also predicament bondage, restrain him so that after a few minutes his muscles, say in his legs, begin to burn, he can move to relieve the burn pain but that puts a strain on another set of muscles which he can only tolerate for a few minutes before he has to change back to the first set of muscles. And so it goes on, there is no real relief until you release him.

    Another one is hot candle wax, again restrain him, best lying down, light a candle and then let it drip hot wax onto his skin. The nearer you get it to him the hotter it will be and you can choose where the drips will land.

    Finally how about restraining him standing then apply some Ralgex or other heat inducing cream to his scrotum, after only a few minutes he will be begging you to wipe it off. Show concern and say perhaps he would like some soothing baby lotion to help? He will probably beg for it. Go ahead and help him, you are so kind. The only problem will be that it will not help it will make it worse.
     
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  12. LockedPom
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    I think any relationship where the lady has the last say on anything (which is rather a lot of healthy relationships) is a FLR in some way.
     
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  13. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    My wife like her massages the most and if I am lucky she allows me to kiss her body... mostly her back, neck, and legs. She enjoys anything that will make her giggle or amuse her, she seems to like tickling me a bit...

    Just have fun with it, I really dunno what you would like. Maybe you would like shaving your spouse for all I know, beats me. My point is have fun, even if that means putting him in precarious situations like tying him up and leaving a toy on him to tease or getting him aroused and pouring cold water on him crotch before a shower.

    I really dunno just have fun and give anything a try once, you never know.
     
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  14. StubHub
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  15. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    I am curious what your definition of an FLR is. I am concerned your perception is one your partner has fed you or one you have learned from bad porn. FLR is exactly what it says female led. You do what you want to do and he submits to what you decide. This can be a simple as deciding what movie you watch or issuing him a weekly allowance or it can be as extream as introducing him to the man you are going to cuckold him with. Point being is you decide, you drive and he is your number one fan there to love and support you in all you do.
    I could be wrong but I think your question may be more about your play time or how to keep the fire burning. Lots of great answers on this thread. Sometimes it is just a naughty look, a tap on the cage, a comment about potential release or extended lockdown. In daily life our men just need to know we are thinking of them. Keep it simple, as soon as it becomes complicated you will be more inclined to abandon the life.
    Best wishes
     
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  16. NZSenator
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    Is it too much too soon?

    Have you thought about short stints to begin with, 1- 2 weeks at a time to begin with, stop, discuss highs and lows, reset expectations and go again. Slowly creep up the timeframe until such time as it becomes ingrained.

    He sounds like he is trying to "top from the bottom", putting his expectations of his fantasy on you and when reality doesn't match up with fantasy, things are becoming strained.

    Is a FLR something you want?
     
  17. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    Oh here we go with the weekly allowance thing again...
     
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  18. MissThick
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    Yes this is something i want but i haven't done as much research as i should so i felt really lost. I'm looking up a lot more and all of your replies are helping
     
  19. Kylara
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    When I began FLR I was also thinking about mistress in black leather with a wip.
    but I am now in a skirt doing laundry and coocking, massage and being always nice to her.

    You're the woman, seek what you want and not what he wants and FLR is this. My wife/KH is very vanilla, she love to be cuddle and massage.
    She love to have a hot chocolate reading a comic book, a lot different from anything you can fantasy on.

    But now we are in FLR, I serve her the hot chocolate when she want, do her cuddle, coock her every day organic and dietetic food and never complain on her for anything. If only one dessert is in the fridge it is for her, I go and bring her where she wants and all my hobbies, free time and activities are around hers.

    It is absolutly not and very far from a fantasy dominatrix as we see it, I baught a wip but she never used it. It is this FLR, what she desire, wants not what I want. I did not expect it to be that way but I am now like a good friend/maid/servant night for her and not a sissy slave as I tought before.

    The only thing that she finally do with our FLR as it was in my fantasy is the feminization, she likes it and she is now deciding of my sexual life and it fits me then. I wished a FLR, it is not the one I thought but it is one anyway.

    And I get used to as it is my life now.
     
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  20. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    @MissThick, good luck on Your journey. You might check out "Uniqely Rika", by Ms Rika. She focuses on the Domm's wants and desires in shaping that Domme's unique FLR, as opposed to relying on the sub to drive the dynamic.

    My Keyholder Wife, @MistressAMA and i have used many of Ms Rika's teachings to create an FLR that She wants and works for me and we've never been happier together.

    I hope this helps!

    asa
     
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  21. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Lol, money is a hard limit for me. Not that I don’t trust her with it, but we each have good careers, and pooling isn’t necessary.

    I have found that money seems to complicate relationships, resentment can quickly arise when couples have to explain why they want money or purchase something. She has hers, I have mine, and we split household bills and expenses.
     
  22. NsToy
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  23. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    We are all so different.
    BR and I both have good careers however since having kids we together chose for me to only return to work part time, so he definitely brings in the bulk of the income. I am very much of the mind common income common goals. I think if we each had our own money we would also have our own agendas. We are both very responsible with our money and both are rather frugal. I am not a high maintenance woman throwing money away on clothes, shoes and spa treatments. In our 22 years of marriage we have never fought over money however I see how it could be an issue. All this being said I control the finances and BR has a weekly allowance. BR also carries debit and credit cards he just doesn't use them. I believe BR is content with his situation. BR's comment about allowance was referring to a change I recently talked about making. The change I was recently considering was that he would only have access to a debit card with a daily limit of $2 for his daily coffee. The jury is out on this as I'm concerned it might be a little extream. Fun to threaten though.
     
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  24. NZSenator
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    $2 for a coffee? I dread to think how bad that would be to drink.

    To the OP, has your sub indicated what his version of a FLR would be?

    I completely understand that it is what the female wants, but if the female has no idea how to act/behave towards the sub, then at least an idea of their version is something to start with.

    You may decide that what he views as being a FLR lifestyle has no appeal, or it may give you ideas that you can take away and make your own (use his ideas as a baseline and then tweak as you see fit or anywhere in between.
     
  25. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    Chills down the spine...

    Hmm, maybe this would good for a new post/poll on this concept..
     
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