So I appear to have totally messed up. I’ve been in a FLR for a fair few years now but it’s really restricted to the bedroom. I won’t go into all of the details but my Domme is happy with whips and canes etc. We are new to chastity and are awaiting on delivery of the device I ordered. While we are waiting I suggested that we change the dynamic and add some punishment into the relationship. We have a cane that I’m pretty scared of and I said I would like to start being punished if in her eyes I miss behave. Maybe 5 strikes for when she thinks I deserve it. The reaction wasn’t what I expected. She’s said that would make her no better than a wife beater and that she is disgusted with me. what do I do?
I don't follow. First you siad she is happy with whips and canes...but then you say she is averse to them? What's the difference? Is it that she doesn't want to mete out disciplinary canings? If so, then well I guess you have to abide by her wishes.
I suppose the advice I was after really is how to explain why I asked what I did. I’m really surprised at her reaction. She’s not spoken to me for hours.
The problem is, she has to want to do . She is the dominant, you can't make her do anything. If she doesn't want to well you are in no position to force it.
The subject was brought up again by my Domme. She wants punishment to remain sexual only. It’s difficult to explain as I myself don’t totally get it. She has said if I miss behave she may choose to punish me in the bedroom prior to sexual activity.
Ah, so is it that she is okay with being a Dom in bed, but doesn't want that to carry over to regular life? And were you asking her to carry it over to regular life? She sounds pretty content as a scene player, but maybe not a lifestyle? I am naturally a Dom, but if it goes too far outside of the bedroom, it can feel a little off-putting for him to want to be controlled 24/7, (which he does). I don't have the time or energy for that kind of commitment, and I don't want to be his mother. I don't want to always try to keep track of every little thing that annoys me just to fulfill his fantasy pecking order, and if I start in with the cane when we're not in a romantic space, it can occasionally feel like I am just abusing him. And that is a turn-off for both of us. So, I am trying to read a lot into this situation because there is not that much detail, but my husband is a lifestyle player, and I am a practical scene player. If this is your situation, it can be tough to find a compromise, but unfortunately you need to err on the side of the one who wants less for a while. I've come around to some of his urges outside of the bedroom, but if it became a regular thing, I might feel like I'm losing what I enjoyed about our relationship in the first place.
Have her talk to my wife. She loved whipping and caning me. Not sadistically, but the power it gives her makes her wet. I too , today in fact, told her she should consider distinguishing between maintenance whippings and punishment whippings. There should be no pleasure in a punishment beating for cause.
I'm not understanding. Punishment isn't sexual.... That's a spanking fetish surely? But a punishment spanking in the bedroom as a prercussor to sex sounds ok. Consummate the spanking and all that. Going back in the thread, punishment spankings should never be consider as weird. Took a while but eventually it clicked with Lady C that pain gave me pleasure so was happier to dish it out. And then we revisited the punishments. That was at least 10+ years ago and that's when she decided that it should not be pleasurable, but by that time she was comfortable and well accomplished in all things disciplinary. A