Finally have a keyholder!

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by JJ MM, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    Christmas of 2016 I met a wonderful little lady named Abby. We began our little whirlwind not even two weeks later, got engaged in August, will be married in May.

    Today, I finally grew a pair and broached the subject of chastity. I told her I had a few cages, and that it would be fun if she kept them. All I got was a raised brow that said, “go on...”

    I explained that she would set an initial sentence, and from there she could move the release date around based on my behavior and overall treatment of her. The eyebrow raised a little higher.

    She agreed, and set an initial sentence of two days, to see how things go. I let her see the cages, but she didn’t know what she was looking at, so she shrugged and said to use whichever one was most comfortable. I picked the largest one.

    I asked her before she left for work how she felt and she paused for a while before saying, “....I hesitate to use the word ‘powerful...’”
    I told her it sometimes pinched and that I might need to switch to one of my smaller ones if it pinched too much, so she left a key and told me to tell her how it goes. I switched pretty fast after she left, but behaved myself while doing so. I gave her an update telling her I had switched and how long it took me to do so.

    We are both old fashioned, waiting for marriage and all that for religious motives.
    My question for you wonderful, more experienced people, is what advice do you have for her, a small town raised, completely innocent, first time keyholder, just learning to spread her powerful wings?

    Thanks for taking the time!
     
  2. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    She might like to join. Problem is though: suggestions coming via you can look like 'topping from the bottom'. But it's a good start that she is using the word 'powerful' It means she likes and wants power at least to a degree.

    Is any of your devices comfortable enough to wear till May more or less 24/7? And which ones do you have in all?
     
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  3. WEC
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    WEC Well-Known Member

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    I'm ending my first successful month of chastity play with my wife. My first question for you is why are you interested in chastity? In my case once my wife agreed to hold the key on advice from many on the site I did very little but be great to her and try to be the man she wanted. No advice, no fantasies, no mention of teasing...let her figure it out on her own. It went fabulously...but then again we have been together 15 years and she knows me really well. congrats and good luck!
     
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  4. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Thoughtful post. I'm not sure that those desiring to be in chastity always know why themselves.
    It can often be a shorthand for power. He's consciously or otherwise wanting/needing/offering a way for her to take it from him, if she wants, and use it to get what she wants. How is therefore up to her.
    It's sexual power primarily of course initially, which is huge in itself, but it can also overspill into other areas.
    It's part of the sub/Dom dynamic.
     
  5. WEC
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    WEC Well-Known Member

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    yep that's why I wanted it! sexiest thing in the world to have a beautiful woman hold the key! We just ended our third lock up and it was absolutely everything I wanted....totally fulfilling and satisfying and we've never been closer.
     
  6. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    She might still get freaked out by a whole site dedicated to chastity. I talked with her about the first day last night, asking her how she felt. She liked it, but is worried about being a “controlling bitch.”
    I told her how lots of women will give their caged man a list of chores to keep done or else. She didn’t really like the idea of her sitting back while I did all the work.
    That’s fine, though. For me, chastity is to keep all my energy on her. Especially with a relatively new relationship, and a new marriage on the way, I want to get to know her as best I can. This is a great way for us to learn more about each other, and grow closer. (She will learn her power in time)
     
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  7. WEC
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    WEC Well-Known Member

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    I've talked about it on the site before and I don't think anyone gets it but I did this with my wife yesterday...took a glass, filled it 3/4 with water and said this is my capacity to desire you...to want to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, go to bed with you. then I said this is what happens when I masturbate...and i dumped it out. now she gets it. My wife doesn't load me with chores either fwiw. makes her feel guilty and its not attractive to her. Let her do what makes her feel good.
     
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  8. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    Oh I’m stealing that! Thank you!
     
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  9. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Maybe. Point is: it can be whatever she wants it to be. She can decide for herself how much she wants to control. She does not need to worry about this: she can go at her own pace. If she finds any aspect outside her comfort zone she needn't go there. Remember this is much newer for her than it is for you. She's probably not yet entirely sure where she wants to be herself. She'll never have held keys like this before. This is for her a whole new experience. It's all part of her getting to know both you and herself. It'll take time. No need to rush it: don't in fact. Just relax and see where she takes you.
     
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  10. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    And though the site is primarily dedicated to chastity it does also encompass other aspects of D/s relationships and dynamics.
     
  11. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    YES! it seems she is taking to it quickly!


    6DFD5FB3-C7AD-4846-8BC6-112C20474DE1.jpeg F8A5FFBC-9E5E-4B4B-9324-B12E841FD9CF.jpeg
     
  12. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Good sign!

    She'll be getting her own padlock too surely?
     
  13. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    She has all the keys to a brass padlock. I also got her a little lockbox for keys that locks around her closet door. The box has a ten digit possibility. She will keep two keys there, and one with her. If I need to get the cage off in case of an emergency and she’s not around, she can text me the code to the box. (The code on the box can be changed at her discretion)
     
  14. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    So..... an update LONG in the making.
    She told me a day or two after all the events mentioned above, that she didn’t feel comfortable holding that power until we were married (again, religious reasons), which I was fine with.
    We got married in May (WOOT!), and We were both COMPLETELY inexperienced and unprepared for our wedding night(sad trombone). Sex is still NOT pleasurable or even fun for her at all, almost two months later. I bought her a vaginal dilator kit, locked myself up, handed her the keys, and said, “let’s focus on you for a while.”
    Her “assignment” is to figure out what feels good and learn how to enjoy all things sexual.
    I’ll help out by honing my oral skills when I get too frustrated, and she’ll mess around with the dilators to find out what feels good.

    Well.... said chastity cage was that over-hyped flop, the Vice. The anti-pullout caused damage to my shaft that changed to open wounds.... in ONE day. This completely turned her off to chastity again, saying if she was going to be hurting me, she didn’t want any part. I was thankfully able to convince her that it was just an improper cage for me, and told her I had found a HUGE selection on wish.
    I ordered a few different styles, the cheapest of which came last week, and is the most comfy cage I’ve ever worn, and it’s been on for three days now. (No sores, imagine that...[fuck you, vice]) $8 for a quality metal cage that fits properly. Cue eye roll.

    More are inbound, and we finally talked again last night about chastity. She said the more I talk about it, and explain why I like it, the more comfortable she gets with the idea. I told her how it’s more about me feeling like she’s super jealous and wanting me all to herself, and how I feel cared for when she has me locked. It’s also a way of keeping my eyes on her attention-wise. She finally understands that I am doing this to make her happy, not to have her make me happy. (Even though it does)
    I asked her to be more strict with the keys, putting them in her lockbox so I’ll KNOW she’s my only way out, then she’ll notice a change in my behavior once the frustration plateaus after four or five days.(Currently they are laying on her dresser)
    I’m excited to see where this goes, she enjoys feeling me twitch when she puts lotion around the cage rings every morning and evening, and she has started to give me sly looks randomly, knowing what they do to me. She has also grabbed the cage through my shorts while I was driving once, to get her point across.
    So there you go! A LONG update of hopeful prospects.
     
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  15. sissy_connie
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    sissy_connie Active Member

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    good analogy
     
  16. WEC
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    WEC Well-Known Member

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    twas a powerful moment for sure...she is not totally into chastity (yet) but that stuck with her and she pays way more attention now to whether "my cup is full" as she puts it. I hope you get great results!
     
  17. Goddess Gaia
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    Goddess Gaia Looking for a Good boy in Central PA
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    JJ,
    It might help her comfort if you put it in religious terms. Chastity means you'll always be faithful, kept chaste for her and not get swept up in lust looking at porn. It seems like she's enjoying it, but if she feels like chastity is "sinful", this might show her it's actually quite pure.
    As for painful sex, there are Christian religious books out that discuss sex. Foreplay is important, it can take over an hour to get her relaxed enough for penetration. Has she talked to her doctor? Vaginismus and vestibulitus are real medical conditions, among others. I don't know where you live, but there is actual physical therapy needed for some of these issues. If they don't have physical therapy for women's issues where you live, there are YouTube videos that explain some exercises. Feel free to message me about this further.
    <3 <3
     
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  18. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    Thank you! We will definitely look into these. We have a book or two already authored by Christian therapists, but after a cursory glance, it honestly could be either of these conditions.
    I’ll push her a tad more to go see her gynecologist.
    I greatly appreciate the info!
     
  19. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Indeed so. Not long ago there was an ongoing thread of a CM Member who had locked up a monk! Quite a few posts on it. Lockup ceased now though I think
     
  20. Goddess Gaia
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    Goddess Gaia Looking for a Good boy in Central PA
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    Depending on her upbringing, she might not know much about straight sex or even her own body. If she feels ashamed, her body will not cooperate.
    Don't push her to see a doc, but do bring it up. She's a married woman, sex is an important part of her health. More importantly, it's never healthy to be in pain. Hopefully her gyno is a woman. She can make an appointment just to discuss sex if she wants-that's what doctors are for. Or you can go with her if she feels more comfortable. Her doc may send her to a specialist, or for physical therapy.
    She shouldn't feel alone in this. So many women suffer painful sex and are too embarrassed to talk about it. But there are forums online where she can talk to other women. There's an excellent book called "private pain" that goes into the emotional aspects as well. I guarantee this has tanked her self esteem.
    As a woman, let me tell you that your response was perfect-lock up and let her work on it at her own pace. Pressure kills sex. And unless a man has been pegged, he has no idea how sensitive penetration is. I tell you from experience, without enough lube, it literally feels like I'm being stabbed down there.
    I'm sure you two will work things out, just help her find resources to learn she's not alone.
    <3 <3
     
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  21. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    Update tiiiime!!
    The good!
    Sex has gotten much less painful for her once she loosens up, but she still has trouble having orgasms. She had a mind blowing one about three weeks ago, but nothing since. It’s mind boggling.
    Also, she’s had me locked for about a week now(yay!), and had me go down on her twice in that time. All I’ve gotten in return has been pokes through the cage and evil smiles.
    She’s noticed my increased attention on her and housework (I did a bunch of stuff around the house before she got home yesterday so we could have the evening free). I took her out to dinner and it felt like we were dating again, with all the butterflies and googly eyes.
    She’s starting to understand her benefits from the cage.
    The bad:
    I just need to know how to make her cum. It would make this whole dominance thing better for her if she could tell me to get her off and I actually could. The vibrators may not get her off before she goes numb to the buzzing; my tongue can’t quite get her there before it starts to tickle; and vaginally, she just feels like she needs to pee. She can’t even get off while masturbating.
    ( I know people in this kink might be tempted to go the emasculation/humiliation route in response. Please don’t. I’m genuinely looking for advice from a community I trust.)

    You guys have been following this since before we got married. I feel almost obligated to update every once in a while.
    I always look forward to your responses!
     
  22. JJ MM
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    JJ MM Member

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    Oh! Oh! Another cage from wish that fits even better and is MUCH smaller.
    Sorry, forgot to mention that.
     
  23. corsac
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    corsac Well-Known Member

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    My wife had never been able to orgasm until we started dating. It took time for her to be comfortable enough, and the right toy.... She absolutely loves her magic wand and rarely wants anything else now that she figured it out. Patience, love and understanding. It takes time but is well worth it. The wand has only let her down a few times in several years now.
     
  24. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Well-Known Member

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    You need to keep talking about what you're doing right and what makes her lose the sensations. She can guide you by telling you what works for her.

    And I think she may still be getting used to the whole sex thing anyway, which just takes time.

    Well done both of you. Keep trying and learning
     
  25. Goddess Gaia
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    Goddess Gaia Looking for a Good boy in Central PA
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    1) don't focus on the orgasm, it'll feel like pressure for her to perform and just stress her out.
    2) focus on sex as a way to connect, to show love, and/or have fun.
    3) double the amount of foreplay before penetration. Sometimes the vagina can plateau before fully opening. Especially since she's still getting used to sex.
    4 ) female anatomy can be tricky-don't focus too much on the clitoris, which can be extremely sensitive and sometimes short-circuits. Just focus on pleasure without any end goal.
    5) with your background, I suggest finding a Christian book on love-making or anatomy that you can read together.
    6) DON'T OBSESS ABOUT HER ORGASM, IT JUST STRESSES HER OUT.
     
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